Brieanne Posted May 9, 2017 Posted May 9, 2017 The other evening, I had this guy over to hang out at my house, and we were cuddling on the couch in the living room. He's not officially my boyfriend yet, but we've been seeing each other a lot lately. We met at college. He's 20, and I'm 19. I really would like to be in a relationship with him sooner rather than later. He is very sweet and affectionate, and he likes to scratch my back and play with my hair a lot, and I love when he does those things! Anyway, while he was doing that the other day, my younger sister came in the room and was watching us. After a while, she started to get jealous and wanted her back scratched too. So she sat down next to us, and he scratched her back for about 5 minutes. She got up and left the room and he went back to scratching my back. Since we're not officially in a relationship, did anyone do anything wrong here?
Thisguy21 Posted May 9, 2017 Posted May 9, 2017 How old is your sister? Obviously it bothered you, otherwise you wouldn't be asking. Why did it bother you?
d0nnivain Posted May 9, 2017 Posted May 9, 2017 Your sister wanted what you have. Your BF scratches your back because he likes you. He scratched hers to be polite. Relax. 6
Author Brieanne Posted May 9, 2017 Author Posted May 9, 2017 How old is your sister? Obviously it bothered you, otherwise you wouldn't be asking. Why did it bother you? She's 14. She knows he's way too old for her for a relationship, but she just saw me getting my back scratched, so she wanted hers too.
Thisguy21 Posted May 9, 2017 Posted May 9, 2017 Nobody did anything wrong. I suspect 19 year old insecurities are at play here. 3
d0nnivain Posted May 9, 2017 Posted May 9, 2017 She's 14. She knows he's way too old for her for a relationship, but she just saw me getting my back scratched, so she wanted hers too. Exactly. She wanted to emulate her big sis. Your BF saw a little kid & a greened eyed monster (jealousy). He played with your little sister to get her to go away. Unless you think he's a perv / child molester, don't over think this. I see him as a sweet guy. I also bet you get his full concentration as he's staving off some lustful thoughts while little sis got partial attention just to make her go away. 1
Author Brieanne Posted May 9, 2017 Author Posted May 9, 2017 Exactly. She wanted to emulate her big sis. Your BF saw a little kid & a greened eyed monster (jealousy). He played with your little sister to get her to go away. Unless you think he's a perv / child molester, don't over think this. I see him as a sweet guy. I also bet you get his full concentration as he's staving off some lustful thoughts while little sis got partial attention just to make her go away. He is very sweet! I'm going to his house tonight for a cuddle date. We're just going to listen to music while taking turns scratching each other's backs.
preraph Posted May 9, 2017 Posted May 9, 2017 I'm sorry. The issue is with your 14 year old sister. You need to tell her to go away when you have a date and that just because you get to cuddle him and get a back scratch, she doesn't get to. 14 is PLENTY old enough to know better than to pull that on you. Tell your mother to talk to her if you have to -- or your dad. He'd LOVE this. The date was put in a bad spot. 4
Author Brieanne Posted May 9, 2017 Author Posted May 9, 2017 I'm sorry. The issue is with your 14 year old sister. You need to tell her to go away when you have a date and that just because you get to cuddle him and get a back scratch, she doesn't get to. 14 is PLENTY old enough to know better than to pull that on you. Tell your mother to talk to her if you have to -- or your dad. He'd LOVE this. The date was put in a bad spot. I'll just go over to his house tonight. If I get serious with this guy, then I'll deal with things later if my sister wants to cuddle with him. But for now I didn't really mind because we're not officially in a relationship (yet). 1
Author Brieanne Posted May 9, 2017 Author Posted May 9, 2017 Have all your dates been cuddle dates? All except the first one. We went out for dinner a few weeks ago.
Author Brieanne Posted May 9, 2017 Author Posted May 9, 2017 I remember when I was 20 years old, my GF at the time had a 16 year old sister. The younger sister used to subtly try to get me to sleep with her all the time. I thought her jealousy was kinda cute, but dangerous since she was young. Maybe just teach your sister that your date shouldn't be rubbing all over her back. Oh, I will if we get serious. But she's sweet and affectionate like I am too, and she just wanted some cuddles. She's not allowed to date at her age, so she has no one to cuddle with. There is no sexual stuff with anyone here, even remotely. We are all saving ourselves for marriage.
GunslingerRoland Posted May 9, 2017 Posted May 9, 2017 Are you really 19? Because you come across as sounding much younger than that. Anyway like others have said, a back scratch is harmless, and the guy was in an awkward situation that your little sister shouldn't have put him in, in the first place.
Author Brieanne Posted May 9, 2017 Author Posted May 9, 2017 Are you really 19? Because you come across as sounding much younger than that. Anyway like others have said, a back scratch is harmless, and the guy was in an awkward situation that your little sister shouldn't have put him in, in the first place. Yes I am 19, and this is only the second guy I've dated. So yeah, in terms of dating experience, I am much younger.
d0nnivain Posted May 9, 2017 Posted May 9, 2017 There is no sexual stuff with anyone here, even remotely. We are all saving ourselves for marriage. If you are saving yourself for marriage, stop cuddling with guys you aren't dating & even if he becomes your BF, keep the physical to a minimum. Otherwise you will end up being a tease. If that is not your intention do not wind men up or yourself for that matter. Raging hormones are not easy to ignore or reign in. 4
QuietDan Posted May 9, 2017 Posted May 9, 2017 Since we're not officially in a relationship, did anyone do anything wrong here? It doesn't sound like anyone did anything wrong this time. But, you are playing with a serious fire that can easily get out of control. There is nothing innocent about it. It is a form of low level foreplay. Testing the boundaries, getting comfortable and familiar with rather intimate touching. It's called grooming. Boundary's start to get blurred. It is easy to start to push the boundaries from "innocent" intimate contact to "not so innocent" contact. Your sister is younger than you. But, she is old enough to have sexual desires, wants, needs. Guys at that age, generally do not have well defined boundaries when it comes to potentially willing partners. Back scratching...as it turns out...happens to be one of few erotic zones and forms of intimate stimulation that really turns my wife on. It is one of the few almost sure ways I have to get her really turned on and horny in a hurry. This is a type of behavior that I would advise against in this situation. 1
preraph Posted May 10, 2017 Posted May 10, 2017 Ok I get you are sheltered. But tell your mom and dad it's time for them to give little sister (and maybe you too) "the sex talk" about how easy it is to get boys overly excited, etc. 2
somanymistakes Posted May 10, 2017 Posted May 10, 2017 or to get girls overly excited, sex is not just a thing that boys want, teenage girls definitely get turned on and decide to do stupid things. 4
rushed Posted May 10, 2017 Posted May 10, 2017 Okay no. Hell no! Little sis should have not asked for a back scratch, boyfriend shouldn't have obliged her, and you should have said something. Fourteen is old enough to know better. What did you do as your boyfriend scratched her back for five minutes? Just sit there and smile politely? Are you going to do same when she asks to cuddle him, too? 1
Author Brieanne Posted May 10, 2017 Author Posted May 10, 2017 Okay no. Hell no! What did you do as your boyfriend scratched her back for five minutes? Just sit there and smile politely? Are you going to do same when she asks to cuddle him, too? Well, umm... I actually started scratching his back after about a minute or so. But like I said, he hasn't asked me to be his girlfriend yet. We're going out to dinner this Saturday, so who knows! I'll have a talk with my sister if so.
VeveCakes Posted May 10, 2017 Posted May 10, 2017 If you aren't bf and gf then maybe stop with the cuddle dates. Go out and do something.... 4
GunslingerRoland Posted May 10, 2017 Posted May 10, 2017 There is nothing innocent about it. It is a form of low level foreplay. Testing the boundaries, getting comfortable and familiar with rather intimate touching. I don't know what kind of sensitivity you and your wife have in your backs but I'm feeling like Sam Jackson in Pulp Fiction, it ain't no ballpark, a back scratch isn't foreplay or intimate. 1
S_A Posted May 10, 2017 Posted May 10, 2017 or to get girls overly excited, sex is not just a thing that boys want, teenage girls definitely get turned on and decide to do stupid things. Yea, and at very early ages. I worked at a middle school once and the boys were very mild compared to the girls lmao. 1
Thisguy21 Posted May 10, 2017 Posted May 10, 2017 I feel like waiting for marriage is such a mistake. Sexual incompatibility has lead to countless divorces. Disney princess fairytales are geared towards little kids. Not adults. Sexual compatibility is a key component to a long healthy relationship. You have no idea about that right now in your sheltered life, but that doesn't have to be the case. You can do the research yourself and know that this is a roll of the dice where the odds are stacked heavily against you. I respect religions for what they are, a sort of guide for moral behavior. But don't be mistaken. In bible times, your 14 year old sister would already be married. That is a FACT! trying to shape your own life based on thousands of years old traditions is wreckless at best. Take that with a grain of salt obviously. You do you and stick to your own beliefs. But it is certainly fine to question your own beliefs. That is how you grow as a person. 2
GorillaTheater Posted May 10, 2017 Posted May 10, 2017 I don't know what kind of sensitivity you and your wife have in your backs but I'm feeling like Sam Jackson in Pulp Fiction, it ain't no ballpark, a back scratch isn't foreplay or intimate. Yeah? Would you scratch a guy's back? Because I sure could use a back scratch right now. 1
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