RedWind Posted May 11, 2017 Posted May 11, 2017 I'm in a relationship with my gf for the past 6 months. The story goes like this - I haven't been telling her that my family and I are currently living in a rented house which she visited. What she know about us is that we ran into some financial issues few years ago and we had to sell our house just to settle the debts. Not until recently she told me that her requirement is a guy must have at least own a house to stay regardless the size of it and not renting it otherwise she would not feel secure with the guy. So it took me some thought and I felt that I should have been honest with her by telling the truth since last week. Things started to change and immediately she felt really insecure with me and really disappointed with me as to why only I told her about this after 6 months into the relationship with her. Because to her I was being dishonest about it and I had my own reason not to tell her because it is not something I am proud of. Took me a while to calm her down and stay with me, but sadly things aren't the way it used to be. She used to be really passionate about me and was really into me. Although things seem to be fine on the outside, but at times I feel there's a gap in between. Anyway, we had a lengthy discussion in moving forward and we decided to continue together. Now here comes the question - Even though she is still with me, I can't help but to wonder whether she is staying with me because she still loves me and have faith in me that I will get a house in 2-3 years time or because she doesn't want to look bad at herself by not dumping me over the reason that I am staying in a rented house with my parents. I've asked her this before but she doesn't give me a definite answer and say the future is uncertain. She did mention it would be bad to dump me over this reason but not because she believed in me. So how do I test this without actually offend her? Please help.
d0nnivain Posted May 11, 2017 Posted May 11, 2017 If she can't see past your property ownership or lack thereof she seems pretty shallow. If you are making your rent, the fact that you don't currently have enough for a down payment on a house seems like a trivial reason to break up with you if you are otherwise exhibiting a industrious work effort & not spending frivolously, racking up more debt. Here's the thing though, everybody has their own deal breakers. Right or wrong this may be hers. However, if she doesn't currently own her own home, I'd kick her to the curb for being a gold digging hypocrite. If she can't provide what she demands for herself are you certain you really want her in your life? Do you want to be her meal ticket? 2
Author RedWind Posted May 11, 2017 Author Posted May 11, 2017 If she can't see past your property ownership or lack thereof she seems pretty shallow. If you are making your rent, the fact that you don't currently have enough for a down payment on a house seems like a trivial reason to break up with you if you are otherwise exhibiting a industrious work effort & not spending frivolously, racking up more debt. Here's the thing though, everybody has their own deal breakers. Right or wrong this may be hers. However, if she doesn't currently own her own home, I'd kick her to the curb for being a gold digging hypocrite. If she can't provide what she demands for herself are you certain you really want her in your life? Do you want to be her meal ticket? Well she tries to see past this, but I'm not sure if she is having tough time accepting it or not since house ownership to her is really important for her security. She has her own home, not rented. I told her our current financial standing is becoming stable because we manage to rid our debts altogether. In all fairness, there's nothing wrong with her having to set such requirement because she has a choice whether or not to stay with me on this. She doesn't have to go through this because ultimately this issue belongs to my family and not hers to worry. It wouldn't be fair if she had to go through this if anything goes wrong with my family. To be honest, I'm not sure what to do next. We are planning to get a house of our own in 2-3 years time, that's for sure. At the end of the day, I just want her to stick with me because she loves me and not for the sake of feeling bad for dumping me over the house ownership. I need to know the answer to decide what to do next.
Gaeta Posted May 11, 2017 Posted May 11, 2017 since house ownership to her is really important for her security. She has her own home, not rented. Then stop dating her. If this is THAT important to her than from here she will start looking down on you and slowly lose respect for you. Go find yourself a nice woman that will love you for who you are, not for your assets or lack of assets. 1
smackie9 Posted May 11, 2017 Posted May 11, 2017 You owned a home (which is key), but lost it in order to pay off dept....that's being responsible and taking care of the situation properly. It proves you are not some scumbag finding ways to rip off people or run away from your responsibilities. And now you and your family plan to get another house in a respectful time. Your GF needs to see your integrity has more value than what you own.
preraph Posted May 11, 2017 Posted May 11, 2017 Well, I don't see what your parents' house has to do with whether you will own a house or not, to begin with. But it sounds like you have no means to buy a house anytime soon, which if you're young is understandable, so you just need to be honest with her and tell her, Look, probably it will take two incomes and time to build good credit before I can buy a home, which will suggest that maybe whoever you marry will need to be contributing as well, which is totally normal. So if she is just trying to marry someone with money, you don't want her anyway. She'll be a bottomless money pit and that's not love anyway.
Author RedWind Posted May 12, 2017 Author Posted May 12, 2017 Appreciate your input guys. As much as I hate it, but it is something I must do. I really wish I don't have give up this relationship as I put a lot of effort into getting her guarded heart. Now it feels like I can't reach it anymore and I have to try again. I'm going to wait till she goes for vacation to HK and when she comes back I'm going to have a talk with her again. If situation permits.
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