wakamiya Posted August 1, 2005 Posted August 1, 2005 I spent the whole night thinking about what I did wrong. I've been on the more side, trying to reply to some of these messages and it's getting me thinking negative thoughts again...if it were easy to take my own advice, eh? I'm not sure what I'm expecting with NC. This whole night has been really horrible...during the day I am feeling really ambitious and have an easy time not thinking about the mess I have with my EX, and at nighttime my brain is thinking OVERTIME. It's only been 4 days...how am I ever going to do two months? and what are the chances of him actually coming back? Any input would be more than welcome! I'll tell you what happened...about a month ago, I posted something here, and we pretty much outgrew each other. I couldn't enjoy being around him at all...and when we'd try to patch things up, being "video game/movie buddies", it just seemed like we were getting tired of each other, and nothing was helping. It was too awkward to even hug him or be friendly anymore. Soo, now days we were spending just evenings on MSN, because he's a very lazy gamer, and we weren't hanging out much now. A few days ago, I was on a drug prescription I had to test, because I'm getting a filling done soon (ouch), and this stuff was stronger than vicodin. I mentioned to him I was feeling drowsy and we ended up bickering, and the last thing I remember I was "I hate you" "this is ****ing unbelievable" "good bye forever" I HAD NO EMOTION TO IT WHATSOEVER. It's like I wasn't capable of caring about him or the situation, because any feelings we had for each other through the year got sucked out from fighting so much. I went to bed and tried to remember what had happened. I emailed him telling him I had taken two tablets, and that I was sorry.... because I think I may have said something, and was being misunderstood. I was talking to him about the future, and told him it wasn't fair all the things I was promised, and then breaking it off and just being friends because we weren't ready to date. I've had so many questions since the day... I remember saying "its your fault for saying those things" but he could have interpreted it as "everything was your fault, even the fights"? (This guy has not much of an interest in relationships, BTW...he likes video games too much, so I don't think the case is other girls). But it feels like he basically dropped me on my arse, because I was too much work. I never got an email back, either...and I still don't know what I have done wrong yet. I don't think NC is really going to help me in this sitation. I have a trip coming up....my family is headed for a roundtrip through LA, parts of Arizona, and Salt Lake City...maybe that will help my get my mind of things. I hope this makes sense. It's 6 AM and I haven't been able to sleep well, if someone could...I would like input. I'm not sure if I should be all too hopeful.
ReluctantRomeo Posted August 1, 2005 Posted August 1, 2005 Originally posted by wakamiya I'm not sure what I'm expecting with NC. It's to help you pull your heart together and get over him. This whole night has been really horrible...during the day I am feeling really ambitious and have an easy time not thinking about the mess I have with my EX, and at nighttime my brain is thinking OVERTIME. It's always worse at night... there's a famous quote along the lines of "you have left a hole which I find myself stepping around in the daytime... and falling into at night". It's only been 4 days...how am I ever going to do two months? One day at a time, honey. One day at a time. and what are the chances of him actually coming back? Possible. But more likely he won't. And you can't build any hopes on this - you must move on. I never got an email back, either...and I still don't know what I have done wrong yet. You did the right thing by apologising. The ball is now firmly in his court. Move on. I don't think NC is really going to help me in this sitation. I have a trip coming up....my family is headed for a roundtrip through LA, parts of Arizona, and Salt Lake City...maybe that will help my get my mind of things. NC and distraction will help. It just takes time. I hope this makes sense. It's 6 AM and I haven't been able to sleep well This is pretty typical. When Juliet broke up with me, some nights I didn't even sleep at all. It will pass. Slowly, but it will pass.
dr strangelove Posted August 2, 2005 Posted August 2, 2005 Where did yoiu get the 2 months of NC from? sometimes its a few day or even few hours. Ok now my other comment is next time your strung out on something dont log onto to chat. It sounds like you have tried, and either you accept him the way he is, or give up stop trying..
sanne Posted August 2, 2005 Posted August 2, 2005 The first few days are simply the hardest. While I never so much as picked up the phone to call, I certainly entertained thoughts about it. Trust me, the hardest part about this is the first few days, once your past that hurdle it gets BETTER. And besides, what do you want with a lazy video-game playing guy like your ex, you can do better....
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