CoolJoe Posted May 13, 2017 Posted May 13, 2017 Or perhaps I'm drawn to them like a moth to flame. Both are entirely possible and both could be equally true. Last two dates with last two girls have been interesting. Well, one wasn't crazy but it was certainly a little abnormal. Met her and first thing that slipped out of her mouth was "Funny how we're right by this high school, where my daughter goes." Nowhere in her profile did it indicate that this woman, in her early 30s mind you, was a mother of a HIGH SCHOOL teenager, lol. Last one I dated texted me constantly the week before we met, and often pinged me late into the morning hours. She stayed up til 3 AM each night and refused to sleep early. Said her body crashes when it crashes, and there's no use telling it otherwise. Then we met and she was 40 pounds heavier than her photos and clung to my arm the entire date. I don't mind girls who are overweight, in fact a lot of my exes were overweight to some degree, but I can't stand deception. When a photo is clearly 3+ years old and 40+ pounds lighter, that's just messed up. Anyway, current girl I'm talking with seemed cool at first. But now I'm getting some "uh what" signs. Nothing to officially put me off, but being no stranger to dating "crazies" (again, for a lack of a better term I don't mean to offend anyone with that term there) I'm getting some spidey senses. For example, this morning we were talking about stuff and she tells me "hopefully I don't scare you away..." in a way that indicates she's seen (and maybe done) some stuff in her life. Anyway, I'm starting to wonder if I am simply attracted to girls who need the showering attention/affection and what that says about me at my core. I try not to overanalyze it but am coming here to see what others may think. And hopefully this latest interest prove to be normal crazy (which I can gladly deal with) as opposed to being legit crazy crazy.
Titanll Posted May 13, 2017 Posted May 13, 2017 I was wondering why my crazy chick pool was drying up! You're dating them! Yeah, they don't sound crazy. You may come across as paranoid but you could get more details prior to meeting if you are meeting them online. Ask if they have children, how old their pics are and if they were freaks in the past. Should take care of most. 2
Popsicle Posted May 13, 2017 Posted May 13, 2017 (edited) It makes sense that everyone you date is not right until you meet the right one. So you will have more unfit dates than you will have fit dates. This is all part of dating. You have to keep looking until you find the right one. Also, don't spend more than a few days to a week texting/talking to someone you have not met yet. Meet in person asap. Do not extend this out longer. Edited May 13, 2017 by Popsicle 2
amaysngrace Posted May 13, 2017 Posted May 13, 2017 Everybody is a little bit crazy it's just that some people are honest about it while others go to great lengths to try and deny it. I'd rather date someone who knows who they are. But that's just me. 1
Titanll Posted May 13, 2017 Posted May 13, 2017 Man, that would be one long story. Haha! Ok, I will take your word. I just didn't see anything in your post about her that seemed crazy. I didn't really see anything crazy about OPs dates either. I know we joke a bit and I have had a crazy date. But my crazy date was really crazy! We got into an argument over how I pronounced her name and I explained to her that I was not making fun. It got so bad that I ended the date early and she called crying for two days asking if I thought she was crazy! That...that was crazy! 2
Titanll Posted May 13, 2017 Posted May 13, 2017 Everybody is a little bit crazy it's just that some people are honest about it while others go to great lengths to try and deny it. I'd rather date someone who knows who they are. But that's just me. Arrgghh! I hate that statement. Not everyone is crazy haha! We are all crazy, no one is perfect and book smart are all phrases that need to die a painful death! 1
amaysngrace Posted May 13, 2017 Posted May 13, 2017 True. I also think there are levels of crazy. Crazy like, want to do weird stuff in the bedroom vs crazy like....thinks the human race needs to die off and she wants to become a cyborg. For real. See what I mean? Maybe thinking that we're preparing for life in outer space isn't that far fetched after all . There are signs that point in that direction with the latest one being cars that drive themselves. Anyway I'm just saying that people shouldn't really slap a label on somebody just because they are different or might just be having a moment. They may actually have it more together than the ones casting stones.
Popsicle Posted May 13, 2017 Posted May 13, 2017 Most people are some sort of crazy. And yes, that includes men too (sorry boys, but you are). I just like to choose the kind of crazy I will be involved with.
Real36 Posted May 13, 2017 Posted May 13, 2017 I felt like I was attracting a certain type when I was doing OLD a few years ago. No kidding, I went on dates with 2 different Autistic guys. I work in the disability field so I figured it out as soon as I met them. They aren't crazy, just not like everyone else. One of them travels all over the country alone to take pictures of building. Which sounds pretty cool. He showed me hundreds of pictures, none of which had him or anyone else in them. Just buildings. He invited me to a bar but he didn't drink anything, not even water while we were there. This is sort of a rough bar with rednecks and bikers in it. Everyone there knew him because he hung out there frequently to do karaoke, which he was very good at. People kept coming over and talking to me, obviously surprised to see him with a girl. He told me several stories about getting fired from jobs for no reason and "the mean lady" that works with him. He was 38. He lives with his mom and owns 3 houses that he rents out. It was super interesting to meet him and spend some time in his world but there was no way I could have a romantic relationship with him. He didn't understand why when I told him and it made me feel awful. Another guy was super smart and nice. He was obsessed with comic books and chai tea. He explained to me that he had thousands of DVDs so it was hard for him to choose what he wanted to watch. He worked out a system of choosing that involved designating a shelf to each day of the week and a number system for choosing from that shelf. He also had a strict exercise routine that he did daily, never missed it. I really enjoyed talking to him. He'd had a really interesting life that he talked about matter-of-factly with no real emotion. When I told him that I didn't feel a romantic connection he was really upset and disappeared. I can't blame him for that. So yeah, people attract certain types. Maybe a reflection of our personalities. Hopefully you won't meet anyone THAT crazy. Sorry for the long post. I can't sleep 3
Miss Spider Posted May 13, 2017 Posted May 13, 2017 Are you online? Because that would be my first answer 1
Author CoolJoe Posted May 13, 2017 Author Posted May 13, 2017 Are you online? Because that would be my first answer Yes, I am. Online dating I tend to gravitate toward girls who are a little, shall we say, different.
d0nnivain Posted May 13, 2017 Posted May 13, 2017 If you see a pattern, you need to identify more specific commonalities. When you see red flags on the 1st date, why are you having a 2nd date? This stuff doesn't get better. The 1st meeting should be the best they are so if that's already bad, why are you sticking around? The first one doesn't seem crazy. Perhaps wild when she was younger. If the daughter was a freshman, she'd be what 14? If the lady was 35. She had the girl at 21. OK if the lady was 30, she had the daughter at 16 but still she managed to make it work, presumably has a good job & is being a good parent. That doesn't make her crazy. The overweight owl, may be deceptive & clingy . . . closer to crazy, at least delusional. So why did you continue after the 1st date? The minute somebody I barely know pings me, I'd be outta there. Why'd you stick around? Do you have a wounded bird complex? You wanna save all these chicks?
act00 Posted May 13, 2017 Posted May 13, 2017 I feel for you. I seem to be a magnet for unavailable men. On the mom. She might just be protecting her child from predators, and herself from dating predators. Obviously the fact she is a parent needs to be known, but she might be waiting until meeting in person. It's a little scary to date as parent. There are men out there who will seek single moms to gain access to the children. I do find it odd that she doesn't mention she has a child, but at the same time, she has a valid reason, if this is her reason. Maybe she feels that having a child scares men away, so she leaves that tidbit out to expand the dating pool. Her child is close to flying the nest anyway. Depending on her age, she could have been a teenage mother, and maybe just doesn't wish to hash out her past to virtual strangers. Did you ask her why she didn't mention she is a parent? Girl #2 seems a little bit nutters. Girl #3, I don't know that you should put a lot of stock in her crazy comment. Early dating comes with a lot of insecurity, and like many others, this girl has probably found herself "scaring men away," because none of her dating prospects have gone long-term, which is pretty much what everyone goes through until you strike gold and find "the one." You're a bit hypersensitive to the word as well, and rightfully so, but it's really common terminology, tongue in cheek, humor, most of the time. Of course you'll be on high alert. Unfortunately, there's no way to predict if she's truly "crazy" or not until you spend some time with her. As mentioned previously, you should be able to gauge "red flags" on the first date, and if unsure, go for a second date, but if the same "squicky" vibe occurs, cut your losses and don't prolong it, as it won't get better. 1
Popsicle Posted May 13, 2017 Posted May 13, 2017 I take it back, everyone is crazy! Spoke too soon,eh? Lol 2
preraph Posted May 13, 2017 Posted May 13, 2017 I've generally found that if you get to know someone long enough, there is some crazy in there. I was pretty crazy when young and seems like a lot of guys, especially younger ones, are drawn to it. Why? Because it's not boring. 2
Author CoolJoe Posted May 13, 2017 Author Posted May 13, 2017 (edited) If you see a pattern, you need to identify more specific commonalities. When you see red flags on the 1st date, why are you having a 2nd date? This stuff doesn't get better. The 1st meeting should be the best they are so if that's already bad, why are you sticking around? The first one doesn't seem crazy. Perhaps wild when she was younger. If the daughter was a freshman, she'd be what 14? If the lady was 35. She had the girl at 21. OK if the lady was 30, she had the daughter at 16 but still she managed to make it work, presumably has a good job & is being a good parent. That doesn't make her crazy. The overweight owl, may be deceptive & clingy . . . closer to crazy, at least delusional. So why did you continue after the 1st date? The minute somebody I barely know pings me, I'd be outta there. Why'd you stick around? Do you have a wounded bird complex? You wanna save all these chicks? First of all, did you read my post clearly? I never had a 2nd date with either girl. I think I do have a bit of a wounded bird complex. In general, I gravitate toward broken people. If someone has suffered hardship, it's almost like I'm automatically drawn closer to that person as opposed to someone else who is thriving and has their stuff together. Looking back at my exes, the majority of them have been a bit different. They were either coming off a heartbreak or had some trauma of one kind or another. They weren't "normal happy" people although I'd argue what's normal really, anyway? I've always had a normal happy life... never really experienced a death in my family or friends, never even had surgery or a broken bone... I'm kind of a happy go lucky sort of guy in a ravaged world. I like to be that nice guy that offers some consistency and love in these broken girls' world, I guess. I'm not even sure, but I think that might be my subconscious. Maybe because I had little drama growing up that I seek it out to compensate for my lack of experiencing drama earlier on in my life? I don't know. First girl was not crazy, maybe foolish. She had her daughter at 18. I didn't know her well enough to quantify, which is why in my first post I stated "OK probably more unique than crazy" (or whatever phrasing I used). Second girl, the overweight clingy owl, clearly had issues. BUT FOR THE RECORD, I did cut it off after one date. The week prior she was texting me like crazy. And I'm the kind of guy who will text back especially if there's banter and interest. This was before I found out she's 40 pounds overweight. After that, and the clingy behavior displayed on the first date, I was done. In fact, I actually got the sense that I could have been almost any breathing male, and it would have sufficed. I realized she talked a lot about herself and never really got to know me. And yet she was already treating me like her BF. It was a major red flag and I was actually a little disappointed she wasn't more into me than it seemed she was more into the IDEA of having a BF, period. This third girl, well update time. We texted back and forth a ton last night. I went to bed thinking she seems pretty cool so far, but I don't want to fall into the same trap as I did the previous girl. So I asked her out today. We agreed on a date for next Saturday. We'll see how that goes. Now that I got a date pinned down, I feel much better. Don't want to over text and "emotionally develop feelings" for someone I've yet to "confirm" in real life as OK, this is you and this is where you are at physically, emotionally, spiritually and all that good stuff. It's easy to see pictures online and fall for text, but people in real life sometimes can be very different from their online persona. I have to be careful and guard my heart. If she texts me throughout the week, obviously I'll be courteous and text back, but I rather not over text until I confirm yes, I do like her romantically in real life and want to see this extend. Edited May 13, 2017 by CoolJoe
Author CoolJoe Posted May 14, 2017 Author Posted May 14, 2017 Well guess I broke my own rules. She's definitely a texter. She initiates and I respond. I'm actually not with the guys right now so I didn't want to lie. Anyway, I enjoy the back and forth. It is a little weird we're texting so much seeing as how we've yet to meet but ah, I'm throwing conventions out the window right now. If it's flowing, you go with the flow. I know dating gurus may argue otherwise that I'm killing the aura/mystique/mystery but not everyone and every situation fits in the same box. Sure there's a general formula for a higher degree of success but eh, I've also always done things my way. So my way it shall be. I'll know in a week after meeting her if things are going to progress or not. I guess part of my struggle is I am looking for red flags and wondering how someone could already be so into me just from my pictures and a short paragraph. I guess I sell myself short sometimes and maybe my looks fit her ideal man to a tee. I'm trying to break the cycle of thinking I'm not good enough for a good woman. Maybe she is a good woman and finds me attractive and enjoys my texting style. As opposed to a broken woman who is crazy and just any breathing guy will do. I choose to be optimistic!
introverted1 Posted May 14, 2017 Posted May 14, 2017 How do the women you're choosing from OLD line up with the list of qualities from your other thread? Seems to me that even at a distance, the women you're choosing to contact/date don't fit the qualities you presented.
newheart Posted May 16, 2017 Posted May 16, 2017 This thread kind of cracked me up ... Unfortunately, I feel that the older I get, the more the dating pool shrinks and those who are left in the pool are more inclined to have some interesting "qualities" (or crazies)! Hmmm, what does that say about myself? Lol ... I'd like to think at least I am well aware of my challenges (some relationship induced anxiety) and my self awareness leads me to take some proactive steps to not be a total nut job dating. That all said, I'm extremely particular with who I choose to meet, maybe even too cautious? But there's been a couple situations within a couple weeks that have caused me to pause - including one guy on a dating app who very aggressively used choice words to accuse me of playing games, created a second profile to message me separately, and was angry because he said the dating site was my priority because I took 45 minutes to respond to his good night message and I was showing up as active on the site. It was harsh and very bizarre (and, the first day I communicated with him!). I told him the dating app was not my priority, but being treated respectfully was, and blocked him. OP, I think your first date was just being cautious with when/who she informed of her parental status, not necessarily crazy. The second one, maybe a little out there. Good luck with #3!
GunslingerRoland Posted May 16, 2017 Posted May 16, 2017 I'm pretty sure everyone is crazy. You've just to find the lunatic that you're looking for and you'll be fine.
Author CoolJoe Posted May 17, 2017 Author Posted May 17, 2017 Quick update: Met girl #3 and it went well! Posted about it here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/624051-well-first-meeting-went-exceedingly-well Got one reply only though. I guess "dramatic" topics attract more attention and replies? 1
CloudyHead Posted May 17, 2017 Posted May 17, 2017 I never knew how normal and sane my life is until I started OLD . . .
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