GWNN88 Posted May 7, 2017 Posted May 7, 2017 That word "im busy" We have all used it either really meaning it or not. I need some advice or just thoughts if I'm over reacting or not... So started dating this guy it was going so well went on quite a few dates speaking to each other everyday mostly, and then he had to go back home for 2 months to help out his parents so he left his job moved out his place and gone back home, this was all planned before meeting me so was fine, he even invited me to go visit and it's not far from London to Edinburgh was so nice he invited me seeing him as I wasn't finished seeing him I met his family it was a great few days. So I'm back in London and were like having long distance relationship, he messaging me saying he missing me and stuff like just normally talking catch up and I look forward to talking to him. But more recently hes gone all quite...he just got a job out there for the mean time and it's different hours to me so hard to talk, also helping he's parents with a house move is busy on him too so he says he's busy which I can clearly see and understand but I feel like he doesn't make time to talk to me as much anymore he reads me message and doesn't reply till really late or doesn't till next day or not at all. I'm worried it's a sign he's not interested anymore...he was saying all these things we was going to do when he done back to London to catch up on lost time but it's hard to think he wants to do so when he's hardly speaking to me at the moment. So I'm trying not to bombard him with messages but I don't want him thinking I'm not interested or thinking about him because I am. So am I over reacting a little, shall I just leave him be and when he's not busy he will message me. I just keep thinking that were all busy but we know we would make time for those we want too but I feel like he's not. Maybe I'm just looking at it all wrong....???
Tressugar Posted May 7, 2017 Posted May 7, 2017 Even the president makes time for the first lady. A person makes time for things/ppl that are important to them. Tell him that you're there for him and to msg you when he gets the time.
coolheadal Posted May 7, 2017 Posted May 7, 2017 That word "im busy" We have all used it either really meaning it or not. I need some advice or just thoughts if I'm over reacting or not... So started dating this guy it was going so well went on quite a few dates speaking to each other everyday mostly, and then he had to go back home for 2 months to help out his parents so he left his job moved out his place and gone back home, this was all planned before meeting me so was fine, he even invited me to go visit and it's not far from London to Edinburgh was so nice he invited me seeing him as I wasn't finished seeing him I met his family it was a great few days. So I'm back in London and were like having long distance relationship, he messaging me saying he missing me and stuff like just normally talking catch up and I look forward to talking to him. But more recently hes gone all quite...he just got a job out there for the mean time and it's different hours to me so hard to talk, also helping he's parents with a house move is busy on him too so he says he's busy which I can clearly see and understand but I feel like he doesn't make time to talk to me as much anymore he reads me message and doesn't reply till really late or doesn't till next day or not at all. I'm worried it's a sign he's not interested anymore...he was saying all these things we was going to do when he done back to London to catch up on lost time but it's hard to think he wants to do so when he's hardly speaking to me at the moment. So I'm trying not to bombard him with messages but I don't want him thinking I'm not interested or thinking about him because I am. So am I over reacting a little, shall I just leave him be and when he's not busy he will message me. I just keep thinking that were all busy but we know we would make time for those we want too but I feel like he's not. Maybe I'm just looking at it all wrong....??? Well you know the answer already? If your really going to wait for him then do so! If not then go and find a guy nearby and have a normal relationship as long distance relationships will never work for anyone like you. You deserve better remember that. Never settle for being second to anyone including this guy. No respect and doesn't have the time for you again. He might have met a local girl and your just waiting on him to reply back to you. See now do you get my point. Move on... 1
d0nnivain Posted May 7, 2017 Posted May 7, 2017 Read a pop psychology book called He's Just Not That Into You. You know the answer already. People make time for the things & people who are important to them. If he's not making time for you, then you are not a priority to him. Knowing that, behave accordingly. 2
preraph Posted May 7, 2017 Posted May 7, 2017 Sometimes people are that busy or distracted and put facets of their life on the backburner. We don't know what his intentions are now, but if you text him and he doesn't text back eventually, then don't just keep texting. Regarding that book Donnivain mentions above, I agree with one aspect of it but totally disagree with this guy's view that women should never make a move. If I'd never initiated meeting guys, I wouldn't have had any fun at all because the guys in my circle in my town were accustomed to laying back and waiting for the ladies. I think that book's premise of women not doing anything only works for the top tier of attractive women. The rest of us have to get someone's attention from the same guys who are all watching the top tier of attractive women some way. But yes, know when someone isn't reciprocating that it is what it is, indifference.
smackie9 Posted May 7, 2017 Posted May 7, 2017 He hasn't got the courage to tell you "this isn't going to work out". He would rather fade and you get the hint. When a guy doesn't contact you, that's because he doesn't want to. 3
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 7, 2017 Posted May 7, 2017 He hasn't got the courage to tell you "this isn't going to work out". He would rather fade and you get the hint. When a guy doesn't contact you, that's because he doesn't want to. That simple. No matter how busy, if someone WANTS to see you, he/she will make the time. 1
act00 Posted May 7, 2017 Posted May 7, 2017 I also read "He's Just Not That Into You," and while it helped me a great deal regarding "not waiting around" and relationship dynamics, like the above poster, I disagree that women should never reach out or make a move. Men are insecure too, and they're going to get tired of the chase if you don't toss them a bone. You have to let them know you're interested. There are hundreds of posts here from men asking if she's interested or what he should do, not come on too strong, not come across as too aloof, he doesn't know what she's thinking, etc. It's okay to say something. I tried a LD "thing," and it just didn't work out. He was never available. We never had phone calls. He would say he wants to come down to see me, but no phone calls or discussion on details, and this was important to me, obviously. We never had calls on the weekends when both of our schedules were free (our schedules differed enough, communication beyond text was difficult during the week). In the beginning, there was more phone talk and I had the opportunity to meet him, and then, life was just too busy for him. I ended up breaking it off. He's too busy for a phone call once a week. Okay. If he wants to grow a relationship, which he said he did, then he wasn't really working to cultivate one. I would probably wait it out. Not put my "life on hold" sort of wait, but I would wait on him and keep communication there, as minimal as it is. He has a lot going on right now, and I can appreciate this, as my parents are aging and job and kids. I get that. But I would continue to date other people as the opportunity arises and live my life and try not to worry so much about this barely budding relationship. If you text 2-3 times with no response, drop it. It is what it is. He knew he was packing up to move home to help his parents before meeting you, and he probably shouldn't have pursued any type of romance knowing he couldn't put the time into it. Sometimes we think we can do it, and it turns out we can't. Life is too busy, it was a bad idea, sorry. It happens, and sorry if you end up on the receiving end of that one. Maybe, though, if you keep communication open, when life slows down a little, you can get back to dating. I agree, if he feels strongly about you, he could make some more time for you. I also think that with a brand new relationship, he doesn't want to unload on you his difficulties, and he's just busy and tired. Just know when to call it quits. Continued lack of communication? Just drop the rope. 2
smackie9 Posted May 7, 2017 Posted May 7, 2017 It's not just women, men get the same runaround...it's truly about knowing when to quit it and to not let them pacify you with bs excuses. Like I always say, date those who treat you the way you want to be treated...if they stop communicating or things seem to drop off...ditch them. No one likes lukewarm interest nor should they put up with it.
hercules22 Posted May 8, 2017 Posted May 8, 2017 i hate the word busy everyone can utilise time its a crap excuse
GemmaUK Posted May 8, 2017 Posted May 8, 2017 He definitely has a lot on his plate right now! If he is helping out with the practicalities of the house move also then that takes a lot of time chasing extate agents and solicitors around. You say he has recently got a job too but is working different hours to you - is he doing night shifts? If he is then daytime will be when he has to sleep but also when he has to make time for helping with the house move - most places are only open 9-5. Anytime for texts and calls is going to lessen whilst he is dealing with all of that. London to Edinburgh is quite a distance. I remember when I was dating a guy from the Midlands and even that via train from the South East would take anywhere between 6-10 hours to get there. I think only one time there were no cancellations or delays of any kind. It also took a big chunk of money out of funds I had to actually go on days and nights out. I think he is realising he isn't able to keep up with this just now and I can totally understand that given his situation. 1
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