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Girlfriend is accusing me of something I didn't do now she's ghosting me (ignoring

Shyjunior102

By Shyjunior102
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Shyjunior102 Member

Shyjunior102

Posted
Posted

So I met girl online and we have being going out for about 7 months now. She's 28 I'm 34. We have been physical. She's a single mom. She has been struggling for some time and I offer to help her out. Her car got repossessed in the first month I started seeing her, she was behind on rent to. Having problem with her ex, she would call me and cry i just listen to her. Try to distract her by taking her on mini vacation. Like we rented villa, small local trip, Vegas and visited many restaurants. After 3 months of going out she presented her child to me, which I don't mind.

 

She's very loving when we are together, she has great social skills, able to establish conversation with whomever. I have been jealous a few times buts that's because guys talk to her in front of me and she continues conversation. But I just stay cool and next to her and feel very confident about myself. After she's done about a minute or two she makes eye contact with me I grab her hand and kiss her. She has talked about moving from her current place and about 3 weeks ago I helped her move out. Before the move I took her shopping many time. Her son bday was on April, which I help her out by buying all the party supplies. I bought him an electric car and many other small things.

 

As I help her move to the place I bought her new furniture, bed for her and a bed for her son, dinning table, couch, tv, refrigerator and house decorations. I spend close to $14k on the move which included everything, deposit for the place and first&last month rent and new furniture.

 

She's has two jobs her catering business and works at a restaurant both jobs required great discipline to make ends meet. She has gone through lots of stress, the ex, bills, housing, son bday, mom visiting and lately a medical condition nothing life threatening, just some painful cyst. But about two weeks ago, we when out on Monday and she got annoyed that ask many question about her health issue, she told to please not ask her anymore. That she's knows I care for her and to talk about something else. At one time she told I was insecure 2 months ago. After our afternoon date I texted her in the evening time got no response, call her the following day and she did not answer. So I gave her some time and space. Came Friday day so i call her in the morning and she did not answer so I texted her. "Are you alright? I'm beginning to worried." She responded after 20 minutes "I saw your truck on Monday after I got off of work". I don't know what that means, so I responded at the heat of the moment send 4 msgs, and basically explained I was with my parent on that night.

 

So for the past week or more she haven't answered my calls and she has been distant. I truely care for her and feeling confused that she's ignoring me. I’m starting to worry that she's not interested in seeing me any more. Wish she can open up to me about what else is going on. I just feel that I have always been there for her and i feel hurt that she's ignoring me. I gave soo much, that, now i feel that all my effort were in vain. Feeling very sad, used, taking advantage off and laugh at. I need hard criticism, please help. And i also sign a lease with her ):

  • Like 1
Zahara Established Member

Zahara

Posted
Posted

I wonder if she's looking for an excuse to exit the relationship.

 

I am not sure why you would invest $14K in someone you hardly knew. It's one thing to be compassionate and caring for another but often times you attract people that may just be out to use you. This could likely be the case.

 

You may want to read about co-dependency. It sounds like you bend over backwards in order to extract acceptance and validation from another.

  • Like 4
johngalt1149 Established Member

johngalt1149

Posted
Posted (edited)

Sorry to break this to you. You meet a girl who is broke, couldn't take care of herself. She found a knight in shining armor (or honor). You paid and she's saved. She is one of the entitled who will take what she can get. What's yours is hers and what's hers is hers. You're on the lease, did you get a key? Now what happens when she's up for eviction again? Obviously her credit isn't good, what does she care? Pretty much the same as a divorce. It's broken, save yourself. Get off the lease or ask her to make other arrangements. I feel for you, but you got taken. And in all honesty, a lady talking to other strangers in front of you is not exactly a lady. Someone that allowed you to spend 14k on her without repayment arrangements etc isn't your paramour. Some would call her something other than a lady. Good luck.

PS: A cyst is a good excuse to avoid sex.

Edited by johngalt1149
  • Like 3
SoThatHappened Established Member

SoThatHappened

Posted
Posted

Oh man, where to begin...

 

You should feel used. You wanted to be her "white knight," and you got played.

 

The $14k+ you spent on her... bad idea. Never do that with someone you've only known a few months. You're old enough to know better.

 

She has 2 jobs but still gets her car repossessed? She should have seen that coming, sold the car, and got into something more affordable. She's ALSO old enough to know better.

 

She's crying on your shoulder about her ex? No bueno. Never date anyone who still exhibits those feelings for an ex. I'm guessing they didn't breakup too long before you swooped in to save her?

 

She has conversations with guys while you sit there quietly? Ugh...

 

She's been exhibiting annoyance toward you? Probably because she's simply using you, but there's someone else in the picture right now.

 

She's ignoring you? Ignore her back by cutting off all contact except what you need to get out of that lease.

 

And don't do things like this, for anyone. You're not anyone's saviour. You just learned that the hard way... well, I hope you've learned from this.

  • Like 2
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Shyjunior102 Member

Shyjunior102

Posted
  • Author
Posted

She is or was my first in anything, sexual, girlfriend and a relationship if i can call it that. I have focus my life in having a successful career. So I never experienced in having a relationship before.

 

I ended making myself a profile online, this is what found myself with.

 

With her i loss my control of rational thinking. When she falls behind on the lease I will continue to suffer the consequences of my stupidity ):

I can see how it can view that i was trying to save this person. But I was not. I heartedly believe I was been the supported person on this.

 

My thinking was or is, that she needed help with life bills like we all do. I do care for her, so I helped. We help the people we care.

 

Yes, I need to keep my standars in high value. But I let my guard and standard down with her. I feel more stupid because it was not just $14k, close to twice that amount. I accommodate other things for her to.

 

Thank for the hard criticism I really needed. I loss my self respect and bewildered to no pride, ****...

 

Hard to sink in the notion that the person I invested emotional feeling for and financial support can be soo cold and just walk away without saying anything else );

  • Author
Shyjunior102 Member

Shyjunior102

Posted
  • Author
Posted

I'm at awe my self. I don't what when wrong. But that was her last text to me. Before, we were seeing each other twice a week, sometimes even 3 times. Our schedule were flexible, so were able to meet for breakfast, lunch or dinner. Base on her text, she apparently she saw my truck as she got off work. Many question unanswered, is she saying I saw you with someone else or I saw you at this place or is she saying I thinking you're stalking me? Wtf...

 

Why is this a problem? Well, she has gone silent, doesn't take my calls and she has not texted back. Before we talking every other day, short conversation like 5 to 15 minutes. We had a constant communication but now zero, for about 10 days. Am I being paranoid? Even after all this why do i feel i want to get back with her.

Zahara Established Member

Zahara

Posted
Posted
Base on her text, she apparently she saw my truck as she got off work. Many question unanswered, is she saying I saw you with someone else or I saw you at this place or is she saying I thinking you're stalking me? Wtf...

 

She's likely making up some excuse to guilt you into believing you did something wrong rather than own up and state she was only in it for the money, help, etc.

 

Am I being paranoid? Even after all this why do i feel i want to get back with her.

 

No, she is cutting contact with you because she is done. But I have a feeling when she needs more money or help, she'll be back. You want her back because you built an emotional connection to her. Stop allowing people to use you. Work on your insecurities and self-esteem.

  • Like 5
Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

Posted
Posted

Consigning on she might be using it as an excuse to bail:(

  • Like 1
kendahke Established Member

kendahke

Posted
Posted

I'd tell her the furniture company will be there on Friday to pick up the furniture you bought and that you are breaking her lease (since you signed for it) and then block her.

 

I'll bet she finds her way to a phone then.

  • Like 7
johngalt1149 Established Member

johngalt1149

Posted
Posted

You can't just "break" a lease and if the furniture wasn't financed, no one is picking it up. He could request to have his name taken off but a good landlord will ignore that. He's screwed for the money and if she defaults, for the balance of the lease. Even being on the lease, if he doesn't live there the police won't let him in. It's a civil issue so count on legal fees.

SoThatHappened Established Member

SoThatHappened

Posted
Posted
Well, she has gone silent, doesn't take my calls and she has not texted back.

You're getting unanimously sound advice, and you seem to have a good enough head on your shoulders to heed it.

 

You were used. Never, ever do all that for someone you're simply infatuated with. It was an expensive lesson for you.

 

Never be with someone who "needs" help like that. Be with someone who wants to be with you and doesn't need saving from finances, exes, etc. Someone who adds to your life, not someone who takes.

 

If you think she was providing something for you in return (via affection, or physical intimacy), you're just naive. No big deal, but definitely not the norm for someone in their mid-thirties.

 

She's probably very unstable. Stable people don't do things she does.

 

So, she's gone silent. I suggest you do everything you can to keep it silent on your end and hers. Block every form of contact except where you need to converse to handle the issue with the lease.

 

And when handling that, do it gracefully.

 

I'd bet anything she will be trying to reel you back in in a few months. Don't give in. Clean up the ties you have, and find someone you is a partner, and not a leech.

  • Like 1
Space Ritual Established Member

Space Ritual

Posted
Posted (edited)
So I met girl online and we have being going out for about 7 months now. She's 28 I'm 34. We have been physical. She's a single mom. She has been struggling for some time and I offer to help her out. Her car got repossessed in the first month I started seeing her, she was behind on rent to. Having problem with her ex, she would call me and cry i just listen to her. Try to distract her by taking her on mini vacation. Like we rented villa, small local trip, Vegas and visited many restaurants. After 3 months of going out she presented her child to me, which I don't mind.

 

She's very loving when we are together, she has great social skills, able to establish conversation with whomever. I have been jealous a few times buts that's because guys talk to her in front of me and she continues conversation. But I just stay cool and next to her and feel very confident about myself. After she's done about a minute or two she makes eye contact with me I grab her hand and kiss her. She has talked about moving from her current place and about 3 weeks ago I helped her move out. Before the move I took her shopping many time. Her son bday was on April, which I help her out by buying all the party supplies. I bought him an electric car and many other small things.

 

As I help her move to the place I bought her new furniture, bed for her and a bed for her son, dinning table, couch, tv, refrigerator and house decorations. I spend close to $14k on the move which included everything, deposit for the place and first&last month rent and new furniture.

 

She's has two jobs her catering business and works at a restaurant both jobs required great discipline to make ends meet. She has gone through lots of stress, the ex, bills, housing, son bday, mom visiting and lately a medical condition nothing life threatening, just some painful cyst. But about two weeks ago, we when out on Monday and she got annoyed that ask many question about her health issue, she told to please not ask her anymore. That she's knows I care for her and to talk about something else. At one time she told I was insecure 2 months ago. After our afternoon date I texted her in the evening time got no response, call her the following day and she did not answer. So I gave her some time and space. Came Friday day so i call her in the morning and she did not answer so I texted her. "Are you alright? I'm beginning to worried." She responded after 20 minutes "I saw your truck on Monday after I got off of work". I don't know what that means, so I responded at the heat of the moment send 4 msgs, and basically explained I was with my parent on that night.

 

So for the past week or more she haven't answered my calls and she has been distant. I truely care for her and feeling confused that she's ignoring me. I’m starting to worry that she's not interested in seeing me any more. Wish she can open up to me about what else is going on. I just feel that I have always been there for her and i feel hurt that she's ignoring me. I gave soo much, that, now i feel that all my effort were in vain. Feeling very sad, used, taking advantage off and laugh at. I need hard criticism, please help. And i also sign a lease with her ):

 

Let her go.

 

You made the cardinal mistake of being a Nice Guy, also a Knight in Shining Armor.

 

Some Girls like that attribute as long as it suits them. Then they tire of it, blameshift, see something more exciting coming down the pike and leave the Knight a blubbering mess hugging his sword wishing someone would run him through with it.

 

That's pretty much what happened here. she got to the 7 month mark and decided she didn't respect you for how you bent over backwards for her.

 

So she decided that some guy she probably met while she was catering an event was more the Alpha type she was looking for torrid romance with.

 

Look, you basically got taken for a ride for and you paid 14 grand for it.

 

I'm sorry but these stories are all too common for new arrivals. Your situation is not unique. Your best option is to see if you can recover some of the 14 thousand dollars through legal action and have no further contact with her unless it's through a lawyer.

 

While you are at it, Google "No More Mr. Nice Guy pdf" and read t. It is a fairly short but powerful read and you could stand to benefit alot from it.

 

Chicks like her end up in ditches after pissing off the wrong guy, so if you can't get any of the money back, just read that book and consider the 14 grand the price of getting her out of your life.

Edited by Space Ritual
  • Like 6
d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted

Yikes. I'd be pounding on the door demanding that she take over sole possession of the lease but I suspect the landlord won't allow that because with her bad credit history she probably doesn't qualify to live there on her own.

 

 

This woman saw the word "sucker" stamped on your forehead from miles away. I'm so sorry that your sweet nature allowed you to be so taken advantage of.

 

 

Given the amount of money involved you might try consulting a lawyer but unfortunately all of those things were gifts. Means you have no recourse.

  • Like 1
johngalt1149 Established Member

johngalt1149

Posted
Posted

Sorry to inform but you were taken. You have no shot unless you have a promissory note to get back ANY of the 14K and you are on the hook for the balance of the lease. She could even take the security deposit (although the check should be in both names as long as you clarify it). Even with a promissory note, if she has no assets or is protected as a single Mum you are screwed with an uncollectible judgement (if you get that far).

  • Like 2
kendahke Established Member

kendahke

Posted
Posted

Silliness

You can't just "break" a lease and if the furniture wasn't financed, no one is picking it up. He could request to have his name taken off but a good landlord will ignore that. He's screwed for the money and if she defaults, for the balance of the lease. Even being on the lease, if he doesn't live there the police won't let him in. It's a civil issue so count on legal fees.

 

I didn't say that any of this will happen, did I?

 

I said that if he wants her to pick up a phone and talk to her, this will prompt her to do so.

  • Like 1
Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

Posted
Posted

Now you know what qualities you want in a dating partner -- a woman who is independent, secure, financially stable who isn't someone's baby mama and doesn't use you as her emotional tampon or treat you like a sugar daddy . . .

 

she has great social skills -- Except when it comes to relationships and communication.

 

She introduced her child to you at 3 months?????? -- She's not a very good parent either. You don't involve children with new dating partners until the relationship is well-established and on a stable footing.

 

Keep moving. Raise the bar for yourself in terms of dating partners. Consult a real estate attorney about removing her from the lease and sell the furniture on Craig's list.

  • Like 2
rester Established Member

rester

Posted
Posted (edited)

At this point I would spend the money for a consultation with an attorney. Bring the rental agreement and receipts for everything if you have them. It's doubtful you'll be able to recoup much but I would imagine getting advice on the best way to proceed forward would be worth a few hundred dollars, considering you have enough expendable income to spend $14k on your ex's furniture.

 

At the very least try to get out of that lease with the least amount of penalty. Sometimes if you help the landlord find a replacement tenant there is little penalty at all.

 

In the future, never give or loan money to friends or family unless you can afford to never see it again. And be sure to get loan agreements in writing.

Edited by rester
rester Established Member

rester

Posted
Posted
have no further contact with her unless it's through a lawyer.

 

Quoted for emphasis. Get to an attorney ASAP. Make the calls today.

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Shyjunior102 Member

Shyjunior102

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)
If you think she was providing something for you in return (via affection, or physical intimacy), you're just naive. No big deal, but definitely not the norm for someone in their mid-thirties.

 

She's probably very unstable. Stable people don't do things she does.

 

Block every form of contact except where you need to converse to handle the issue with the lease.

 

And when handling that, do it gracefully.

 

I'd bet anything she will be trying to reel you back in in a few months. Don't give in. Clean up the ties you have, and find someone you is a partner, and not a leech.

 

Seven month into this so called relationship is no easy task. There was lots of invested time from work, getting dress, cancelling other things and the emotional and financial investment to.

 

I will not put an excuse as why she haven't responded back and why her behavior. We as human need to have respect for someone another. And she's showing no respect for me. I'm just at awe and too stupid to realize when someone is taking advantage me. I believe i didn't do nothing wrong to her, some will view that i did. Some people deserve to be help other need to learn how to struggle to get ahead in life.

 

The lease contract is so stressful to think about it. Didn't see it coming that she will just leave or cut me loose. Yes, I'm angry but I'm graceful that i have kink heart to resolve issues peacefully.

 

Everything is paid for in regards to furniture. i just happen to have some savings in my hands but now i don't and she's gone... ):

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Quote formatting ~6
Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

Posted
Posted

Some people deserve to be help other need to learn how to struggle to get ahead in life. -- A hand up is different than a hand out . . .

  • Like 5
kendahke Established Member

kendahke

Posted
Posted
Some people deserve to be help other need to learn how to struggle to get ahead in life.

 

She belongs in the latter group.

 

The lease contract is so stressful to think about it. Didn't see it coming that she will just leave or cut me loose. Yes, I'm angry but I'm graceful that i have kink heart to resolve issues peacefully.

 

Using a lawyer is a peaceful way of resolving this.

 

Everything is paid for in regards to furniture. i just happen to have some savings in my hands but now i don't and she's gone... ):

 

Then sell it, since you have the receipts and she doesn't. But do talk with the landlord about your options. They may work with you on this.

 

She really doesn't deserve any further consideration by you. She hasn't earned it.

  • Like 1
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Shyjunior102 Member

Shyjunior102

Posted
  • Author
Posted
She belongs in the latter group.

 

She does but my mind does not allow me to think so, such a struggle....

 

Using a lawyer is a peaceful way of resolving this.

 

Always thought lawyer were for other types of matter, feeling soo depress...

 

Then sell it, since you have the receipts and she doesn't. But do talk with the landlord about your options. They may work with you on this.

 

I have all the receipts, i even bought the protection coverage to 100% replacement or full retail money back, geez

 

She really doesn't deserve any further consideration by you. She hasn't earned it.

 

What triggers my mind to think differently? This recurring thought if i can just explain it was not my truck. But it has no merit, i can change the logical thought she wont answer.

  • Author
Shyjunior102 Member

Shyjunior102

Posted
  • Author
Posted
It's doubtful you'll be able to recoup much but I would imagine getting advice on the best way to proceed forward would be worth a few hundred dollars, considering you have enough expendable income to spend $14k on your ex's furniture.

 

At the very least try to get out of that lease with the least amount of penalty. Sometimes if you help the landlord find a replacement tenant there is little penalty at all.

 

I have done well for myself in term of finances. I'm ver well discipline in this regard. But struggle in how to read people, i give people the benefit that they will do good on their word. We must trust people but when emotion are envolve and they break our trust we loose hope in people.

 

I helped her because i wanted to help not because she was giving sex or affection. My mind can't comprehend why she can just leave and not say anything. Beeing ignored after all i done is f..king depressing... );

phineas Established Member

phineas

Posted
Posted
I have done well for myself in term of finances. I'm ver well discipline in this regard. But struggle in how to read people, i give people the benefit that they will do good on their word. We must trust people but when emotion are envolve and they break our trust we loose hope in people.

 

I helped her because i wanted to help not because she was giving sex or affection. My mind can't comprehend why she can just leave and not say anything. Beeing ignored after all i done is f..king depressing... );

 

you got taken.

It happens.

 

let me ask you, will you miss the money?

Do you need it?

I'm assuming you are well enough off that while the 14k stings it isn't essential to your well being and that you are more hurt over her just cutting you off.

 

If you aren't going to miss the money then my suggestion is to just let it go and delete her from your life.

 

You can't get blood from a stone.

She has nothing to pay you back.

history has shown she is a screw-up.

she will end up not being able to pay the rent and most likely come looking for you.

 

but, you wont be there will you?

she'll get nothing but silence.

 

stooping to her level and being vindictive isn't the answer because let's be honest here, YOU chose to give her the money. She didn't steel it from your account.

 

So while she is scum you let her do it to you.

So take this as an expensive learning experience.

Gr8fuln2020 Established Member

Gr8fuln2020

Posted
Posted

Ugh. I would NEVER get involved with a single mother who didn't have her financial, housing situation in order. And certainly not with a woman who's ex is around and not doing his part to help her and their children.

 

As others have asked...what excessive need drove you to dole out 14K to a stranger with issues that would inevitably (and has) become yours? I wonder if you're not better off with her ghosting you and leaving you alone and simply letting the 14k go as a bad investment.

 

You think you're being generous and sensitive and you are, but you are also making decisions that are entirely too emotional. Did you have 14K in cash? Or did you go in debt for all this? Do you have all your shin-dig in order for YOU? Your family, kids or ex? Your response w/o the 14k toss would have been construed as helpful, generous, but 14k is something altogether too much. Just my 2-cents.

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