AT15 Posted May 6, 2017 Posted May 6, 2017 Long Story Short: Fell "in love" with a jerk. Dated him for 18 months. He literally walked out on me, meaning left our shared apartment (which he pressured me to move in to from the start). He immediately began dating another woman, then broke up with her and came back to me (shortly after for 6 weeks). From then on it was back and forth, him being the one to string me along and me allowing the abuse. Anytime he would make contact with me, I would fall for the same bull (like a love sick fool). Finally in November 2016, he got another girlfriend and I was crushed. I was hurting bad. After, a few months in late January he made contact again. I was so happy, he did the same told me He loved me, blah, blah, blah. I inhaled it in like a love sick looney, only to see he was seeing a DIFFERENT person a short while after. In late March, I found out from snooping he is expecting a child from the woman he just meant a month prior. I. was. crushed. I called him to confirm, poured my heart out... then blocked him. from everything. The BEST THING EVER! Why? Because it brings you peace after the initial sorrow. Last week I saw that he viewed my LinkedIn page. And fear came over me. Usually, I would have been relieved he had me on his mind. But, instead I felt "oh no, he's back." I finally started to see him for who he really is. No rose colored glasses. I also realized that I'm over him. I don't want to go back there. EVER! And it feels good to know that now. I'm not 100 percent, but I'm almost there. I am so grateful that it's in the past, finally 11
divegrl Posted May 6, 2017 Posted May 6, 2017 This is an awesome update!!!!!! Big hugs my friend!!!!!
preraph Posted May 7, 2017 Posted May 7, 2017 Excellent! It is such a relief when you finally stop having those feelings, isn't it? Now, seriously, block him from your social media so he can't possibly interfere some way.
Kitchen Posted May 7, 2017 Posted May 7, 2017 Congratulations. I'm genuinely happy for you. It's so nice to read positive stories on here, and they are so far and few between. Question for you, do you think pouring your heart out to him helped in getting over him? I'm kind of stuck in getting over this girl whom I got traumatized with; and one thing I didn't do is pour my heart out. I kind of just left trying to save face and not come off as begging pleading. But after 5 weeks of NC I can't help but get the urge to just spill my guts out to her, really let her know how it feels. I feel I can't move on unless I did that.
magnesium Posted May 7, 2017 Posted May 7, 2017 (edited) Congratulations. I'm genuinely happy for you. It's so nice to read positive stories on here, and they are so far and few between. Question for you, do you think pouring your heart out to him helped in getting over him? I'm kind of stuck in getting over this girl whom I got traumatized with; and one thing I didn't do is pour my heart out. I kind of just left trying to save face and not come off as begging pleading. But after 5 weeks of NC I can't help but get the urge to just spill my guts out to her, really let her know how it feels. I feel I can't move on unless I did that. Kitchen, I am surprised you are asking this question as in the past you wrote some awesome posts to help other people move on from their hurting. Almost in your own words, if this person abused you and thus you formed a trauma bond, then this person is your enemy. Anywho...you don't say a word, and keep NC going. Again...in almost your own words, whatever you say to her...whatever you unload off your mind and say to her...it will make you feel good for a minute, then you will immediately regret saying what you said right after. Edited May 7, 2017 by magnesium 1
Author AT15 Posted May 7, 2017 Author Posted May 7, 2017 Congratulations. I'm genuinely happy for you. It's so nice to read positive stories on here, and they are so far and few between. Question for you, do you think pouring your heart out to him helped in getting over him? I'm kind of stuck in getting over this girl whom I got traumatized with; and one thing I didn't do is pour my heart out. I kind of just left trying to save face and not come off as begging pleading. But after 5 weeks of NC I can't help but get the urge to just spill my guts out to her, really let her know how it feels. I feel I can't move on unless I did that. I think it helped. It felt like closure. I also felt like I dumped my negative energy onto him and then quickly shut the door. But, more importantly, I was READY to move on. I was READY to close that chapter and move on to the next. I didn't really know I was sincerely ready to to move on fully until I saw that he looked at my LinkedIn. I felt a sincere fear of "oh. no. Not again." I had healed enough to know he is harmful to my wellbeing. I know I need to pour my love into my self. That's my current priority. Once the feelings fade and the relationship is in the past, healing takes on a new energy. It feels more positive, more hopeful. I have met someone who I find very attractive. I like spending time with him, I'm not sure it will blossom into a relationship tho. My priority is me. But, it's nice that if I feel a little "lonely" I have an outlet. It feels really good to be single. The possibilities are limitless. 2
Author AT15 Posted May 7, 2017 Author Posted May 7, 2017 (edited) Also, I completely revamped my look. New clothes. I cut my hair and went blonde. I had some fillers done to take a few years of my face :-). So, yeah. I'm out and about now. Hanging with my girlfriends and my gay boy friends. I'm planning a trip to Cuba. It's been fun! Edited May 7, 2017 by AT15 2
Kitchen Posted May 7, 2017 Posted May 7, 2017 Kitchen, I am surprised you are asking this question as in the past you wrote some awesome posts to help other people move on from their hurting. Almost in your own words, if this person abused you and thus you formed a trauma bond, then this person is your enemy. Anywho...you don't say a word, and keep NC going. Again...in almost your own words, whatever you say to her...whatever you unload off your mind and say to her...it will make you feel good for a minute, then you will immediately regret saying what you said right after. You're right, I did say that. And perhaps you're right that I shouldn't do it, even I'm not sure about it and have been pondering over it for several weeks. There's another thread on a similar topic as well. I should point out 2 things: 1. I in no way want to reconcile with her. I realize that if I did want to reconcile, contacting would make no sense. Rather I just want to let her know how exactly she made me feel; release my anger. 2. She didn't abuse me, as in she wasn't a narcissist or anything like that. However the whole experience traumatized me. She was selfish and stupid is the better description. However I believe she feels guilt just like most other people. Almost 6 weeks Nc and I have plateaued. I keep having this urge to unload my anger onto her which I never did. We ended on a "good note". Had a positive conversation, which I highly regret now. I believe in ending on an "honest note", spill your guts out of that person pissed you off. The OP did that and as she's mentioned, she thinks it helped her. I'm just afraid that I'll be entrapped like this for a long long time. Holding your emotions in can be very stressful, in any relationship. If your friend hurts you, you're better of telling him than not. Same situation here. However I hesitate, since it's been so long, and I don't know how my ego will handle a non response or a jerk response. That's the million dollar question. If I knew for sure that she'd respond with genuine remorse or guilt, I'd do it today. 1
Kitchen Posted May 7, 2017 Posted May 7, 2017 I think it helped. It felt like closure. I also felt like I dumped my negative energy onto him and then quickly shut the door. But, more importantly, I was READY to move on. I was READY to close that chapter and move on to the next. I didn't really know I was sincerely ready to to move on fully until I saw that he looked at my LinkedIn. I felt a sincere fear of "oh. no. Not again." I had healed enough to know he is harmful to my wellbeing. I know I need to pour my love into my self. That's my current priority. Once the feelings fade and the relationship is in the past, healing takes on a new energy. It feels more positive, more hopeful. I have met someone who I find very attractive. I like spending time with him, I'm not sure it will blossom into a relationship tho. My priority is me. But, it's nice that if I feel a little "lonely" I have an outlet. It feels really good to be single. The possibilities are limitless. This is awesome. Please keep posting and thank you so much. I'm sure you've helped many people on here.
Soak Posted May 7, 2017 Posted May 7, 2017 You're right, I did say that. And perhaps you're right that I shouldn't do it, even I'm not sure about it and have been pondering over it for several weeks. There's another thread on a similar topic as well. I should point out 2 things: 1. I in no way want to reconcile with her. I realize that if I did want to reconcile, contacting would make no sense. Rather I just want to let her know how exactly she made me feel; release my anger. 2. She didn't abuse me, as in she wasn't a narcissist or anything like that. However the whole experience traumatized me. She was selfish and stupid is the better description. However I believe she feels guilt just like most other people. Almost 6 weeks Nc and I have plateaued. I keep having this urge to unload my anger onto her which I never did. We ended on a "good note". Had a positive conversation, which I highly regret now. I believe in ending on an "honest note", spill your guts out of that person pissed you off. The OP did that and as she's mentioned, she thinks it helped her. I'm just afraid that I'll be entrapped like this for a long long time. Holding your emotions in can be very stressful, in any relationship. If your friend hurts you, you're better of telling him than not. Same situation here. However I hesitate, since it's been so long, and I don't know how my ego will handle a non response or a jerk response. That's the million dollar question. If I knew for sure that she'd respond with genuine remorse or guilt, I'd do it today. I believe honesty is a good policy. Just block all means of her contacting you afterwards. If you're expecting a reply, maybe it's not the right time, or in your best interests to do it. Just my 2 cents.
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