peterso2 Posted May 10, 2017 Posted May 10, 2017 All, I don't post much in these forums, but I thought I'd ask for some advice given a situation I'm in and hopefully you can respond. Background: Matched up with girl online (31F) and chatted via text for couple of weeks. I asked her out on a date and she said I'd have to be patient as her schedule is quite busy (she works 2 jobs). Week later she text's me inviting me to a concert on Saturday to have dinner and drinks. Great time, mostly talk about each other pretty basic conversation (where we are from, people we know, jobs, music, things at the venue). At the end of the concert she drives me to my car in parking garage. We hug and I text her I had an amazing time the following morning. She replies "Yes I had fun too! Thanks for coming with me" Next Day - Monday. She texts me invites me to this Mac / Cheese festival on Thursday. Unfortunately I have softball so we decided to push back meeting until Sunday. (1 week later). I decide do do a boat cruise, but it got cancelled due to not enough people. So instead we eat outdoors at the Marina and walk along the river. Everything went great. I hugged her to start the date. We talked about family, life goals, religion briefly and politics briefly. Super smooth conversation. I was unable to sit next to her so no touching until we walked. I ended up holding her hand and touching her on the shoulder a bit. She seemed to be OK with it. At the end of the date I went in for a kiss and we both leaned in for a quick kiss (it seemed natural). I was hoping it would last a bit longer but it was 3-5 seconds. Fast forward - I text her again that night I had a good time and she said she did as well. I text her yesterday asking what her Thursday looked like and she basically is busy until this Sunday. We agreed to meet Sunday Night. We have texted during the week, it's been brief but we both initiate, and I've hesitated to call her since she's fairly busy working two jobs. We have a few things in common - and a few differences, but I feel like our personalities jive pretty good. The problem is this is where I always struggle because I feel like I get friendzoned at this point (lack of spark). I've been so nervous thinking about it - understandably I should probably just not worry so much, but I haven't had nearly this success lately. So questions: 1.) Where do I go from here? All is smooth so far (it appears), do I bring up any conversation about what she's looking for in a guy etc? We've had a little flirting but we haven't talked anything about previous relationships, other than her mentioning she dated a guy in Michigan (But I didn't probe it further - my fault). 2.) Any ideas for Date 3? I'm struggling since date 1 and 2 involved food. Too early to invite her over? 3.) Am I doing anything wrong? Really appreciate the help.
smackie9 Posted May 10, 2017 Posted May 10, 2017 Seems you have enough info on things she likes....do something related to her interests.
Miss Spider Posted May 10, 2017 Posted May 10, 2017 Invite her to participate in something that interests you. Something you would do even without her that you think she might like. Like a hobby or a cultural event. Invite her into your life. Use your 'intuition' and try to read her. You create that tension by being confident and not hiding your attraction. Grab her hand and hold it while you walk (if you're into that) Gauge her reaction. If it's positive, later, touch her lower back as you hold the door open to leave. Look into her eyes. If she gets that 'look' go in and kiss her. If receptive, continue to lead. Slip some tongue in there hahaha. Whether it's the right time to ask her to come over really depends on the girl and your interaction.
Author peterso2 Posted May 11, 2017 Author Posted May 11, 2017 Thanks both posters, still torn if I should invite her over for a bbq/ bags or plan a short hike and get ice cream. Leaning just to invite her over
Titanll Posted May 11, 2017 Posted May 11, 2017 Invite her over and cook dinner together. Relax and have some fun. You silly kids will be fine. 1
d0nnivain Posted May 11, 2017 Posted May 11, 2017 You had fun on the first 2 dates. You are working & compromising to accommodate your schedules. You are still talking. I don't see friendzone here. Plan whatever you want for date 3 but do not ask her to come to your house. It's too early. All dates don't have to involve food. Maybe an active date -- mini golf or a hike. If a hike do pack some food / small picnic.
Kamille Posted May 11, 2017 Posted May 11, 2017 You can offer alternatives: bbq at home or short hike/ice cream. Don't read into the answer. It doesn't really matter what you do at this point. What matters is that you build attraction: show her you're attracted. Touch her, flirt a bit, look at her lips, etc. That's the best way to build a spark and get clarity on her feelings.
Author peterso2 Posted May 11, 2017 Author Posted May 11, 2017 I text her Tuesday and we chatted briefly, she hasn't text back yet. Is 2 days too much? My plan is to text her tomorrow ask about her week real briefly, then call her and invite her over for BBQ or the walk (kinda present the backup option if she isnt comfortable). I'll let you know how it goes.
Author peterso2 Posted May 13, 2017 Author Posted May 13, 2017 Well looks like we will be grilling out Sunday.! One question for all of you, What topics are appropriate for third date generally? It's been awhile since I've been this far. 1
Titanll Posted May 13, 2017 Posted May 13, 2017 Well looks like we will be grilling out Sunday.! One question for all of you, What topics are appropriate for third date generally? It's been awhile since I've been this far. Relax and congrats! Just be yourself and talk about whatever you want. There are no rules and beware of the snake oil sales people that say otherwise... 1
Author peterso2 Posted May 14, 2017 Author Posted May 14, 2017 Update: Thanks for the help everyone, unfortunately I think I ran into another flake. Today she said "Sorry to flake, its been a long week, can we reschedule? I'm exhausted and I have a few things I need to do around the house" So I called her a bit later, no response and sent her a text asking if she had a minute to talk via phone? Am I wasting my time here? Really sucks to be on 3rd date and left in the dust again. Ugh, the joy's of online dating. Feeling pretty awful right now :sick:
Titanll Posted May 14, 2017 Posted May 14, 2017 Just wait it out. She asked to reschedule...so reschedule. And don't get on the OLD is the devil bandwagon, got nothing to do with anything.
Author peterso2 Posted May 20, 2017 Author Posted May 20, 2017 Just wait it out. She asked to reschedule...so reschedule. And don't get on the OLD is the devil bandwagon, got nothing to do with anything. Hey Titan - we did reschedule for last Wednesday. Went to dinner and a comedy show. It went good but again never got into serious topics of where is this going etc...at the end I went in for the kiss but she really didn't seem into it. She said she was busy after work. After 3 dates it's headed nowhere, but I like her, wondering if I should just pursue her as a friend, which I guess wouldn't be bad anyways. I was going to text her tomorrow and see if she wants to get over for a BBQ. Because it seems like a different setting is needed to have more serious discussions. Thoughts?
ThisisIt606 Posted May 20, 2017 Posted May 20, 2017 I'm not sure what you mean by "serious discussions".. sounds kinda scary to be honest. Did someone die? No need to be so serious so early. Just go on active dates and see if there is some spark. She seems very busy and perphas dating isn't a big priority to her right now. If that's the case, she prob wants to spend her time with a guy who's fun, relaxed and not so in his head with "serious discussions".
Marc878 Posted May 20, 2017 Posted May 20, 2017 Slow down. It'll happen or it won't. Be yourself. It's way to early to get into any deep discussions. Just have fun.
Author peterso2 Posted May 22, 2017 Author Posted May 22, 2017 Thanks for the help. By serious discussions I meant just thoughts about what she might be looking for etc.. maybe not as serious as previously mentioned. Anyways, I text her yesterday send a couple texts. She's has plans all this week and is going to visit her parents over the weekend. Says she will keep me posted (whatever) that means on her plans next week. I said sounds goof. Is it time to move on? I'll admit I'm a little bent up here given 3 dates and slightly attached. I'll admit it seems to be headed nowhere but I'd rather have her completely ghost than be non committal and respond via text.
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