ashliew Posted May 9, 2017 Posted May 9, 2017 I met this guy online almost 2 months ago and we have been dating and getting to know each other ever since. We messaged each other and talked on the phone at first. He said he life was becoming hectic and he was busy for the first few weeks we talked but he called me on the phone because he wanted to let me know he was interested. We talked every few days for 3 weeks then finally had our first meeting/date. We get along really well and on our first date we had lots of chemistry and we always talk a lot about lots of different things. He is mature, romantic, sweet, smart, funny and a lot of good things. I really have strong feelings for him but it seems like he is moving more slowly than me. He did say he likes to take it slow. We have been on 4 dates and we text everyday and in such a short time he has become very important to me. He is the best guy I have ever dated. Tonight we got into an emotional conversation but it was via text. I asked him if he was my boyfriend and he says he is unsure about it right now because his living situation isn't the best and he isn't very stable. He is in his 30s and doesn't work. He is living off savings and his landlord hates him so its a fragile situation and he wants to try to move but I am not sure if he can afford it. He's never lied to me to far and hasn't played any games but it hurts me that he is unsure since I am so sure. It brings up a lot of doubts and I feel I may like him more than he likes me. He doesn't express himself a lot in words but more with his actions. He treats me well and is really nice and everything but its uncertain right now if he will ever give me a commitment. We still haven't had sex yet either and I don't know if we will anytime soon. He did say he wants to keep seeing me but it wasn't clear if he wants to keep dating or what it means. I let my emotions get in the way and I told him if he doesn't want to give sex or a commitment maybe I should date others and he says if you feel that way it wont work. I'm just so confused because he never makes things clear verbally about our relationship. I don't know if hes giving me mixed signals or not and I am unclear if he just wants to keep me around indefinitely without ever giving me a commitment. Hes been consistent in every other way and doesn't see other girls. I have relationship anxiety issues and I am not sure if I am letting that get to me or if I should be concerned. We have only been dating for a little over a month and he is always happy when he sees me so I want to know if it sounds worth giving it a chance. Advice is appreciated.
d0nnivain Posted May 9, 2017 Posted May 9, 2017 Emotional conversations should only happen face to face. He's got a lot on his plate if he thinks there is a possibility he could become homeless soon. Do not push more emotional stuff at him. He's right. He's in no position to start a relationship. He has to get a job first & be more stable. Do not add to his stress by demanding labels. If you want to sleep with him you can ask for exclusivity but be careful about commitment. Don't you dare ask him to move in with you. You can't "fix" him & it won't be just temporary. Help him polish his resume. Do positive things for his job search but back off the emotional subjects for now. 1
BaileyB Posted May 9, 2017 Posted May 9, 2017 He's making it clear by what he's not saying/doing. if he was really interesting in a relationship (ie sex and commitment), he would be pursuing you, asking you out, wanting to take things further... you wouldn't be questioning his intentions. It doesn't sound like he is ready or able to deal with any more right now. If you want a serious relationship, you should keep dating other people.
Miss Spider Posted May 9, 2017 Posted May 9, 2017 (edited) what is the excuse for only seeing each other 4 times in 2 months? I don't buy the busy thing. He doesn't even work Edited May 9, 2017 by Cookiesandough
Author ashliew Posted May 9, 2017 Author Posted May 9, 2017 what is the excuse for only seeing each other 4 times in 2 months? I don't buy the busy thing. He doesn't even work Its been about 6 weeks I think but yea lol 1
stillafool Posted May 9, 2017 Posted May 9, 2017 If he said he likes to take things slow why would you ask him if he is your bf? That's not taking it slow.
basil67 Posted May 9, 2017 Posted May 9, 2017 If you suffer from having anxiety in relationships, it would be wise to choose someone who's clear about what he wants and backs it up with actions. Why isn't he working? And do you really want a relationship which moves at a snail's pace?
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