Thatguy81 Posted May 6, 2017 Posted May 6, 2017 I believe that I am the victim of a G.I.G.S. breakup. So here it goes. My fiancé left me towards the end of march, only 8 days after the engagement. She then started a relationship with someone who was a friend of mine only days after the break up. I only contacted her about getting my things. She has a daughter that I was the father figure for and the last time I saw the dumper, I asked for permission to say goodbye to the daughter. She said no at first but I explained that her daughter would deserve it as much as I did, at which she said I could say goodbye over the phone. She then explained to me that the daughter had broke her arm. After I left, I called the sitter, which is the ex's mother, to say goodbye. I showed concern for the broken arm and the sitter said she was fine, not hurt. I said goodbye, then called the ex to notify her that I said goodbye over the phone and that the girl wasn't hurt. A week later I was served with a restraining order! Went to court, judge dismissed everything, and in the courtroom room, I told the dumper that I forgave her for everything. She claimed that I had told her that the girl had broke her arm, so it seemed like she was trying to recover from her lie. I guess, my question is, could she still reach out to want reconciliation? A friend of mine is a behavioral psychologist, she says the she almost certainly will! How long does it, on average, take for the dumper to feel the need to reconcile? The new guy, I'm certain, will not work out for her so I'm just waiting for the honeymoon phase of the new relationship to wear off.
Blanco Posted May 6, 2017 Posted May 6, 2017 Guy, she hit you with a restraining order and you're worried about reconciliation? Don't be a schmuck. I'm quite sorry for the double-whammy of loss and betrayal you must be feeling right now, but you need to understand you're simply in shock right now. Don't do anything drastic. Just tell yourself that this is done, even if you don't believe it is or want it to be. It would be virtually impossible for you to ever fully trust this woman again, and no one would blame you for feeling that way. She has shown her true colors. 6
Author Thatguy81 Posted May 6, 2017 Author Posted May 6, 2017 I understand. I just like to be prepared for anything. If she realized she made a mistake, the first thing I would do is make he prove to me that she could gain my trust back. If it doesn't happen, I will be fine. But in the circumstance that she does reach out, I want to be prepared.. I have been, and shall remain in no contact with her I've been concentrating on myself, and shall continue to do so. Quickly after the break, I realized that you change through pain and heartbreak, something that she will go through, so I would just want to see if she would learn from this
ExpatInItaly Posted May 6, 2017 Posted May 6, 2017 You need much better standards, OP. If she started a relationship with your friend within days of breaking up with you, she was almost definitely cheating on you with him. Then she tries to get a restaining order against you. What does your psychologist friend make of that fact that you are holding on to hope that a woman like this comes back? I think it's safe to say this is not going to end in your favor and that your worries are in the wrong place. 2
Sweetfish Posted May 6, 2017 Posted May 6, 2017 I understand. I just like to be prepared for anything. If she realized she made a mistake, the first thing I would do is make he prove to me that she could gain my trust back. If it doesn't happen, I will be fine. But in the circumstance that she does reach out, I want to be prepared.. I have been, and shall remain in no contact with her I've been concentrating on myself, and shall continue to do so. Quickly after the break, I realized that you change through pain and heartbreak, something that she will go through, so I would just want to see if she would learn from this Why not invest your passion in a woman that respects you and find one you can have a child and be a father with and not just a figure? She felt your friend was better and that incident in court may show up on your record in the future. Do you have such low self esteem you would go back to such behavior? 1
Marc878 Posted May 6, 2017 Posted May 6, 2017 You need some help. You get walked on and are looking for more?
johngalt1149 Posted May 6, 2017 Posted May 6, 2017 I'm still waiting 3 years, 2 kids too (after 30 yrs).. I know it isn't going to happen. Doesn't help me to know though.
Author Thatguy81 Posted May 6, 2017 Author Posted May 6, 2017 You need some help. You get walked on and are looking for more? This is a very good point. I allow myself to be walked on, in fear of being alone. I don't want to disappoint those that I care about because I don't want to lose them. Thank you for your input, it gives me another angle of perspective. 1
Author Thatguy81 Posted May 6, 2017 Author Posted May 6, 2017 I'm still waiting 3 years, 2 kids too (after 30 yrs).. I know it isn't going to happen. Doesn't help me to know though. I'm sorry for what you are going through as well. It is a rough road and holding onto the the hope that they will come around, kinda holds us back from reaching our potential and blocking anyone else that would be better from filling that void in an enormous way!
Marc878 Posted May 6, 2017 Posted May 6, 2017 Read it "No More Mr Nice Guy" free PDF download Strength is attractive weakness is not. Find your own life, live it and it'll make you more complete and put you in a position to have a balanced relationship. Don't settle just so you aren't alone. Living alone has benefits. If you can master it you'll be a lot more attractive to others. 2
Author Thatguy81 Posted May 6, 2017 Author Posted May 6, 2017 So that anyone reading this thread understands, I appreciate all opinions and it is a wonderful thing to be able to have a community to connect with and lean on while going through such a trying situation. So from the deepest part that I can reach, THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH!!!
Sweetfish Posted May 6, 2017 Posted May 6, 2017 So that anyone reading this thread understands, I appreciate all opinions and it is a wonderful thing to be able to have a community to connect with and lean on while going through such a trying situation. So from the deepest part that I can reach, THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH!!! We understand how you feel. It feels great to be wanted and to provide. Many women will approve of this... but there is a flip side. Humans in general will become complacent and after your providing becomes common place and is taken for granted she will hone in on your personality and if it is of a man who is codepedant and bends to all her desires and not your own. Attraction will slip.
Author Thatguy81 Posted May 6, 2017 Author Posted May 6, 2017 We understand how you feel. It feels great to be wanted and to provide. Many women will approve of this... but there is a flip side. Humans in general will become complacent and after your providing becomes common place and is taken for granted she will hone in on your personality and if it is of a man who is codepedant and bends to all her desires and not your own. Attraction will slip. That is a very valid point that I am learning quickly! Thanks to "Marc878"s advice, I have been listening to the audiobook "No More Mr Nice Guy", and it is helping a TON!!
Author Thatguy81 Posted May 6, 2017 Author Posted May 6, 2017 Why did she leave 8 days after the engagement? Look up "grass is greener syndrome" it pinpointed my situation to a "T" I'm looking at the positives that it is giving me the opportunity to work on myself for the time being
lolablue17 Posted May 6, 2017 Posted May 6, 2017 Look up "grass is greener syndrome" it pinpointed my situation to a "T" I'm looking at the positives that it is giving me the opportunity to work on myself for the time being G.I.G.S is when someone leaves the relationship because she (or he) thinks she can find a better match. This feeling does not come in a day, and not 8 days after you commit to marry someone. So, i'm sorry, I don't buy that.
preraph Posted May 6, 2017 Posted May 6, 2017 If you take her back now, she will know that she can cheat on you all she wants and you'll let her stay. You can't make her prove you can trust her. There's no way to do that at all. Let someone betray you once, and they will betray you even worse the next time. 1
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