spiderowl Posted May 7, 2017 Posted May 7, 2017 (edited) I was chatting to a guy online for a long time. I really liked him. He said a lot of nice things and seemed to think a lot of me, seeking me out by text and online. We shared a lot and thought alike in lots of ways. I felt quite attached and I know he does too. He said a lot of things that suggested he wanted to meet to see how we got on and maybe as more than friends. This was fine by me, but then problems set in. To cut a long story short, we did not meet. Ultimately, I realised he was not getting round to it. Gradually I lost trust because he was saying all these nice, encouraging things, that he wanted me, etc., but not following up. We fell out a few times and stopped communicating but always got back in touch. He met someone else and I felt really hurt that he could manage to meet her but not me. I really knew then that he was never going to. He did end it with her apparently because he felt more compatible with me, but this did not mean he was going to meet me. He wasn't up to a relationship. I told him no contact and he kept breaking this. He didn't seem to be able to stop himself, despite me telling him I did not want contact and felt misled. I could have blocked him, yes, but didn't want to go that far. In the end, I have had to block him. He cannot understand why I do not want to remain friends. I feel he messed me about emotionally. He does not understand this. He just doesn't 'get it'. I feel upset that it has come to this. Why can't I just be friends? I don't know, it hurts. Then there is the matter of feeling misled. Also, why would he think we can just be friends after that? It does not make sense to me that he would think that possible. All in all, I'm baffled that he does not understand. He thinks I am being unkind and rude. Can anyone offer any insights? If I was reading this from someone else, I would probably know what to say but it is hard to look at things from the inside like this? It's very painful to have to cut off someone you adored. Edited May 7, 2017 by spiderowl 1
Ieris Posted May 7, 2017 Posted May 7, 2017 Why should you be friends with him when he made you believe there was something more between you? He knows what he was doing and was loving the attention you was giving him. Now he wants to change the terms and expects you to adjust? He does not call the shots here, it takes two and if you don't want to be friends then he needs to get over it. He does understand but he is just trying to make out as if you are being difficult so that he can try to manipulate the terms. I feel that he wasn't seeking a relationship but a text buddy, people who are serious tend to meet up within a reasonable time frame. The time wasters come up with excuses left right and center for not meeting up, sometimes they may even arrange a time and date but some "accident" always occurs when its time to meet. 3
Ronnys93 Posted May 8, 2017 Posted May 8, 2017 I completely agree with Ieris here, and with no contact you do not tell the other person that you're going no contact. Simply put you just do it. Now since he has already crossed those boundaries with you, you block and delete his number and all access that he has to you. He is NOT a friend, he is playing with your emotions and manipulating you. If he really wanted to be with you he would have made an effort to meet up and at least get to know you . 3
divegrl Posted May 8, 2017 Posted May 8, 2017 No no no. This man is manipulating you. He is not available to meet, dates other women, but still wants to be friends? This man is controlling and wants to maintain an emotional hold over you. You are his online fantasy that he picks up and drops as he pleases. Delete. Block. No contact. You can do so much better than this my friend. Hugs! 2
WILD N WISE Posted May 8, 2017 Posted May 8, 2017 Unless you live long distance there is no excuse for not meeting in person if there is mutual interest. I have chatted with women online just to chat and had no intent of ever meeting them. That being said I never suggested we would meet it was mostly conversation that started online then occasionally went to texting and faded away for both of us. From a guys perspective once you as a woman have an interest in meeting a guy you have to give it a deadline for meeting. I would say 2 weeks at most. Find out right away if there is something there. Online and texting is too fake unless thats the relationship you want for the rest of your life. Move on. 3
Author spiderowl Posted May 8, 2017 Author Posted May 8, 2017 Thanks to all posters. I don't think he was deliberately manipulating me at first but changed his mind about wanting to meet and then carried on in the same way. He was from a different country originally so they may express things more personally anyway. I wasn't even expecting to meet at first, just made an online friend, but he seemed to want to and gradually I thought we would. When he didn't get round to it, I started to feel something was not right. I wish I had not let him get to me like that. It's a shame that things went that way. Thanks for your support, you don't know how much it helps! x
Telemachus Posted May 8, 2017 Posted May 8, 2017 You indicate that you adored him and asked: "Why can't I just be friends?" You never even met him. We usually find that online friends aren't really friends. We meet some need of theirs, and they ours. Those needs tend to be poorly aligned when we've never been in the same room together. Such relationships, if they are relationships at all, tend to run their courses and end in unsatisfactory and ambiguous ways. It's the nature of communication online. It's ephemeral, and much of it isn't real. 1
Author spiderowl Posted May 9, 2017 Author Posted May 9, 2017 I appreciate what you say Telemachus. It did feel very real and we talked on phone and skype. Something wasn't right though and it hasn't worked out.
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