Fleshman94 Posted May 8, 2017 Posted May 8, 2017 Hi, The problem is I can trust someone really hard (no matter is it a girl or a boy). And at the moment Im having a girlfriend and I know you'll say that I do have trust issues (which is true cause I got betrayed in my previous relationships + a family problem with my mom anddd whatever) So , the problem is the girl i am with is full private over facebook (we're not having virtual relationship btw , lol) We're together for like 4 months and I think she is cheating on me or atleast flirting with other boys over there because she is full private as i said , there is nothing u can see about her over there (no posts NOTHING) and I've asked why is that i mean if someone is full private it means he / she is hiding something (in my opinion) whatever so that's not the only reason.. For example when I ask her to go out sometimes she just says "Why , we are going to go out in monday right? whats the point) and that makes me think that she doesn't even have an interest in me like who doesnt wanna go out with someone he / she likes?? I know u'll say that i must trust her more now and blabla Yea i know but i just cant be trusting anyone at 100 percent. I really like that girl but Im thinking im just one of the boys she is chatting over facebook and meeting (because once she was out and I pm'ed her and she said ( i'll write you later , i cant atm ) and i thought she may be with a boy and thats why? Im pretty sure many of you will think im crazy or something cause of my trust issues which make me look paranoid and etc. Tell me an advice what do you think? Should i be that paranoid , jealousy and so on? How can i overcome jealousy and trust issues cause they ruin my relationship (what if the girl is not cheating on me and its all in my mind??) soo.. :(??
d0nnivain Posted May 8, 2017 Posted May 8, 2017 Two past betrayals -- the former relationship & your family issue -- have damaged your ability to trust. This is solely your problem & your GF's desire for privacy is not an indication that she is cheating. Think of it like you crashed your car. You need a mechanic to fix it so you can drive again. The car is not a cartoon which will magically push its own dents out to run smoothly again. It needs professional care. So do you. Talk to a professional or at least read books on how to trust again. It won't be easy but it will be worth it. Life is so much sweeter when you are not constantly on guard for the next bad thing to happen. Yes, you will still need to pay attention to obvious signs but not everyone you meet is dishonest.
mikeylo Posted May 8, 2017 Posted May 8, 2017 You need help. You can't spend your entire life in worry !
Author Fleshman94 Posted May 9, 2017 Author Posted May 9, 2017 Thanks , I don't know how can i apologise to her for my behavior. And what kind of theraphy should i search for?
d0nnivain Posted May 9, 2017 Posted May 9, 2017 Just start with a plain psychologist -- a generalist who does talk therapy. You don't need meds, so you don't need a psychiatrist (M.D.). There is no little pill that will help you trust. It's a skill that you presently lack so you need practice.
Superchicken Posted May 9, 2017 Posted May 9, 2017 Hi Fleshman, Even though the other posters are correct in what they say, I don't think they totally see you in true light. It sound to me that your really young. Maybe 17 ?, or 18. At this age, your not going to listen to anyone's advice, no matter how good it was. None of us "Guys" really do, and which is why we frak things up with our women. BUT, I don't like a few things your GF (I assume she is your GF) is doing. Yes, Private on Face book means one of two things. For Family and friends only, and for NUAGHTY things. You will need to do some homework if your that ruffled by it. I also don't like the scheduled get togethers, as unless your seeing her 3 or more times a week, every week, I would think a date on another night should be OK. However, just because the sky is dark with rain clouds, doesn't always mean it will rain. Don't get to hung over with your new GF. If it leads to a better relationship in the future, then good. If however, its sort of dragging, and dating is sporadic, then I would guess your first worrying thoughts were correct. Just relax, and enjoy anything she dishes out to you.. Its free !!!!. Ted.
Kamille Posted May 9, 2017 Posted May 9, 2017 It doesn't sound like you two are in a relationship. Rather, it sounds like you two are dating. Did you ever have a talk with her about seeing each other exclusively and being in a serious monogamous relationship? My read is that you haven't and that the reason you have trust issues is because.... She is multi dating. Thing is, if you haven't both agreed to multi date, then she's not really doing anything wrong. Your instincts are right though. Trust is something earned. You haven't earned each other's trust yet. ps: I am private on Facebook and rarely add the guys I'm dating. It's not because I'm up to no good on FB, it's because we're just dating. Why would I add them?
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