nspense Posted May 12, 2017 Share Posted May 12, 2017 (edited) Hi peeps! I'm new to this So, I've been craving Mexican food for awhile now. I told my boyfriend and he agreed that we could get it this week and go on the date is been longer for. He had a busy work schedule this week so I understood and we planned it for Thursday. Thursday rolls around I ask text him and ask him what time I should be ready and ( I was practically talking about it all morning) and around noon he texts me back and says, "I thought we were doing this tomorrow." I said, "What? We've been planned this and I was really looking forward to it and we talked about this before we went to bed last night." I proceeded to send him a screenshot of the texts we exchanged. He texts me back later and says, "I wanted to go downtown tomorrow and we'd spend a lot more time together tomorrow than we would today." I was upset that he cancelled and basically "forgot" our plans. He texted me again hours later (while he's still at work) that he's going to get tacos when he gets off. I was livid by then. I asked him who he was going to get tacos at a (Mexican restaurant) with and he said his male coworker. I asked him angrily how could he do that but yet canceled plans with me and he said "wouldn't you rather spend more time with me (insert "pet name"). I said of course but that was rude, selfish and disrespectful. He told me he wouldn't be out long so I got over it.... We were texting while he was at the restaurant with his coworker and he started to text really slowly all of a sudden. I figured he was eating so I let be like an hour or so passed being worried I call him and guess who answers the phone???? His female friend!!! No one was supposed to be there but him and his male coworker he told me about hours ago. He didn't even invite me before. I kind of invited myself, he was like "you can come if you want." I declined since he had already cancelled our plans. So I sent there and I had no idea she would be either until she answered his phone while he was away. She greeted me and I'm a very nice person but I had no nice words to say at the moment. I asked her angrily, "Why are you answering his phone?" And she said my bf stepped outside then hung up! I called back and he didn't pickup. I sent him some angry texts and he responded by cussing at me and telling me that he is just hanging out with friends and if I couldn't handle that don't worry about being with him. He calls me after he leaves the restaurant to head home. I answered the phone angrily and he was mad at ME! Like I'm the one who did something wrong. I started to yell and he told me he didn't have time to argue and hung up in my face and said he'd call me tomorrow. What to do? I'm so hurt. I would never do that to anyone! Edited May 12, 2017 by nspense Attention to detail Link to post Share on other sites
Tressugar Posted May 12, 2017 Share Posted May 12, 2017 Dump him and move on. 10 Link to post Share on other sites
fairyfloff Posted May 12, 2017 Share Posted May 12, 2017 sounds like something my ex would do! reading this just makes me angry!!!!!!! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted May 12, 2017 Share Posted May 12, 2017 He lied about "forgetting" your date and tried to justify it by offering more time together. He blew you off to spend time with another girl. He avoided your (perfectly valid!) accusations that he's rude, selfish and disrespectful. He didn't even apologise! Then he lied about who he's going to be with. You need to dump this joker. He is playing you for a fool. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 12, 2017 Share Posted May 12, 2017 What do you want to do? Please don't say stay with him. Let him have her. Grab some friends, go get your Mexican food. Drown yourself in spices & then move on. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
act00 Posted May 12, 2017 Share Posted May 12, 2017 I think this relationship is ending. Sorry. He may not be doing this intentionally, but he pretty much not only blew you off, but prioritized other people (and a woman) doing the very thing you really wanted to do. I question the actions of this female friend. What business does she have answering his phone? It seems to me, she answered the phone when she saw your name pop up on caller ID, and wanted to "subtly" make it known "he's with me tonight." I suspect there's a little bit of something going on there - flirting, attraction, possibly kissing and intimacy. It's rather catty behavior. What are the odds she's "dating him" and he's telling her, "We live together because of the lease, but we're not together."? It sounds like you are living together, so it's time to make some arrangements on splitting and future living arrangements and dealing with the lease, etc. This is on the downhill. Let her have him. He's really not worth it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author nspense Posted May 12, 2017 Author Share Posted May 12, 2017 I don't understand people like that make or female. Smh :| Link to post Share on other sites
Author nspense Posted May 12, 2017 Author Share Posted May 12, 2017 Yeah, his guy friend was still there. And he ended up inviting our mutual guy friends (gay) and she was there, the only female. It's not even the fact that a female was there. He didn't tell me that, the only reason I find out is because she answered his phone. He texted me this morning saying "she still likes me and thinks highly of you." Like what... :| Link to post Share on other sites
Author nspense Posted May 12, 2017 Author Share Posted May 12, 2017 I ended up making my own Mexican food that night and it was good too! Lol 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author nspense Posted May 12, 2017 Author Share Posted May 12, 2017 No, we aren't living together. We live in the same city just not together. He sent me half of a good morning text today. "Morning" I texted back angrily and kind of said some things about his female friend in the text he texts back "Omg she actually really likes you I wish you would at least try to be cool with my friends but no just because she has a pussy you hate her I'm having a good day and I'm going to keep having a good day if it takes not being with you then damn fine but she still thinks highly of you but your still just being such a bad person" I haven't responded back yet. This is incomprehensible, I don't understand how someone can mess over a good thing. They have known each other for years but that doesn't justify a thing. Link to post Share on other sites
1fish2fish Posted May 12, 2017 Share Posted May 12, 2017 Dump him. He knows he can treat you this way because there are no consequences, other than you getting angry. He doesn't respect you. At. All. So, respect yourself and take back your dignity and tell him this isn't working for you. Delete, block, close that door, and move on. You are worth more than this! 5 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted May 12, 2017 Share Posted May 12, 2017 he texts back ... There is only one response to his ridiculous tirade. "Clearly this relationship is not working. Goodbye. Please never contact me again" And then NEVER contact him again, no matter what he responds to your message. He will probably try to drag you into a ridiculous argument. This is the time to bite your tongue and just delete his message and his number forever. There is a saying "an idiot will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience". Don't let him drag you down. Be the bigger person and just say this relationship is over have a nice life goodbye. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 12, 2017 Share Posted May 12, 2017 Since it was a group thing or at least became one, especially since you wanted Mexican food, if he cared one whit about you, he would have invited you to join him. He doesn't care about you. Care enough about your self to stop letting him treat you so dismissively 6 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted May 12, 2017 Share Posted May 12, 2017 The mere fact that he told you he was going for tacos without you after you'd explicitly told him you were craving Mexican food screams that he doesn't have any respect for your esteem and that he's tiring of the relationship. Of all the cuisine to go for, this would have been the last thing I'd suggest to my coworkers knowing my partner and I were supposed to be going for a particular cuisine and I'd blown him off. Outside of this incident, what kind of issues have been coming up in your relationship preceding this? IMO, what he did was a lashing out at you, so what's been going on leading up to this? No behavior happens in a vacuum. People treat you the way they feel about you. In case I wasn't clear: ___ | | V 3 Link to post Share on other sites
leogirl876 Posted May 12, 2017 Share Posted May 12, 2017 Dump him! Life is too short to put up with crap!!! He canceled plans with you with another woman. I don't care if they're friends or not, you as his girlfriend should get first priority! If a man of mine canceled plans with me to be with another girl, guess what, she can have him!!! This guy I was seeing, canceled a few dates on me last minute, he always had some excuse, he had a funeral (found out later he didn't), had to work, blah blah, and I found out later he had someone else. I found out about the someone else later on, but canceling at the last minute does not work for me. So on the 3rd time, 3rd lame excuse, I dumped him. I sent him a text saying this isn't working, please don't ever contact me again, best of luck to you. I think that's what you should do to him, he sounds just like the last guy I dumped. Selfish, lying, jerk! Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted May 12, 2017 Share Posted May 12, 2017 I didn't have to read that at all.......find a new BF, one that makes you his priority. It's a no brainer.... 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Titanll Posted May 13, 2017 Share Posted May 13, 2017 I ended up making my own Mexican food that night and it was good too! Lol I know a few guys that will date you for that reason alone! Dump that loser!!! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author nspense Posted May 13, 2017 Author Share Posted May 13, 2017 It's like he plays with my emotions and I can't understand why. He says he loves me so much but his actions speak differently. My feelings never matter. Oh well *shrugs* Link to post Share on other sites
Author nspense Posted May 13, 2017 Author Share Posted May 13, 2017 Exactly. He didn't invite me, he rescheduled our date for the next day. I asked him if I could meet him there and he told me "sure if you want" no invitation, nothing. But I decided not to go. He still doesn't see his wrong doing. He actually defended his friends and called me a bad person. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nspense Posted May 13, 2017 Author Share Posted May 13, 2017 He doesn't even see it as that because his male friend was there. And another male friend of his came too. Yes! When she answered the phone that put the nail in the coffin. I'm pretty sure she saw my texts to him while he was away. Now I feel so violated! Ugh, I don't understand why he is like this. He's been friends with this chick for about 7 years but she has NEVER done anything for him. I have been by his side. I buy him nice things, treat him well, with lots of love and respect. She complimented his clothes at a wedding last Saturday and she proceeded to hang her arms in his neck. I was outraged then. He backed away but he didn't say anything. Why ruin a good person? I'll never understand. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nspense Posted May 13, 2017 Author Share Posted May 13, 2017 Ugh, right! It's like I was so happy to spend time with him and he completely let me down. AGAIN! I don't understand why he would screw over a good person. I have been there for him, for 2 years. And it seems to mean nothing. He told me today that he didn't want to argue l, that he was in a good mood. He kills my mood seeming everyday. He has never thought about that. Like it frustrates me how can someone be so evil to their significant other when they've given their all? Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted May 13, 2017 Share Posted May 13, 2017 (edited) ugh, right! It's like i was so happy to spend time with him and he completely let me down. Again! I don't understand why he would screw over a good person. I have been there for him, for 2 years. And it seems to mean nothing. He told me today that he didn't want to argue l, that he was in a good mood. He kills my mood seeming everyday. He has never thought about that. Like it frustrates me how can someone be so evil to their significant other when they've given their all? people treat you the way they feel about you You've been demoted, but you're the only one who hasn't read the memo. His 7 year friendship with this chick trumps your 2 year relationship because that's how he feels about you. But no behavior happens in a vacuum--so what has been going on in your relationship leading up to this denouement? Edited May 13, 2017 by kendahke Link to post Share on other sites
act00 Posted May 13, 2017 Share Posted May 13, 2017 Ugh, right! It's like I was so happy to spend time with him and he completely let me down. AGAIN! I don't understand why he would screw over a good person. I have been there for him, for 2 years. And it seems to mean nothing. He told me today that he didn't want to argue l, that he was in a good mood. He kills my mood seeming everyday. He has never thought about that. Like it frustrates me how can someone be so evil to their significant other when they've given their all? He's done. He's behaving badly so that you break up with him because he doesn't want to break up with you...he's not pulling the plug. If he was still into you, he would have invited you to the restaurant after work to "hang" with his friends and include you. He didn't want you there. He wanted to have fun with his friends, and you are not fun anymore. I have been in that place, where the boyfriend is a ball and chain. He's not enjoyable to have around. This is not necessarily a conscious act, but something is amiss in his world and he is behaving accordingly. This isn't a reflection on you either. You haven't necessarily done anything wrong. It seems more of a "grown apart" situation, and he's the one that grew apart, and you're fighting tooth and nail to stop it. There's more going on with your relationship than this one incident. He's pushing you away for a reason, and you're not taking the hint. You shouldn't have to "take a hint," but he's not going to outright say it. If you are both willing and able to put in the time and effort to fix whatever is wrong, great, but I have to say, OP, I think it's time to cut him loose. A man who wants to preserve the relationship would be proactively working on issues and talking to you, as would you. I think what he wants is freedom, and he just doesn't want to be with you anymore. He is actively excluding you. I know it hurts, but let him go. You'll be better off for it. You want a man who is easy to be with and enjoys you. He's out there. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
victoria88 Posted May 13, 2017 Share Posted May 13, 2017 Men should go with a written instruction: "How to handle him?" Anyone wants to write this down (like a book)? I would buy it. Ha ha... Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted May 13, 2017 Share Posted May 13, 2017 It's his way of saying that he isn't that into you. Some men would rather have you dump them. Link to post Share on other sites
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