sweetjess1951 Posted May 9, 2017 Posted May 9, 2017 I've been single for about 4 years now and pretty content with being by myself. However, I'm definitely ready to settle down, just haven't found anyone that really excited me. I play softball and had a game last night. We had a guy named Brian sub for one of our guys that couldn't make it and our chemistry was instant. After the game, I texted a girl I play with and said "Girl! Question". Her reply was "Yesssss - is it about Brian?!". I asked her how she knew and she said "Girl, I saw ya'lls chemistry. It was so obvious". She reaches out to him to ask if he's single and turns out, he's MARRIED!!! Normally I don't get worked up/upset about stuff like that (ever), but there was something about him and our chemistry and then finding out that he was married that really upset me. I am not at all expressing any interest in him, pursuing him, etc. but I've read plenty of stories about people who were married and met their "soulmate". Does anyone know of any stories like that? My other frustration is, I feel like I'm always attracted to the guys that are taken, and I don't understand why. I will say that I've been hurt pretty bad in the past and my guard is absolutely up, but its not like I KNOW these guys are taken and that's what makes me attracted to them. I had no idea he was taken. It reminds me of how I see an article of clothing that I like, and it NEVER fails that its always WAAAAAAY out of my price range. What gives???
SoThatHappened Posted May 9, 2017 Posted May 9, 2017 Good news is, you're ready to date and don't seem to have baggage, maybe just a couple scars. You're also able to have chemistry with someone. He's married, and you're smart to leave that completely alone. Ask if he has any close, single friends maybe? 1
RecentChange Posted May 9, 2017 Posted May 9, 2017 I think when someone is "taken" they tend to have a more relaxed demeanor about them. They aren't looking, or trying to impress, and that kind of confidence can be attractive. So - that's my hunch as to why you find yourself attracted to married men. As for sole mates after marriage, sure it happens, but expect a lot of drama. 5
BaileyB Posted May 9, 2017 Posted May 9, 2017 Welcome to the wonderful world of dating... Where things don't work out the way you would like for what feels like an eternity... until one day, it does. 4
kendahke Posted May 9, 2017 Posted May 9, 2017 I've been single for about 4 years now and pretty content with being by myself. However, I'm definitely ready to settle down, just haven't found anyone that really excited me. I play softball and had a game last night. We had a guy named Brian sub for one of our guys that couldn't make it and our chemistry was instant. After the game, I texted a girl I play with and said "Girl! Question". Her reply was "Yesssss - is it about Brian?!". I asked her how she knew and she said "Girl, I saw ya'lls chemistry. It was so obvious". She reaches out to him to ask if he's single and turns out, he's MARRIED!!! Normally I don't get worked up/upset about stuff like that (ever), but there was something about him and our chemistry and then finding out that he was married that really upset me. I am not at all expressing any interest in him, pursuing him, etc. but I've read plenty of stories about people who were married and met their "soulmate". Does anyone know of any stories like that? They are out there, but they come at the price of pain at the very least to 1 other person. There aren't any stories that will make this OK. My other frustration is, I feel like I'm always attracted to the guys that are taken, and I don't understand why. I will say that I've been hurt pretty bad in the past and my guard is absolutely up, but its not like I KNOW these guys are taken and that's what makes me attracted to them. I had no idea he was taken. It reminds me of how I see an article of clothing that I like, and it NEVER fails that its always WAAAAAAY out of my price range. What gives??? There is no such thing as "better living through chemistry". If you keep attracting the same character in different bodies, then you have to look at how you play into the chemistry/attraction game. Do you always feel this instant chemistry first then ask questions later? Maybe the lesson they keep coming in your life to teach you is to be far more ruthless before you allow yourself to indulge the chemistry. Meaning: before you let Eros off its leash, you need to ask if they are single and available. That way, you're not busy building an artificial construct that will come crashing down on your head. 1
Titanll Posted May 9, 2017 Posted May 9, 2017 Do people wear wedding bands these days? Being a little cheeky but I suspect some guys don't mind taking theirs off. If your friend noticed this "chemistry" between you and this married guy, then he needs to keep his stuff in check better. You're single so do whatever, he's married so he needs to act as such. I'm single so there is no easy way to know that I am in a relationship. I'm not naive and I know when someone is interested in me. I nip that in the bud gently and quickly by bringing up my girlfriend in the conversation. But then, I'm happy and in love. I can't even imagine having such poor judgement as to be married and then meeting my soulmate. As far as not allowing yourself to "feel" some chemistry until you know that the guy is single is just impossible. Of course, if these married/taken guys will bring up that fact early on, it would be nice and you wouldn't "waste" time wondering. In all seriousness, if this happens a lot, just be forward and start asking if they are taken right off the bat. If you and the guy have chemistry and he's single it will only flatter him that you asked. 3
kendahke Posted May 9, 2017 Posted May 9, 2017 (edited) As far as not allowing yourself to "feel" some chemistry until you know that the guy is single is just impossible. . And this is how people get involved with married/unavailable people. No it's not impossible. It's called having self discipline. Especially within the course of time it takes to play one softball game. But I guess if one doesn't have self discipline... I would not be engaging in flirty/sexy banter with someone without knowing first if they even available. That would be one of the first questions I'd ask when they took the turn into flirty/sexy banter. Edited May 9, 2017 by kendahke 2
BaileyB Posted May 9, 2017 Posted May 9, 2017 And this is how people get involved with married/unavailable people. No it's not impossible. It's called having self discipline. Especially within the course of time it takes to play one softball game. But I guess if one doesn't have self discipline... I would not be engaging in flirty/sexy banter with someone without knowing first if they even available. That would be one of the first questions I'd ask when they took the turn into flirty/sexy banter. Another word for "chemistry" is attraction. It's possible to be "attracted" to someone who is married... Whether you chose to act on that attraction for example, by flirting, is another thing entirely... It's the inability to respect boundaries and maintain self control gets people into trouble - both men and women. 2
kendahke Posted May 9, 2017 Posted May 9, 2017 Another word for "chemistry" is attraction. . Yeah, I know. That's why I said: then you have to look at how you play into the chemistry/attraction game. 1
smackie9 Posted May 9, 2017 Posted May 9, 2017 Next time just ask before things get out of control. 1
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 9, 2017 Posted May 9, 2017 (edited) I don't believe in this 'soul mate' stuff. Unless we are all willing to admit that there are potentially MANY soul mates out there. In which case, so much for a 'SOUL' mate. We all feel that way until we break-up or divorce. Then becomes clear that he/she wasn't my soul mate after all. The only people who truly can claim such a possibility are those who stay together and death do them part... Also, your response was to a complete stranger, I suspect it was only attraction and nothing more. I'm sure you'll find your next soul mate when the next attractive guy comes along. Edited May 9, 2017 by simpleNfit 2
OnlyHonesty Posted May 9, 2017 Posted May 9, 2017 I think that people have no idea just how many possibilities for happiness and companionship they miss from being brain washed by ''chemistry''. Ive lost count of how many times people say ''the chemistry just wasn't there'', or ''there was no chemistry''. I also see people say they need to be attracted for something to work. All I can say to all of that is, all of that can develop if you have the patience and time to allow it to. People are in too much of a hurry and have a mindset of instant gratification.
Titanll Posted May 9, 2017 Posted May 9, 2017 I don't believe in this 'soul mate' stuff. Unless we are all willing to admit that there are potentially MANY soul mates out there. In which case, so much for a 'SOUL' mate. We all feel that way until we break-up or divorce. Then becomes clear that he/she wasn't my soul mate after all. The only people who truly can claim such a possibility are those who stay together and death do them part... Also, your response was to a complete stranger, I suspect it was only attraction and nothing more. I'm sure you'll find your next soul mate when the next attractive guy comes along. No need to condescend...besides, I sort of have that market cornered haha! Of course he was a complete stranger, my girlfriend was a complete stranger when we met...and look at us now. Soulmates exist for those that believe in them. And good lord, I have known a couple of couples that stayed together until death truly did them part and they seemed to loathe each other.
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 9, 2017 Posted May 9, 2017 No need to condescend...besides, I sort of have that market cornered haha! Of course he was a complete stranger, my girlfriend was a complete stranger when we met...and look at us now. Soulmates exist for those that believe in them. And good lord, I have known a couple of couples that stayed together until death truly did them part and they seemed to loathe each other. Oh, I agree. I said that the people who stayed together and death did them part are the ones who can look back and 'claim' that they were soul mates. We all know that many relationships of the 'good old days' were not so loving after-all. On the surface, every relationship was like Leave it Beaver....not.
Erik30 Posted May 9, 2017 Posted May 9, 2017 It sucks that he's married, but at least you found out quick so you didn't waste weeks/months thinking about this guy, maybe hoping something might happen
jjgitties Posted May 9, 2017 Posted May 9, 2017 You are attracted to guys that are taken because you are attracted to the challenge and attention and you don't want to settle with one person. Married guys don't leave their wives just like that. It's a lot more complicated than that.
Titanll Posted May 9, 2017 Posted May 9, 2017 You are attracted to guys that are taken because you are attracted to the challenge and attention and you don't want to settle with one person. Married guys don't leave their wives just like that. It's a lot more complicated than that. How are you arriving at this? She has no idea that they are married/taken. 1
Author sweetjess1951 Posted May 10, 2017 Author Posted May 10, 2017 Next time just ask before things get out of control. How did things get out of control? And isn't that a little weird - to just walk up to every guy I'm attracted to and asked them if they are taken before engaging in any type of conversation with them?
Author sweetjess1951 Posted May 10, 2017 Author Posted May 10, 2017 How are you arriving at this? She has no idea that they are married/taken. Haha, right?! Just another EXTREME response on this site
Author sweetjess1951 Posted May 10, 2017 Author Posted May 10, 2017 You are attracted to guys that are taken because you are attracted to the challenge and attention and you don't want to settle with one person. Married guys don't leave their wives just like that. It's a lot more complicated than that. I'm not sure how this theory can be true if I had no idea he was taken. I found out AFTER the game was over. And I didn't mention one thing about him leaving his wife. I wouldn't expect him to. My post was about my frustration about being attracted to guys who I later find out are taken.
jjgitties Posted May 11, 2017 Posted May 11, 2017 I'm not sure how this theory can be true if I had no idea he was taken. I found out AFTER the game was over. And I didn't mention one thing about him leaving his wife. I wouldn't expect him to. My post was about my frustration about being attracted to guys who I later find out are taken. Yes. But its a pattern, isn't it? You keep getting attracted to men that are already taken or married. There is a reason you aren't attracted to unattached men.
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