Lost the love of my life..

[moshefin]

Hi.. i'll keep my story short as i can..i'm divorced, and after 2 years alone i met a woman who's divoreced twice..We met at a mutual after-school activity of our children..i'm a shy guy and never been to a 'date' before her..when we met it was an instant magic!At our 3rd date we were in-love like never before..with time our intimacy and deep conection became legendery.. we used to sit on a bench for 3 hours cuddeling in silence, talk with our eyes..*this woman has been through hell.. one husband abandond her and another one hit her anf broke her face..at some point she started telling me she never felt anything like she feels towards me before! We were a blast, pure love and an neverending passion..we both smashed through each other's walls and knew we were "the one" for each other.. she allways said her love for me "is stressing" as she is not used to being treated with so much love and compassion..i wrote her songs, brought her a new flower every week.. cooked for her and put it in boxes with love notes so she has good food all week at work.. she said every time that no one ever gave her so much love.. that men like me didn't exist.. and she gave me the whole world in return..*when we started talking about moving in together she was exited and can't wait, until one day she got scared and told me we should wait.. i accepted, but she noticed i was a bit worried..in the next 3 weeks for the first time ever we were not the same.. i got clingy and pushed towards her, while she kept going backwards..we still hed our love and passion intact, but we both were feeling awaful..than she decided to end it all.. we were apart for 3 days and than i came to her house and our love was so huge, we bursted in lust and spent the night together..for another month we were ok, but i couldn't let go of the feeling she's still backing off of me..we spent a great night together one night, another great day after, and than she told me she can't go on..she said she loves me with all her heart, that i'm the love of her life, but her old wound are too powerfull to resist and her head decided i'm not 'right' for her anymore..i was devestated.. in the next two weeks when we met i kissed her and she kissed back with passion and than broke it off..eventually she told me to stop bacause she still loves me deeply but she has to let that love go away..two months of hell went through my life.. every aspect of my life crashed and burned to the ground.. i contacted her all the time..some times she was nice and loving.. other times cold as ice..a week ago we talked.. she said she has moved on and in no way she's denaying what a great love i was for her..she says we can be friends but won't get back ever again..we met and it ruined me.. so i told her i can't be her friend at the moment and we huged.. she even cryed a little..i still wasn't able to let her go and texted her sometimes.. one time she was nice, the other she was rude and told me to go away..i ended thing with a big messege saying she is not the person she was, and i can't and won't ever understand the way she acts..but i wish her all the best in the world and will allways love her.. and maybe one day we will meet and build a friendship..she responded with on sentence saying we hace to go nc and this is just hurting us both.. every thing i wrote her from that point was not responded and i stoped..one thing makes me misreable.. will she remember us like we used to be? Will all the obssessivness at the end and bad memories fade away?Will i be mentioned to her next partner as a crazy ******* or as the love of her life?She seems so cold.. i don't believe a huge love like this can be switched off in two months, but she put it behind a huge wall now.. i actually feel she deleted me and erased everything we had..*Will time put my memory in the place i truley belong in her heart?Will time and future experience may give us another chance?

[d0nnivain]

You asked this Q yesterday: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/623529-lost-huge-love

 

 

My answer hasn't changed. No she is not going to talk about you to the next guy. You are somebody she used to date. While you are categorizing her as the love of your life, things were not that deep for her & they are now over.

 

 

I'm sorry you are hurting but you survived your divorce. You will survive this.

[Chi townD]

Sounds like you had a strangle hold on this relationship and you held on too tight.

 

You need to let her go dude. You need to move on. Enjoy the relationship for what it was and move on. But, learn from this. Plus, think with your head for a minute. She's been divorced twice and she carrying around a lot of baggage. She might have commitment issues. Or she's been burned twice and is afraid to get burned again. But, that's her hang up, not yours if this is the case.

 

Hang in there.

[Noideanow]

Can see why you asked Again starting a new:cool: Hope This Will Work out in the end for you two, sure sounds like a beautiful rare thing:love: Really Hope This is just like a flu and it Will pass:o

[Emotion]

Hi,

 

I completely understand where your coming. In my post I have experienced something similar, although I don't give much background details on my ex cause I respect her right for privacy. I strongly believe duration is not important as a relationship is more about depth. At this point to you saying you "dodged a bullet" is like asking to win the lottery without buying a ticket.

 

I've been going through what your feeling for 5/7 months so yes I'm still battling it out.

 

My advice to you is to keep busy doing other stuff. Try to be either logical with your thought process or think of something else when you think of her. (I only recommend this after your have grieved. Although society tells us to hide/fake our emotions this will create more damage I feel long term.

 

Some other useful tips I've been implementing/think about are:

 

1) seek the truth :- this means your really seek the answers on why your relationship didn't work out, all the ugly truths about you and her. It may help using a decision tree to visualise this. I feel it's important to do this as the process of doing this yourself is more helpful and meaningful.

 

Short answer though: In today's environment (life in general) is a great example how changeable, unstable life is. Much like relationship. This is only my opinion but the question you should be asking yourself is: Is there anything you could have done to make her stay? You might be wondering why this question is important? It's important because no matter the answer she has decided to exist the relationship. Remind yourself of this, when you try to play out the scenarios of what you could have done better or your future together. Think of it like this: your relationship is a small tree sapling. You are the clouds/rain and she the sun. The relationship can only grow when the optimum amount of rain and sunlight are met by the tree sapling. Too much of one or the other and it will destroy the tree sapling.

 

2) The universe:- As much as what I'm about to say is going to make me sounds like a complete and utter ****, but the world doesn't evolve around you. Yes you could argue your world does but let's say I'm right . The universe is a big place. Try to think bigger, put your emotional pain in perspective.

 

3) love is not enough:- this is probably going to sound harsh, I am a old romantic kinda person and believe love gives our lives meaning. BUT sometimes it's not enough sadly. You cannot make someone else love you and wouldn't want to cause that not what love is. You cannot make people overcome their fears/insecurities. You can support by walking together through the pain/darkness but it is they who must open the door in their hearts.

 

4) Human:- You are human, therefore you will make mistakes. But as hard as is, focus on what you can learn to take forward. You are your worst critic, and after a lot of reading I think all of us broken hearted people are more so.

 

5) Believe you will attain happiness:- I won't lie and say this one is easy cause I struggle with this one a lot. Life is what you make of it. Focus on every second, every minute, every hour of what you are doing and feel joy.

 

6) Don't be trapped by someone else dogma:- Don't let social media or outward appearance dictate your life. Remember this important fact, what you see in social media are highlights of someone's life! Not the truth. You never know someone's life until you've walk a mile in their shoes.

 

7) Bed time story: Life is often the story we tell ourself. So tell yourself a better story. One where you meet the love of your life. I'm sure she's waiting in the wings, ready to be called on stage with you.

 

my closing comments are: stay strong, focused. Much smithing life is moulding, hammering and grinding you into something beautiful.