Averages one girl a month. Major red flag?

[smackie9]

Blueberrymuffin help us out here....you haven't posted anything for 2 days. So where are you at with this.....before this turns into a runaway thread.

[mightycpa]

Why does everyone think that many notches in the bedpost makes them a good to better lover? My experience it's 50/50....some are and some are definitely not. Most men....well the ones I have been with...only maybe at best 10% knew what they were doing and 2% were actually good.

 

I think the answer for this lies in the type of partners they've had. If one-night stands account for most of the sex, there's hardly any chance of developing the type of experience that would make you a better lover.

 

But if the mix is more like streaks with the same people, especially concurrently, then there's a lot more chance that they'll get comfortable with the women, try new things they've learned from another, and get their freaky-deaky going.

 

Lastly, I think a lot also depends on whether YOU are a one-night stand or a regular in his lineup. As a one-night stand, ro someone who is short-lived in his life, you're not likely to get his best efforts.

 

41 seems old to really want that. I'd definitely wait for the infatuation stage to die down, although I have to wonder about your age too... how much time do you have to invest?

[johngalt1149]

I'm 59, about to go on my 4th date since Sunday. 2 were old FWB. One was useless for me (Sundays) and tonight, I hope she's "the one". A gorgeous paralegal of 55 meeting at a beach grill for music and dinner. I will continue to invest time until I find the one I want. Some are months, some are weeks, once in awhile a one nighter that invariably is unsatisfying. No other way to find them. But most comeback to be friends or want more. I consider myself experienced because all women are different and respond to different stimuli but nothing beats being with the same person long term and learning about them.

[Titanll]

I'm 59, about to go on my 4th date since Sunday. 2 were old FWB. One was useless for me (Sundays) and tonight, I hope she's "the one". A gorgeous paralegal of 55 meeting at a beach grill for music and dinner. I will continue to invest time until I find the one I want. Some are months, some are weeks, once in awhile a one nighter that invariably is unsatisfying. No other way to find them. But most comeback to be friends or want more. I consider myself experienced because all women are different and respond to different stimuli but nothing beats being with the same person long term and learning about them.

 

Maybe no other way for you to "find them" but I don't subscribe to that philosophy at all. I invested zero time in anyone that did not have potential. Oh, I guess I wasted one date on some but that was it. But, I had no interest in finding friends and definitely no FWB's.

 

I guess what I find funny concerning this thread is that for me or someone like me, there is no real modification of our behavior needed when we are in a committed relationship. The whole premise of this thread is whether or not the guy in question can change his behavior from serial dater/lover to monogamous. We even have one guy saying that the fact that this guy has been banging different chicks on the regular makes him capable of being more or at least as monogamous as a complete monogamist such as myself.

 

People released form jail are usually on probation. When you start a job (especially with no experience) you have a period of time to prove yourself. So, my suggestion to OP is the same. Let him prove his love and intentions of you being his one and only for some period of time.

[MountainGirl111]

Sorry, A guy who is talking to or texting another woman while on a date is not someone anyone should be with. What utter lack of respect. What contempt! He's out with you , even if it's not working out he should be courteous enough to wait until it's over to be trolling.

 

Yep, that kind of behavior while on a date is not only a red flag. It's a deal breaker. She's deserves much better from the get go. If she puts up with that, what other kind of mistreatment would she put up with. That's just raunchy. If a person is okay with raunchy, okay. But for some that's just not going to be okay.

[MountainGirl111]

Good sex takes practice with one another. A man who can keep a good woman happy and satisfied and coming back for more is just as good a lover if not better than a guy who goes from woman to woman.

[mightycpa]

I guess what I find funny concerning this thread is that for me or someone like me, there is no real modification of our behavior needed when we are in a committed relationship. The whole premise of this thread is whether or not the guy in question can change his behavior from serial dater/lover to monogamous. We even have one guy saying that the fact that this guy has been banging different chicks on the regular makes him capable of being more or at least as monogamous as a complete monogamist such as myself.

To gain agreement, I'd amend your observation to this:

 

there is no forced modification of our behavior needed when we are in a committed relationship.

 

I certainly changed from a longtime cheating, multi-woman man to straight up good guy nearly overnight when I met my wife. She never asked me to do it, and my motivation was not because it was an assumed requirement. I just lost interest in all that when I found my interest in her. Since then, sexual temptation hasn't been an issue because I know how it usually ends, and really, what's going on between your ears has the biggest impact on how it feels between your legs.

 

What she's wondering can be done, but, he's really gotta want it.

[Titanll]

To gain agreement, I'd amend your observation to this:

 

there is no forced modification of our behavior needed when we are in a committed relationship.

 

I certainly changed from a longtime cheating, multi-woman man to straight up good guy nearly overnight when I met my wife. She never asked me to do it, and my motivation was not because it was an assumed requirement. I just lost interest in all that when I found my interest in her. Since then, sexual temptation hasn't been an issue because I know how it usually ends, and really, what's going on between your ears has the biggest impact on how it feels between your legs.

 

What she's wondering can be done, but, he's really gotta want it.

 

I am sure that it can be done and you can testify to that truth. The amendment to my post was unnecessary from my point if view. There would be no forced modification required of me and I was not suggesting that the guy in question be forced to modify his behavior. You made a choice to modify your behavior just as the other guy would have to do. The point is that a modification of your behavior had to to take place to get to where I am without modification.

 

To each his own but me personally, I would rather have a woman that is naturally monogamistic and not one that had to change to become so.

[preraph]

Why does everyone think that many notches in the bedpost makes them a good to better lover? My experience it's 50/50....some are and some are definitely not. Most men....well the ones I have been with...only maybe at best 10% knew what they were doing and 2% were actually good.

 

 

Right. My experience it was about 2% as well,and my gfs agreed with that number, but both of them were guys who had loads of experience and real experience, not from watching porn. But just getting laid a lot does not mean you put any effort or learned anything. In fact, people getting laid alot in the '70s, the guys were pretty basic, hitting the bases. But at least with guys who have experience, you have a 2% chance of finding one who really knows what he's doing and will do it. I mean, a less experienced guy who likes you a lot has other charms, being sweet and gentle and sensuous, but he doesn't know what to do to finish you yet, and somehow it isn't always the same if you have to train them. It can create a balance problem.

[William]

As the OP hasn't been heard from in a few days I'll close this one up for the time being. The OP may request the thread reopened via the "ALERT US" button. ~T