Can this go back to normal??

[Alone12]

This will be long. I feel like no one has ever gone through this type of situation or I have yet to hear of something similar.

 

 

I have 3 kids. I left my high school sweetheart after 2 kids and a long and abusive relationship when I met this new guy. He was my motivation to leave, my support, my comfort, my everything. We were together for 2 years and welcomed a son into the world. I knew at the time I had post partum depression going on. I never sought help for it. I was open with him about it as well. He did his best to help me, let me talk and cry whenever I needed it. He helped with our child and the two from my previous relationship. He cleaned and cooked. He was my equal and I never understood what that meant until I met him. I got to the point in my ppd where nothing was resolving itself. I had an amazing guy right in front of me and I felt like every time he talked me I was being lectured even though that wasn't the case. I felt like he couldn't help me with anything emotional and like he wasn't understanding. He was I just didn't realize it until it was too late. I started questioning EVERYTHING. We don't have much in common and in the beginning it didn't bother me but through the ppd, it did. I decided I needed to take a break from him. I needed to take a break to step back and realize if he was what I actually wanted or not.

 

I don't have any family and no friends who would be able to put me and my children up. At the time I was working a very low income job and there was no way I could do everything alone. My Ex offered to help me no strings attached. But that involved moving 10 hours away to live with him. I believed he would help me because I thought he had changed. He seemed so believable. My fiancé and I at the time both thought it COULD BE beneficial to go stay there with him while we both work on ourselves and in time make our ways back to each other. So I moved 10 hours away and we made a parenting agreement so that we could both still see our child and parent together, equally.

 

Before I ended up moving 10 hours away I started seeking help because I felt suicidal. I was put on medications to help with the ppd. I started thinking, what the hell have I done?? There was nothing wrong with this man. He never complained. He took care of me. We were going through something so awful where I'm going to live with my ex and he supported me through that. He still cared for me and told me things would be okay. I realized before i even left that i was making an awful decision. I realized the fact that we had nothing in common was okay. it was actually refreshing in a way.

 

My ex promised I could come live with him, have my own room as well as the kids, i would be able to work and not pay rent so that i could save my money to get my own place, etc. I cried to the guy i was leaving a week before i left i really didn't want to leave, that id regretted not seeking help sooner or finding someone to talk to like a counselor to help me sort my mind out. That i really didn't want to go because i did love him i just wasn't in the right state of mind at the time. After that he tried to assure me it really could be a good thing for us. The distance would give us time to work on ourselves, give us time to miss each other. My ex had already paid for us to make this 10 hour move and we'd already terminated our lease so given our talk, we both knew i had to go.

 

I moved the 10 hours away. I missed him so badly I couldn't eat or sleep. He also started off the parenting agreement with our baby so i was always looking for pictures and updates on my phone from him. I couldn't unpack anything because it was so depressing seeing our stuff now in my exes house.

 

The day we arrived to my exes house things started off badly. I would look at my phone and hear, "is that going to be an all the time thing?" he would go to leave and i would try to go to the store and my debit card would be missing. I would later find out that he took it because he was afraid i would go out and meet people even though we weren't together. While he was at work i would get texts from him asking what i was wearing, saying he wanted to cuddle. I never provoked or made him feel like this was in any way even a thing that would be ok to joke about. When we had chances to actually talk about it he would say things like, "you didn't really come here and think we wouldn't end up giving it a shot, did you?" he's even gone as far as saying he can't wait until we're married and ill be the happiest ive ever been. I wasn't even able to get my job because he never let me leave to go do so.

 

After a month of this and talking to my mom and letting her know what was going on that he was being weird and controlling and obviously hadn't changed she was willing to help me get out of the situation and get me back home.

 

Fast forward... The ex I'm currently living with is away for 3 nights and knows I'm leaving. My mom will be here in 2 days to start moving me back home. My ex that i left back home that I'm going to, he and I have still been talking since the day i spilled my heart to him of all my regrets. He knows every little thing my ex has said and done in the last month. He wants to still be together with me and says he knows why i did what i did and says he completely forgives me. he's never held a grudge. This last month he's tried to encourage me to try my best to handle the situation.

 

Now that I'm coming back in a few days i will be staying with my mom to try and get a job and save money for a year until tax time comes around so i can get my own place. My ex, who we will now call my boyfriend now that the story is out there, is also staying with his parents. We've agreed to date for the next year until then. We will be together but apart if that makes sense. We will both still work on ourselves while saving with each other as the end goal.

 

With everything that's gone on because of my decision, people around his work place where we both previously worked, and his family, have all made their own assumptions and opinions of the story. They all say he's naïve. They all say that he shouldn't give me another chance and that people can't change. That i actually moved in with my ex because i wanted to be with him.

 

He's a very family oriented person and I'm worried if his family doesn't come around quickly enough he will give up on me. He says he won't because their opinions don't matter and anyone can change and that everyone makes mistakes. How do i handle his family? Should i actually talk to them myself? Can we come back from something like this? I feel like we've become closer than ever after going through something like this but it still terrifies that it won't work just because he won't like what he see's. he wont like his family coming around or be able to handle the awkward situations that arise with it.

 

I know there's really no answers. I'm just hoping someone has gone through a similar thing and can assure me there are still happy endings because there is nothing i want more than for marriage to be the end goal with this man. I made a mistake and he's forgiven me.

Edited May 12, 2017 by Alone12

[d0nnivain]

Let me see if I understand.

 

 

You married your HS sweetheart & had 2 kids. He turned out to be an abusive jerk so you left him.

 

 

But you didn't leave clean. You immediately jumped into the arms of another man & had a kid with him. You developed PPD & he took care of everybody, you, his kid & your 2 kids from the abusive EX-H.

 

 

But for some reason you broke up with your BF & decided to move everybody 10 hours away to live with your EX-H.

 

 

Now you are leaving him -- again after about one month -- and headed back to where the EX-BF is.

 

 

Oh my heavens. Your poor kids. I have whiplash reading about all this dramatic & unhealthy back & forth.

 

 

You need to learn to be self supporting. No more men. No more help. Stand on your own two feet. Get a real job. Take care of your kids. Be healthy. Only when you are self reliant should you consider getting into another relationship. Rely on your mom. Learn to make better decisions. Make your kids your priority

[Maldives]

I think u need to really slow down and relax and not think it too much.

 

From ur post u remind me of my ex u make impulsive decisions that end up not being good. How this guy accepted u moving bac to ur ex is baffling and how bad a choice is that I know tmu were desperate but going back to an Ex? U need to become much more independent as well and put ur kids 1st this back and forth is not healthy. Ur over thinking things the bf reassured u he would stay take him for his word before u self sabotage the relationship and push to hard. U have issues that u really need to work thru wth a good councillor. Word of advice stop jumping to conclusions etc even if his family start talking to him he's the one that'll make the decision in the end. Count ureself lucky he's still willing to give u a go and if u want this to work stop and breathe and relax and get professional help u seriously need it.