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Girlfriend is accusing me of something I didn't do now she's ghosting me (ignoring

Shyjunior102

By Shyjunior102
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Shyjunior102 Member

Shyjunior102

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let me ask you, will you miss the money?

Do you need it?

I'm assuming you are well enough off that while the 14k stings it isn't essential to your well being and that you are more hurt over her just cutting you off.

 

She has nothing to pay you back.

history has shown she is a screw-up.

she will end up not being able to pay the rent and most likely come looking for you.

 

She didn't steel it from your account.

 

So while she is scum you let her do it to you.

So take this as an expensive learning experience.

 

Though the $14k does sting because it was spend all in a one week period. But i won't miss the money. I value the significant of why i spend the money, i did it for her and me. Thinking i was going to get to enjoy all this with her. But now i won't, I won't get to sleep on the new bed, sit on the new couch while watching something on the new tv.

 

The last monday i saw her while we were having lunch, she did let me know she miss her car payment and was afraid to park it outside. It was in the garage now, i know she's already scare on getting her car repossess again. I didn't help this time, i just ignored it as not important at that moment.

 

She's definitely not thinking clearly. Her other place rent was $800 and she was having difficulty making that rent. The new place rent is $1495, i know for a sure fact she won't be able to make this rent either. But i will be hopeful that she will, until from some miracle i get myself out of the lease. Need to tell my sad story to the landlord in hopes they share sympathy.

 

Yes, i do understand she not steal the money from me it was I that allow this to happen to me. I gave so much trust to her that she ran with it.

Edited by Shyjunior102
Typo didnt make sense
act00 Established Member

act00

Posted
Posted

She'll be in touch with you the next time she's in dire need of something; when she can't pay a bill or needs a new duvet. You covered furniture, decorations, rent, and paid for her child's birthday; a child you don't seem particularly bonded to or interested in, despite your potential of being a stepfather. You speak of this child as just an annoying little extension to the woman you care about.

 

She isn't attached to you beyond your wallet. Her needs have been met for the time being, so she's pushing you out. She doesn't want you around right now. When she hits financial straits again, she will be all over you like white on rice.

 

Don't know what to do about the lease, but I will bet money that she will be the sweetest, most attentive girlfriend when the she hits the skids financially.

 

This girl is not a keeper. Time to cut bait.

  • Like 1
healing light Established Member

healing light

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I'm sorry this happened to you.

 

You need to get a copy of the lease that was signed ASAP. Read it carefully--I had to break a lease early once and it was a month's rent to do so. Every lease is a bit different so I would read through it to see if there is a clause that allows you to break it.

 

I also had a different situation with a crazy roommate who stopped paying her rent. I was in contact with the landlord (unbeknownst to me, she had bad credit and was only able to be on it because of me--but I would have been on the line if she defaulted her portion). At that point it had been past a year, so it was a month-to-month situation; if I had moved out but she decided to stay, I believe I would have still been liable. I basically moved out and told her that she needed to reapply with a new roommate or move out, as well (under the advice of the landlord). Thankfully, she didn't become a squatter. The landlord knew she was a bad tenant because of our communications and when her replacement roommate also had bad credit, he denied their application to be tenants on a new lease and she got kicked out of the apartment.

 

So read your lease very carefully and get a consultation with a lawyer. You can usually get a first consultation at a reduced rate or even free if you go consult with your local law school (at least here in California).

 

As for the furniture, if it hasn't been delivered yet I would talk with the companies to cancel your orders and put it into dispute on your credit card. If it's already been delivered then I don't think those options will work.

 

Good luck!!!

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Shyjunior102 Member

Shyjunior102

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As others have asked...what excessive need drove you to dole out 14K to a stranger with issues that would inevitably (and has) become yours?

 

You think you're being generous and sensitive and you are, but you are also making decisions that are entirely too emotional. Did you have 14K in cash? Or did you go in debt for all this? Do you have all your shin-dig in order for YOU? Your family, kids or ex? Your response w/o the 14k toss would have been construed as helpful, generous, but 14k is something altogether too much.

 

To share light on the $14k. Is basically covering all the move from the deposit to buying everything for the new place. Like decoration for the living room, everything for the kitchen dinning table, pan, dishes you name it. Same for the bathroom and bedroom. Everything was bought in 2 day period and most was deliver same day other stuff next day deliver.

 

What drove me to spend all this money. Well, in my rational thinking I thought I was going to enjoy all this with her. It didn't cross my mind that she would shortly leave after. She did many things that let me to believe she was comfortable with me and that she was into me. I was naive, read wrong and misconstrued something that was not there.

 

She did let me know about her past relationships and how many guys she been with. Now I don't believe her much. In the other hand, for me she was my first, for sex, girlfriend and relationship. I never date before nor had a girlfriend or marry, no kids either. Focus on my studies and be independent of money.

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Shyjunior102 Member

Shyjunior102

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You covered furniture, decorations, rent, and paid for her child's birthday; a child you don't seem particularly bonded to or interested in, despite your potential of being a stepfather. You speak of this child as just an annoying little extension to the woman you care about.

 

This girl is not a keeper. Time to cut bait.

 

To talk a bit about the child, he's a boy that just 3 yrs old on April. Met him after 3 month going out with her mom. I did bonded with him, didn't mention much about him because it just makes me sad.

 

I have great memories about him. Was extremely active, took him to many game places and bought him many things to, like shoes, clothes, electric car, small tv, toys and a bed. I held him many times and he felt asleep in my arms hugging his arms around my neck. Got to bond with him for over 3 months.

Gr8fuln2020 Established Member

Gr8fuln2020

Posted
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To share light on the $14k. Is basically covering all the move from the deposit to buying everything for the new place. Like decoration for the living room, everything for the kitchen dinning table, pan, dishes you name it. Same for the bathroom and bedroom. Everything was bought in 2 day period and most was deliver same day other stuff next day deliver.

 

What drove me to spend all this money. Well, in my rational thinking I thought I was going to enjoy all this with her. It didn't cross my mind that she would shortly leave after. She did many things that let me to believe she was comfortable with me and that she was into me. I was naive, read wrong and misconstrued something that was not there.

 

She did let me know about her past relationships and how many guys she been with. Now I don't believe her much. In the other hand, for me she was my first, for sex, girlfriend and relationship. I never date before nor had a girlfriend or marry, no kids either. Focus on my studies and be independent of money.

 

Sorry, my friend. Lesson learned, right? You are too vulnerable to date or was. Try not to get caught up in the romance as it will leave you witless and objectivity is thrown out the window. See someone who has her stuff together and start with someone who doesn't have children. You sound very young and girls with babies and exes who don't support or she is barely making it are not good qualities.

 

Lesson learned...you have experience and use that to hone your dating skills. And I would also recommend that you keep your finances under wraps and not use it to impress. Some people will tell you anything if they know you have dough.

 

Good luck.

ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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Dear me. You were used in a major way, OP.

 

She is not going to be able to afford that rent, and guess who the landlord will call to cough it up?

 

You need to be a heck of a lot more cautious with your heart and your money. She sniffed out your naivety and took full advantage of it.

 

Call a lawyer. You are very likely going to need one.

  • Like 2
Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

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Posted
To share light on the $14k. Is basically covering all the move from the deposit to buying everything for the new place. Like decoration for the living room, everything for the kitchen dinning table, pan, dishes you name it. Same for the bathroom and bedroom. Everything was bought in 2 day period and most was deliver same day other stuff next day deliver.

 

What drove me to spend all this money. Well, in my rational thinking I thought I was going to enjoy all this with her. It didn't cross my mind that she would shortly leave after. She did many things that let me to believe she was comfortable with me and that she was into me. I was naive, read wrong and misconstrued something that was not there.

 

She did let me know about her past relationships and how many guys she been with. Now I don't believe her much. In the other hand, for me she was my first, for sex, girlfriend and relationship. I never date before nor had a girlfriend or marry, no kids either. Focus on my studies and be independent of money.

 

This is not all about lack of dating experience . . . your life experience and common sense are less than well-developed.

 

I was naive, read wrong and misconstrued something that was not there. -- Even if she was really invested in you and sincere about having a relationship with you, you shouldn't do all that you did so quickly.

 

Focus on my studies and be independent of money. -- Go back to doing this and don't date for a while. You will need time to process and accept the situation before you can start dating again with a clear head and heart. Be patient with yourself and in dating. Dating for a relationship is a process of observation and evaluation over a significant period of time (at least more than 3 months), not an event.

  • Like 1
ChatroomHero Established Member

ChatroomHero

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Pretty much everyone here has said it, she took you for a ride. If she comes back to you it will be because she is short on cash. Realistically there is not a lot you can do and I can almost guarantee you will need to see the lease is paid each month because she will likely not pay it at some point.

 

 

Hopefully the lease is only a year. If she does "come back" at some point, you could always get in "your" place one day when she is out and move all the furniture out. If you paid for it and have the receipts, you can't get in trouble for stealing your own property.

 

 

Outside of that, let it go and no matter how hard she cries, do not spend another dime on her.

flashed Member

flashed

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Be careful word doesn't get out about how you date. Get ready for a flood of private messages. :laugh:

clia Established Member

clia

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Posted

If your name is on the lease, you can enter the apartment. Go over there with a truck and move out all of your furniture and the other things you bought. (You bought it, it's yours.) Check the return policy to find out if you can return any of it. If not, you can sell it -- or even just keep it for yourself. You won't get all of your money back (or anywhere close) if you sell it, but something is better than nothing.

 

Next, go to the landlord and find out how you can break the lease. You will have to pay, but it will undoubtedly be cheaper than the $1500 a month you are going to be on the hook for over the next year (or however long the lease is).

 

Do all of the above immediately.

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smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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The only time you spend that kind of money is with YOUR WIFE. Not some single mom you barely even know.

 

This is what dating is for...to "observe" what is before you. She had her car repossessed, can't make ends meet, has issues with her ex. These are what are called dealbreakers/red flags. This is when you don't ask for a second date. You never tell yourself "I can work with this...she could use my help, that way she can see how great a BF I would make." This fails. You just opened a door to be a doormat. Individuals like her have no business looking for a relationship until they get their s$%^ together period.

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johngalt1149 Established Member

johngalt1149

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Even though he's on the lease, the police for fear of breaking the peace won't let him enter. (happened to me). It is a civil issue. Even worse if she has a guy there they will prevent him from entering because of the potential for violence.

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Shyjunior102 Member

Shyjunior102

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The only time you spend that kind of money is with YOUR WIFE. Not some single mom you barely even know.

 

This is what dating is for...to "observe" what is before you. She had her car repossessed, can't make ends meet, has issues with her ex. These are what are called dealbreakers/red flags. This is when you don't ask for a second date. You never tell yourself "I can work with this...she could use my help, that way she can see how great a BF I would make." This fails. You just opened a door to be a doormat. Individuals like her have no business looking for a relationship until they get their s$%^ together period.

 

I loss my sense of rational thinking. Though I so heartily thinking I was not trying to save her my action speak the opposite to my thinking. As I have been told by you guys.

 

Didn't see how toxic it was from the beginning. Though I do believe she was sincere.

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Shyjunior102 Member

Shyjunior102

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I'm sorry this happened to you.

 

You need to get a copy of the lease that was signed ASAP. Read it carefully--I had to break a lease early once and it was a month's rent to do so. Every lease is a bit different so I would read through it to see if there is a clause that allows you to break it.

 

As for the furniture, if it hasn't been delivered yet I would talk with the companies to cancel your orders and put it into dispute on your credit card.

 

Good luck!!!

 

In regards to the lease, as many have mention her credit is probably no good. Yes, her credit is no good. The lease contract is a one year term. She did not qualified to get the lease by herself. She needed someone with good credit to be on the lease with her. Landlord told me base on her credit she could not lease nor live there without having someone on the lease to cover is she were to default.

 

The penalties to break the lease, a $2500 penalty, forfeit the deposit of $1000 and one months rent $1495. With a clause if they can't find someone to rent I'll be liable until they find someone but no more then 3 months at the lease rent of $1495 a month.

 

Making my numbers to break the lease I'll be at a loss for $6500 minimum to $9500 high.

 

Feeling so guilty to do this. The landlord will need to tell her she needs to move out because the lease contract is no longer active, meaning the landlord will essentially kicked her out with her son ):

 

What a mess... );

 

I don't have the heart take all the furniture away from her. Even thought I have all the receipts to do so.

smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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sincerity is the hook....yank yank. Stay away from people who have troubles, whether it's financial or toxic relationships. Stick with stable, healthy, confident people.

 

IMO she took advantage of you. If she had any integrity should wouldn't have accepted any financial help...she has no pride/dignity.

 

Running her own business when she doesn't have a pot to piss in is just poor planning. She's a shyster.

smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

Posted
Posted
In regards to the lease, as many have mention her credit is probably no good. Yes, her credit is no good. The lease contract is a one year term. She did not qualified to get the lease by herself. She needed someone with good credit to be on the lease with her. Landlord told me base on her credit she could not lease nor live there without having someone on the lease to cover is she were to default.

 

The penalties to break the lease, a $2500 penalty, forfeit the deposit of $1000 and one months rent $1495. With a clause if they can't find someone to rent I'll be liable until they find someone but no more then 3 months at the lease rent of $1495 a month.

 

Making my numbers to break the lease I'll be at a loss for $6500 minimum to $9500 high.

 

Feeling so guilty to do this. The landlord will need to tell her she needs to move out because the lease contract is no longer active, meaning the landlord will essentially kicked her out with her son ):

 

What a mess... );

 

I don't have the heart take all the furniture away from her. Even thought I have all the receipts to do so.

You just wait......she will just stop paying rent/ move out with all her lovely new furniture and move in with new BF. How about them apples. Trust me this will be her next course of action. Take what you can get back...but that's providing she won' call the police on you.

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Shyjunior102 Member

Shyjunior102

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You just wait......she will just stop paying rent/ move out with all her lovely new furniture and move in with new BF. How about them apples. Trust me this will be her next course of action. Take what you can get back...but that's providing she won' call the police on you.

 

These are the worst type of apple ever. I hate these apples ):

 

Why she's not talking to me anymore, who knows. We are selfish creatures we only look for our best interest at hand at the moment. She was looking for her best interest, what it was i don't know. No matter who she hurt in the way. The nature of us humans. Maybe i was selfish in helping her to.

 

I want to stop this guilty feeling. Why do i feel guilty to try to take the furniture away? Let alone feeling guilty to break the lease! She will eventually be kicked out by the landlord once i break the lease. So much power in my hand is troubling. I can essentailly make her homeless temporarily with nothing in her possession.

 

Why don't i have the heart to do this?...

kendahke Established Member

kendahke

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Posted
Even though he's on the lease, the police for fear of breaking the peace won't let him enter. (happened to me). It is a civil issue. Even worse if she has a guy there they will prevent him from entering because of the potential for violence.

 

 

 

Every state has different laws regarding this sort of thing. California's laws are different from Florida's.

kendahke Established Member

kendahke

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I want to stop this guilty feeling. Why do i feel guilty to try to take the furniture away?

 

Because you think you still have a dog in this race--that she will miraculously realize what a wonderful guy you are (which to a less rapacious woman you are) and change her tack.. This is what psychotic hope in action is like.

 

Why don't i have the heart to do this?...

 

Because you want her to still consider you as her man when she only considers you as her ATM. IF the tables were turned, would she do this for you? No. She's trying to feather her nest with her ex with your largess.

Space Ritual Established Member

Space Ritual

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Making my numbers to break the lease I'll be at a loss for $6500 minimum to $9500 high.

 

 

Which is a small price to pay to get this one out of your life forever. Believe me, you can't put a price tag on peace of mind and being able to walk away without feeling the need to go upside somebody's head.

 

Continuing to do the Pick ME Dance with her would cost you much more than money.

rester Established Member

rester

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Her other place rent was $800 and she was having difficulty making that rent. The new place rent is $1495, i know for a sure fact she won't be able to make this rent either.

 

What am I missing here? Did you expect to be paying her rent for the foreseeable future? If she can't afford $800, why move her into a new place with almost double the rent?

 

If she pays $800/month and you pay the remainder, after 12 months it will cost you $8,340. And that is if you can even get that arrangement out of the deal. I don't know how you are going to do that if she won't talk to you. What a mess.

 

As mentioned before, get an attorney to communicate for you. You need to protect your credit rating at the very least. This may be worth the $9500 to bail out of the lease. She can fight the landlord on her eviction on her own.

  • Like 1
smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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If you were in front of Judge Judy, she would toss this case because there was no agreement in writing for her to give back the furniture if the relationship is terminated.

 

BUT since your name is on the lease then theoretically you live there, and the furniture is YOURS because you have the receipts, you can take the furniture and say you are moving out. If you so desire to take this step, DO NOT tell her or she will just trash it.

 

It was an expensive 14K lesson learned, move on.

  • Like 1
smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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You will have to get the sheriff's dept to escort you to get into the apartment, with the landlord and the keys in hand. She can't do Jack about it.

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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Feeling so guilty to do this. The landlord will need to tell her she needs to move out because the lease contract is no longer active, meaning the landlord will essentially kicked her out with her son ):

 

What a mess... );

 

I don't have the heart take all the furniture away from her. Even thought I have all the receipts to do so.

 

 

Why do you feel guilty? She played you for a fool. You shouldn't feel guilty. You should feel angry!

 

 

Take those receipts to a lawyer. See what advice that person gives you. The lawyer may also be able to negotiate a better deal for you to get out of the lease. Give it a try.

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