Dis Posted May 12, 2017 Posted May 12, 2017 Hi guys! About 3 weeks ago I deleted all of my OLDing profiles after coming out of a horrible couple of months (dating wise and personally) I had given this guy my number before I deleted my profile (Okcupid) and he seemed wonderful over text. He's 37 (I'm 30) has a great job and seemed like a really thoughtful guy He arranged a phone call (4 weeks ago) and...it didnt go so well. I dont know if it was because I was through so much cr*p or because he's really not a great guy...but I got a bad vibe from him He was trying to sound like a 'cool' guy telling me how he's dated 22 year olds but it didnt work out and how he's in charge of wiring a new casino's entire electrical system.... I was like So long story short...I got so frustrated (with him and life in general) I hung up on him. I know... not a mature move at all but I was about to lose it He has continued to text me ever since....saying how I have his number if I ever want to reach out and how he'll help me move when I find a new place. I never asked and didnt respond to his texts but they keep coming. He also keeps saying how he's looking for something serious with one special person and how he think we'd really get along. He even sends me links to the most cheesy songs like Shawn Mendez, 'Theres nothing hoding me back'. I cracked up when I saw that. I'm not trying to be mean but the guy is 37 and he's never met me...I dont get it After almost 2 years of fighting tooth and nail to find something serious...I'm thinking maybe I should just go out with him and have fun So should I throw caution to the wind or keep walking??? Thanks guys!
preraph Posted May 12, 2017 Posted May 12, 2017 Worrisome that he was chasing 22 year olds, but at least he admitted it didn't work out. I mean, not a big deal unless that's ALL he was interested in. I mean, as long as you have no danger flags on this guy, go out and see what he's like. Meeting him will probably make it or break it with him. Good luck. 1
d0nnivain Posted May 12, 2017 Posted May 12, 2017 This guy has no proper social boundaries. It was wholly inappropriate to talk to you about other women he's dated or tell you their ages. He also doesn't seem to back off, which IMO is not a good sign. Most guys would give up after 4 weeks of you not being keen. The fact that he hasn't gotten the hint makes me wonder about him. You also said you "Got a bad vibe." If you have good instincts that is reason enough not to go. If you are going to meet him anyway, make sure you have a back up plan to get out of there & somebody knows where you are. If it all sucks, don't just ghost him because that clearly doesn't work. Instead, be super clear -- thanks, but this isn't working for you best wishes but I don't want to see you again, ever. 3
RecentChange Posted May 12, 2017 Posted May 12, 2017 I don't know. If you feel no chemistry with the guy, and he annoyed you so much on the phone that you felt compelled to hang up on him - do you really think you're gonna hit it off great in person? That he could be "the one"? Sounds like a waste of yours and his time to me. 7
Titanll Posted May 12, 2017 Posted May 12, 2017 I don't know. If you feel no chemistry with the guy, and he annoyed you so much on the phone that you felt compelled to hang up on him - do you really think you're gonna hit it off great in person? That he could be "the one"? Sounds like a waste of yours and his time to me. This, OP. Why bother? 1
Author Dis Posted May 12, 2017 Author Posted May 12, 2017 I dont know if my judgment of him on the phone was correct I was in a horrible state of mind at the time...I dont know that I had the ability to see any of the positives I might have been overly critical Not sure though 1
RecentChange Posted May 12, 2017 Posted May 12, 2017 Maybe taking a step back from dating would be a good thing then? If you can't trust yourself to make good judgement calls about who or what you want, sounds like you aren't in a good state to make these kinds of choices. Honestly he sounds irritating as hell. 4
Titanll Posted May 12, 2017 Posted May 12, 2017 I dont know if my judgment of him on the phone was correct I was in a horrible state of mind at the time...I dont know that I had the ability to see any of the positives I might have been overly critical Not sure though Hopefully this doesn't sound like me being critical, but when I hear "he/she has a great career" I cringe. For me, that isn't even something that I consider. Now, if my first conversation with someone got around to their past dates and I hadn't asked about that specifically, I would run for the hills. Not sure if this applies here... Maybe give it chance...could be the one, who knows. 2
act00 Posted May 12, 2017 Posted May 12, 2017 Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought him back. You seemed to be in a bit of a mood when you talked, and he seemed to really be trying to impress you, although in a bit of an immature way, but at some point, you were interested in him. Sometimes first impressions are bad ones, and if he seems even a little bit worth it, it may be worth your time to give it a go. I mean, what have you go to lose? You get out of the house, meet someone new, and whether it's good or it's bad, you'll have a story to tell. I say go for it, and if it just turns out to be a bad idea, then you'll have to block him since he won't let up on the texting and calls. 2
Author Dis Posted May 12, 2017 Author Posted May 12, 2017 Maybe taking a step back from dating would be a good thing then? If you can't trust yourself to make good judgement calls about who or what you want, sounds like you aren't in a good state to make these kinds of choices I've always doubted the choices I make I think that doubt and hesitance is an attempt to protect myself Its nothing new
Author Dis Posted May 13, 2017 Author Posted May 13, 2017 Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought him back. You seemed to be in a bit of a mood when you talked, and he seemed to really be trying to impress you, although in a bit of an immature way, but at some point, you were interested in him. Sometimes first impressions are bad ones, and if he seems even a little bit worth it, it may be worth your time to give it a go. I mean, what have you go to lose? You get out of the house, meet someone new, and whether it's good or it's bad, you'll have a story to tell. I say go for it, and if it just turns out to be a bad idea, then you'll have to block him since he won't let up on the texting and calls. Thanks act This is a very open minded perspective I was in a mood when I talked to him and to tell you the truth I just dont care about being cautious and finding 'the one'. I'm too burnt out to have that mentality anymore I think at this point I just want to have fun and enjoy life He seems really into me (dont know why because we havent met yet) but he could be fun to hangout with I'm just not sure of any down sides with this approach....not sure if I even care about them though lol 2
Miss Spider Posted May 13, 2017 Posted May 13, 2017 Shawn Mendez songs??????????? Sounds like he'd be better off dating 22 year olds. Don't like this guy 1
Author Dis Posted May 13, 2017 Author Posted May 13, 2017 Shawn Mendez songs??????????? Sounds like he'd be better off dating 22 year olds. Don't like this guy Hahaha! Eh.... I dont think I care anymore Whether I use my best judgement or not...it doesnt seem to matter Maybe my idea of wrong could turn out to be right...or at least fun 1
Imajerk17 Posted May 13, 2017 Posted May 13, 2017 (edited) But, isn't that how you get yourself into trouble--putting energy into guys that are likely not right for you. Even if you feel you aren't in the place to date anyone seriously, dating someone who is giving signs of being all wrong for you hardly seems to be a good use of your time. Some people can do FWB but OP, I am getting the impression that it doesn't work for you personally (?) I keep suggesting this, but there was a guy you dated briefly last summer (not the guy you went with just before your birthday and whom you tried with another time later that summer) I think this is the guy I am positively referring to: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/587750-vertically-challenged-magic It seems that you definitely did not give things with him a fair chance. Why not check up and see how he is doing. Edited May 13, 2017 by Imajerk17 2
Kamille Posted May 13, 2017 Posted May 13, 2017 Honestly, to me it sounds like you're just bored. You've had a lot going on on the romance department the last year and maybe you're used to linking excitement to romance. Don't date this guy. You don't like him. Instead, do that thing you've always been meaning to do, whatever it is. 2
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 13, 2017 Posted May 13, 2017 "Throw Caution To The Wind" is one of those over-rated terms people throw out when they're fed up or desperate. One resorts to such when all else has failed. I have had a very well-traveled, exciting, adventurous life and caution has always been a part of my decision making. Be smart and let yourself be lulled into recklessness. 2
Shanex Posted May 14, 2017 Posted May 14, 2017 I agree with some previous comments, I like Dis and she seems like a fairly respectable lady but honestly, you are either the most unlucky woman in the world attracting what are to you or some posters 'jerks' or whatever, or you may need a break from dating at all. I recall about the story not that long ago about a handsome cop after an accident, he was taken, bad luck and nothing else... Even though I'm not a woman, I was in your shoes before, because of numerous failed dates becoming jaded of dating, only to close my accounts and move on to other hobbies and friends, rather than keep trying. It's been about a year since you've been single I think? It's a long time, I've been through the same and left me in despair with the dating scene, even turning a bit misogynistic, when maybe there was something wrong with me at the time. 2
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 14, 2017 Posted May 14, 2017 "Throw Caution To The Wind" is one of those over-rated terms people throw out when they're fed up or desperate. One resorts to such when all else has failed. I have had a very well-traveled, exciting, adventurous life and caution has always been a part of my decision making. Be smart and DO NOT let yourself be lulled into recklessness. Sorry. I forgot some important words....DO NOT! 1
Author Dis Posted May 14, 2017 Author Posted May 14, 2017 But, isn't that how you get yourself into trouble--putting energy into guys that are likely not right for you. Even if you feel you aren't in the place to date anyone seriously, dating someone who is giving signs of being all wrong for you hardly seems to be a good use of your time. Some people can do FWB but OP, I am getting the impression that it doesn't work for you personally (?) I keep suggesting this, but there was a guy you dated briefly last summer (not the guy you went with just before your birthday and whom you tried with another time later that summer) I think this is the guy I am positively referring to: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/587750-vertically-challenged-magic It seems that you definitely did not give things with him a fair chance. Why not check up and see how he is doing. Hey Imajerk Thanks for your insight as always. I'm not looking for FWB.. I'm not going to put myself in that position. I had another phone call with him last night. I think I might have gotten the wrong impression of him before. He seems more cooky than anything...and not in a negative way...but in a very sensitive/intense way. He seems to put a lot of stock into emotions and was upset that I wasnt interested. I'm not saying he's the right guy...I'm just saying I dont think he's the guy I thought he was before. He told me he was trying to impress me and tried a little too hard. Whatever. I'm not running full steam ahead with him. I'm just going to meet him tomorrow night. I dont really care where it goes As for the guy you mentioned. In hindsight...the physical attraction wasnt there 1
Author Dis Posted May 14, 2017 Author Posted May 14, 2017 I agree with some previous comments, I like Dis and she seems like a fairly respectable lady but honestly, you are either the most unlucky woman in the world attracting what are to you or some posters 'jerks' or whatever, or you may need a break from dating at all. I recall about the story not that long ago about a handsome cop after an accident, he was taken, bad luck and nothing else... Even though I'm not a woman, I was in your shoes before, because of numerous failed dates becoming jaded of dating, only to close my accounts and move on to other hobbies and friends, rather than keep trying. It's been about a year since you've been single I think? It's a long time, I've been through the same and left me in despair with the dating scene, even turning a bit misogynistic, when maybe there was something wrong with me at the time. I think its a combo of being unlucky and my prior history of being naive Now, I just ran out of f**ks to give My OLDing profiles are all deleted and have been for 3 or 4 weeks. I'm not looking for anything. This guy has just been persistent 3
Mkn1010 Posted May 14, 2017 Posted May 14, 2017 I'm going to chime in and say something 'controversial' .....go for it, be reckless, LIVE! What's the worst that could happen? You may have a boring time or get irritated again and leave? Who cares really. It doesn't sound like he'll be 'the one', but not everyone you decide to meet needs to appear as though they have that type of potential. Otherwise you're cutting out so many options that may turn out to be something much more than you expected. I don't think that we can know who we will fall for. That being said, he sounds lame as hell and probably is a huge weirdo, so take it as a night out to meet someone new. Also, we spend a lot of time on this board being SUPER judgy and critiquing people extremely harshly when the rest of the world are just going with the flow . Much of the overly sensible advice given here would be applied to very few people in reality, who are in relationships/dating etc. Do you seriously think people in general are as cautious and scrutinize potential dates like us? I DO NOT. 1
Author Dis Posted May 14, 2017 Author Posted May 14, 2017 It's been about a year since you've been single I think? It's a long time, I've been through the same and left me in despair with the dating scene, even turning a bit misogynistic, when maybe there was something wrong with me at the time. I've thought a lot about this I was wondering if I'm the problem. We attract what we are put out right? I did a lot of thinking about things and I do think I was the part problem for the first maybe 9 months of my dating career...just super naive and foolish. I've learned a lot since then I'm a good person with a good heart. Despite all these failures, I really try to stay positive and not to project my past hurts onto the guys I date I've kept my side of the street clean... all I can do is hope for the best now 3
Popsicle Posted May 14, 2017 Posted May 14, 2017 He's great over text but screws up on phone calls. Chances are he'll be even worse in person. I say PASS and block him. 2
Shanex Posted May 14, 2017 Posted May 14, 2017 Things should go fine, naturally. 30 is still young and you might unfortunately attract wrong guys or guys that leaves you a bad vibes dates after dates. Its tough to find someone outside of OLD when one has gathered all advices on LS like 'Don't dip your pen', 'cautious with the age gap', and others. No doubt you're good hearted. Not all kind people are taken already by that age as you and others should have proven. But you may find what you're looking for eventually. At this point I have no more advices to give you except that I am sure you'll find your match one of these days. 2
Author Dis Posted May 14, 2017 Author Posted May 14, 2017 I'm going to chime in and say something 'controversial' .....go for it, be reckless, LIVE! What's the worst that could happen? You may have a boring time or get irritated again and leave? Who cares really. It doesn't sound like he'll be 'the one', but not everyone you decide to meet needs to appear as though they have that type of potential. Otherwise you're cutting out so many options that may turn out to be something much more than you expected. I don't think that we can know who we will fall for. That being said, he sounds lame as hell and probably is a huge weirdo, so take it as a night out to meet someone new. Also, we spend a lot of time on this board being SUPER judgy and critiquing people extremely harshly when the rest of the world are just going with the flow . Much of the overly sensible advice given here would be applied to very few people in reality, who are in relationships/dating etc. Do you seriously think people in general are as cautious and scrutinize potential dates like us? I DO NOT. *Triple like* And not because your logic gives me an excuse to go out with a guy who probably isnt right for me But because you're 100% right about how overly critical we are here on LS. All of my gf's relationships would be teared apart if they were to post on here but is there anything really bad about them? No. We just tend to pick things apart to DEATH on here. I'm guilty of doing it. I dont know why but I kind of feel like had I not picked every guy apart and dissected everythingggg since I got on LS...maybe something good wouldve stuck by now. I'm not blaming anyone on here...I just think I dont give things a chance because I'm so overly critical about every guy I meet Thats kind of what I meant by throwing caution to the wind . Is this guy really that bad or did I just misread/misunderstand him? Everyone would answer that question differently...but I'm just going to take one night to get to know him over drinks I'm done with picking everything apart 3
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