GAH! What the heck is wrong with women today?!

[ConfusedInOC]

Originally posted by A Fly onThe Wall

These are not actions of a man that is considered independent and secure

 

Clingy & insecure fits

 

Excuse me but you're WRONG.

 

It's called RESPECT. And when someone crosses that line of respect with me, I let it be well known I don't appreciate it.

 

The "soft" way would be to say or do nothing....

[ConfusedInOC]

Originally posted by alphamale

Above are the five major mistakes made by COC....

 

They are not clingy, Alpha.

 

I don't need to justify what I did but I will

She shows up an hour late for our date. I tried calling her but she doesn't answer her phone.

Right. You call when someone is extremely late.

 

I sent her not one but TWO emails confirming the date.

Should have clarified. WE exchanged emails.

 

Saturday I roll in from my ride around 4:00 and leave her a voicemail on the number she gives me. I say "Hey, it's me. Just making sure we're still on for tonight. .

This was agreed to BEFORE the date.

 

8pm rolls around, she isn't here. So I wait. At 8:30 I go ahead and order a pizza. By 9:20 I am getting angry so I call her again

A: I was eating pizza whether she showed or not.

B: When you cross my boundary, I'm going to let you know about it.

 

She says she never received any voicemails from me (basically calling me a liar in that I never called). So that made me mad so I went online and downloaded a copy of my call records that PROVE I called her twice on Sat.

 

I said nothing to her Monday morning. She sent me acusing me of blowing her off. She needed to be corrected....and then kicked to the curb, which I did.

[ConfusedInOC]

Originally posted by westernxer

The bottom line when it comes to dating is to not take it personal when they flake on you. When you commit to each other and they flake on you, then you can take it personal. Then you heal (however long it takes).

 

I didn't take anything personal until she basically called me a liar. That's complete BS to say she didn't get the voicemail messages I left her. One I could believe, but two? Who's she kidding? Then she has the audacity to tell me she wanted things to work out. I should post her email messages but really, this chick is totally and completely irrational.

[ConfusedInOC]

Originally posted by whichwayisup

I've not read any other post yet on this thread, as I wanted to comment on this one first before reading others...

 

Confused, she wasn't into you from the start. If she was she would not have freaked out on you! She sounds like a piece of work to me. Talk about doing a 180! I think she's not playing with a full deck of cards or she had horrible PMS that day.

 

Sorry, it's kind of funny too, I can just picture your face when she freaked out. That "WTF is your problem are you retarded" or "did you hit your head too hard" look!

 

Ignore her, there are so many other women out there who will turn your cranks.

 

OK, now I'm off to read the rest of this thread...

 

 

I don't know. She sure pursued me like crazy. I personally believe she just screwed up and tried to cover up for it by lying. Either way, I am a big boy. If someone isn't into me just say it, don't beat around the bush or lie to me.

 

Regardless, she's out. I'm not losing a wink of sleep over it. I see her every day and just smile to myself....thankful it didn't get far.

[lindya]

If someone crosses one of your boundaries, you let them know. Then they can decide whether your boundaries are something they want to cope with...or they might challenge you on those boundaries, and it could lead to a bit of clarity for both of you. If you've just met someone and they're dithering about re meeting up, then you get on with other things...and if they decide later on that they would like to see you again, they can give you a call.

 

I can understand your irritation at this woman for letting you down at the last minute. On the other hand, I don't see what's to be gained by having it out with her. If she's doesn't realise by now that that sort of behaviour is offensive and frustrating, it's unlikely that anything you say to her is going to flick the light switch.

[crazy_grl]

OC, I don't see what you did as needy, especially not calling her when she was running an hour late. If I didn't show up for a date, I'd expect the guy to call me. He has a right to know why I'm not where I promised him I'd be. If he didn't call, I'd think he didn't care. Alpha seems to equate neediness with caring.

 

It could be said that you called or emailed her too many times to confirm, but it depends on what the situation was. And printing off the call logs to prove her wrong might be needy if you were doing it to get her back. But it sounds like you were just calling her out. It might be a bit over the top, but not needy. It is pretty funny though.

 

You seem to follow a concept that some others don't, which is that if you have to resort to tricks and acting like a jerk to get someone instead of treating them with respect, then they're not worth your time.

 

I think alpha's right that you could have had this girl if you had behaved differently. But I don't think she was a girl you'd find worth having. I'm glad you threw her back for all the guys who don't care what kind of woman they get just as long as they can get one.

[scratch]

Originally posted by crazy_grl

Fly does have a point there, but I still think her reaction must have been priceless.

 

I have mixed feelings about this one, too. How could he have called her out so thuroughly while appearing less stalker-ish? Maybe emailed her the phone record?

 

Generally, I'd say you did right until pizza night. Fool me twice, shame on me. After this girl was an hour late the first time, she should not have been granted a Saturday. She should have been invited along to something you had to do anyway.

 

COC, I think I've told you this before, but never, ever, ever proclaim "I don't care." Even if you don't, it appears insincere and weak.

[A Fly onThe Wall]

Originally posted by scratch

How could he have called her out so thuroughly while appearing less stalker-ish? Maybe emailed her the phone record?

 

I guess dealing with it thru e-mail could have been a more appropriate media to deal with the issue...

 

But....

 

Why is it do you think that he had to call her out to begin with ?

 

At the point of CIOC being angered the relationship was already shot.. Any further bitching out wasn't needed to move on and get closure.. A couple of dates means nothing was invested emotionally.

 

Now both she and he have to do the fake smile thing because they work in the same building..

[scratch]

Originally posted by A Fly onThe Wall

I guess dealing with it thru e-mail could have been a more appropriate media to deal with the issue...

 

But....

 

Why is it do you think that he had to call her out to begin with ?

 

I definitely see your point, but I also understand the cathartic effect of exposing someone as a liar in no uncertain terms. Then again, COC probably aspires to be a less vindictive person than I am.

 

In May I had an incident where a woman lied to me in a pretty hurtful way. I left her a voicemail expressing no overt anger, simply letting her know I knew the truth, and let the matter go at that. Was that a substantially weaker move than not calling at all? It certainly wasn't stronger, but it felt good, especially when she sent our mutual friend an email about how bad she felt for weaving such a complex web of lies.

[Mary3]

Well OC at least you started eating the pizza at 9:02 ....

 

I still stand by the conviction that you should date more often and then you can laugh and tell us the numerous stories you have to share.

 

Right now I feel like you have some anger or hostility and that ( if its true ) is likely because you are new (er ) to dating and are offended by the flaker girl.

 

After you date quite alot you will become savvy and aware of all kinds of players, flakers,backstabber, liars , cheaters (lol ) ...ect....

 

I had to laugh because in our world all of those exist but also in our world there are Hot Attractive Single Females with GOOD HEARTS ! ( Just wanted you to know we exist out there )

 

{attempts to add more comedy the situation }

[A Fly onThe Wall]

Originally posted by scratch

I definitely see your point, but I also understand the cathartic effect of exposing someone as a liar in no uncertain terms. Then again, COC probably aspires to be a less vindictive person than I am.

 

In May I had an incident where a woman lied to me in a pretty hurtful way. I left her a voicemail expressing no overt anger, simply letting her know I knew the truth, and let the matter go at that. Was that a substantially weaker move than not calling at all? It certainly wasn't stronger, but it felt good, especially when she sent our mutual friend an email about how bad she felt for weaving such a complex web of lies.

 

I guess calling someone out or not could just be a to each his own kinda deal..

 

 

Leaving a voicemail wasn't weaker. You never really confronted her face to face though so there was no chance for embarassment. You did it right..and you were not vindictive... CIOC was

 

I think one of the things that CIOC did wrong was he in a sense did it publicly by leaving on her desk at work while she wasn't there.. He upped the chance for her embarrasment and crossed a line of "professionalism" and justified it.. 2 wrongs do not make a right in any case

 

When does busting out a liar become more important than having dignity and respect for yourself in how you handle your emotions/anger ? I think never ...

[crazy_grl]

Originally posted by A Fly onThe Wall

I think one of the things that CIOC did wrong was he in a sense did it publicly by leaving on her desk at work while she wasn't there.. He upped the chance for her embarrasment and crossed a line of "professionalism" and justified it.. 2 wrongs do not make a right in any case

 

That's not really publicly unless he left a note detailing the problem. The only people who would have known what the log meant and that it wasn't work related were him and her.

 

The only reason for her to feel publicly embarrassed by it was if she knew she was caught in a lie and was paranoid that others would find out.

[A Fly onThe Wall]

Originally posted by crazy_grl

That's not really publicly unless he left a note detailing the problem. The only people who would have known what the log meant and that it wasn't work related were him and her.

 

""You know what she says? She's p*ssed at me for leaving that on her desk at work. That is was "unprofessional" to do that so she doesn't want to see my anymore.""

 

 

Was what he originally posted..Something tells me that he left a note.. otherwise she wouldn't have known what the bill was doing on her desk..

 

But CIOC would have top clear that up since he never really said.

 

The only reason for her to feel publicly embarrassed by it was if she knew she was caught in a lie and was paranoid that others would find out.

 

 

But it was at her work .. There is a time and place for everything but calling a second dater out at work is out of line.. IMHO

[clandestinidad]

I also wanted to say that it kinda sounds like you reject everyone who calls you out on things, or states an opinion that you didnt want to hear, or differs from yours....but isnt that why we're all here?? To get ALL kinds of opinions from people? Or do some just want people to agree with them on everything...thats fine if thats the case, but we cant complain about the differing advice when we asked for it

 

But anyway, I'm not really sure why everything you did in this particular situation is being mulled over like it is on this thread.

[crazy_grl]

Originally posted by kat23

I also wanted to say that it kinda sounds like you reject everyone who calls you out on things, or states an opinion that you didnt want to hear, or differs from yours....but isnt that why we're all here?? To get ALL kinds of opinions from people? Or do some just want people to agree with them on everything...thats fine if thats the case, but we cant complain about the differing advice when we asked for it

 

I admit I haven't been here long, but to me it seems like OC got his heart broken, admitted his mistakes and his neediness and lack of self-esteem. To some people here, that was a sign of weakness they could take advantage of, and now every time he talks about what he does, those people jump all over him, intent on labeling him a p*ssy no matter what. But OC isn't as weak as they'd like and instead of just giving in and agreeing or just disappearing, he stands up to them. I think this causes him to be a bit more defensive that he'd ordinarily be, and some well-intentioned people unfortunately get caught in the crossfire and receive some of his defensiveness as well.

 

I haven't seen anybody's actions examined as carefully and critically as OC's are. If you were under that much scrutiny, you might get a bit defensive as well.

 

That's just my take on it. I know I could very well be wrong.

[A Fly onThe Wall]

There is a positive note about this thread.. and that is that CIOC seems to have moved on and seems to be getting over the Ex !!!

 

So I guess LS had helped him after all....

[crazy_grl]

Originally posted by A Fly onThe Wall

""You know what she says? She's p*ssed at me for leaving that on her desk at work. That is was "unprofessional" to do that so she doesn't want to see my anymore.""

 

 

Was what he originally posted..Something tells me that he left a note.. otherwise she wouldn't have known what the bill was doing on her desk..

 

But CIOC would have top clear that up since he never really said.

 

If it had been me leaving it on her desk, I would have left no explanation. Just a call print out with her phone number highlighted. Sure, she'd be confused for a few seconds, maybe even a few minutes. But the moment of gold would be when she realized what she was looking at. At that point, I imagine she'd be more pissed because she had to take the time to look at it and figure out what it was.

[Mary3]

I would like to see OC be more positive and be able to laugh at some point about this incident he had with the Pizza girl.

 

To be able to say " Hey its okay . It did not work out . There will be another time..another situation and hopefully some chemistry with some girl in the future "

 

Blow this off by taking a deep breath and slowly blow this out of your thoughts.

 

I also think he has dealt with his breakup in the way he knew how and that was to get counseling and reading books.

 

But at some point you have to walk away from the therapist and the books and deal with real life encounters. No book or therapist will be there on his next Date.

 

Leaving the note may have felt satisfactory but sometimes you have to weigh everything out.

 

Maybe a message on her answering machine might have been more appropriate than leaving a note on her desk.

 

That afterall, is her place of employment. You want to reverse the tables and imagine OC if she would have left something on your desk. ?

 

She felt anger at that .

 

I know you need to retain your dignity at all costs and need to command self respect but sometimes there are no answers for others rude behaviors and sometimes just letting it go is more powerful , as it shows you are a bigger person than the pizza flaker girl.

 

By leaving the note , you showed her how much it bothered you. But really what was the final outcome ? She probrobly will not consider you in her thoughts as anything positive.....

[whichwayisup]

Originally posted by ConfusedInOC

I don't know. She sure pursued me like crazy. I personally believe she just screwed up and tried to cover up for it by lying. Either way, I am a big boy. If someone isn't into me just say it, don't beat around the bush or lie to me.

 

Regardless, she's out. I'm not losing a wink of sleep over it. I see her every day and just smile to myself....thankful it didn't get far.

 

That's the right attitude then to have. Take the highroad on this one.

 

The thing is, whether or not she would have the courage to tell you either by phone, email or face to face that she wasn't into you or changed her mind - MANY don't have the guts to say that, so it's easier to avoid avoid avoid. That isn't the right way of handling it but then again most don't really want to deal with any type of hurt or confrontation, have to explain themselves afterwards of WHY they changed their mind. Maybe she thought this, who knows...And by now, who cares! You're fine, it's another learning curve and one piece of advice...

 

Be more aloof and laid back with the next one. Let her come to you and chase you abit more. We like to be chased, but it's also neat to do the pursuing too.

[MWC_LifeBeginsAt40]

She stood u up. She knows that and you know that. Whether or not she got your messages should be a non-issue, cuz it's not like you'll ever go out with the crazy retard again right?

 

Personally I don't think it was wrong of you to call her. Last night I had to cancel a date because I was sick. A couple hours before we were to meet at his place I called his home...no answer. I called his cell...no answer. So I sent him a text msg. Then about 20 min after the time I was supposed to be there, I called him again on his cell and he answered. He hadn't seen the text msg yet and doesn't have voicemail.

 

I'm so glad I called him that one last time otherwise he would have felt I stood him up. And I would have been wondering why he didn't return the call.

[Marshbear32]

Taking your advice is often going to give people the exact opposite of what they're looking for. You just don't seem to understand that, and you keep pushing it as though yours is the one and only truth. It doesn't matter how helpful you think you're being. If it's contrary to that person's beliefs, it's unwelcome and a bit obnoxious and insulting to keep hounding them. I know I've been guilty this before myself, so I can't fault you entirely for it. But you can at least have some understanding and see when someone knows your position, disagrees with it, and arguing it further is unnecessary

 

I agree 100% Crazy_Grl. Sometimes we think we are right and we can't understand why someone can't or won't accept our advice. We have to understand everyone's circumstances are different and our truth is not someone else's truth.

[A Fly onThe Wall]

Originally posted by Marshbear32

I agree 100% Crazy_Grl. Sometimes we think we are right and we can't understand why someone can't or won't accept our advice. We have to understand everyone's circumstances are different and our truth is not someone else's truth.

 

I like the fact that he posts here.. It shows that he is intent on healing and changing for the better.

 

I say that even as one of the people on his ignore list.. He has never like my advice but he doesn't have to either.

 

Think of how drab LS would have been in the last 6 months without his threads...

[Marshbear32]

Originally posted by A Fly onThe Wall

I like the fact that he posts here.. It shows that he is intent on healing and changing for the better.

 

I say that even as one of the people on his ignore list.. He has never like my advice but he doesn't have to either.

 

Think of how drab LS would have been in the last 6 months without his threads...

 

I do too Fly. I like COIC and I think he has guts to come on this forum and state the opinions he does because many do bash him. He knows most are not going to agree with him but he still defends his position.

 

Thank God this is America where we have the right to free speech.

[westernxer]

I'm down with OC, even though I'm a county away and a world apart in the way I think.

[Beth]

After spending two hours cleaning out this thread I am closing it.

 

Many of you had interesting views on behavior and attitude styles; however, when you apply them to an individual (either in a positive or negative way) they don't belong. They would be better served in a general discussion.

 

Many were deleted because they were not on topic, while others were deleted because they were blatant name calling and vitriol and that is not allowed. Please read the guidelines to which you agreed when you joined LoveShack.org. Name-calling and bashing others is not tolerated.