I felt uncomfortable 2nd date but she's still keen?

[Swan89]

Met this girl on a dating app. First date I felt enamoured with her, she seemed like a sweet good girl and her looks blew me away, I felt a chemistry.

Come second date, I felt awkward from start to finish. Her body language makes me question her interest in me.

I'd be turning to face her in the booth and she'd stay sat facing forward and turning her head to speak to me, looked at me less than I looked at her.

She went on about work and her pets a lot and I felt bored towards the end of the date. Not much in common.

We didn't laugh much, but I don't know whether it was because I was feeling tired and she's just nervous and inexperienced.

 

Problem is, there are no red flags, and she's attractive.

 

I told her about a film I wanted to see and she offered for us to see it the following weekend. On the drive home, I kept thinking to myself 'that was a let down...I'm not sure if we'd be good as a couple, etc.'

 

The one thing I will say, is that I had recently recovered from a cold and felt EXTREMELY self conscious throughout the date about the sound of my voice. She knew about it and was aware I wasn't feeling 100%

I was amazed she wanted a third date, because she did most of the talking.

Ended with another kiss, she seemed into it and it was good but I felt self conscious kissing in public.

 

Am I being too cynical and paranoid or is there something else going on here?

[CptInsano]

I was amazed she wanted a third date, because she did most of the talking.

Ended with another kiss, she seemed into it and it was good but I felt self conscious kissing in public.

 

Am I being too cynical and paranoid or is there something else going on here?

 

That is usually a good thing. The cold may have helped you.

 

And some women express their interest in odd ways. If she wants third date then I wouldn't question it.

[Dis]

How do you feel about her?

 

Her feelings for you are only 50% of the equation

[Swan89]

How do you feel about her?

 

Her feelings for you are only 50% of the equation

 

Honestly, can't find anything wrong with her, she's a normal girl with a normal life. We're able to have a conversation but we're both introverted (me more so) and I'm not the best at making conversation, she's good at filling in any silences on my part. Both times we've met now, I felt extremely nervous and I think it was apparent with my stuttering. I never feel nervous on any of the dates I go on. I kept thinking 'what if I'm too quiet or she finds me boring?' it put a big strain on me internally. But I know how to flirt and physically escalate.

 

Even though I felt deflated, I don't think its wise to write her off after that date, it may have been because of my severe anxiety I felt, along with her lack of body language signs of interest and touching, yet we kiss for quite a long time.

The physical attraction is definitely there at least.

Edited May 8, 2017 by Swan89

[smackie9]

IMO you are misinterpreting her body language...She was uncomfortable because she was crushing on you, and feeling self conscious.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I have been in her position. On dates with introverted guys where i have to do most of the talking. It's funny that you call her conversation boring when you barely contributed. It feels extremely tedious when you feel like you are talking to a brick wall. These guys seem to expect that you do all the work in generating fun and entertainment for them. You are lucky she is even interested in another date. How about you make some effort next time.

[Swan89]

I have been in her position. On dates with introverted guys where i have to do most of the talking. It's funny that you call her conversation boring when you barely contributed. It feels extremely tedious when you feel like you are talking to a brick wall. These guys seem to expect that you do all the work in generating fun and entertainment for them. You are lucky she is even interested in another date. How about you make some effort next time.

 

Oh don't get me wrong, I did, plenty of topics brought up. Also, I didn't say her conversation was boring, read it again- I said I felt bored, because I found it hard to find common ground.

[WILD N WISE]

You are over thinking it. First date was OK. 2nd maybe not so much but she did express an interest in going to the film so go with an open mind and see how it goes.

 

You are still in the feeling out process. Dont over analyze every move. Just enjoy each others company doing things you have in common or maybe new things. Ask her what things she would like to do that she has never done.

 

After 3-4 dates you will have an idea if you want to keep seeing her or vice versa.

[Miss Spider]

Oh don't get me wrong, I did, plenty of topics brought up. Also, I didn't say her conversation was boring, read it again- I said I felt bored, because I found it hard to find common ground.

 

I was in a similar situation with a guy. I'm a bit shy when a first get to know someone and he was an introvert. He also said he was "awkward" and apologized for not talking, so I assumed he was nervous(and from other cues). I'm not the most talkative person but jeez it was hard getting a convo out and I was the chatty one. Our meets were pretty boring and I ended it before we ever got to that comfortable around each other stage...

 

Perhaps you guys don't mesh OR maybe it will get better as time goes on and you feel more comfortable around her and she feels more comfortable around you. She's probably nervous as you. It takes awhile for some people to warm up to each other sometimes. Especially when they're very attracted as you seem to be

Edited May 8, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[act00]

Sometimes things get a bit floppy. Here's the thing with side-by-side seating -- booths and chairs are designed for you to sit a certain way, facing forward, and it's not always easy, convenient, or comfortable to seat yourself in a way to face your partner or crane your neck to the left or right the whole evening in order to have a conversation. I really don't like sitting side-by-side in a restaurant environment. I would rather be face-to-face on opposite ends of the table.

 

Your fist date was great and your second date, notsomuch. Let's go for round three and see if things go better. You were a little bit "off" having getting over a cold, and circumstances were also a little off.

 

You state you got bored with her conversation, but you also state she talked the most and carried the conversation, and you were happy with that, since you are rather introverted. It is exceptionally tiring to try to carry a conversation with people who have nothing to say. Normal conversation contains rapport back and forth. I suspect in your silence, it was awkward, and she just filled the air with whatever came to mind. If you don't want to hear her yack endlessly on topics you find uninteresting, how about you contribute to the conversation and talk about common interests, build rapport.

 

If you stutter quite uncontrollably in a new, nervous situation, what are your normal coping strategies?

 

I'm guessing she recognized the awkwardness of #2, but #1 was awesome and she likes you, and she knows you weren't 100%, so she's willing to progress to the 3rd date and see where it goes. You should do the same.

[Swan89]

Yes there is definitely nerves at hand, maybe too much nerves for a relaxed flow and laughter. I just focus on asking about her.

I did notice her playing with her hair incessantly and joked about it, took her hand commenting on her cool nails, so there was at least some flirtation on my part. She's not touched me at all, I've been the one to initiate any touching but I'm hoping the cinema date will allow for hand holding and romance building.

 

Just not sure about conversation... We seem to be opposites in tastes and hobbies, but I'm open to learning about her interests and taking them on.

 

I was perhaps freezing up with self consciousness and thus went blank a lot.

Edited May 8, 2017 by Swan89

[CptInsano]

I also stuttered until my mid-twenties. And yes, there were plenty of awkward situations and awkward dates. Eventually I learned to brush them aside and carry on.

 

The fact that there are no red flags is already worth a lot, and from the OP's perspective I really wouldn't overthink things. If she wants a 3rd date, then by all means go for it. Maybe the OP has a better third date and is able to relax more. She obviously sees some potential. And if she wants to show the OP something that is maybe a bit out of his comfort zone, why not let her take the lead?

[Popsicle]

If she wants another date, you're doing fine. The rest is over-thinking.

[Swan89]

I hide it, but I should probably state that I'm notoriously over analytical and because I've been single for so long and been hurt a lot, I'm probably looking for problems or over dramatising things. If anything, I think she was worried about making a good impression more than me!

 

I'm just hoping that this could be a 'slow burner' rather than an instant electric chemistry that I'm used to.

Edited May 8, 2017 by Swan89

[CptInsano]

I hide it, but I should probably state that I'm notoriously over analytical and because I've been single for so long and been hurt a lot, I'm probably looking for problems or over dramatising things. If anything, I think she was worried about making a good impression more than me!

 

Just let her know that she's free to stop you if you overthink, and try your best to limit it yourself. This is not a relationship yet, you are just dating. Don't think of your goals or your past, and try to just enjoy the moment. (And save the "hurt a lot" discussion for much later.)

 

I'm just hoping that this could be a 'slow burner' rather than an instant electric chemistry that I'm used to.

 

The more different you are the longer it takes to click IMHO, but it is certainly possible.

[Swan89]

Update: well, safe to say I think I've been rejected. I'm confused as to why she offered to see the movie with me as well as hints at there being a next time, and a prolonged kiss. Even though we struggled to find common interests to discuss and being polar opposites in the things we liked, I'm confused from her mixed signals.

 

She responded to my funny text yesterday but when I asked if she was free to speak on the phone she made an excuse about being over her friends, I then asked her when she was free to see the movie, and I haven't heard from her since. Complete 180.

 

Who knows, she seemed a little wooden from date 1, and we both seemed to feel slightly uneasy around each other, maybe it really is all a sign that there was nothing there but physical attraction. I feel sad because I wanted it to go smoothly and be full of rapport, but it just wasn't. I don't know what to make of this experience.

Edited May 10, 2017 by Swan89

[CptInsano]

Sorry it turned out that way, but at least you gave it a shot and don't have to wonder whether you missed a chance. Better luck next time!

[Swan89]

Turns out I haven't been rejected. I'm pretty shocked. She was busy then fell asleep but contacted me the next day apologising with an offer for the third date.

Now its time to step up my game! But also not get my hopes up too much.

 

Also, thank you for your responses, much appreciated! Have a good day

[CptInsano]

Now that is funny! It happens sometimes, I guess. There are people who are just hard to read. Have a good time and don't worry much about your game. She wouldn't want a third date if she wasn't interested. Just try to have fun and relax.