Scared of losing due to complacency, will she let me show her??

[caring guy]

Hi, i'm new here & hope thsi is correct forum.

I've been with a girl 18 months, she has 2 kids aged 6 & 10, they love me.

We've had ups & downs like most, but last fiew weeks she needed space & we just texted.

 

She doesn't get out much as she don't drink or like bars etc & has the kids. We see each other most days & weekends.

I went round the other day & she told me that an old bf came round & he was upset & they hada hugg & he kissed her & kissed her neck & it caused marks. So she had to tell me, to be honest & was scared it may make me finish.

 

She has just gone on holiday with her kids & sister & mum & i'm at hers looking after her pets. I accidentally came upon some emails that were between her & this guy she met off chance whilst on a rare night out with her sister. They exchanged mails, got in touch, met up had dinner, he made her feel special, went back to hers & kissed & this is how she got the marks on her neck!, not what she initially said & he wanted to take it further, she did too, but she says she told him she was thinking of me.

I know this, because i instantly confronted her on the phone. She says she fancys him, but loves me,(more as a friend lately) but lately i've taken it for granted & know this & been complacent. She says when she gets back, she'l spend time with me & see if i have improved & see if it works. Sometimes it does take a kick up the backside & this is mine.

 

I tell her i love her, buy her flowers, but i think it's mainly that it's not progressed over the 16 months. I'm a recovering alcoholic & she thinks also that i may relapse, it's been 3 months now, but i only drank alone, i go to AA, & see my doctor.

She says i will get the oppertunity to be with her when she returns, as i'm looking after her house & will be there when she returns.

She wanted me to ask her to get engaged & i said i would, just to show commitment.

What can i do, We're both 30 & he's a bar manager of 21, is there a future in that, as she has kids. Would a 21 year old want to be with someone with kids, is it just a flash in pan.

She doesn't think i'll change, but this is it, i going to, big time!

When she comes back, should i instantly make her feel special , i know i can't be ott.

As i say her kids love me & will she take this into contention. ??

I'm so worried as i love her so much, i'm so scared & emotional.

Any help please

[A Fly onThe Wall]

As a non practicing alcoholic myself ( 18 years sober ) I have gone thru something similar to you.

 

You need to work on you and you only.. getting past the 90 days 90 meetings is tough but it gets tougher the longer it goes.

 

If she is to be in your life you will be given ( or granted ) a chance to prove to her that you are now stable and sober.

But 3 months isn't enough time to dull the pain that you caused by drinking..

 

Give it time.. Leave her be and go off of HER cues.

[pvtpylot]

Another recovering alcoholic here (8 years sober), and A Fly On The Wall is right; your focus needs to be on yourself right now and getting through that one more day. You can't control what she's going to do and if you get caught up trying you may find that you're reserving yourself a reason to relapse if things don't go your way. You can't solve anything if that happens, right?

[caring guy]

I understand you both & thanks, my drinking was a problem, but i could go days without, then go home & get bladdered, some weeks she wouldn't know anything about it.

The problem i have is wether to contact her. She has just sms me calling me my pet name, & lots of kisses. I replyed "ive been better", as i cooked her a nice meal on the day before her holiday & now knowing she was in bed contemplating sex with some other guy (feeling sick now). Should i tell her this, maybe she's feeling very guilty.

CG