shortman Posted May 10, 2017 Posted May 10, 2017 I don't know what to do. But there's a friend of mine who is close that has been involved with me on and off for years now, but doesn't want to be official. I've always been short, and at the moment I'm around 5'7-5'8 in height and she's 6'1-6'2 in height. When we were teenagers, this wasn't the case and I was about 5'5-5'6 while she was about 5'4ish. I've always liked her and during one summer, we slept together and lost our virginity to each other. We dated for a few months and clicked very well. The stupid thing is she hit a growth spurt and quickly grew. She told me though that she can't see herself with a shorter man and we broke up. However when I tried to move on and date other girls, I noticed how jealous she got and it hurt her. She's tried dating other guys to, but for years her relationships only lasted weeks because she never put out and slept with any of them. However, she keeps sleeping with me, but in public we're just "friends." I've tried to ask her why she doesn't just want to settle down with me and not care, but she keeps saying that I'm a great friend but she's never pictured herself with a shorter man. I've seen her texts that she's shared with me when her boyfriends or dates get upset because she'll make out with them but never go all the way. She also likes to share her secrets with me and use me as a shoulder to cry on. I just don't understand. When it's just us, we get very passionate and intimate, and I do love her. When I try to date other girls, it never feels quite right because I'm into my friend. I just don't know what to do. I like being with her in the bedroom, but I would love for her to just stop caring about the height difference and just be with me. We know each others' secrets and we get along very well with one another, and s3x is great, I just hate that it's my height that's preventing her from dating me.
Grey40 Posted May 10, 2017 Posted May 10, 2017 Really tough spot to be in. I'm pretty short too only 5'7 so I feel your pain. It's not fair to be treated that way. As hard as it may be, I think you need to tell her straight up how you feel and Give her the ultimatum--either were seriously together or I can't see you or talk to you anymore at all, because it hurts too much. If she still won't go for it, you may lose her, but it's for the best. Why would you wAnt to keep putting yourself in that position and make yourself feel crappy all the time? You think you won't find someone else but you will. But you have to block her totally from your life to move on first---no contact, unfollow her on all social media etc. completely forget she exists. Maybe she'll come around, and if she doesn't you will be fine, trust me.
d0nnivain Posted May 10, 2017 Posted May 10, 2017 She's insecure about some non-existent cultural norm where she has been brainwashed to believe that the man is supposed to be taller. Collect some articles about taller women who have dated shorter men over the years -- anybody plus Tom Cruise; Dudley Moore & Susan Anton; Nichole Kidman & Keith Urban; Mick Jagger & L'wren Scott; etc. Suggest she'd be a trend setter.
Miss Spider Posted May 10, 2017 Posted May 10, 2017 Sorry, but I have a feeling she wont be with you for reasons other than your height. I doubt that makes you feel much better, and I'm sorry you're hurting, but I think she's using that as an excuse. Just saying I wouldn't get hung up over that in particular 3
smackie9 Posted May 10, 2017 Posted May 10, 2017 When you are young, you get hung up on things like appearance...and it can't be helped. It's how some young brains work. One thing I noticed, when I got into my mid 30's what was unappealing before, didn't matter to me anymore, and as time went on, I became more accepting. IMO you both are not doing anyone any favors by letting this continue. Time to cut the cord and release yourself from this vortex of uncertainty. It's obstructing other opportunities you could be experiencing.
lily999 Posted May 10, 2017 Posted May 10, 2017 I dated a guy who is at my height, 5'2' to 5'3'' at most He was so picky on me. Called me useless, not having a good job, etc...
Titanll Posted May 10, 2017 Posted May 10, 2017 You're her sex partner and emotional tampon. Doesn't sound like much of a chance for a promotion over this position. Your choice to continue or stop. When she meets a tall dreamy dude, you are history. You can enjoy the relationship as is for as long as she wants that or you can find something more with someone else. 1
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 10, 2017 Posted May 10, 2017 Tough spot. 1. The height thing is not only an issue with young girls, the older ladies also have this thing about a man's height. 2. It could very well be your height. She is vain and it matters to her what her man looks like next to her. Back to #1. It happens. 3. She is sleeping with you b/c she is comfortable and familiar with you. You both have been intimate and if she is holding off with other guys, it makes sense that she would return to the one guy who is still available and the only one she's been intimate with. You are her FWB until she finds a taller guy. 4. It is possible that there is something else, but even you said that things changed after her growth spurt. Without any other information, you know enough.
Author shortman Posted May 10, 2017 Author Posted May 10, 2017 The thing is all of her boyfriends now have been 6'4 and up. They're usually Football Players and Basketball players at our university. We're both in our 20s by the way. These guys are your typical men that are popular with women who are built nicely yet she won't sleep with them. I've seen and read countless texts from her where these guys would get frustrated and leave because of it and I'm there to offer advice or be a shoulder to cry on if they've been together for a few months. Her dad though is tall, he's 6'5 while her mom is 5'5 so it could be her family life growing up and she feels men are supposed to be taller, I don't know. The thing is, even though most guys could be fine with sex, I'm not. I'm one of the few who likes more than just that and I hate that when it's just us that we're almost like a couple. She hates seeing me with other girls and I've had seen her cry with my last ex who I was with for a couple of months. I'm not sure if what she's doing is part of the problem of me moving on, I just don't want to continue like this much longer. I do plan on using the celebrity thing though because I haven't yet.
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 10, 2017 Posted May 10, 2017 The thing is all of her boyfriends now have been 6'4 and up. They're usually Football Players and Basketball players at our university. We're both in our 20s by the way. These guys are your typical men that are popular with women who are built nicely yet she won't sleep with them. I've seen and read countless texts from her where these guys would get frustrated and leave because of it and I'm there to offer advice or be a shoulder to cry on if they've been together for a few months. Her dad though is tall, he's 6'5 while her mom is 5'5 so it could be her family life growing up and she feels men are supposed to be taller, I don't know. The thing is, even though most guys could be fine with sex, I'm not. I'm one of the few who likes more than just that and I hate that when it's just us that we're almost like a couple. She hates seeing me with other girls and I've had seen her cry with my last ex who I was with for a couple of months. I'm not sure if what she's doing is part of the problem of me moving on, I just don't want to continue like this much longer. I do plan on using the celebrity thing though because I haven't yet. Hey, let it go. Or give her the ultimatum. Height DOES matter to her. For now, that is... she is seeing that dating tall guys does not guarantee a healthy relationship. She may end up wising up to your affections or waste years prioritizing height over substance....it is what it is.
Titanll Posted May 10, 2017 Posted May 10, 2017 She sounds a mess to me. What's so special about her to keep you hanging on so long?
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 10, 2017 Posted May 10, 2017 She sounds a mess to me. What's so special about her to keep you hanging on so long? 1. First love... 2. She keeps coming back... 3. He can't have her... 1
Author shortman Posted May 10, 2017 Author Posted May 10, 2017 The reason why she's worth holding on to though I'm trying to move on is we've been friends for years, plus she was my first. I don't know why exactly she's putting a lot of emphasis on height but as I said before when I do date someone else, she's jealous, angry and sad about it. For whatever reason it always makes me feel bad and I never stay long in the relationship. I have once threatened to block her and tried to move on, just for her to come to my place, and after lots of crying on both ends, we ended up sleeping with each other. I just hate it. But you're right. I'm gonna talk to her about couples where the man is shorter and tell her I can't do this anymore and just move on. I feel discriminated against when I think about it. 1
peterso2 Posted May 10, 2017 Posted May 10, 2017 I dated a guy who is at my height, 5'2' to 5'3'' at most He was so picky on me. Called me useless, not having a good job, etc... Lily999 - I am sorry to hear this. Hopefully you found someone who treats you awesome because that sounds like a bad situation nobody should be in. I couldn't imagine that:( 1
spiderowl Posted May 10, 2017 Posted May 10, 2017 That's so difficult. She clearly loves you, as a friend at least if not more (we cannot tell if more). The height difference bothers her and I don't know if she can overcome that. I think you need to stop sleeping with her. I know it's tempting but she is not getting chance to miss you and find out what life is like without you being a secret lover. At the moment you are a friend with benefits. It may be that she will never see you as more than a special friend with benefits who she loves dearly as a friend but does not see as a boyfriend. While she is getting all of you at the moment, she does not have to 'fight' for you. If she is in love with you and simply does not realise it, then she will only realise it when you are not available to her or seeing someone else. I think you need to decide whether this relationship as it stands is enough for you. If it is not, you could wait until you meet someone else (difficult as you are still emotionally wrapped up in her) or you could withdraw from her and say no more fwb, that it is a proper relationship, just friends (no sex) or you go your separate ways.
Vareg Posted May 11, 2017 Posted May 11, 2017 I just hate that it's my height that's preventing her from dating me. It's not your height that prevents her from dating you, her fears do that. Cut the intimate part until she knows what she wants, until she grows up and overcome her inner fears, and if she doesn't then she was just using you, find someone else and do not buy her being jalous this time.
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 11, 2017 Posted May 11, 2017 It's not your height that prevents her from dating you, her fears do that. Cut the intimate part until she knows what she wants, until she grows up and overcome her inner fears, and if she doesn't then she was just using you, find someone else and do not buy her being jalous this time. Poetic, but it is his height that stops her from committing to him. Her VANITY. If you want to call it her fear, okay, it's her fear of dating someone too short for her. OP, she is sad b/c she is manipulating you. It is a form of manipulation, my friend. She doesn't want you b/c of her vanity, but since you are friends and sexual firsts, there is an emotional attachment she holds onto until she finds that 6'4 guy she approves of. She wants you for herself UNTIL she finds someone taller...... 1
Miss Spider Posted May 11, 2017 Posted May 11, 2017 It's not like you're some guy on a dating site she's just beginning to date. I can see it being a deal breaker for some in that case. But if she's sexually attracted to you and it seems like she is and she loves you which you claim she does, a few inches wouldn't stop her from dating u. Please try to move on and find someone who will love you and be proud of you, OP.
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 11, 2017 Posted May 11, 2017 The more pressing issue is that you sabotage your other relationships based on nothing more than a FWB commitment from this tall girl. Did you cheat on the other girls to have sex with this one? Did you break-up first then have your sexual rendezvous? You could be with a great girl by now, but instead, you pine over this vain girl.
lily999 Posted May 12, 2017 Posted May 12, 2017 Lily999 - I am sorry to hear this. Hopefully you found someone who treats you awesome because that sounds like a bad situation nobody should be in. I couldn't imagine that:( No body would talk like him. He is extremely mean
SevenCity Posted May 12, 2017 Posted May 12, 2017 The reason why she's worth holding on to though I'm trying to move on is we've been friends for years, plus she was my first. I don't know why exactly she's putting a lot of emphasis on height but as I said before when I do date someone else, she's jealous, angry and sad about it. For whatever reason it always makes me feel bad and I never stay long in the relationship. I have once threatened to block her and tried to move on, just for her to come to my place, and after lots of crying on both ends, we ended up sleeping with each other. I just hate it. But you're right. I'm gonna talk to her about couples where the man is shorter and tell her I can't do this anymore and just move on. I feel discriminated against when I think about it. I promise you, making a logical argument will get you no where with her (or any woman for that matter). Her emotions are what's preventing her from committing. She is attracted to you enough to have sex but emotionally she feels she needs to be with a taller guy. Take a page from the guys she was dating. She didn't meet their terms (sex) so they left. You should do the same. You will be miserable for years if you go on like this. It's hard, but it's the only way you will win. Either she'll realize that the milk isn't free and come back, or you'll create space in your life for a woman who wants a commitment. There are no shortage of them around.
preraph Posted May 12, 2017 Posted May 12, 2017 She's being a hypocrite, but the thing is, if she meets the right tall guy, she will drop you but then also make her new guy mad that she's still friends with you. Honestly, I just think you should cut her off and let her see if she misses you or if she just moves on. Let her scream and cry and tell her no, that you're moving on to a girlfriend who wants to be with you and not date other guys. Make her at least realize whether she misses you enough to commit or if she doesn't. As long as you let her just take what part she wants, you'll never have a chance of finding someone to love because she'll always interfere. It can't be much fun banging someone who just thinks you're too short any more than it is for an overweight woman to bang a guy who thinks she needs to lose weight. Take a stand. 2
Author shortman Posted May 12, 2017 Author Posted May 12, 2017 enigma32 I don't pay for her stuff. We agreed that in public, we're "just friends" so she always buys her stuff. Today I told her about couples with a height difference, and she kinda laughed a little and told me that those relationships never last. But she freaked out when I finally blocked her and blocked her number. I'm doing my best to ignore her voice messages, but she's telling me that I'm killing her on the inside and for us to just talk.
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