Gaeta Posted May 10, 2017 Posted May 10, 2017 Well, no second date guys mygut was right, sigh. She felt we had "not enough in common" and no "romantic connection." What could I have done to have created that? I could tell her demeanor changed during the date.she was into me at the beginning but then something changed in s matter of moments and I'm not sure what. Damn Sorry Grey. There is nothing you could have done, it's there or it's not. You keep on going till you find someone you both feel you meshed together. Some people will give more dates before calling it 'no romantic connection' others will brush the person off right away, it depends where they are in their selection process, their maturity, etc etc. My boyfriend told me when he met me he felt attracted right away. The funny thing is I didn't and it took me a few dates to develop that attraction and connection. I gave it time because I was a long time dater and I knew love does not always starts with a big-bang-boom. I thank life every day that I gave him those few dates because it turned up to be the most rewarding relationship ever. How do you say in your language: All good things come to those who wait. Be patient, you will meet someone.
Gaeta Posted May 10, 2017 Posted May 10, 2017 Clearly the way I'm behaving or acting on these first dates is a problem, though. I must be doing something weird or giving off red flags of some sort because my second date rate is very low. Does your profile represent you well? Your pictures are recent and accurate? Do you have many of them?
Author Grey40 Posted May 10, 2017 Author Posted May 10, 2017 Does your profile represent you well? Your pictures are recent and accurate? Do you have many of them? Yeah I have a lot of pictures and they are recent and accurate. I know I'm a good looking guy, and that's why I have no problem landing first dates. For whatever reason I'm not able to get many second ones...with the women I actually really like. Maybe I was too passive or there were some very minor things that bothered them, because the way she looked at me in the beginning of the date was so very different by the end. So something in my behavior really got to her. I remember a date a few months ago with a different girl where she actually told me specific things that made her not want to go on a second date with me and they were extremely small things that I wasn't even conscious of at the time. She tested me nurmeous times during the date and I totally misssed them. Like she said that when she walked me to my car I didn't "offer to drive her back to hers"...and when someone bumped into her at the bar I "didn't stand up for her or say anything". Just stuff like that, which to me didn't even cross my radar. So maybe that's the problem..that I'm not in tune with the little details. I'm behaving in ways that I guess good boyfriends or partners shouldn't be. That's all I could pinpoint.
Gaeta Posted May 10, 2017 Posted May 10, 2017 I remember a date a few months ago with a different girl where she actually told me specific things that made her not want to go on a second date with me and they were extremely small things that I wasn't even conscious of at the time. She tested me nurmeous times during the date and I totally misssed them. Like she said that when she walked me to my car I didn't "offer to drive her back to hers"...and when someone bumped into her at the bar I "didn't stand up for her or say anything". Just stuff like that, which to me didn't even cross my radar. So maybe that's the problem..that I'm not in tune with the little details. I'm behaving in ways that I guess good boyfriends or partners shouldn't be. That's all I could pinpoint. A lot of women like to be treated like a lady when on a date example: you open the door, you let her sit first, you let her go forward first, you walk her to her car especially if the date ends at dark and you grab the bill on a first meeting. If your attitude is too 'chummy' it's possible a woman decides to not pursue.
Author Grey40 Posted May 10, 2017 Author Posted May 10, 2017 It was kind of chilly out (55 degrees) and I came to the winery without a jacket or sweatshirt but we mainly were inside. I told her let's go outside at one point, we sat there for like 5 minutes, I said I was cold so we went back in again. That probably didn't help that I didn't come prepared. Probably shouldn't have even offered to go out there. Maybe it seemed like I was trying to hard to "please" her or sell myself. She had her friend drop her off for the date, because she's without a car for the moment. She said she'd call them to pick her up, I offered to drive her home instead...my car was pretty messy though and probably didn't smell the best (because I wasn't planning on giving her a ride) but I felt it was the right thing to do. That didn't help. I paid for all her drinks, which maybe I also shouldn't have. I didn't really touch her or make much physical contact at all during the date, which I could have. The conversation I thought was fine and flowed, we had a lot in common (which she said she didn't think we did lol in the text today) Wish I had a video so I could find where it turned because it definitley did. This was a woman who was definitley interested in meeting me and was totally into me for the first 30 minutes or so of the date. At the end of the day, there's no way I'll ever know. And like some have told me, if she was at all attracted and interested she would look past the little things especially on the very first date. So it also might be nothing I did wrong, she just didn't "feel" it and doesn't even want ok try again. 3
Gaeta Posted May 10, 2017 Posted May 10, 2017 At the end of the day, there's no way I'll ever know. And like some have told me, if she was at all attracted and interested she would look past the little things especially on the very first date. So it also might be nothing I did wrong, she just didn't "feel" it and doesn't even want ok try again. I was going to add to my last post that all this is just excuses on part of women. If you feel it with a guy we don't care his car happens to be dirty on that day or he didn't bring a coat and we had to move inside the restaurant. That's all details. I have been on dates where I had tons of fun and the man probably thought he had won me over but I was just being social and bubbly because that's my personality and deep down I was not interested in him for a romance. 1
Author Grey40 Posted May 10, 2017 Author Posted May 10, 2017 A lot of women like to be treated like a lady when on a date example: you open the door, you let her sit first, you let her go forward first, you walk her to her car especially if the date ends at dark and you grab the bill on a first meeting. If your attitude is too 'chummy' it's possible a woman decides to not pursue. Now that I think of it, when we did go outside and leave, I didn't let her go first, I kind of went in front of her. Man that seems like such a minor thing to me though. I also didn't really let her sit first or take her jacket and put it on the chair or anything..I guess that could have came off slightly rude. She only had one glass of wine because she was on Benadryl (apparently almost canceled the date because she swelled up in the morning). I didn't push her to drink though, she said it was fine if I wanted to keep drinking and we hang out longer, to which I had one more glass..almost thought that was a test too because she was saying how she's met a lot of older men who act like they're 24 and whose livers are going to explode.
Author Grey40 Posted May 11, 2017 Author Posted May 11, 2017 Is there any way to come back from this? Can't I message her and say that I really liked her and thought it would be worth at least giving it one more date because sometimes a connection tKes time to develop? I know she was pretty clear but maybe she's jumping the gun..or possibly even testing to see if I actually cared?
johngalt1149 Posted May 11, 2017 Posted May 11, 2017 In the future. open doors and pull out chairs. NEVER let a lady open her car door and hold out your hand to steady her. Only drink as much as the lady does and be generous. Use little affectations and touch her lightly just a bit. Make sure you know how to kiss good night. Not a french kiss unless she makes that move. A lot of choices there if not in the first 5 minutes. Always dress to impress, do not take her to a dive. Try for a nice view and decent apps or drinks with music.
SevenCity Posted May 11, 2017 Posted May 11, 2017 Ahh..there's the difference. I only date mature women that have no issues. Being a mature man with no issues means that I don't have to think of all of the possible things that a woman may think that I do that's needy or stalkery... I've found a woman can keep her immaturity in check for about 3-4 dates. It often won't come out unless you give her a reason like not calling in X amount of time (which is why I don't rush to call them after a date - it's a good test). I've had several get butt hurt by it and it put a spot light on the immaturity. Asking them out while on the first date works if they really like you, but some girls may be on the fence like the OP's situation or Geata's situation. Guys can get super excited and rush things before the girl has decided if she likes him or not - especially if she's dating other guys. That's not immaturity, it's them having options. If your saying that every single woman you have ever been on a date with has never been immature then you must share your selection criteria secrets. I don't think that is a realistic expectation for most people. Dates allow you to see who they are. That's the point. People usually put their best foot forward on dates and you don't get a real picture of them until time has passed. If that weren't the case, most second dates would lead to marriage. You don't really know someone for at least a year or two and have seen them go through some life crap. 1
SevenCity Posted May 11, 2017 Posted May 11, 2017 Is there any way to come back from this? Can't I message her and say that I really liked her and thought it would be worth at least giving it one more date because sometimes a connection tKes time to develop? I know she was pretty clear but maybe she's jumping the gun..or possibly even testing to see if I actually cared? Unfortunately no, there is not. But don't feel too bad. You learned from this experience. You do not seem to have an issue getting dates - be happy about that because a lot of guys do. The issue is something you are doing (or not doing) that is turning them off. I can't stress this enough, get Corey Wayne's book "How to be a 3% Man". Read it until you can teach it. His work is geared specifically towards guys like you who don't know what they are doing wrong. I was out of the dating scene for about 17 years and it helped me tremendously. Not all of it should be followed as gospel, but the underlying themes will help you learn what you are doing wrong and correct it. It's not a magic bullet or pickup line, rather it explains the way a woman's mind works and teaches you to do things that will cause them to respond positively. It will also teach you not to waste your time on girls who have low interest and instead focus on women who are really excited to see you. All the while filtering out the ones who don't make good RL partners. You said yourself you get second dates with girls you're not into. It's because you are acting differently with them as opposed to the ones you do like. The focus of his work is to find an effortless relationship with the right person. What you'll find is there are many women out there who although attractive and into you are not good LTR partners.
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