Binny90 Posted May 11, 2017 Posted May 11, 2017 Hi, I've been in a relationship with my partner now for almost 2 years. Before we starting dating he was seeing someone which he had told me about when he started seeing me. He ended up choosing me over her, he ended up blocking her cell because she kept trying to call him. At the beginning of this year he reactivated his facebook account to reconnect with some old school friends...however he did not add me as a friend. I asked him why he hasn't even added me on facebook he said because he was just wanting for me to add him. Now we are friends, and because he did add me unfortunately it created this paranoia. I looked in his friends list and found she was in the top 4 friends and he had liked her selfies twice since he has reactivated his account. It seems like he wants her to notice him or to see if she's still interested. I spoke to my partner about this and he said he would delete. I feel really hurt and it just makes me question myself whether i should be worried to be with someone who thinks this is okay to do, I feel this says a lot about his character. Is this harmless or do i have a valid reason to be upset?
d0nnivain Posted May 11, 2017 Posted May 11, 2017 Social media causes so much drama. If all he's doing is liking her pictures, try to remain calm. Tell him it hurts you that he is still in touch with her. See how he reacts. If he dials back contact, it's all good. If he gets mad at you or calls you controlling or insecure, this will be a rough ride. 1
preraph Posted May 11, 2017 Posted May 11, 2017 That was no accident. He may like to have her at arm's length to make him feel she still wants him or he may want more. Who knows. But if he blocked her, he shouldn't be unblocking her now in the middle of this relationship, so I'm glad you told him. 1
Author Binny90 Posted May 11, 2017 Author Posted May 11, 2017 Social media causes so much drama. If all he's doing is liking her pictures, try to remain calm. Tell him it hurts you that he is still in touch with her. See how he reacts. If he dials back contact, it's all good. If he gets mad at you or calls you controlling or insecure, this will be a rough ride. Hi D0nnivain He has deleted her from facebook but has since called me controlling and insecure and it has been ver rough
d0nnivain Posted May 11, 2017 Posted May 11, 2017 Well there is a mixed message. How do you feel about that? I'd probably take the deletion of the other girl from FB as a victory & try to move forward.
Author Binny90 Posted May 11, 2017 Author Posted May 11, 2017 That was no accident. He may like to have her at arm's length to make him feel she still wants him or he may want more. Who knows. But if he blocked her, he shouldn't be unblocking her now in the middle of this relationship, so I'm glad you told him. Hi Preraph, i feel this way as well and i have told him the reason why i think he may be doing this. He blocked her cell phone number about 2 years ago and hasnt unblocked her. He is now on facebook and always had her as a friend from before
Author Binny90 Posted May 11, 2017 Author Posted May 11, 2017 Well there is a mixed message. How do you feel about that? I'd probably take the deletion of the other girl from FB as a victory & try to move forward. I feel like he may abandon me one day
Fresnite Posted May 11, 2017 Posted May 11, 2017 I feel like he may abandon me one day There is no way of getting rid of that feeling, unless you are comfortable with yourself. Better he is communicating with someone else in front of you than behind your back. Cause When someone wants something or something else or different, they will go for it regardless of anything. Just be chill, dont be pushy, but still express your feelings to him. If he can't honor your feelings than it's time to find someone who will. First off it's fun talking to people. Second It's fun talking to people of opposite sex. Third It's fun when you already know and are comfortable with this person. Fourth people flirt, it's in our nature, its when you let it develope into an emotional or physical level. Yeah that's why you want him to stop, but if he doesn't want to what can you do? Move on....
Elias33 Posted May 11, 2017 Posted May 11, 2017 Hi Preraph, i feel this way as well and i have told him the reason why i think he may be doing this. He blocked her cell phone number about 2 years ago and hasnt unblocked her. He is now on facebook and always had her as a friend from before He doesn't need to block her anymore, he sought her out n Facebook where communication is possible without having one's phone number. He may have said he is reaching out to old friends, but it looks like he is reaching out to somethingt else in the process. I would be more worried about Facebook, than about the phone number.
d0nnivain Posted May 11, 2017 Posted May 11, 2017 I feel like he may abandon me one day There are no guarantees. Even married people get divorced. Q needs to be reframed. Do you trust him? His actions tell me you can. Even though he took a few pot shots at you, he deleted this EX from his social medial because you were uncomfortable.
preraph Posted May 11, 2017 Posted May 11, 2017 Don't let him gaslight you about being angry he contacted his ex behind your back. That's not your fault so don't let him act like it is. 1
somanymistakes Posted May 11, 2017 Posted May 11, 2017 did he "contact" her or did he just accept a friend request on facebook and click like a couple of times, because for a lot of people that is so absolutely not a big deal that it makes sense he would feel it's weird of you to freak out about it. Please note that I am not saying your feelings are wrong. But different people see things in very different contexts, and to some folks accepting a friend request and liking the occasional picture is like waving when you pass someone on the street, basic politeness and nothing more, while to others it is clear flirtatious fishing behavior. again I am not saying you are wrong to have feelings, only that different people see things differently and this may mean that he feels differently about social interactions than you do. now, if he has been secretly messaging her on facebook, THAT is something that is much more obviously a problem which he shouldn't be doing behind your back.
missdixie3333 Posted May 12, 2017 Posted May 12, 2017 I'm not sure how much of this is your insecurities vs his actions. I usually go with my gut on these things, but as PP said, social media can cause unnecessary drama. If you're insecure about his loyalties, I'd look inward at your relationship. Is it healthy? Are you both happy? Is something missing? If you're honest with yourself and you're both relatively secure in the relationship, I wouldn't think anything of the little contact he has with her. If you have tendencies towards paranoia, though, again look inward. What's fueling this? Is it just you or are there other signs or things tugging at you that make you feel something isn't right between you? Within the past year and a half, I have connected with a former boyfriend (someone I was with for several years and was engaged to). The reason I allowed the connection was two fold- I was curious about what he was up to and, yes, I was wondering what things would have been like if I'd stayed with the former boyfriend. Why did I think this? Because my current relationship was faltering. However, even if my current relationship was very healthy, I still might have allowed the connection and done a 'like' every now and then. So, this can go either way. I don't think you can determine what he's doing based on what you've written alone- you need to do some hard core thinking about how your relationship is doing before you make any conclusions. I don't think he didn't friend you to keep you from something because he added you as soon as you did, which is what he said he was waiting for (this is where social media is stupid, like high school). There are people that stray for no reason or they are addicted to the thrill of the chase, but most people are reaching out because they're not happy or not getting what they want from a relationship. That's why I'm saying you should look inward and see if something is lacking. What you've written doesn't sound like this is going on, but something is bugging you about it and you need to find out what is driving that. If everything is really good between you, this is harmless. If things aren't great, then I'd focus on what you two need to do to make it better.
Poutrew Posted May 12, 2017 Posted May 12, 2017 I feel like he may abandon me one day This is much more than a wayward feeling. This is your gut telling you that this guy is going to let you down. People do show you who they are by their actions... he is showing you who he is, and on some level you 'get it'. My advice would be to dump him now, while it isn't too painful. The longer you wait, the worse it'll be.
anika99 Posted May 12, 2017 Posted May 12, 2017 I feel like we need more information. You say he was seeing this girl when he started seeing you and he picked you over her. What does that even mean? Is that a kind way of saying he cheated on her? Were they in a relationship with each other? Or did they just have a few casual dates? I have some guys on my Facebook that I went to school with many many years ago. We are Facebook friends but have no other communication with each other. We don't even chat on Facebook we just like each other's photos and posts from time to time. Leave a comment once in a blue moon. It really doesn't mean anything. If your boyfriend is normally trustworthy and honest then I think you should just let this go. However I'm wondering if your insecurity is rooted in how your relationship started. Did he cheat on her with you?
Phoenician Posted May 12, 2017 Posted May 12, 2017 sweet lady , the moment you start feeling confident about yourself without being arrogant -( I am not saying that you are ), then at that point of time you will reach happiness or at least comfort . be a venus not just any women , beauty for mature men is much more than physical attraction ; it is when givology , self confidence and charm are mixed together to give a beautiful scent . I am not into BDSM a lot , but if you have seen "fifty shades darker " ;get yourself ready to walk like Jamie when she had the small ball inside her .... walk with that confidence even if you don't actually put them... Fantasm!
Recommended Posts