How can I move on like this. Cannot take anymore heartbreak.

[LostandInsecure]

My girlfriend/wife (will explain) of 6 going on 7 years broke u with me last month in April. This is a really complex story/relationship and there is so much more to it then what I'm posting but I will try to keep it as short as I can.

 

We started dating back in 2010, she was 17 and I was 22. She was an illegal immigrant from another country and she lived in the states since she was 12. For the first 2 years of our relationship she would always be depressed about missing her family who were back home since she was unable to leave the U.S. She was also unable to pursue a medical career since that required her to be documented. Long story short I proposed to her on the idea that it would just be a legal marriage, we would still consider each other boyfriend and girlfriend. I did this because I couldn't watch her miss her family and her home anymore and I wanted to do something good for her.

 

Fast forward 5 years, shes applied for citizenship and is waiting on the passport. But she broke with me last month, we've had a really rough and rocky relationship. At times it got scary, with name calling and threats, banging walls and throwing things. I am a very introverted guy with very few friends, I'm also extremely insecure as well. She on the other hand is very friendly, upbeat and extroverted, we've had so many differences and many of our fights stemmed from my insecurities and neediness. We were on and off so many times but this was one time too many for her I guess.

 

Anyway, she was my best and closest friend and she was my everything, I treated her very well and she acknowledged that, but our differences were too great and I didn't exactly give her the life she deserved. She tells me to move on, so all I can do is give her space. So I tried doing no contact, it was one of the hardest things I've had to do but I stuck with it. Yesterday she texts me saying "Hi, how are you", she told me she received her passport that day and asked me if she had any mail at my house. She then asks if I would like to have lunch with her.

 

At first I was overjoyed, but then it quickly turned to fear. I didn't know what she wanted, did she want to get back together? Was she simply missing me? Or did she move on and just want a lunch as simply friends? After all it's only been a month of NC. So this afternoon we have lunch and I try to act as casual as possible, she talks as usual and is laughing and very nonchalant. It bothered me that she could pretend like nothing happened just a month earlier, I gave in and questioned her on why she asked to meet up. She say's " just because we aren't together doesn't mean we cant be friends"

 

I've been struggling and suffering the whole month while thinking about her every day and to me this was like a slap in the face. I had been working to improve myself everyday and trying my hardest to not contact her. So hearing this and seeing her really broke me. I broke down and tried to get back together with her, which I'm not proud of. She told me it was a mistake to ask to have lunch since she didn't know I would act "like this".

 

It feels like that 1 month of NC went down the drain, I feel like I've just regressed back to 1 month ago, a lifeless husk. I don't understand why she did that to me? Did she not know that seeing her and being rejected by her again would kill me? The last words she told me today were to forget her and move on. Almost 7 years of being together day in and day out and its breaking me apart to see how cold she can be. I don't have many people to talk to or rely on, I feel so lost and hurt. How can I possibly move on, when I just had a glimpse of hope taken away from me?

[d0nnivain]

I do understand you are heartbroken but I have a few more pressing Qs.

 

 

Did you two ever legally wed so she could get a green card? What country issued this passport -- her country of origin or yours?

 

 

Even if you considered the marriage to be in name only so she could get citizenship, as soon as you got the government involved, you signed papers & make legal contracts. You are not obligated to honor them or risk criminal charges.

 

 

If government immigration services are not involved you move on by staying apart. Fill out paperwork to have her mail forward & go NC. If you were foolish enough to marry, consult an immigration attorney who knows divorce.

[Maldives]

My girlfriend/wife (will explain) of 6 going on 7 years broke u with me last month in April. This is a really complex story/relationship and there is so much more to it then what I'm posting but I will try to keep it as short as I can.

 

We started dating back in 2010, she was 17 and I was 22. She was an illegal immigrant from another country and she lived in the states since she was 12. For the first 2 years of our relationship she would always be depressed about missing her family who were back home since she was unable to leave the U.S. She was also unable to pursue a medical career since that required her to be documented. Long story short I proposed to her on the idea that it would just be a legal marriage, we would still consider each other boyfriend and girlfriend. I did this because I couldn't watch her miss her family and her home anymore and I wanted to do something good for her.

 

Fast forward 5 years, shes applied for citizenship and is waiting on the passport. But she broke with me last month, we've had a really rough and rocky relationship. At times it got scary, with name calling and threats, banging walls and throwing things. I am a very introverted guy with very few friends, I'm also extremely insecure as well. She on the other hand is very friendly, upbeat and extroverted, we've had so many differences and many of our fights stemmed from my insecurities and neediness. We were on and off so many times but this was one time too many for her I guess.

 

Anyway, she was my best and closest friend and she was my everything, I treated her very well and she acknowledged that, but our differences were too great and I didn't exactly give her the life she deserved. She tells me to move on, so all I can do is give her space. So I tried doing no contact, it was one of the hardest things I've had to do but I stuck with it. Yesterday she texts me saying "Hi, how are you", she told me she received her passport that day and asked me if she had any mail at my house. She then asks if I would like to have lunch with her.

 

At first I was overjoyed, but then it quickly turned to fear. I didn't know what she wanted, did she want to get back together? Was she simply missing me? Or did she move on and just want a lunch as simply friends? After all it's only been a month of NC. So this afternoon we have lunch and I try to act as casual as possible, she talks as usual and is laughing and very nonchalant. It bothered me that she could pretend like nothing happened just a month earlier, I gave in and questioned her on why she asked to meet up. She say's " just because we aren't together doesn't mean we cant be friends"

 

I've been struggling and suffering the whole month while thinking about her every day and to me this was like a slap in the face. I had been working to improve myself everyday and trying my hardest to not contact her. So hearing this and seeing her really broke me. I broke down and tried to get back together with her, which I'm not proud of. She told me it was a mistake to ask to have lunch since she didn't know I would act "like this".

 

It feels like that 1 month of NC went down the drain, I feel like I've just regressed back to 1 month ago, a lifeless husk. I don't understand why she did that to me? Did she not know that seeing her and being rejected by her again would kill me? The last words she told me today were to forget her and move on. Almost 7 years of being together day in and day out and its breaking me apart to see how cold she can be. I don't have many people to talk to or rely on, I feel so lost and hurt. How can I possibly move on, when I just had a glimpse of hope taken away from me?

 

I can relate bro..in fact today after 7 mths of being broken and 5 mths of NC I feel exactly the same as u do above. Same thing cold on there end. Woman lose attraction from those sort or things I'm learning especially if the respect and communication are gone. Men too. What happens is through the fighting she has slowly started to detach and lost feelings. I bet she may have even said that the lost feelings part.

Then wen they leave u r in total shock and denial. Because what ur feeling is completly different to how they are feeling.. and that's where the confusion comes from. We're expecting them to feel like we are because the feelings are so raw.

 

I often use to say to my ex that the amount fighting and manipulation we had in the relationship was not healthy and put our relationship at risk wich it did in the end. She use to make excuses for it but I knew better but obviously also forgot that she probably was detaching .

Same as u guys we'd split for a few weeks then get back mostly initiated by me till eventually I had enough because I was getting Ill from the situation. Anyway took her back and it was to big the biggest mistake I made in my life. She ended it 9 or so mths later after she'd had enough lol go figure but not before everything going wss goin well for her despite her losing her kids.

I've had 2 or 3 relationships where its ended like it has because of bad fighting and insecurity and trust issues.

 

Aftrr 25 yrs you'd think I'd of gotten it right lol but no i havent.

 

My advice because in a way u remind me of me not a huge network same same here. 1st build that network next see a good psychologist and really unravel those limiting emotions like neediness and insecurity. Me too i get quiet dependant on my partner these are emotions we need to work on change and throw out the window. Good luck wth ur healing bro