Grey40 Posted May 6, 2017 Posted May 6, 2017 Think I messed up last night. Went on a date with a girl (new girl) and the night went pretty great. This was the third time we've seen each other in person but the first time its truly been one on one. Conversation was great, she seemed very into me. I tried to escalate physically a bit with some light touching and what not throughout, she seemed Receptive but didn't give too much back. I think she may have been kind of shy/nervous. Towards the end of the night I try to go in to kiss her and she kind of turned her head and only let me do the cheek which I never thought is a good sign. When I tried touching her back and stuff she also kept pulling my hands away. But when we went from place to place she would reach out to hold my hand and rested her head on my shoulder a little bit here and there. There was lots of eye contact too. At the end of the night I ask if she wants to come over and continue hanging out, she agrees though skeptically says "what are we going to be doing there?" I basically just made it sound like we're just gonna keep the night going. We get to my place and I just drop the ball big time. She knew what I was trying to do, and I hesitated a while and just didn't go for it/make a move for a good 30+ minutes. Couldn't get a movie to work, it was just awkward kind of. So we just kept talking for a while. She kept saying that I "need to travel and explore more" and that "youre not strong". She was being really cryptic and just made it seem like she suddenly lost respect or something. I eventually tried to make a move but it was too late and she wouldn't let me touch her, though she kept touching me, stroking my arm and playing with my hair etc. really didn't get it. I dropped her off in the morning and she said stuff like "next time we hang out pick me up here, are you going to remember?" And then she gave m a hug when she left and said "please don't dissapear, ok?" Really a lot of mixed signals going on.
preraph Posted May 6, 2017 Posted May 6, 2017 That really is mixed signals. I would say if she's peeling your hands off her, she's not interested in you sexually but maybe is desperate for just a friend and doesn't want to lose a potential friend. 1
smackie9 Posted May 6, 2017 Posted May 6, 2017 (edited) Not mixed at all.....she wants to take things slow/respectfully, she wants to have control over it too. Just follow her lead. It's obvious she wants things to build, get to know you more and firmly let you know this isn't going to be about sex. Just make sure she knows you enjoy just hanging out with her and are interested in her as a person and not what's between her legs. Flirt, compliment her, ask her questions about her/family/likes/dislikes etc. Be confident in yourself, be bold, focused, then pull away, be aloof. Edited May 6, 2017 by smackie9 2
Author Grey40 Posted May 6, 2017 Author Posted May 6, 2017 Not mixed at all.....she wants to take things slow/respectfully, she wants to have control over it too. Just follow her lead. It's obvious she wants things to build, get to know you more and firmly let you know this isn't going to be about sex. Just make sure she knows you enjoy just hanging out with her and are interested in her as a person and not what's between her legs. Flirt, compliment her, ask her questions about her/family/likes/dislikes etc. Be confident in yourself, be bold, focused, then pull away, be aloof. That's what I was thinking. But she doesn't seem like the "take it slow type" and she's apparently leaving in 3-4 months or at least that's her plan. . So I figured that she's only looking for something casual. The stuff she said about me not being strong and stuff rubbed me the wrong way. It's like she was calling me a p****y to my face. Just hope I didn't ruin the chance by not being more assertive and aggressive. She did text me first thing this morning asking me what's up and wishes me a good day and everything, just odd.
Hopeful30 Posted May 6, 2017 Posted May 6, 2017 It doesn't sound like mixed signals. I think you may have misread her body language. Why would you invite someone over if you saw she was uncomfortable with your touching? She's not ready to have sex. She may have accepted your invitation to your place because she didn't want you to think she's rejecting you, but you made it worse by trying to make another move, at which point it seems she may have felt used and even more uncomfortable. I don't see any mixed signals, just a girl who really likes you but doesn't want to move as quickly as you do.
Versacehottie Posted May 6, 2017 Posted May 6, 2017 Not mixed at all.....she wants to take things slow/respectfully, she wants to have control over it too. Just follow her lead. It's obvious she wants things to build, get to know you more and firmly let you know this isn't going to be about sex. Just make sure she knows you enjoy just hanging out with her and are interested in her as a person and not what's between her legs. Flirt, compliment her, ask her questions about her/family/likes/dislikes etc. Be confident in yourself, be bold, focused, then pull away, be aloof. Totally agree with smackie. I think she wants to send a clear signal that she likes you and is worried or wants to prevent you using her. To her, YOUR signals might be mixed. And that she is going away in 4 months has little bearing on this, in my opinion. I think some people never want to feel like they are used and a lot of girls process things much less practically than you would. Like romance could be possible from a distance in the future and she is handling this like she wants to keep that option open. Rather than just dive in physically. Just my guess but pretty sure it's how many girls i know would handle things. Be careful or keep a watch on how she reacts to you physically. You don't want to push her to turned off. good luck 1
Author Grey40 Posted May 6, 2017 Author Posted May 6, 2017 It doesn't sound like mixed signals. I think you may have misread her body language. Why would you invite someone over if you saw she was uncomfortable with your touching? She's not ready to have sex. She may have accepted your invitation to your place because she didn't want you to think she's rejecting you, but you made it worse by trying to make another move, at which point it seems she may have felt used and even more uncomfortable. I don't see any mixed signals, just a girl who really likes you but doesn't want to move as quickly as you do. Hopefully you're right. I wouldn't say she was uncomfortable with my touching. She was ok with certain touching...she initated holding hands and was ok with general touching. But once I started anything that moved beyond a tap or grope she put walls up. Her eye contact was intense though, she definitley gave me that gaze/look when someone likes you, that's something I'm very good at reading usually. I invited her over to A) see if she'd accept and B) because I was thinking maybe she just doesn't want to physical out in public so I thought maybe she'll be different in private..I was wrong. So yeah it does seem that she wants to take it slow and not rush into it but that doesn't gel at all with her life plan/outlook/lifestyle. It's very incongruent. She's a big traveler..she lived in ny, then Florida, then Ecuador then back to Florida now back where I'm at. Her plan is move out of the area by the fall, so makes no sense why she'd want to "develop" any kind of a relationship. It's like she's hoping I'll just drop everything my entire life and just travel with her
Hopeful30 Posted May 6, 2017 Posted May 6, 2017 Hopefully you're right. I wouldn't say she was uncomfortable with my touching. She was ok with certain touching...she initated holding hands and was ok with general touching. But once I started anything that moved beyond a tap or grope she put walls up. Her eye contact was intense though, she definitley gave me that gaze/look when someone likes you, that's something I'm very good at reading usually. I invited her over to A) see if she'd accept and B) because I was thinking maybe she just doesn't want to physical out in public so I thought maybe she'll be different in private..I was wrong. So yeah it does seem that she wants to take it slow and not rush into it but that doesn't gel at all with her life plan/outlook/lifestyle. It's very incongruent. She's a big traveler..she lived in ny, then Florida, then Ecuador then back to Florida now back where I'm at. Her plan is move out of the area by the fall, so makes no sense why she'd want to "develop" any kind of a relationship. It's like she's hoping I'll just drop everything my entire life and just travel with her Try not to jump to conclusions. Even short relationships that don't intend on a long term period can be full of love, lessons and good times. I'm the same. I've travelled a lot and the idea of temporarily having a connection never scared me. I never saw futures with any of my exes, yet I still enjoyed every moment with them and took a lot from the relationships. They're great experiences. Nothing lasts forever anyways, we must be in the present moment. I'm not sure if it's a woman thing, but women often like to build a strong intellectual or emotional connection before sex. Not only is it great foreplay and really turns us on, but it also helps us feel comfortable. If there is anything a woman must always feel with her man, it's comfort and safety. I say enjoy it for what it is. Try to be a bit more considerate now that you know how she feels about moving things quickly, and just enjoy her company I don't see any harm coming from this.
Miss Spider Posted May 6, 2017 Posted May 6, 2017 My advice is trust your gut. Op always has a 6th sense that is enough cause to make a thread about. None of us here have that because we weren't there. "Mixed messages" usually either signal a lack of interest or compatibility issues. Proceed, but stay sharp for other flags. Good luck!!!
smackie9 Posted May 6, 2017 Posted May 6, 2017 The only thing that is going to clear this up is honest communication. It's that simple. 1
fromheart Posted May 6, 2017 Posted May 6, 2017 (edited) Think I messed up last night. Went on a date with a girl (new girl) and the night went pretty great. This was the third time we've seen each other in person but the first time its truly been one on one. Conversation was great, she seemed very into me. I tried to escalate physically a bit with some light touching and what not throughout, she seemed Receptive but didn't give too much back. I think she may have been kind of shy/nervous. Towards the end of the night I try to go in to kiss her and she kind of turned her head and only let me do the cheek which I never thought is a good sign. When I tried touching her back and stuff she also kept pulling my hands away. But when we went from place to place she would reach out to hold my hand and rested her head on my shoulder a little bit here and there. There was lots of eye contact too. At the end of the night I ask if she wants to come over and continue hanging out, she agrees though skeptically says "what are we going to be doing there?" I basically just made it sound like we're just gonna keep the night going. We get to my place and I just drop the ball big time. She knew what I was trying to do, and I hesitated a while and just didn't go for it/make a move for a good 30+ minutes. Couldn't get a movie to work, it was just awkward kind of. So we just kept talking for a while. She kept saying that I "need to travel and explore more" and that "youre not strong". She was being really cryptic and just made it seem like she suddenly lost respect or something. I eventually tried to make a move but it was too late and she wouldn't let me touch her, though she kept touching me, stroking my arm and playing with my hair etc. really didn't get it. I dropped her off in the morning and she said stuff like "next time we hang out pick me up here, are you going to remember?" And then she gave m a hug when she left and said "please don't dissapear, ok?" Really a lot of mixed signals going on. 'The cheek,' is low interest and her pulling your hands away, is why you don't continue chasing after being given the cheek. Makes you come across as creepy, which I'm sure was not your intention. 'I need to travel and explore more,' this is her saying she is not inclusing you in her plans, ie she doesn't see a future. 'You're not strong,'... I don't know what more this girl has to say to let you know she's not into you. Why you would even try to move on a girl who just said that, I don't know. She's playing with you because insecure women tend to kick men they perceive as weak in the b#lls. Next time, call it a day after being given the cheek! Edited May 6, 2017 by fromheart
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