Jdollxo Posted May 10, 2017 Posted May 10, 2017 Hey guys, I am brand new on here please be kind! Quick background details. Friday my ex (dating 3 years) broke up with me. Things were perfectly fine up til that morning, and we were in constant contact. We live in an hour away but talk every day. He was calling me multiple times at 10 am and insinuating I was purposley irngoing his calls, so I got testy bc I had just woken up. Gave a huge lecture on how bc we are LD we should not fight, and said something about how it is not addings value to eachothers lives. He took this SO wrong, got very offended then promptly said find someone who adds value we are done. I went into full freak out mode. Texts, calls, desperation..the works. 24 hr later I get a message saying he wants to be friends, be in my life but not continue the relationship. I say fine. Ask him if we can meet up next week he says probably he wants to see me too. Ok. Then I spazz out again and things go left. I become pathetic. He says he loves me than says "you are my close friend" (lol)". I get mad and drop the "FU" bomb so he gets very mad and stops contacting. Two days go by. I apoligize and he says thank you and we agree to take space and talk next week. Well two more days later I break the space and am being desperate again, he gets testy and says he doesn't want to see or talk to me right now because of how fiesty and agressive I became in the convo where I swore at him. Again leaving me a mess of desperation... I don't know if he will actually talk to me next week. Just said let's try next week take care. WHAT NOW? Help. We have taken a small break before and usually he is fighting or blocks me, he is being quite diplomatic with me so I am concerned this means he is over me (even though before I said the value thing he was very much hooked). Need opinions and help to stop contacting
peterso2 Posted May 11, 2017 Posted May 11, 2017 You mentioned you were in a Long Distance relationship, how often do you see each other?
sweetgirl75 Posted May 11, 2017 Posted May 11, 2017 One thing I have done and it works. If you are meant to be together time away from each other is essential. That is one way it works. The second way it works if you are not meant to be together is that you will get closure and will be able to find a guy that is meant to be for you. It is called the NO Contact Rule. It depends on how long you have been together whether you want to do the 30 day or the 60 day rule. I have done both. Both take a ton of discipline but it can be done. You are to not call, text, e-mail or communicate with him or answer any of his calls, texts, etc. If you live together or have kids there is an exception that you just communicate when you absolutely have to. It gives both parties time to calm down and if it works as far as him missing you he will not be able to stand it and will really get antsy but you need to hold strong and let him come back to you after the time period of 30 days or 60 days. Don't tell him the time period because he will think its a game. I have failed and broke contact and it does nothing to help because you have to start all over and you are giving him permission to treat you badly. It has taught me not to settle and if they love you they will come back if not they are not worth any more heartache.
d0nnivain Posted May 11, 2017 Posted May 11, 2017 First of all, you are not long distance. You live an hour away. Big deal. Most people I know commute more than 1 hour per day to work. Second, you claim that after 3 years of dating & everything being "perfectly fine" your EX broke up with you out of the blue during a misunderstanding over a phone conversation on Friday morning. Sorry but unless he is a rash person, something must have been brewing on his end for a while & it call just came out. Why was he calling you multiple times at 10 o'clock in the morning? Was it an emergency or is he that immature? If you want him back you have to dial things down. I would write him a SHORT snail mail letter. Dear [his name] I'm not sure what happened on Friday. I wasn't ignoring you. I had just woken up & was startled that you were so upset because you had been calling but I wasn't picking up. I am so sorry for having upset you. When I said fighting wasn't adding value to our relationship, I meant just that -- the fighting wasn't productive. I never meant to even imply that you weren't adding value to my life. I love you and I want to work through this. Please call me. Let's talk. I want to fix this. Love, Jdollxo Mail that to him via the postal service & see if he calls or contacts you. Do nothing else. Don't beg. Don't chase. If you don't hear from him in 10 days, assume it's over. 2
smackie9 Posted May 11, 2017 Posted May 11, 2017 Sounds to me he is needy and doesn't want to accept your boundaries set for him to give you some space. He is happy that you have freaked out, and are desperate....that tells him he has complete control of the situation, watching you wallow is sorrow and uncertainty. He wants you to feel that way. Now you need to turn that around on him. Don't call him, don't text him...all you do is go out with friends, party, look real good, and post those pic to show him you are not going to let this control your life. His heart is going to sink, that he's going to lose you and want you back.
bluefeather Posted May 11, 2017 Posted May 11, 2017 I got testy bc I had just woken up Sounds like an excuse for bad attitude. I went into full freak out mode. Texts, calls, desperation..the works. Clinginess/fear of abandonment. He says he loves me than says "you are my close friend" (lol)". I get mad and drop the "FU" bomb so he gets very mad and stops contacting. So he says he loves you and tries to be friends, and your response is "f*** you." he doesn't want to see or talk to me right now because of how fiesty and agressive I became in the convo where I swore at him. I wouldn't want to see or talk to you either after being verbally abused. It sounds like he had good reason to break up with you. So you ask "what now?" Now, take a look at yourself and find out what kind of work needs to be done to become an emotionally healthier person.
preraph Posted May 11, 2017 Posted May 11, 2017 How many times have you actually dated face to face? I have to ask because people are on here all the time that think LDRs they never even met are real relationships. One hour away is nothing. That's 30 minutes to having dinner midway. Sounds like he saw a side of you he didn't like or maybe he's tired of having to plan seeing you. I would lay back and let him to the communicating for right now since you reaching out seems to be aggravating him.
codest Posted May 11, 2017 Posted May 11, 2017 I would add that dealing with the whole issue virtually, i.e. via texts/chat/phone is a bad idea. You both live close to each other, so try and have a real meeting with him. That way no one would be able to hang up on the other or close the app. Just let him know that you want to talk in person, even if only once, and be insistant. If he refuses, stop any further communication and go 'no contact.' If you meet up, hopefully, you will have a chance to discuss the situation in a civilized manner.
Titanll Posted May 11, 2017 Posted May 11, 2017 Three years in and he breaks up over nothing? You want him back because...? 1
Miss Spider Posted May 11, 2017 Posted May 11, 2017 (edited) I think he had already checked out a bit awhile bac. People who value a relationship don't end it over a little spat unless they're being drama king/queens in which case they come back really fast and apologetic. .and that behavior shows itself early on, not 3 yr in. Sorry, op. Edited May 11, 2017 by Cookiesandough
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