charles_a Posted May 7, 2017 Posted May 7, 2017 Hi all, I'm kind of in a weird spot. There is a girl that I am really interested in. But I know she is not interested in anything with anyone right now, wants to figure out her life a bit first, etc. I used to think this was a line but after talking to her more I do believe she just really isn't interesting in dating right now (i.e. it isn't just me). She seems to have an anxious issue with going out with people in the evenings and hence its been a bit hard to make plans (she also has a daughter that she has 1 week at a time). We have gone out for coffee in the past and plan to again but just as friends and I respect that. But she wants to continue texting, small chats when I run into her at her work, etc. However - because I think she is so great (even as friends, or whatever could come up someday), I have a couple of weird feeling that I can't stop and was hoping for some advice. 1 - I think about her a lot and it affects my day for sure. How can I stop that? I've tried distracting myself but can't help but feeling it would be nice to have her around 2 - Jealousy - My mind wanders into thinking that eventually she will want to date and it is probably not me. Plus she has dated other guys in the past. I feel jealous about that and then in turn make myself feel worse about myself (i.e. not good looking enough, not worthy or her, etc). Any tips to improve on those areas? Thanks!
mushroomlol Posted May 7, 2017 Posted May 7, 2017 I feel you. There's a guy that I know I shouldn't spend time with but I just keep thinking about him and it makes me feel so unworthy. I guess there are a few things you could do: 1. Date others 2. Focus on yourself. I would read a book or hang out with other friends to kill the time. Take some classes. At the end of the day, a relationship would be only better if the feeling is mutual and both sides are on the same page. I know it's hard but as of now we could only take the time to become a better self.
preraph Posted May 7, 2017 Posted May 7, 2017 You can't date her, so you shouldn't focus on her. If she was very interested in you, she'd date you. Single women don't turn down a guy they are really interested in. Sure, she may be busy, but aren't we all? We'd make time if we were interested in pursuing someone. So you need to stop focusing on her and stop waiting and accepting excuses . You need to get busy in your social life and activities and do all the things you enjoy now, which will make you more interesting to the world at large and get you out there to meet someone who wants to date you. It doesn't really matter why she doesn't want to date you. She just doesn't. She may be hung up on her ex. She may never trust a man again. It doesn't matter. If you were Brad Pitt, she would have not turned you down. Is it about your looks? Doesn't matter. Because one woman will find you attractive and want to date you even if she doesn't, and that's the woman you want, not the one who isn't interested enough to accept a real date and want you romantically. I think you should distance yourself from her. There's no coming back from becoming like a brother to someone anyway. If you hang around her, you'll stay focused and not move on. And yes, she will be dating other guys before long, so why set yourself up to have to listen about that?
smackie9 Posted May 7, 2017 Posted May 7, 2017 (edited) Perfectly normal to feel that way...the thing is, it fades over time, week by week it feels less important to you. Keep the mind busy by having a party/bbq with friends or family, get back to doing things you wanted to do on your bucket list, go on a trip, get involved in a hobby like taking guitar lessons...I know this is a woman thing but go out shopping! buy a sexy watch, new shoes/clothes to attract the ladies you are going to be dating. Make a man cave, and invite the guys over....have fun. Go fishing with grandpa/dad/brother/uncle, reconnect with family. Call some female friends and hang out. Endless activities you can do to get through this. Oh and stop contacting her.....for your own good. Edited May 7, 2017 by smackie9 1
Author charles_a Posted May 7, 2017 Author Posted May 7, 2017 Thanks all! I'm glad this is somewhat normal feeling. I haven't been this hung up ever. And I do get what you are all saying about how she would make time if she was interested. I do however believe her that she just isn't interested in dating right now and that it isn't just me. It's too hard to explain but we've had honest conversations about this sort of thing. Could there be another guy in her future? Probably and I agree that would be hard. The other hard thing is I don't think I can just avoid this person. And I don't have many friends anymore to just go hang out with. But really anything I do i'll think of her. Watching TV, at work, etc. It's hard to get your mind focused on something else and not let these thoughts bother me so much!
smackie9 Posted May 7, 2017 Posted May 7, 2017 Make friends with your coworkers or a coworker and branch out meeting their friends etc. Please don't be one of those poor saps that needs a GF because they have no life.....
mikeylo Posted May 7, 2017 Posted May 7, 2017 Break away from her. Once she gets a bf, it will be much harder than it is now. 1
d0nnivain Posted May 7, 2017 Posted May 7, 2017 Keep busy. Fill your life with interesting things that you enjoy.
hercules22 Posted May 8, 2017 Posted May 8, 2017 (edited) u got cut alot of contact pretty much hardly talk to her anymore as she doesnt deserve your attention as u will just hurt yourself in the long run. and try to go out as much as u can even if u dont feel like going out being around friends and maybe meeting someone else can put your mind off things and it just takes time but it get easier as more time passes u start to not really think of her much anymore and it wont bother you . also keep telling yourself that it her loss she might contact u down the road who knows but dont expect it or wait for it Edited May 8, 2017 by hercules22
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