Will There Be A Second Date? When Do I Ask?

May 8, 2017

I'm really bad at telling whether first dates go good or not. I've had dates that I thought went awesome and then I never hear from the women again. And I've had dates that I thought were awful and the women wanted to go out again. So my reading of situations needs improvement.

Did this first date go well? What do you guys think? Is a second date in order? When do I ask?

This is a totally new girl that I have never mentioned on here yet. We met through OLD and I got her number and we set up a time to meet yesterday. She's 30, I'm 27, so finally an older woman. We went to a winery which she said was a really great first date and that she loves wine. The date only last 2.5-3 hours. We talked pretty much the entire time and there were so many common interests and we like a lot of the same food, music, activities and everything so conversation was pretty easy. Even a rainbow came out during the date hahah the first time I've seen one in quite a while. I gave her a ride home and we hugged and slight peck on the cheek, nothing much at all. I think she was into me, but I really couldn't tell for sure. She certainly asked me a lot of questions and opened up to me about a lot. She mentioned a lot of acticives she likes doing and places she likes to go, so it actually gave me a lot of ideas for future dates.

I texted her about 30 min after o dropped her off saying,

"Really great meeting you, had a good time "

She replied saying, "nice meeting you too. Had a good time also. (Wine glass emoji next to it).

That was it. She hasn't texted since, but I realize it was only yesterday. Her respOnes seemed a little blah, wasn't as enthusiastic as I thought it would be. But maybe I'm reading to much into it.

When do I ask her out again? How long do I wait?

May 9, 2017

Maybe she is waiting for you to ask her out. It seemed like you had great conversation and she did say she had a good time. Some ladies like for the guy to text after she does so it does not appear to be double texting. Some say to wait three days but to me that seems like a little long. Do what you feel is right. If she asked a lot of questions that is a good start. Maybe she is more of a talker in person and not so much into texting.

May 9, 2017

Just wait one more day and then ask her out. Not everyone just randomly texts. Then you'll know if she wants to go or not.

May 9, 2017

Me, I make my decision based upon the goodnight kiss. If it lingers or is passionate, you know she wants another date. I do date a lot for the moment after the divorce but think I have a good handle on the ladies feelings.

May 9, 2017

Ask tomorrow

May 9, 2017

All the elements are there for you to ask her out on a second date.

You are unsure because you are used to dating 19-22 year old and now you're dealing with a mature woman. It's a completely different territory. This woman is more mature and I am sure looking for serious dating. She will judge you on your words and actions and that will happen over a period of a few dates. She won't fall all over you on a first date because you're 'cool'.

Now is time to show you are a man of your age, you pursue her like a gentleman. Show interest and confidence. A woman of 30 does not want to guess if a man likes her or not. Ask her out.

May 9, 2017

I got bored just reading your post. Sounded like you and a buddy were hanging out. Maybe she got that idea as well.

Not busting your chops but 27 and 30 are basically the same age, are you trying to date "older" women for a reason?

Me personally, if we hit it off on date one, I would have asked about seeing her again before the first date was over.

Ask her out now, screw waiting. Let us know how date two goes and oh, let her know that she isn't a buddy.

May 9, 2017

I got bored just reading your post. Sounded like you and a buddy were hanging out. Maybe she got that idea as well.

Not busting your chops but 27 and 30 are basically the same age, are you trying to date "older" women for a reason?

Me personally, if we hit it off on date one, I would have asked about seeing her again before the first date was over.

Ask her out now, screw waiting. Let us know how date two goes and oh, let her know that she isn't a buddy.

I don't ask for a second date on the first unless she brings it up. I typically let them reach out first as well. I took her out, showed her a good time, and paid. I think that is worth a thank you text. I find it selfish if they don't and I don't like selfish women.

If she reaches out that night I say I had a good time as well. If she reaches out the next day or after I ask her out again. If I don't get a thank you I don't ask them out again.

The reason I don't ask on the first date is because they will always say yes as they don't want to reject you to your face - and might not keep the date. Women can perceive this as being needy / stalkery behavior. Granted, if she really likes you it won't make that much of a difference.

However, if time has passed and she wants to go out then you will likely always get a second date. This is also assuming you kissed them. A peck on the cheek is for grandma, not a romantic prospect.

May 9, 2017

I got bored just reading your post. Sounded like you and a buddy were hanging out. Maybe she got that idea as well.

Not busting your chops but 27 and 30 are basically the same age, are you trying to date "older" women for a reason?

Me personally, if we hit it off on date one, I would have asked about seeing her again before the first date was over.

Ask her out now, screw waiting. Let us know how date two goes and oh, let her know that she isn't a buddy.

I've been on a lot of dates recently with younger women, so it was nice to have a change of pace. I actually really like this women a lot so far from date #1. To me it seems weird to ask a girl out for a second date before the first one ends. Seems to be something many people do, but to me that seems super eager/needy or something. Not to mention some people don't know their schedules that well. I sent her a text this morning asking how her day was and made a little inside joke from the date. It's been like 5 hours no response, but she's taken up to 12-13 hours to respOnd to messages before the date, so I'm not alarmed. When she does respond I'm going to ask her out for date 2. I'll keep you all updated.

From what I could tell, seemed to go well and I think there shouldn't be a problem getting a second date, but like I've said, I thought dates went well in the past and apparently I was wrong.

May 9, 2017

The dates I thought went good but apparently didn't (because they ignored me after the first date) seem to all have something in common--pushiness and making sexual advances too soon/too awkwardly. I kept my cool on this date and didn't really show my cards too much..meaning that I didn't make it incredibly obvious I was into her. I would say stuff like "can you stop having so much in common with me? Haha" and like "so what do we disagree on?" Which was lighthearted and shows interest without having to be so touchy freely.

I got the impression that she is also looking for something serious and career wise is kind of on the same track as me. Both still with our parents saving money to buy a place. I guess the only reason I'm kind of overanalyzing and worrying about it is because of my past experiences and past dates that just didn't pan out, I'm always worried that the same thing is going to happen--that another girl I really like doesn't feel the same. Hopefully that isn't the case this time.

May 9, 2017

I don't know what you expected in her reply? She should have thanked you but otherwise not sure how excited someone can come through on text.

Did you text her after she replied?

May 9, 2017

I don't know what you expected in her reply? She should have thanked you but otherwise not sure how excited someone can come through on text.

Did you text her after she replied?

I'm reading too much into the reply I think. It was just the use of words "nice" meetIng you and "good"!time. Not the best adjectives..not great, awesome etc. no exclamatiOn points no smiley face or anything. I'm nitpicking for sure but something about it didn't feel right. I didn't text her after she replied, could have asked her out again right there but decided to wait until today.

May 9, 2017

She may not be a user of emojis.

You should have replied to at least wish her a good night. You have left it as though you don't seem very interested. Ask her out again sooner rather than later.

May 9, 2017

Doesn't matter if you ask her after the first date or 2-3 days later....if she is interested she will say yes regardless.

May 9, 2017

I've been on a lot of dates recently with younger women, so it was nice to have a change of pace. I actually really like this women a lot so far from date #1. To me it seems weird to ask a girl out for a second date before the first one ends. Seems to be something many people do, but to me that seems super eager/needy or something. Not to mention some people don't know their schedules that well. I sent her a text this morning asking how her day was and made a little inside joke from the date. It's been like 5 hours no response, but she's taken up to 12-13 hours to respOnd to messages before the date, so I'm not alarmed. When she does respond I'm going to ask her out for date 2. I'll keep you all updated.

From what I could tell, seemed to go well and I think there shouldn't be a problem getting a second date, but like I've said, I thought dates went well in the past and apparently I was wrong.

Needy? Remember that you are here asking when to ask her out again. Plus, is it needy when you tell us that you haven't received a return text from her in five hours? Or is that just insecurity?

Imagine a scenario where the date goes well and as the first date is ending you say "I had a great time and I would like to see you again". If that sounds needy to you then all I can say is good luck. I can assure you one thing, if you had asked like I described in the scenario, you would already know if date two is going to happen.

May 9, 2017

I don't ask for a second date on the first unless she brings it up. I typically let them reach out first as well. I took her out, showed her a good time, and paid. I think that is worth a thank you text. I find it selfish if they don't and I don't like selfish women.

If she reaches out that night I say I had a good time as well. If she reaches out the next day or after I ask her out again. If I don't get a thank you I don't ask them out again.

The reason I don't ask on the first date is because they will always say yes as they don't want to reject you to your face - and might not keep the date. Women can perceive this as being needy / stalkery behavior. Granted, if she really likes you it won't make that much of a difference.

However, if time has passed and she wants to go out then you will likely always get a second date. This is also assuming you kissed them. A peck on the cheek is for grandma, not a romantic prospect.

Ahh..there's the difference. I only date mature women that have no issues. Being a mature man with no issues means that I don't have to think of all of the possible things that a woman may think that I do that's needy or stalkery...

May 9, 2017

Ahh..there's the difference. I only date mature women that have no issues. Being a mature man with no issues means that I don't have to think of all of the possible things that a woman may think that I do that's needy or stalkery...

**rolls eyes** like you know that women are going to have issues before you go out with them. Glad to see you have psychic abilities. Don't bother replying if you're going to be on a high horse that what you do is best. Everyone is different there is no one size fits all. A lot of people do say to ask while on the first date, but it's not something I like to do. I agree that it puts them on the spot. Yeah I do suppose its a quicker way to filter because If she's hesitant to say yes then you know it's probably not going to happen. So I agree that it can be quicker than waiting but I think it's less risky to wait a day or Twio.

May 9, 2017

So if she never replies to my "hey how's your day going etc" opening message how do I proceed?

May 9, 2017

So if she never replies to my "hey how's your day going etc" opening message how do I proceed?

Texts are not a 100% secure way of communicating. Lots of them don't make it for various reasons. Give it another shot tomorrow or Thursday. Better, give her a call.

May 9, 2017

**rolls eyes** like you know that women are going to have issues before you go out with them. Glad to see you have psychic abilities. Don't bother replying if you're going to be on a high horse that what you do is best. Everyone is different there is no one size fits all. A lot of people do say to ask while on the first date, but it's not something I like to do. I agree that it puts them on the spot. Yeah I do suppose its a quicker way to filter because If she's hesitant to say yes then you know it's probably not going to happen. So I agree that it can be quicker than waiting but I think it's less risky to wait a day or Twio.

I like to think it's more intuition than psychic ability. As far as asking on the first date (or any date) I'm just suggesting that anything that I can say, ask or do with a date in person always trumps a call or text. The women that I have dated and my current girlfriend do not want timidity. They do not want calls or texts if that same message can be delivered in person.

Oh and that high horse I'm on. I earned it. You're the young man asking the questions. I had learned how to handle things by my twenties because I listened to women, the successful guys and I threw in a big ole dose of common sense. If you honestly think asking for a date in person puts a woman on the spot, then one, I assume that you never ask them face to face. correct? And two, how the heck do you ever get a date?

The really funny thing is that you basically say that you are unsuccessful. You can get date one but then blow it and not get another date. Try asking for another date at the end of the one that you are on...have faith that she can make up her own mind and not buckle under the intense pressure of having to say no to your face. You may get told no often...

May 9, 2017

She replied to the small talk message with "hey itvwas a hectic day actually. How was yours."

Damn. Just sent a reply saying mine was good blah blah and asked her out again for this weekend. We'll see what happens

May 10, 2017

I like to think it's more intuition than psychic ability. As far as asking on the first date (or any date) I'm just suggesting that anything that I can say, ask or do with a date in person always trumps a call or text. The women that I have dated and my current girlfriend do not want timidity. They do not want calls or texts if that same message can be delivered in person.

Oh and that high horse I'm on. I earned it. You're the young man asking the questions. I had learned how to handle things by my twenties because I listened to women, the successful guys and I threw in a big ole dose of common sense. If you honestly think asking for a date in person puts a woman on the spot, then one, I assume that you never ask them face to face. correct? And two, how the heck do you ever get a date?

The really funny thing is that you basically say that you are unsuccessful. You can get date one but then blow it and not get another date. Try asking for another date at the end of the one that you are on...have faith that she can make up her own mind and not buckle under the intense pressure of having to say no to your face. You may get told no often...

The thing about asking whilst on the date is then you would have a far better idea if the date went well - because you would be learning to read signals/expressions/body language etc.

You say in your OP that you can't ever tell how dates go.

In text there is very little o read and you seem very anxious waiting for replies.

Even with a call you can hear the tone of a voice, hear laughter (or not) so there is a greater amount of expression to read.

Learning to read people a little would go a long way towards understanding the dynamics once in a relationship.

All of these things you are choosing to miss out on getting to grips with by choosing text as your main means of communication.

May 10, 2017

I like to think it's more intuition than psychic ability. As far as asking on the first date (or any date) I'm just suggesting that anything that I can say, ask or do with a date in person always trumps a call or text. The women that I have dated and my current girlfriend do not want timidity. They do not want calls or texts if that same message can be delivered in person.

Oh and that high horse I'm on. I earned it. You're the young man asking the questions. I had learned how to handle things by my twenties because I listened to women, the successful guys and I threw in a big ole dose of common sense. If you honestly think asking for a date in person puts a woman on the spot, then one, I assume that you never ask them face to face. correct? And two, how the heck do you ever get a date?

The really funny thing is that you basically say that you are unsuccessful. You can get date one but then blow it and not get another date. Try asking for another date at the end of the one that you are on...have faith that she can make up her own mind and not buckle under the intense pressure of having to say no to your face. You may get told no often...

I appreciate your advice, and I don't think there is anything wrong with asking girls out in person on the spot--I've just never done that and it hasn't been my style. I've had plenty of second and third dates too, just not with the women that I truly wanted the most. Almost all the dates I have been on have been through texting specifically. It's just how people in my age group operate. I either get a number through OLD or in person, text them very briefly and ask them out and usually I get a first date that way.

Clearly the way I'm behaving or acting on these first dates is a problem, though. I must be doing something weird or giving off red flags of some sort because my second date rate is very low. However, I have heard and read that it's actually really common for first dates never to get to a second one. Something like 80% of first dates end there and the people never see each other ever again. So maybe it's not me persay, could just be that sometimes people just don't click. Almost all of these women are really excited and eager to meet me but then kind of drop off after the initial Excitement. Maybe I'm being incongruent. Perhaps they are expecting me to be a specific way and I acted differently than they thought I would. Who knows. Reading women's body language has been by far the hardest thing ever. And I've been in a 5 year relationship before, and still have trouble.

May 10, 2017

Well, no second date guys mygut was right, sigh. She felt we had "not enough in common" and no "romantic connection." What could I have done to have created that? I could tell her demeanor changed during the date.she was into me at the beginning but then something changed in s matter of moments and I'm not sure what. Damn

May 10, 2017

sorry to hear that. It's difficult to say what happened, sometimes even for the other person. Sucks

Sign In

Will There Be A Second Date? When Do I Ask?

Recommended Posts

Grey40

sweetgirl75

preraph

johngalt1149

Miss Spider

Gaeta

Titanll

SevenCity

Grey40

Grey40

VeveCakes

Grey40

VeveCakes

smackie9

Titanll

Titanll

Grey40

Grey40

Gaeta

Titanll

Grey40

GemmaUK

Grey40

Grey40

Miss Spider

What's New

My Activity Streams

More...