Jalpenso15 Posted May 6, 2017 Posted May 6, 2017 So I basically haven't had a serious relationship in 3 years, this ex was violent and controlling and although I was only 18 at the I was madly in love. Eventually it ended, and I've spent the last 3 years enjoying life. I haven't had a serious relationship since, I've dated but never had that spark or romance with anyone. Now coming up 3 months ago I met someone randomly, he was 4 years older than me we shared past experiences, I told him all my past experiences with my Ex and he understood. I told him I had issues trusting men, not wanting to get hurt ect. He emphasised how much he wasn't out to hurt me ect. We spent a lot of time together, got to know one another and really clicked. He'd send me flowers to work, ask how my day was ect. Then after around 3 weeks he started to mess me around, we'd make plans and he would go out with friends and mess me around. But still emphasised how much he liked me and how sorry he was, and from then I needed constant reassurance that he wasn't going to hurt me. I dedicated myself to doing the things he liked because I wanted to be part of it. So around about 3 weeks ago we got together officially, but he wanted to keep things quiet. He then became really nasty and controlling, disliked me having social media, disliked old photos from social media on holiday in bikinis said I was an 'attention seeker' being so blinded by this, I deleted whatever he didn't like. I think I suddenly became to available for him, because he became more distant. Then over a week ago, he ignored me to text me the next day and tell me I wasn't for him and he wasn't that into it anymore and that was that. I was devastated, id put so much time and effort into it. I'd opened upto him, and he had promised he wouldn't hurt me then to do this. So I found a day later that the whole time I was seeing him he was sleeping with an 18 year old at the same time (he's 27 I'm 22). This kind of helped a little because i felt like I hadn't known that person at all, and it had all been a lie. I messaged him to inform him I knew, how dissapointed and disgusted I was for him to do that after I had opened up and put so much into it. But even a week after finding out, I still feel so down and out about it. Wondering what's wrong with me? I put so much and offered so much to have someone do this to me. I feel so hurt. How do I move on from this and let it go?
preraph Posted May 6, 2017 Posted May 6, 2017 Dating is for spending enough time with someone to get to know who they are. It's not for making an agreement with a near-stranger that they won't hurt you. There is no commitment this early because you don't even know one another. You have to get smart and stop giving your heart as soon as you meet a guy and hoping he's who you want him to be, because most of them are not. He left because after enough time getting to know you, he realized you weren't the one for him -- if he's even looking for "the one." Not everyone is looking for "the one" at all. So stop assuming a new guy is who you want a commitment with and learn to just get to know them for a few months at least. It can take years to really get to know someone's side they hide from you. A friend of mine, who is so smart she's in MENSA, married a young guy after dating 3 years, moved with him to his Naval base, and as soon as he got her out of town away from family and friends, he began physically abusing her. That had never happened before. I saw a side of him I didn't trust, but he'd never done anything like that. He knew he'd get himself thrown in jail or beat up by friends and family, so he just waited until they were thousands of miles away and tried it.
Maldives Posted May 6, 2017 Posted May 6, 2017 So I basically haven't had a serious relationship in 3 years, this ex was violent and controlling and although I was only 18 at the I was madly in love. Eventually it ended, and I've spent the last 3 years enjoying life. I haven't had a serious relationship since, I've dated but never had that spark or romance with anyone. Now coming up 3 months ago I met someone randomly, he was 4 years older than me we shared past experiences, I told him all my past experiences with my Ex and he understood. I told him I had issues trusting men, not wanting to get hurt ect. He emphasised how much he wasn't out to hurt me ect. We spent a lot of time together, got to know one another and really clicked. He'd send me flowers to work, ask how my day was ect. Then after around 3 weeks he started to mess me around, we'd make plans and he would go out with friends and mess me around. But still emphasised how much he liked me and how sorry he was, and from then I needed constant reassurance that he wasn't going to hurt me. I dedicated myself to doing the things he liked because I wanted to be part of it. So around about 3 weeks ago we got together officially, but he wanted to keep things quiet. He then became really nasty and controlling, disliked me having social media, disliked old photos from social media on holiday in bikinis said I was an 'attention seeker' being so blinded by this, I deleted whatever he didn't like. I think I suddenly became to available for him, because he became more distant. Then over a week ago, he ignored me to text me the next day and tell me I wasn't for him and he wasn't that into it anymore and that was that. I was devastated, id put so much time and effort into it. I'd opened upto him, and he had promised he wouldn't hurt me then to do this. So I found a day later that the whole time I was seeing him he was sleeping with an 18 year old at the same time (he's 27 I'm 22). This kind of helped a little because i felt like I hadn't known that person at all, and it had all been a lie. I messaged him to inform him I knew, how dissapointed and disgusted I was for him to do that after I had opened up and put so much into it. But even a week after finding out, I still feel so down and out about it. Wondering what's wrong with me? I put so much and offered so much to have someone do this to me. I feel so hurt. How do I move on from this and let it go? OK this is gonna open ur mind a little because you sound like me a pattern in relationships. The reason you've attracted this guy is because you haven't dealt with the trust issues and the damage caused from the last relationship.make sense? Let me explain, so the damage the last partner dI'd your mind hadn't unravelled this meaning your not open and vulnerable with your heart which basically attracts the same kind of guy just repackaged a little differently. He's controlling lying and cheating do u see where I'm going wth this? Essentially what it means you would have heard the term baggage. So there's baggage from the past you still need to heal repair and unravel. The way to do this is find a good therapist also a healer I know sounds crazy but they can release the emotions that are trapped in the body so you can be free from that limiting emotion such as in this case fear and trust. I believe me and you would have attracted a lot better partners had we dealt with the damage from our passed. In my case it was being cheated on i had major trust issues and always attract woman with low self esteem who have a tendency I found to cheat. Lol So my advice to you would be to unravel the past with a good therapist and healer. Until ur hearts vulnerable again and you can enter a new relationship without those fears you start aren't healed baggage wise I hope this makes sense it only took me 5 failed relationships over a span of 25 yrs to finally have this epiphany and realisation lol.
Author Jalpenso15 Posted May 9, 2017 Author Posted May 9, 2017 (edited) So I've recently just split up with a guy I was seeing, he dumped me over text one morning basically telling me he wasn't that into me anyone and he didn't think I was the one. I was quite hurt over this, we'd been seeing eachother for like 3 months, and I had that kind of spark. And the more available I became to him the more he drifted away. I then found out after he broke up with me that he'd been sleeping with a girl 10 years younger (he's 28). This has really hurt me, it's been just over 2 weeks now and I'm still hurt. How do I move on from this? Edited May 9, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Threads merged ~6
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