JPH Posted May 13, 2017 Posted May 13, 2017 He's 20. I'm 19. Been together a little over four months. We're each other's first relationships. Met in college. Thing is he's very sweet, loving and affectionate basically a good guy. On the negative side he's very codependent with his mother, not independent, has never worked in his life, very sheltered, very needy/clingy and all of these things are the exact opposite of what I would expect in my boyfriend and the exact opposite from who I am. My parents havent been around much, have worked since I was 16, paying for college myself and with scholarships. He's a very sweet guy and I enjoy being with him when I can but everything else bothers about him bothers me. Sometimes even the way he looks. On top of that People tell me I'm way more attractive and social than him which also puts questions in my head of whether I'm settling for less than I deserve. Idk what to do. I've spent half of the relationship being happy and the other half wondering if I should break up with him. He on the other hand says he would love to get married to me. I also kinda miss being single and selfish and not spending so much time talking on the phone with him. I think I would feel liberated if we broke up. Don't know if relationships are for me in this point of my life. I feel frustrated help me out
d0nnivain Posted May 14, 2017 Posted May 14, 2017 I'm not going to rag on a 20 year old college kid who has never worked. I was one. OK . . . .I had some little jobs but I was more like him in that I didn't have to work. If you miss the single life, be single. You are 19 & in college. It's a time to explore. Have fun. You don't owe your BF anything other than compassion. Be as nice as possible when you dump him & don't give him false hope. In college 4 months was about the end of my tether in how long I could stand to be in a relationship.
preraph Posted May 14, 2017 Posted May 14, 2017 This is an age in your life when you probably should be single if you feel like it. Meet new people, explore, travel a little if you can. What you want in a man will change as you expand your horizons, so don't look for a permanent one quite yet. just have fun.
NLNJ6200 Posted May 16, 2017 Posted May 16, 2017 The worse thing you can do is lead him on even further and make him more and more attached to you. I'm not telling you to settle for someone you're not happy with but maybe try to overlook his flaws? Looks aren't everything in life. If you only date someone because they're "cute" or "hot" then you will never find the right person because nobody is superhuman and can have an attractive body or whatever you're looking for. He is in college, so that's a good step for his future. I'm sure once he graduates he will move away from mommy and find a job of his own. Many people don't get jobs until they graduate college, unless they are paying their tuition on their own then it is a necessity but otherwise a job can wait. He seems like a sweet and genuine guy who cares about you. Talking about marriage after only a few months of dating is kinda moving a little too quickly but if he's considering it then that means he genuinely cares about you. Since this is your first real relationship, it's normal to nitpick but try not to. Just go with the flow. But like I said if you are not happy with him at all or feel you can't be in a committed relationship right now then definitely tell him. Leading him on and pretending to be happy when you're not is the worst thing you can do to a person. I've been in relationships like this and it is very hurtful, especially when they breakup after like a year or so when they should've did it right in the beginning. It is not fair to him and it isn't fair to you. Good luck!
Redhead14 Posted May 17, 2017 Posted May 17, 2017 Sweetie, you are too young and have too much to do to secure a future as a strong, independent, secure woman, let alone talk of marriage to a guy you've only known for 4 months. Smart people in the dating world, don't even think about marrying someone that soon. This guy also needs to secure his own future in order to ever be in a position to marry someone. He needs to establish himself. He needs to work, at the very least. You two sound to be the typical young couple, spending too much time together and putting aside things they might usually do as a single, person. It sounds to me as if you are feeling smothered. That's not a good thing for any relationship. Just because a couple is a couple, doesn't mean that they give up doing other things they enjoy or enjoying some alone time, etc. Healthy relationships allow the parties involved to be "themselves" too. You need to talk to him and tell him how you're feeling and, if he can't accept that you need some me time once in a while, then you need to end it. You have a lot on your plate and sound to be very mature and focused. If you should be dating anyone, you should be dating someone who is that way too or at the very least, more so than he is.
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