Mh83 Posted May 7, 2017 Posted May 7, 2017 Ok so I've been seeing this guy for just over 4 years. He's 23 and I'm 34 so a fairly big age gap. He has many anxiety and depression issues and did even prior to me meeting him. Infact he had taken an overdose the year before. He hated the way he looked, lost his hair very young, thought he was very ugly etc.. Anyway we met on a gay dating app, he was very sweet, very funny, and we instantly fell for each other. He had been treated pretty badly in the past etc. For the first year we were very happy and it wasn't until he went to university till the first blip happened. All the way there he was texting me not to worry, I was the love of his life, we would get through it and the distance wouldn't be a problem. However within 2 days he broke up with me. Gave rubbish reasons. He just wanted his freedom. I was devastated but I kinda got it. I did the usual begging and pleading, bombarding him with texts, everything your not supposed to do basically. Just pushed him away further. However within 3 weeks he was then bombarding me with texts, pleading to get back with me. I stood my ground and was starting to get over him but he then started cutting himself and sending me pictures, would ring me in the middle of the night saying how he was walking back from a club and was going to throw himself infront of the next car that drive past. He didn't want to be there anymore, he wanted to come home and get back with me. So that's what happened. We were very happy for the next 3 years although his depression and anxiety remained. He wouldn't even walk to the shop over the road and buy a pint of milk. He is very mixed up and has lots of issues most of which relate to how he looks and how he feels inside himself. We had a very happy life. Although he was very anxious he liked to go out and party with his mates who he felt comfortable around. However this bit then led to friction. He didn't go out much at all but when he did he would go crazy. Wouldn't come home, messed me around with pick up times, I had caught him out messaging other guys whilst he was out, luring about where he had been. So each time he wanted to go out it was a bit of a sore point. But, he's alot younger, loved to dance and I felt bad that he couldn't go out more. Yes it was his own fault and he fully accepted this. He said it was just in him, he didn't mean to. I think he always wanted us to move to somewhere where there was more life, although I never understood it completely. He couldn't even walk down the street without thinking that everyone was looking and laughing at him. Couldn't walk into a shop. I guess a part of why we never moved was because I felt I could never trust him 100% when he did go out partying with his mates. But regardless of this, we did have a happy life together. We were so so so close. Couldn't go an hour without texting. I got him and he got me. I gave him everything he wanted clothes, pets basically anything and I did this so that it would keep him occupied and take his mind off his depression. We were always together, would go on trips out on our days off. The only bad part really was that I had caught him out messaging other guys from time to time. Each time we talked it through, he apologised, said it was because he needed the attention. He told me he loved me all the time, I told him. We were great together. We hadn't really experienced any big issues that everyone in a relationship doesn't go through. Then unfortunately last week, out of the blue, just after we had booked a holiday that he was excited about, he told me that he wanted to go back to his mum's for a night as he needed a bit of time to think. He told me not to worry though, he was just taking an overnight bag and would be back the next day. Next day comes and he still needs more time. All the time I'm asking him for answers and getting nothing back really. I told him I couldn't lose him and he said I'm not going to lose him and to calm down. Couple more days later he's then telling me that he thinks the spark has gone. He says i deserve better, he's broken the trust too many times, he hates where he lives as there's nothing to do, hates where he works, he thinks the romance has gone and that he thinks this is for the best. I asked him if that was his final decision, told him how devastated I was and he said just give it one more night pls. Next day nothing. Day after he tells me he's made his decision and he's made his mind up. I'm confused, so shocked at how sudden it was and am not sure he is in the right frame of mind. We were so happy together. Now the relationship had always been pretty one sided. I did everything for him and he did very little for me. But that's the way we both liked it. I guess I just have to be the one who cares and gets my happiness out of making them happy. We clicked, knew each other, were very very close and he made me so happy. He won't really talk to me now but has told friends he thinks were just in different times in our lives and that he still loves me but thinks more as a mate. Yes he messed me around, yes he made mistakes but he's quite a bit younger than me. Now I'm thinking due to his mental instability he's made a snap decision and I'm hoping he'll change his mind, but he seems fairly certain. This is a guy thst changes his mind about everything all the time. He has also told a friend thst he doesn't know what he wants, doesn't even know what love is really. I'm thinking we should have made the move to somewhere busier with more life ages ago and that I'm responsible for making him feel trapped. That it's my fault that he felt he had no other option than to leave. He's just not a strong person at all. I truly believe that what we had together was true love on both sides I really do. I'm looking for any help or advice as to what to do. I feel totally lost. I just want him back. We were so good together. I've had good boyfriends in the past who have looked after me and doted on me but I always ran away from it. It doesn't make me happy. Even though he didn't treat me very well at times he made me so happy. I know I'll be told that I need to make no contact, give it time but I'm just so scared that I've lost him for good. Does anyone hink there might be a chance he will come back to me? He's now living with his mum which he hates. He's in a more remote area than the one he lived in with me so that kinda makes no sense. We've been through a lot together. Hardly ever argued. Maybe he wants to go it alone, conquer his fears, not be carried through life. If he does then that's totally cool but I just don't think he's strong enough. He's always said the world scares him so much, that he loved me and the life he had so much and the fact we were getting through life together. How do I get over him if in my heart I think he'll regret it and will want to come back? Should I even take him back after putting me through this? Is the age gap too much of an issue? How long should I give it before accepting it's over? Sooooo many questions. I'm just hurting so bad Help please!!!!!!
d0nnivain Posted May 7, 2017 Posted May 7, 2017 Young people have a fairy tale image of love. He was just a teen when you started up. It's possible he wants you to make the grand romantic gesture. But that won't solve things long term. If you do something cheesy rom - com worthy, & he doesn't come back, then you really will have to give up & go NC. The sooner you start to accept it's over, the sooner you can get on with healing.
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