avoiduingthe pain Posted May 12, 2017 Posted May 12, 2017 Hi All This is my first post here, will try to keep this short but it seems multi faceted a story so here goes. I am an amatuer photographer and amongst other genres like photographing beauty in the landscape, many years ago through a model hosting website i booked a model for a snowscene shoot, i met the model who lived local to me and was married, we had a great day of work and made some great images. we shared the odd message on our hosting page, and then the odd txt. at some point that i dont remember the lady shared with me that she was becoming divorced, i gave her my condolences and support, I drifted into other things and out of the blue some years later i received a "how are you" txt. it so happened that my own relationship had broken down, as a treat to each other i booked her for a photo shoot (My camera hadn't been out for years) the shoot was fun she told me about this man she was now in a relationship with, i told her my situation, she hinted that this new relationship was not going great. some nights later i txted her saying hi, basically we started communicating up until we met for a date, she was still in relationship with her guy, but i felt it was going nowhere and i suppose actively pursued having time with this lady. On one of our walks she told me she was no longer in a relationship with this man, she seemed calm and was acting strongly towards me, alas we sort of moved on into wanting to be with each other, which we did so for 3 and a half years, we have broke up in the last 2 months and i am broken, angry, and not sure what to make of things. The lady on getting to know her had a lovely quiet personality, needed reassurance quite a lot and hated it when we went to our homes (were both mature adults with seperate homes) it wasnt long before we were strong on each other, we were having fun, although we came from different lifestyles, we were also very similar she met my family, i met hers, within the first year the lady was promoting the idea of engagement, this was way to early for me, i have never been married and dont necessarily feel that is what it takes to show commitment, apart from other good and bad things in our relationship, a negative for me was the guy who she was with before me, his name seemed to keep cropping up. a birthday card, a txt, his name written on a piece of paper on her fridge, i became a little bit tensioned about this (my insecurity) and we had a few fall outs about it....at Christmas after a lovely card was on display from this guy i felt crap and told her so, she barracked me by saying she is just keeping friendly with exes, like she does with her husband as well as this guy, we split up over this as it was becoming a monster in our relationship, the split lasted (four days as we both were wanting each other so badly).although back together she offered no reassurance on this issue and what i now found was by having a snoop at this guys online media, he had picture after picture of my lady with strong poetry of love written beneath each photo, also i could see that my lady had "liked" these images and poems. it made me sick and our relationship got into a big fight were upon a few weeks later after not really making up, she called it in and broke up with me. I thought ok, was devastated, we had a good few years and there was some great stuff in our relationship, we seemed to work well. I basically thought to give her space, loads of it, i made an initial plea to talk and then didn't contact her... as a few weeks went on i did see her accidentally in a store, she was warm and friendly, i saw her in same store again, she was complimentary to my shirt (that means a lot to us in what was our relationship), a few days later she visited my mother and told my mother how when we had the last fight she was unable to get past it. I was thinking we may have some mileage left in the tank, when through sheer coincidence, i spotted her heading out with her ex who she was with before me, I can see online they are sharing stuff, and feel they will give it a go. What i ask for here is condolence or understanding as to, whilst she was completely telling me she loved me, she wanted me, she didnt want anyone else, she wanted us forever, was that real?? how could this be real when this third party was kept in her life, and now seems to be forming were they left off. was i a rebound?? is he now the rebound?? will it last for them?? They have huge lifestyle differences,and the little she did say about him when we first met was they had nothing in common. our last communication was her stating that i could offer her no commitment however much she did for me, ( that i feel is a crap statement,) Just after some thoughts..
Maldives Posted May 12, 2017 Posted May 12, 2017 Hi All This is my first post here, will try to keep this short but it seems multi faceted a story so here goes. I am an amatuer photographer and amongst other genres like photographing beauty in the landscape, many years ago through a model hosting website i booked a model for a snowscene shoot, i met the model who lived local to me and was married, we had a great day of work and made some great images. we shared the odd message on our hosting page, and then the odd txt. at some point that i dont remember the lady shared with me that she was becoming divorced, i gave her my condolences and support, I drifted into other things and out of the blue some years later i received a "how are you" txt. it so happened that my own relationship had broken down, as a treat to each other i booked her for a photo shoot (My camera hadn't been out for years) the shoot was fun she told me about this man she was now in a relationship with, i told her my situation, she hinted that this new relationship was not going great. some nights later i txted her saying hi, basically we started communicating up until we met for a date, she was still in relationship with her guy, but i felt it was going nowhere and i suppose actively pursued having time with this lady. On one of our walks she told me she was no longer in a relationship with this man, she seemed calm and was acting strongly towards me, alas we sort of moved on into wanting to be with each other, which we did so for 3 and a half years, we have broke up in the last 2 months and i am broken, angry, and not sure what to make of things. The lady on getting to know her had a lovely quiet personality, needed reassurance quite a lot and hated it when we went to our homes (were both mature adults with seperate homes) it wasnt long before we were strong on each other, we were having fun, although we came from different lifestyles, we were also very similar she met my family, i met hers, within the first year the lady was promoting the idea of engagement, this was way to early for me, i have never been married and dont necessarily feel that is what it takes to show commitment, apart from other good and bad things in our relationship, a negative for me was the guy who she was with before me, his name seemed to keep cropping up. a birthday card, a txt, his name written on a piece of paper on her fridge, i became a little bit tensioned about this (my insecurity) and we had a few fall outs about it....at Christmas after a lovely card was on display from this guy i felt crap and told her so, she barracked me by saying she is just keeping friendly with exes, like she does with her husband as well as this guy, we split up over this as it was becoming a monster in our relationship, the split lasted (four days as we both were wanting each other so badly).although back together she offered no reassurance on this issue and what i now found was by having a snoop at this guys online media, he had picture after picture of my lady with strong poetry of love written beneath each photo, also i could see that my lady had "liked" these images and poems. it made me sick and our relationship got into a big fight were upon a few weeks later after not really making up, she called it in and broke up with me. I thought ok, was devastated, we had a good few years and there was some great stuff in our relationship, we seemed to work well. I basically thought to give her space, loads of it, i made an initial plea to talk and then didn't contact her... as a few weeks went on i did see her accidentally in a store, she was warm and friendly, i saw her in same store again, she was complimentary to my shirt (that means a lot to us in what was our relationship), a few days later she visited my mother and told my mother how when we had the last fight she was unable to get past it. I was thinking we may have some mileage left in the tank, when through sheer coincidence, i spotted her heading out with her ex who she was with before me, I can see online they are sharing stuff, and feel they will give it a go. What i ask for here is condolence or understanding as to, whilst she was completely telling me she loved me, she wanted me, she didnt want anyone else, she wanted us forever, was that real?? how could this be real when this third party was kept in her life, and now seems to be forming were they left off. was i a rebound?? is he now the rebound?? will it last for them?? They have huge lifestyle differences,and the little she did say about him when we first met was they had nothing in common. our last communication was her stating that i could offer her no commitment however much she did for me, ( that i feel is a crap statement,) Just after some thoughts.. I can relate bro..sounds like she meant it at the time and lost feel8ngs because her needs for commitment weren't being met. Meaning u were right wen u said she needed a lot of reassurance. My ex was the same ur my soulmate never met anyone like u i began to wonder if it wss just all words in my case she was somewhat manipulative and selfish. Don't be too hard in ureself unfortunately she's not a string woman by the looks of it and needs a lot of reassurance to feel a commitment. Silly in my opinion I know mates who have been wth there partner over 20 yrs and there still not married but might as well be. They have kids own property etc etc. It's the choice of woman uve chosen like me. In the end she wanted something u didn't feel was that important and I'm kinda wth u on that. To me if someone leaves because u werent ready to propose lol I really believe it's a woman thing that marriage. Marriage and commitment is incredibly important to them where as us guys like to have our freedom. It's a struggle but that's how some woman ae a lot actually in my opinion.
Author avoiduingthe pain Posted May 23, 2017 Author Posted May 23, 2017 My ex who dumped me a couple of months ago I now know is back and sleeping with an ex who seemed to haunt our own relationship, I am sort of feeling i was a rebound even though we had 3+ years, and we were very much in love. My Big problem is that to gain clarity that they were starting to regroup way before she dumped me I have been snooping around there profiles on a model/photographer hosting website. I am amazed now that i have seen them together on a few occasions I can read clearly in the images that he was posting of her (from when they were together) that poetry was being added, and my ex was ticking a "Like" box. Basically to get to the point I am obsessed with looking at there portfolios, seeing new images arriving, and worst than this, because the images are of my ex nude in some cases am developing obssessive masturbation practises whilst viewing these pictures, I have tried and tried to will myself not to look, but at first it was just to validate something was going on, but now its gratification, which I am enjoying but feeling anxious all the time. do you feel I need to get medical help here, its beyond my will power.
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