CluelessAndAwkward Posted May 12, 2017 Posted May 12, 2017 Sorry for the very long post, but I thought I'd give as much context as possible. There is this single girl at work that I kind of like but I really don't know if she likes me back or is interested at all. We have worked at the same place for a while but never really talked. Recently, I started to talk to her, a couple of times a week she sits with me at lunch and drops by my office to talk. We are getting to know each other and started to have long eye contacts. I feel there is something there. This week we had a company-wide presentation outside of our offices. She was organizing for a bunch of us to go to dinner afterwards. She asked me all week long if I'd come, but she asked other people too. She is a social person and extroverted, I am kind of more introverted. She ended up asking me for a lift and I told her of course. I was already taking other people too. We got there and sat together. After, there were some drinks, she mingled with her numerous friends and talked with my friends. At some point, we ended up talking for a while. We then went to the restaurant and there was 20 of us. I sat across from her but she got bumped a few seats away as people got there. But as people went around, she came a couple of times to talk to me. At some point, she got back from the restroom, I made eye contact and she sat again across me. Here is when it got weird. All night long, I saw her hugged almost every guys there but me. That's when I realized that I might have misread the situation and that she was a flirtatious kind of girl. My bad, she is just being herself. At the end of the night, she asked me if I could drop her off at the nearest subway station, I live far away in the opposite direction but said yeah sure. There were 6 of us and 2 cars. I should have said that I would drop her home, I wasn't in a hurry and I didn't care about the detour, but at this point I was confused. When we got to the cars, she waved at me and she ended up getting into the other car. I still feel like there is some kind of chemistry between us, but what's up with all the hugging and not getting to leave with me. I am so confused and feel kind of bad, I was starting to fall for her. My plan right now is to avoid her next week, to see if she comes to me or not. Anybody got any thoughts ?
Titanll Posted May 12, 2017 Posted May 12, 2017 I have some thoughts: Stop falling for someone so soon. My honest opinion is that you are squarely in the friend-zone. You described nothing that suggests otherwise.
Grey40 Posted May 12, 2017 Posted May 12, 2017 Yeah nothing in your post that would say she's interested. If you want to know just ask if she wants to get some lunch or coffee during the week and she how she responds. Take it from there 1
Author CluelessAndAwkward Posted May 12, 2017 Author Posted May 12, 2017 I have some thoughts: Stop falling for someone so soon. My honest opinion is that you are squarely in the friend-zone. You described nothing that suggests otherwise. I hear you, thanks! You are right but maybe I should not have used "falling for her". I am not head over heels. I just surprised myself thinking about her and thought we might have been a good match. 1
Grey40 Posted May 12, 2017 Posted May 12, 2017 What I've found is that my gut is almost always right. Like 9/10 times. If you truly feel she's interested then ask her out. If you feel like she's probably not and just being friendly then you're probably right. The gut very rarely lets you down. 1
Titanll Posted May 13, 2017 Posted May 13, 2017 I hear you, thanks! You are right but maybe I should not have used "falling for her". I am not head over heels. I just surprised myself thinking about her and thought we might have been a good match. Haha! Tough love. Seriously, take Grey40s advice and see if you can take her to lunch or dinner. I would start slowly since you work together. If you sort of blow it by jumping the gun, it could be awkward going forward. Find out how she feels and then you will know whether to ask for a date or just keep it casual.
Author CluelessAndAwkward Posted May 13, 2017 Author Posted May 13, 2017 Yeah nothing in your post that would say she's interested. If you want to know just ask if she wants to get some lunch or coffee during the week and she how she responds. Take it from there What I've found is that my gut is almost always right. Like 9/10 times. If you truly feel she's interested then ask her out. If you feel like she's probably not and just being friendly then you're probably right. The gut very rarely lets you down. Thanks Grey40! What adds to the confusion is that the other day she came to my office and as we chatted, she started to talk about a former colleague that was kind of stalking her and how this was tough since she is single. At that point, it threw me off, she did reach to me, came to my office, emphasized being single but at the same time, saying she didn't like that some guys hit on her. Also, when she invited me for the dinner after our company meeting. I asked her for how many people the reservation was. She said 20 to which I said 20! She said she shouldn't have told me because she thought I wouldn't come. She asked how many people should she have made a reservation for. Jokingly she said 2. To which I replied yes, almost seriously. Then she said 3 and we should invite that mutual friend. As I said : mixed signals ?!
staggerlee71 Posted May 13, 2017 Posted May 13, 2017 So this is fun. I agree with Titan that you should be careful not to get yourself attached/caught up to quick!! But I don't agree that you can definitely say your squarely in the friend zone. I read the no hugs the same way you do. if you were in friend zone, she would hug you. those guys are in friend zone. no hugs equals timid closeness. I also am interested in her wave. why get your attention? if a women wants a friend, she wouldn't do that. she would get in the car and leave. why reach for attention from a guy you want nothing from? the only way to get quickly to an answer is to ask her out. strap up and ask her!! or this will go on for a while until she thinks your an idiot Go for it man
Author CluelessAndAwkward Posted May 13, 2017 Author Posted May 13, 2017 So this is fun. I agree with Titan that you should be careful not to get yourself attached/caught up to quick!! But I don't agree that you can definitely say your squarely in the friend zone. I read the no hugs the same way you do. if you were in friend zone, she would hug you. those guys are in friend zone. no hugs equals timid closeness. I also am interested in her wave. why get your attention? if a women wants a friend, she wouldn't do that. she would get in the car and leave. why reach for attention from a guy you want nothing from? the only way to get quickly to an answer is to ask her out. strap up and ask her!! or this will go on for a while until she thinks your an idiot Go for it man Yes, exactly, you get me As for the hugs, I thought she might be uncharacteristically (that's a big word, I'm smart) around me which also point to her being kind of interested. And you're right, as you said : "or this will go on for a while until she thinks your an idiot". Haha ! I don't want that. Next week, if she reaches out, as she usually does lately, I will try to arrange something one on one. Right now it looks like she is the one doing the chasing. The thing is she might accept just because she likes hanging out with me and I might be even more confused. I foresee this back and forth going on for a while, until I try to be sure by making a move.
Titanll Posted May 13, 2017 Posted May 13, 2017 Thanks Grey40! What adds to the confusion is that the other day she came to my office and as we chatted, she started to talk about a former colleague that was kind of stalking her and how this was tough since she is single. At that point, it threw me off, she did reach to me, came to my office, emphasized being single but at the same time, saying she didn't like that some guys hit on her. Also, when she invited me for the dinner after our company meeting. I asked her for how many people the reservation was. She said 20 to which I said 20! She said she shouldn't have told me because she thought I wouldn't come. She asked how many people should she have made a reservation for. Jokingly she said 2. To which I replied yes, almost seriously. Then she said 3 and we should invite that mutual friend. As I said : mixed signals ?! Again, I see no mixed signals. You are her buddy. I'm not saying to not step it up...just do it slowly and feel her out. I need to sit in your office with you with a pause button. Click! Pause...see, this is where she is treating you like a buddy. Click!... You can learn to recognize approach calls but even then you have to keep your head straight so you don't read everything as an approach call.
Author CluelessAndAwkward Posted May 13, 2017 Author Posted May 13, 2017 Again, I see no mixed signals. You are her buddy. I'm not saying to not step it up...just do it slowly and feel her out. I need to sit in your office with you with a pause button. Click! Pause...see, this is where she is treating you like a buddy. Click!... You can learn to recognize approach calls but even then you have to keep your head straight so you don't read everything as an approach call. Thanks titanll ! You are probably right but I suck at these things. I usually end up wasting opportunities by not acting. So you can understand why I reach out to you guys. For Seinfeld fans : Girl : "Do you want to come up for coffee ?" Georges : "I can't drink coffee that late, I'll be up all night !" 1
staggerlee71 Posted May 13, 2017 Posted May 13, 2017 This is too much She is chasing!! your words. No women chases unless she wants something. She is reaching out, as she usually does!! your words. shes not going to ask you out. here is the thing. if you ask her out NOW, she will say yes or no. nothing in the next couple of weeks will change that. She has already made up her mind! so if you want to know what that is, ask her out. go for what you want.
Titanll Posted May 13, 2017 Posted May 13, 2017 Thanks titanll ! You are probably right but I suck at these things. I usually end up wasting opportunities by not acting. So you can understand why I reach out to you guys. For Seinfeld fans : Girl : "Do you want to come up for coffee ?" Georges : "I can't drink coffee that late, I'll be up all night !" Haha! You're doing fine, brother. I've gotten things so bassackwards plenty of times. I will say this, friends or not, she likes you in some way for sure. Women will not engage you unless they like you in some way. You may never be more than friends but it is worth it to cautiously see if there can be more between you. Keep us posted and lot's of folks here to try and give advice if you need it.
Grey40 Posted May 13, 2017 Posted May 13, 2017 It really is very simple just ask her out. Let us know what she says. That's the only way to know for sure. You have nothing to lose.
preraph Posted May 13, 2017 Posted May 13, 2017 Well, I was riding the fence until you told us that she is calling another guy at work who hit on her a stalker. So now you know what happens to guys who hit on her at work. So this would be very risky. Two other points. She is very social, so she is going to be always like that, even if she was with a boyfriend. Social people are always going to want to work the room and talk to everyone, which a lot of people do mistake as flirting, though sometimes a very social person IS also flirting, but they flirt with half the people they meet, so it's not like it makes anyone they flirt with special or "the one" the likes. The other small thing is I truly believe that if she had some romantic interest in you, she would have definitely gotten into YOUR car that night and not the other one. Now, she's social, so yes, maybe she likes you AND likes someone in that other car as well. I just don't think this is someone you're going to get focus from like you probably want.
act00 Posted May 13, 2017 Posted May 13, 2017 She hugged other guys at the restaurant but not you. I see two scenarious: 1) She is attracted to you and you to her. You have probably flirted and people have probably noticed. She doesn't know what you think about her, and she doesn't want to be the office gossip or for people to think you're "together" and it's just a protective response to not give you the same attention that she would if you were just friends. Think of a teacher being harder on her son who is a student in her classroom, so as not to project favoritism, as an example. It's a normal response, and subconscious. She's distancing herself because of the attraction. 2) She recognizes your attraction to her and she doesn't feel the same, so she's pulling back so as not to "lead you on." It doesn't matter that she's treating everyone the same, you, having feelings for her, will take it as more than intended. You'll take it as a hint she's interested when she's not. I think it's okay you didn't drive her way outside of your way to get her home. Nice gesture, but I doubt she expected that. It seems she has made great efforts to get some time with you personally, possibly even alone if it weren't for those pesky carpoolers. I think you should ask her out. Keep in mind, mixing it up with a coworker is a slippery slope. If you two don't work out, it will be very hard to continue working with her. If she declines a date, it will be awkward. If you two date, job roles can be problematic. Spending all day together, and home, with the same person can be extremely trying on a relationship. But coworker-dating-red-flags aside, she seems interested to me, and I think you should ask her out. Don't pee where you eat.
Author CluelessAndAwkward Posted May 13, 2017 Author Posted May 13, 2017 She doesn't sound interested sry Could you elaborate ? Thanks !
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