Weezy87 Posted May 9, 2017 Posted May 9, 2017 Hello, this is my first post and I really need some advice. Im dating my boyfriend since 9 months but our relationship has been difficult from the first. Our problem is that he is 38 years old and im 29 and he has girlfriends that he sees who are around 20-24. I really dont feel comfortable with that at all (I even thought I was too young for him...now I feel too old for him!). I dont really see what friendship with this age gap this could be. I know its not my right to judge friendships, but if it should ever get serious between us and we would move together, I really dont want to spend the holidays with his kids friends... I got to know some of his friends and they really bore me. I think its kind of normal, because they do not have as much life experience like we do. Also he is on social media a lot and comments under his friends pics things like #hot, you are beautiful or i freaking love this pic.... even though this comments were made before our time, its kind of hard to get over it for me. He has so many young girlfriends and he even calls them his "family" so he makes it morally impossible for me to say something against it. Then he told me that he wants me to befriends with his friends too but I tried to explain why that wont work. Also when you pressure me, it wont work at all. And I want to chose my friends by myself. He never cheated in his life before, but I still dont like this flirting. Family is something super holy for me and I tried to create a really big bond between us, because after all, he has a beautiful personality that im really in love with. In addition to that, there are many more things that makes it really hard for me. He still has contact with his ex girlfriend (apparently its only because of money), he chats with a girl that he knows from school like every day and he didnt tell me. I instead would really liked to know the persons that are important for him, but he didnt tell me about her at all until i found out. I also found out that they dated (yes very long time ago, but anyways he didnt tell me). Since, I always tried to look up his messages even though i know its wrong. Im too scared that he is playing with me and everything he tells me, he also tells other girls. And that everything we have is a big huge lie. Now Im the super jealous girlfriend and yes it hurts my heart and my soul, but i have not been like that before. This bad feeling inside of me just got really bad. it makes me really mad when he sends me pictures of him and his friends spending time together (we live 1 hour apart from each other), but it actually makes me very mad and puts salt in my wound. He says Im just expecting the worst and Id be a very negative person because I was cheated on once. He doesnt see that I also had honest relationships where I didnt have this awful feeling and that broke for other reasons. I cant see no way out of here even though Id do a lot to safe this relationship. PLEASE HELP ME!!
Zahara Posted May 9, 2017 Posted May 9, 2017 You're in some really deep denial. And unfortunately you've tolerated bad behavior. Seeing that he has no regard for how you feel, you either accept his way of life or you leave. He's not going to respect you because you don't respect yourself. His "great personality" is not enough to make a healthy and loving relationship. Aim higher and have better standards for yourself. Dating for 9 months and you mentioned it's been difficult from the start. It's not going to get any better. You teach people how to treat you.
d0nnivain Posted May 9, 2017 Posted May 9, 2017 First. Paragraphs are your friends. Use them. Second & most importantly you & he are on different pages. These other woman are probably not platonic friends. He has a stable of women he is involved with. You are simply one of many. He doesn't respect you. He's not willing to be exclusive with you. He enjoys the attention of multiple women & is not giving up that ego boost for you. You simply aren't important enough for him. If you try to make him chose, he will pick them. The best thing you can do is walk away & find a guy who wants what you want.
Whodatdog Posted May 9, 2017 Posted May 9, 2017 You two may have different expectations of this relationship. Sounds like you are far more invested in this than he is. I didnt see anything where he said he loves you, or wants a future with you.
Author Weezy87 Posted May 10, 2017 Author Posted May 10, 2017 You two may have different expectations of this relationship. Sounds like you are far more invested in this than he is. I didnt see anything where he said he loves you, or wants a future with you. Yes he says he loved me very much and wants to be with me forever, etc. But I cant get over the fact that his friends are mostly girls and so young. I always feel so wrong and lost when they come over to his house. Am I exagerating? Or does somebody understand my position?
d0nnivain Posted May 10, 2017 Posted May 10, 2017 We understand your position. You don't. You want to believe the sweet words. You are upset about the bad behaviors that you don't like but fail to recognize that actions speak louder then words. If your guy truly cared about you the way he says he does, he'd distance himself from all these other women. The fact that he keeps them around knowing they upset you but tells you that you are being unreasonable & insecure is an action which screams that he's lying to you when he says he cares.
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