Ex-Fiance of 5yrs Left Me - Feeling Heartbroken & Guilty

[Tiga]

Family can end a relationship, engagement even a marriage. My engagement ended 3 months before our wedding because of his parents. Go read my story please. Her mom was a narcissist and she controlled her.

 

On top of the other issues she wasn't woman enough to fight for your relationship and work the issues out with you. She only saw one side of a story. I know it hurts, it hurts because you can't understand how someone that loved you have up so easily and over something like that.

 

Keep us updated, hope you get better in time.

[LonelyJedi]

Family can end a relationship, engagement even a marriage. My engagement ended 3 months before our wedding because of his parents. Go read my story please. Her mom was a narcissist and she controlled her.

 

On top of the other issues she wasn't woman enough to fight for your relationship and work the issues out with you. She only saw one side of a story. I know it hurts, it hurts because you can't understand how someone that loved you have up so easily and over something like that.

 

Keep us updated, hope you get better in time.

 

So I have a couple updates:

 

1) I relapsed a couple days ago and stumbled through her Instagram. Not surprisingly, all our pictures have been purged. There was one picture that stung the most.

It was of a billboard by where I work and the picture clearly shows my company in the background below. The billboard read: "I'm Available. Call xxx-xxx-xx". The caption read: "Same. #SingleAF"

I know exactly where this billboard is at, it is at a building that I go to every week or so at my job. I have also showed my ex this building when she asked what I do for work.

 

My parents & friends say this was very vindictive of her... a stab at me to boost her ego!

 

 

2) Since then, I have completely blocked her on Instagram so I won't risk relapsing again. I told a friend of mine about the billboard picture and he looked at my ex's Instagram himself. He told me that it was definitely a stab at me and was kind of mean. He also told me that my ex posted a quote about her mother on Mother's Day:

"Thank you for teaching me how to respect myself and how to stand up for the things I believe in. Strong women raise strong women <3".

 

Sickening! This is a lie! Ever since my ex was a child, her mother emotionally abused her. My ex would always tell me, crying, that her parents have taught her what not to be. Also say that she has nothing in common with her mother and does not want to be like her, she would often get offended when people would say she is "like her mother". Apparently not now! She got what she has always wanted... her mother's approval.

 

I feel heavy pity for her... thoughts everyone?

[Tiga]

So I have a couple updates:

 

1) I relapsed a couple days ago and stumbled through her Instagram. Not surprisingly, all our pictures have been purged. There was one picture that stung the most.

It was of a billboard by where I work and the picture clearly shows my company in the background below. The billboard read: "I'm Available. Call xxx-xxx-xx". The caption read: "Same. #SingleAF"

I know exactly where this billboard is at, it is at a building that I go to every week or so at my job. I have also showed my ex this building when she asked what I do for work.

 

My parents & friends say this was very vindictive of her... a stab at me to boost her ego!

 

 

2) Since then, I have completely blocked her on Instagram so I won't risk relapsing again. I told a friend of mine about the billboard picture and he looked at my ex's Instagram himself. He told me that it was definitely a stab at me and was kind of mean. He also told me that my ex posted a quote about her mother on Mother's Day:

"Thank you for teaching me how to respect myself and how to stand up for the things I believe in. Strong women raise strong women <3".

 

Sickening! This is a lie! Ever since my ex was a child, her mother emotionally abused her. My ex would always tell me, crying, that her parents have taught her what not to be. Also say that she has nothing in common with her mother and does not want to be like her, she would often get offended when people would say she is "like her mother". Apparently not now! She got what she has always wanted... her mother's approval.

 

I feel heavy pity for her... thoughts everyone?

 

 

 

I completely know how you feel and what you are going through. Our situations are similar, ultimately the parents had something to do with it. But at the end of the day they are the ones who pulled the trigger and it shows that they are just like the parents if not worse.

 

Yes that was probably a stab at your beart but a boost at her ego. Its like she enjoys to see you or know you are suffering. Prive her otherwise, show her that you are strong and she isnt worth it. Her and my ex fiance are evil, you dont hurt the people you love. I know you are feeling confused, betrayed, hurt, disrespected, used and etc. I feel all those emotions as well, all together.

 

Block her, dont look at anything related to her and tell your friends not to tell you anything about her anymore. This has become an obsession, we are trying to find an answer, a solution, an explanation for their actions but we seem to get nowhere because our brain does not function like theirs so we will never know.

 

I think that people like them and their parents are mentally disturbed to some degree, its like a mental and emotional sickness to parents attachment. Its an obsession and cant be changed.

 

I am sorry you are foing tbrough tbjs, I am in the same boat and it sucks!

[LonelyJedi]

I am approaching the 2 month mark of when my ex-fiance left me (24th day).

 

Despite what my therapist, friends and family all say, I still miss her and want her back. I miss the life we had.

But, I think I am conveniently forgetting all of the bad times we had too. I always thought that if we gave enough love & faith, we could conquer anything. I thought that we had made it this far, we could do anything.

 

Why am I still in denial? Why do I still think that she will contact me soon, why do I still believe that it isn't over?

 

I think... becauase I don't want to believe it. I don't want to believe it is over.

[LonelyJedi]

UPDATE

 

I jusg found out through a friend that my ex is now in a new relationship and has a new boyfriend.

 

It has literally been less than two months since we broke up. It would have been two months exactly on the 24th.

 

I am in such shock and hurt.. I can't believe it.

Everyone keeps telling me it is a rebound and this isn't real...

 

I am in such pain right now...

[magnesium]

I'd say just distract yourself with a massage, spend time with friends, videogames, etc.

 

Yes it is a rebound, and no, the new fling won't last, and that new guy is the victim. He has no idea he is being used right now.

 

Won't be surprised if one day he makes a thread on LS.

 

Steer clear of her, and take care of yourself friend.

[bluefeather]

Good for her. She's moving on. Maybe you should too.

[Maldives]

UPDATE

 

I jusg found out through a friend that my ex is now in a new relationship and has a new boyfriend.

 

It has literally been less than two months since we broke up. It would have been two months exactly on the 24th.

 

I am in such shock and hurt.. I can't believe it.

Everyone keeps telling me it is a rebound and this isn't real...

 

I am in such pain right now...

 

Hey Hedi,

 

I can tell u tgeres a high possibility this guy was already lined up wen she left u. That's how she had the strength to leave. Same as my ex.

A few mths aftrr we broke up she's hooked up mind u wth someone where we both work. Yes I am forced at the moment to watch them interact and watch them develop now that's painful. It's pushing me to leave. Anyway please read my story because it's a long one. But basically the one thing mine and yr ex has in common is that they r selfish.

Alot of the times wen partners pull the trigger and leave almost garaunteedone they have someone else lined up that's been my experience. Even my ex wife who I wss wth for 10 yrs and who I believed was a saint did this not immediatly but it was a guy she worked wth. Wat they do is wait in ur relationship until someone who they feel is better suited comes along. It's a very selfish act. They have totally detached.

One thing that shocked me wth my ex I trolled her fb because my friend is still on her fb wen we 1st broke up to try and understand I guess wat happenned and I came accross a photo of me and her but u couldn't see my face only my chest and someone commented on her photo saying who's that in the background and she totally ignored the comment.at the same time I saw that guy here and there in her photos which appeared like friends to my credit he's fat and ugly lol but anyway. Don't ever think it was something u did maybe she wasn't happy but she found the strength to move on thru this new guy...they are weak.

[Tiga]

I am approaching the 2 month mark of when my ex-fiance left me (24th day).

 

Despite what my therapist, friends and family all say, I still miss her and want her back. I miss the life we had.

But, I think I am conveniently forgetting all of the bad times we had too. I always thought that if we gave enough love & faith, we could conquer anything. I thought that we had made it this far, we could do anything.

 

Why am I still in denial? Why do I still think that she will contact me soon, why do I still believe that it isn't over?

 

I think... becauase I don't want to believe it. I don't want to believe it is over.

 

 

I feel your pain so deeply, I completely understand what you are going through. I feel the same. Deep inside you you still have hope and you love her regardless of her actions. You see the good in her and still believe that she is that person. You can't understand what happened and how could she leave a long relationship just like that. How could she just let it all go? All the time and effort you both put in, why did she do this? How could she? Did she not love you and isnt love able to overcome anything?

 

I wish I can help you, I wish I can help myself. We feel so broken, our entire spirit feels broken.

 

You think she will contact you, you have hope.....you dont have the proper closure or understanding of why your relationship ended. Same here..... I feel like I dont know the entire truth, and he did not admit that it was his parents. Nothing makes sense. A persons feeling dont change over night or even over a few weeks. If you truly loved someone you dont stop loving them while they are still in your presense. Maybe I am wrong? Or are we just crazy abd believe in this fairy tale love story where love beats everything? Is there something wrong with us?

 

I feel your pain, I truly do...when you beg god on your knees and tears dripping down your face asking him to give you strength and wisdom to get through this.

[Tiga]

UPDATE

 

I jusg found out through a friend that my ex is now in a new relationship and has a new boyfriend.

 

It has literally been less than two months since we broke up. It would have been two months exactly on the 24th.

 

I am in such shock and hurt.. I can't believe it.

Everyone keeps telling me it is a rebound and this isn't real...

 

I am in such pain right now...

 

 

I am so sorry, it has to be just a rebound. It still hurts though I know, you picturing her with someone else. She isnt over your relationship and this will just cause her to to delay her grieving process. Or it might make her realize what she had with you.

 

I feel for you, Please try your best to keep your head up.

[elaine567]

A rebound relationship is a relationship where a person recently split up with their ex moves quickly on to someone else,

AND that person is still emotionally invested in the ex.

 

It is something dumpees often do. Heartbroken, they cling onto someone else to make themselves feel better. It all goes pear-shaped as they were not in their right mind when they started the new relationship and once they start healing, they realise that the new person is NOT their ex.

 

For the dumper it is slightly different as they instigated the break up. They are done and they WANT to find someone else, they are NOT heart broken, they are NOT emotionally invested and so can move swiftly and easily onto the next chapter in their life.

The new relationship is therefore not a rebound and has as much chance of success as any other relationship.

 

The big mistake many dumpees make is that they assume that the heart ache is shared out equally, that both the dumper and the dumpee are both heart broken and that each will take an equal time to heal and get over it.

BUT they are projecting their own feelings onto the dumper, and the dumper often doesn't feel that way at all.

Yes, they may be a bit sad at first, few like hurting others, and the end of a chapter can be upsetting to a degree, but many can also feel a great sense of relief, "It is finally over, I'm free...Thank God for that..."

 

The "love story" for the dumpee continues on, the "love story" for the dumper usually ended the day they said they were leaving, if it didn't actually end weeks, months or years beforehand...

[ExpatInItaly]

Agreed with the above.

 

She was already gone before she actually ended the relationship, OP. Dumpers detach far sooner than dumpees and thus move on more quickly.

 

In some ways, maybe you needed to hear this painful news so you can truly begin to move on, too. I know it's hard, but you will get through this if you stop checking her social media and trying to find out what she's up to.

[elaine567]

Families are weird things.

I think you got too involved with hers.

She may feel aggrieved and upset and even hate her mother, but as you have found out, it was not your place to hate her mother too.

 

People get defensive when other people start criticising their family. It is OK for them to criticise their "useless" mother or their "abusive" father or their "lazy good for nothing" brother, or their "alcoholic" sister, but if you then wade in there shouting the odds and standing up for "justice", it will be you that is seen as the troublemaker when they all gang up against you.

Blood is thicker than water and when you disrespect her family your partner will see that as a direct attack on herself and that is not comfortable. NO matter how much she may complain to you about them in private, you need to take that with a pinch of salt as no doubt she didn't really mean it.

 

Families are very important to many people and having a partner who fits in well,and is friendly, happy and sociable, is what most people want. They do not want to be stuck in the middle of arguments about family. They do not want to be making excuses and covering up lies and acting weird in front of family, all because they know their partner doesn't want to be there or is in a sulk.

They just want to be able to say "Christening first Thursday in June? We would both love to be there" and mean it.

[LonelyJedi]

I feel so guilty... I feel so hurt.

 

When I made this post, I was in pain. I was recovering and making good progress of getting over my ex.

However, this Saturday a friend of mine broke the news to me that she has a new BF. We were together for 5yrs and 3 months. Engaged, going to get married at the end of this year. I know some of you may think she had this person lined up, I know for a fact she didn't.

 

It is like I have regressed back to Day #1 and I have been in constant, unbearable and excruciating pain. The thought of suicide is very comforting to me... I don't have to worry about work anymore. I don't have to worry about getting hurt again. I don't have to worry about being alone again. I don't have to worry about living in that house again. And most of all, I can stop hurting.

 

 

I cannot shake this guilt of me not being tolerant enough with the family, as the other posters have made already clear. I realize that I should not have pushed her to achieve her dreams or tell her to stand up to her mean family. I should have just been more passive and been more compromising.

 

I am so sorry Rachel... I still miss you. I still love you. I want you to come back to me. But you are with your new BF now, which still hurts me to say.

 

Just typing the words, "move on", send shivers through my spine and tears in eyes. I am at work and unable to concentrate on anything.

 

I have started taking anti-depressants to cope with this pain, I didn't think I would stoop this low. I thought that the pills would keep the pain & suicidal thoughts at bay... they aren't. I am beginning to get scared.

[Blanco]

This is actually a good thing long-term, believe it or not. It lets you definitively move on from this toxic relationship. There are now no more "maybes." She is with someone else, and as soul-crushing as that feels right now, it shows that she is likely someone who needs to be with someone rather than with a specific person.

 

She is no longer your problem. I know it doesn't feel like a good thing right now. But it is.

 

Hopefully you didn't send her that message.

[bluefeather]

sigh.. I'm really sorry that you feel this way. Ok look. You can't be a jedi if you feel this way. Fear is the path to the dark side. Remember this.. And replace "mother" with your ex:

 

 

 

You fear moving on. You fear letting go. But that person was never "yours" to keep. Try to remember that. Fearful people will try to hold on tightly to things that want to be free. Loving people will let them go, with blessings. You may find someone better to love, or in time, she may even come back into your world. Life has a way of doing funny things like that. Just read more of this forum and you will see stories like "After x amount of time, they came back!" I was one of them. I wish you much healing.

[Tiga]

I feel your pain, and I am so sorry. I wish I could tell you what to do to feel better But I cant even help myself.

 

One thing though, dont blame yourself. You only wanted her to achieve her goals and rise. And as far as family, what else were you supposed to say? I said the same thing as far as family. They needed to stand up to them, but didint.

 

 

Please try not to get anymore info about her, it only hurts you more. The less you know the better. Exercise and eat healthy, it helps.

 

Be around people that love you. Do stuff to distract your from thinking about her.

[LonelyJedi]

I feel your pain, and I am so sorry. I wish I could tell you what to do to feel better But I cant even help myself.

 

One thing though, dont blame yourself. You only wanted her to achieve her goals and rise. And as far as family, what else were you supposed to say? I said the same thing as far as family. They needed to stand up to them, but didint.

 

 

Please try not to get anymore info about her, it only hurts you more. The less you know the better. Exercise and eat healthy, it helps.

 

Be around people that love you. Do stuff to distract your from thinking about her.

 

Yes, that is what I have been doing. I was making progress, but then out of the blue a friend texted me and told me. Totally unexpected. I told her to not tell me anything more about my ex, she said she "thought I knew".

 

I told all of my friends the news and they were all shocked, thinking it is a rebound or another one of her "impulsive" decisions. Regardless, her life is imploding. I know I can't help her, but it hurts to see her doing this to herself.

 

I am starting the healing process all over again... this was a huge setback.

[ExpatInItaly]

I don't view this as a setback. Allow me to elaborate:

 

It is a very painful discovery, of course. No recent dumpee wants to hear that his/her ex has moved on. It hurts and it will for a while.

 

However, based on your descriptions, it seemed to me that you would have continued to hold yourself back and hang on to false hope otherwise. I think you would have continued to desperately search for some sign-any sign- that this relationship was not over. And I strongly suspect this would have been a futile attempt for you.

 

Thus, I suspect this revelation will actually be your launching pad to true recovery. It will take time and it will be a bumpy road. But you can now work toward acceptance and focus on your own life, rather than worrying so much about how she's screwing up hers. It's no longer your problem.