littleraindrops Posted May 12, 2017 Posted May 12, 2017 Hi, I am having a bit of a difficulty with my romantic relationship, and I am hoping that someone could shine a light into it. I am in early 30s and I have had a good number of relationships before, some good, some terrible. The current relationship that I am in is probably one of the better ones. It had started out a bit rocky (he had gone out of a 5 year old relationship about three months before), but eventually he felt comfortable enough to start building a new relationship. Most of the time I feel okay with him, except when we talk. I am not the smartest person, but I think there are things that I expect from a significant other. He's also not a stupid guy. He's younger than me with less life experiences, but he's well taught, and has interest in various subjects like science, medicine, mechanics, guitar... etc. However, every time we talk, we get into this playful argument that is starting to become annoying to me. We are not arguing intellectually, but rather to just argue. I once asked him why he likes to make arguments, and he said it's fun. Well, it's not for me and he knows. Additionally, because he's younger, he says things like: "I just want to do really well with life" "I don't know what I need to do with my life" "I did so well in college, I don't understand why I am having a difficult time in this adult life" "I don't want to be an adult" These all make me feel like I am dating a kid (and I really am, if we were just looking at the age). But he's very responsible and super caring when it comes to treating me and his "personal life". His work ethics have been a little rough. He had some learning to do, but he's straightening things out. Our close friends know about us. He proudly told his family about me. And I know he will try to do anything to make me feel happy. And I do like him. But I can't seem to want to tell my closest friends who are far away from me about him. I can't tell my family either. Sometimes I wonder if I am keeping him because I know I am being loved and I just like that feeling. I would like to think I am not doing that, because I have been in relationships where I felt like I was being used. I don't want to make him feel that way. I like him when we're having fun. Like stupid fun. Not when we have to discuss science or medicine. I think when I realized that his knowledge is shallower than what he makes it sound, the level of my respect decreased significantly. And seeing him fail at work due to lack of work ethics also made him seem less attractive. He's a really sweet person. Even though our relationship started out sketchy, it worked out. He really wants to work things out. We both are moving to the same area next month. This was not planned. I had been accepted to a school and he found a job that relocated him to the same city miraculously. I knew I did not want to be in a long-distance relationship, so in theory, this is better. However, I don't know if I am where his emotions are, and if I am not, then is it fair for me to be with him? And if I were to leave him, is it cruel to leave him now when he will be in a new city with no one to turn to? I know I will be in a better place than him because I will be in school. But he will be all by himself. What would be the best solution in this case? Thank you for reading.
d0nnivain Posted May 12, 2017 Posted May 12, 2017 I'm concerned that you feel you can't tell friends & family about him. If you aren't proud to be with him & have him connect with the people who are closest to you, something is really wrong. You need to get to the bottom of it. Maybe he isn't the right guy for you in which case you need to release him so you can both go find somebody else.
Gaeta Posted May 12, 2017 Posted May 12, 2017 It feels like you are dating a kid because YOU ARE. Everything is alright till he opens his mouth. Well that's because each time he opens his mouth you are reminded he's just a kid out of college. You 2 are not compatible by age, by life goals, by maturity. I am sure he's a nice kid but so are thousands of young men like him. It does not mean he's relationship material for a woman your age.
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