newgal Posted August 1, 2005 Posted August 1, 2005 i would be so grateful for some feedback and tyia for any i get. basically i feel so guilty and upset over something i did. ive been seeing this guy about 3 months and its going really well. i went out last weekend and bumped into an old friend. we exchanged mobiles and we text the other day and i said if i was out in town at some time again we could meet for a drink and it was nice to catch up and stuff. i found out off a friend this morning that apparently her and her boyfriend saw me snogging this guy on the night out. i was that drunk i didnt even remember and in my right mind would never have done this. i love my new boyfriend and hate myself for risking this. my friend has told me not to worry and her or her boyfriend wont say anything. part of me thinks honesty is the best policy but my boyfriend finds it really hard to trust and he is starting to trust me now and ill totally blow it if i tell him this. we dont go into town very often together (once in three months) and next time if i bump into this guy ill make out i cant remember snogging him and just act as mates as i always have and hope it just blows over. im so scared my boyfriend will find out though although my friend has said they wont say anything. maybe im just feeling guilty and paranoid. i cant believe ive been so stupid
fundamental Posted August 1, 2005 Posted August 1, 2005 Well, I hope you trust that your friends will keep quiet. If not, then you might have to tell your boyfriend.
crazy_grl Posted August 1, 2005 Posted August 1, 2005 You should tell him. It might end your relationship, but keeping the secret is just going to kill it more slowly and painfully. I firmly believe that you can't really hide things like this, because on some level, the OP knows. They pick up little cues from you that, even if they don't consciously recognize them, they begin to distrust you because of them. The way I see it, it could go a few different ways: 1. You tell and work through it, possibly coming closer together. 2. You tell and even though he's never okay with it and holds it against you, you stay together without ever working through the issues. You have a messy, painful relationship eventually ending in a bad breakup. 3. You tell and your relationship ends quickly. Both of you understand why it happened. 4. You don't tell and you have a relationship based on a lie with a lot of mistrust, where you can't fully open up to your bf because of the secret you're hiding from him. You have a bad break-up where neither of you can explain why the relationship didn't work out, but really you should know. So, I think you should tell him, but if you want to stay in the relationship, you have talk about it with him, about why you did it, and how you're going to show that you won't do it again. If you're not both mature enough to get past this (e.g. if he's going to end up throwing it in your face), just end the relationship before it gets more painful.
newgal Posted August 2, 2005 Posted August 2, 2005 thanks fundamental and crazy grl. u know when i first started seeing my boyfriend he was pretty messed up and we split up after about 6 wks. considering wed only been together such a short time it really upset me and after seeing how i was i really dont think my friend or her boyfriend would say anythin or wanna c me like that again to be honest. i hope!! plus in my opinion people usually wanna keep out of things like this cause of the whole "shoot the messenger thing" im not condoning what i did by ANY means but it was 'only' a quick snog (if there is an only) and i am just hoping that since i have learned from this (wont b drinkin so bloody much next time) that i can just get over this. i have only ever done somethin like this once before ( i am usually very faithful and have been in a few long term relationships) and that was when i was in a very bad patch in my ex marriage and kissed someone else (never had an affair or slept with them). it basically made me realise i needed to do somethin and we actually ended up staying together for another 4 years and he never found out. to this day he didnt and my guilt gradually subsided and i dont feel it meant our relationship was built on a lie (though i totally see where ur coming from). i felt at the time that it wasnt worth the hurt it would cause him to say anything when i knew i had messed up and how much i wanted the relationship to work. (it ended for other reasons eventually) typical thing is i got friends who do this brazenly and knowingly mess about behind their partners backs nearly every time they go out and their partners have never found out. i just think it would b typical that i did this only for the second time and it would be me that it backfires on. i am honestly not condoning what i have done. u wouldnt believe how **** i feel about it but i just want to carry on as normal, watch my drinking (obviously its no good for me if i totally forget what i have done!) and make this relationship work. i love him so much and just dont want to hurt him.
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