Dating game is doing my head in! Advice please.

[LikkleMissConfused]

Hey folks! I need consoling please. It a bit stupid and I know it is. Well I went on a date with a guy who I really got on with and I think he likes me. Well we have been talking via email for three weeks and he said to me that he feels like I am already his girlfriend…WOW!

 

Anyway Friday we went for a date. He was really nice and a gentlemen. We talked and had a nice time. Towards the end of the night as we were walking to his car he asked “Do you kiss on the first date” I said “No I’m sorry I don’t” with my silly sense of humour I asked him “ Why are you asking me that”. He said “because I would like to kiss you!”….

 

After that he dropped me home and he went home. Didn’t hear anything from him as I asked him to text me when he got home. Well the next morning I texted him to ask if he got home ok. I got a very short text back saying “ yes in bed tired” After a few hours I replied saying “ yes I am in bed too and thank you for a nice time. I really enjoyed it and an delighted that you aren’t a minger (meaning ugly) although I haven’t seen you without your make up on! LOL!”

 

I got nothing back until Sunday night. At about 10pm. A text “How are you! I think I was merry on Friday!”

 

I emailed him today Monday morning and ho response so after a few hours emailed hima gain like he does me saying where are you…he sent me a email back saying “busy right now and away from desk. Chat later” So that cool however after such a nice date we haven’t had a chance to chat or talk and I feel a bit sensitive. I know its stupid as he has told me he is really busy but I still feel like I’m not sure what his intentions are! Any advice guys, I’m going to leave him alone and let him contact me.

[seahorse]

Hmmm, yes it is a bit confusing. He seems a lot cooler after your date than before. Had he seen pics of you before the date? You may not have been what he was expecting...maybe he just didn't fancy you physically but was too much of a gentleman to tell you, and is now trying to cool things off.

 

On the other hand...maybe he IS busy etc, etc, but I do think if he was really into you, you'd have had more communication since Friday than you've had. Not sure what the "merry" text was all about, did he seem drunk to you on your date?

 

Hmm, how to progress...or not. I think you've made some running, texts; emails etc. If he is interested it really is up to him now, but you could send one more text or email just saying when he's not so busy to get in touch. Then the ball really is in his court.

 

Sorry - guys - go figure!

[loony]

That reminds me of the times when I went out with someone with whom I had a nice talk. Being a very shy person though I never really showed them that I might have been interested in more and they never called me back. I often wondered why. I came realize it was because they thought the date was ok and nice, I'm ok and nice, but there was no real spark between us to make them want to pursue things further. In your post you come across as this kind of person, you're nice and shy but you showed him too little interest in him. I think asking you for a kiss was his final test to see if he wanted to pursue this further or not. If he's a sensitive guy who probably hasn't taken the rejection very well, he very likely has also classified as someone who is too quiet, too nice and too nervous for him. Or maybe not and he will call you back, if he does show a little bit more enthusiasm when you really like him, he needs some positive feedback, too.

[lindya]

Not sure about your use of the line "I'm glad you weren't a minger" - even though it was said in jest. If he was being very gentlemanly, as you say, then he's probably got a more subtle sense of humour and doesn't really appreciate that sort of thing. I'll get a male perspective from my brother (he's used to me phoning up randomly with strange questions).

 

Male perspective...sarcastic exhalation of breath, followed by an even more sarcastic "mmm....classy."

 

Just one view of course, but it might be worth cultivating a slightly more mature sense of humour if the gentleman type is what you're looking for. How old are you?

[loony]

Originally posted by lindya

Not sure about your use of the line "I'm glad you weren't a minger" - even though it was said in jest. If he was being very gentlemanly, as you say, then he's probably got a more subtle sense of humour and doesn't really appreciate that sort of thing. I'll get a male perspective from my brother (he's used to me phoning up randomly with strange questions).

 

Male perspective...sarcastic exhalation of breath, followed by an even more sarcastic "mmm....classy."

 

Just one view of course, but it might be worth cultivating a slightly more mature sense of humour if the gentleman type is what you're looking for. How old are you?

Oh boy, what lindya said is so true... I used to crack clumsy jokes because I was so nervous till I realized I'm doing exactly the same thing as a lot of guys that I had discarded as dolts (I know, I know, they were nervous and felt awkward neverthelss it's very uncool if someone makes this kind of jokes and it doesn't matter if you do exactly the same... )

[alphamale]

Originally posted by loony

I realized I'm doing exactly the same thing as a lot of guys that I had discarded as dolts

[NYCmitch25]

What do you want us to tell you, or better yet what do you want to hear? Because in answering your "questions", that would require us to guess at what he is thinking or perhaps doing and thus would be conjecture.

 

The only thing I can say is that when a guy/gal doesn't respond within a reasonable amount of time on their own, then obviously that "spark" wasn't there or perhaps they are dating other people, or perhaps they've decided to join the priesthood -- Or even worse, they found someone who they thought was "better/hotter" than us?

 

Basically, it doesn't matter, we all should stop trying to get people to like us when they don't -- if he can't respond to you after a reasonable period of time, it obvious what to do. Maybe he felt you were pushy and obnoxious, who knows, you'll just have to find someone else who speaks your "social language".

[LikkleMissConfused]

update I got another text from him last night and before I tell you what he said let me give you some history. Nanu is my dear teddy bear that I have had since the age of 3. And I talk about him with great love. He texts me about 8 In the evening at 8pm. He said “Nanu needs a beating” I didn’t respond because I think he was trying to be the funny man. And I had asked him via text and email how he is and what he got up to on the weekend. In answer to your questions, yes he had seen a photo and was very pleased when he picked me up because he said he was and he also told me he didn’t realise I was so fit and well toned. So I think that is out of the picture. As for not showing him enough interest I think I did by letting him hold my hand but maybe I could have shown more as I did act rather cool. I’m 26 years old and the “glad your not a minger” comment was originally from him anyway and we do banter a lot so??????

 

Yes your right if he is interested he will be in touch. But I’m not sure if I can be bothered is he can’t be consistent.

[JS17]

Originally posted by LikkleMissConfused

But I’m not sure if I can be bothered is he can’t be consistent.

 

he sounds unstable

[Marshbear32]

I would say since you don't kiss he is wondering if you are worth his time. I don't think he is unstable JS, he is deciding wither he wants to wade in or not...

[loony]

I agree with Marshbear, he's not unstable, he's just not sure if she's worth it. I think he will give her a second chance though as he sent her this cute text message. She should loosen up though and show some interest back or else he's gone really soon...

[LikkleMissConfused]

Thanks for all your advice. You will be glad to know that I have shown some interest. He called me yesterday whilst I was driving. It was so nice to hear from him. I couldn't talk as I was driving and told him this and quickly asked how he is and how the training that he is on is going. He said he driving to London in the evening and I should call back as he will be driving anyway.

 

I tried to call him back after I went to my sisters for dinner. About 9 but there was no answer so I left a message and asked him to get back to me. Later on when I got home and had some free time I sent him a text saying "cuddling Nanu (my teddy bear) sorry I couldn't talk was going round a round about and can't work the handfree. Buzz me for a chat when you are free."

 

So I have rang him back left a voice message and texted him asking him to call. Don't think I can do more than that to show him I'm interested.....Can I?

 

I'm not to sure now....Any advice....

[NYCmitch25]

Originally posted by loony

I agree with Marshbear, he's not unstable, he's just not sure if she's worth it. I think he will give her a second chance though as he sent her this cute text message. She should loosen up though and show some interest back or else he's gone really soon...

 

I don't agree with this at all. Perhaps the guy is shy or something but to just encourage her to pour it on seems ridiculous.

[LikkleMissConfused]

NYCmitch25 = I think your getting the wrong end of the stick. Nobody is telling me to pour it on but just to show him how I genuinely feel. I'm scared incase he doesn't feel the same. Its called protecting your ego! Its only natural and I post on the site because I like to read other peoples points of view not to be critised. its called friendly advice......

 

I think you need to soften a little and show a tiny bit on empathy.....Others are saying what they think maybe they have experienced it I question whether you have??

[loony]

I think it would be enough to show him that you're having a really good time with him, smile a lot, give him a lot of eye contact. I do get a lot more positive feedback when I smile at someone. You don't have to overflow with joy, but give him an honesty friendly smile and he will be more than happy to give it back to you.

[LikkleMissConfused]

Great news! He rang me again last night. And he was honest and told me that he isn’t ready for a relationship or anything running up to long-term. He had told me before that he only broke up with his ex a month ago. I did express my concern to him and said that I think he may need to play the field a little bit before getting involved again.

 

But he was really adult about it and so was I! Actually it felt great. He told me he found me really attractive and we both think a like and get on well, so it would have been very easy for him to spend time with me and then if something more happened it wouldn’t be fair on me.

 

I said that I picked up something wasn’t right and he guessed that I also knew. But we talked in a civil manner and decided to be friends. He said that we could meet up and go out and I told him thats not a good idea as he does fancy me and I don’t want that alone. He agreed. Anyway after the phone call I sent him a text almost like a goodbye text closure for me I suppose saying “Thanks for being honest and good luck. Keep in touch Adios Amigo. It was really strange, because I received two texts from him after saying “more like I’m sorry for messing you about. I do not think you will have a problem finding a bloke. More like a lucky git. Sorry but I did have a good time” He sent variations of this text twice.

 

I think he is feeling guilty and maybe doubting his decision. I sent another text the next morning saying don’t worry you were a gent. Adios Amigo.

 

I’m just glad that my intuition came through again and this is how the dating game should be. So NEXT!!!!

 

Going on another date next weekend in London….Lets see what happens

[HotCaliGirl]

That's great! You handled things really well and are able to move on...

[LikkleMissConfused]

HotCaliGirl - Thanks, yes I feel I handled it well and can move on. I mean it was only the first date but the strange behaviour of the chap made me doubt his intentions in the first place. All good and all learnign experiences and as they say practice makes perfect doesn't it....