Infusion Posted August 1, 2005 Posted August 1, 2005 Recently my girlfriend asked me to take her to get birth contol pills because we had been fooling around lately. There wasnt any problem with it and I agreed to take her the next day. However, because we both forgot that I had an appointment with the doctor next morning, we did not end up getting together before noon. She called me and I told her that I would be done at 11:30. At 11:30 she called me and I told her that I was with my mom and we were all heading out to lunch because there was only one car until my dad comes to pick her up. I had no choice but to stick around until after lunch at 2pm. During my lunch she called me again and I told her I'll take her to get the pills as soon as I am done, but she told me that she has work at 4pm and that she'll take care of it herself, fair enough. I finished lunch a little earlier than 2pm and went home right away to talk to her to see if everything is ok. However, she told me that she had to leave for work (it was only 3pm, and her workplace is only 15 minutes away). I naturally assumed that she had other things to do and did not suspect anything. I did not call her on the phone because she has told me not to, as it upsets her parents and she doesnt want to create problems in the house. I understood that and allowed her to call me all the time - that, as well as me going onto the computer when I wish to talk to her (although she is not always around). Her work ended at 10pm and I eagerly awaited for her at my computer to see how everything is. At around 10:30pm she was online but wasn't in a very good mood. I asked her how she was feeling and she did not say much. Soon after that, she left, saying that she had a long day and wanted to sleep. Being reasonable, I said goodnight and off she went. The next day she had work all day and she did not call me at all. However, I was on the computer until 3am waiting for her. Right before I slept, I wrote her an email to let her know that I am worried. The next morning she was online but never phoned me (she always calls me every morning). I initiated a conversation and told her that I was worried, but all she said was: "there is nothing to worry about" She told me that she was talking to a friend and then after a short talk she left. We did not talk until night. She phoned me up and told me that she just took her pill and that her friend had to pay for it because she had no money. She told me that her friend was really upset at me for being so irresonsible. Not only that, my girlfriend told me that I only care about myself, that I could have been the one to take her to buy the pill. She said that her friends care more about her than I do, then hung up the phone. Needless to say, I had mixed emotions (none of which were anger towards her). But I was seriously dissapointed that everything I tried to do for her was in vain, and that she was blind to it. I did not take her to get her pills because she did not give me the opportunity. She did not call me like she usually does, she did not talk to me on the computer, she did not even write back to my email or acknowledged that I care. When I told her that I had written her an email and was worrie the whole time, she said that they were just fancy words that meant dirt to her- that it didn't show that I cared. That night I felt extremely sad and did not sleep until 4 in the morning, wishing that she understood that I care about her. Problems like these had shown up in the past, and I believe that even though I love her and care and worry about her, she will probably always be blind to all the thing I do, and that maybe it's a sign that there is no future for us, that we're just wasting our time. I was feeling extremely unhappy and knew that I would probably be happier single, by myself. She does not exactly feel the same way. In fact, she thinks that I will always be able to forgive her and continue to be with her. Maybe that is also a reason for which she loves me so much too - because I am so convenient and that I listen to her and stay despite all the times she had hurt me before. She called me tonight and continually bashed me about all the things I did wrong- that I should have taken her to get her pill- that her friends care more about her than I do, and that she is sick of me and doenst want to see me for a while. I explained everything to her because I think her anger might've skewed her logic- it didn't work. I could not take it anymore, I began to feel so sad and dissapointed that I threw up over and over again.. She got off the phone but then called me back with more complaints. At that time there was nothing more I could say and I could not take it anymore. I was only trying to do my part but all I get for it is blame. She told her mom and her sister that I promised to take her to get pills but I did not, and they both acknowledged that she was correct to be angry at me and blame me. After I heard that, I felt that the person that I love and care about so much has left me, and that no matter what I do, nothing will change. I felt as though I have no one in the world to turn to, I felt like dirt. I was extremely emotional and told her that maybe we shouldnt talk to each other ever again, and that I dont deserve to live, then hung up. She never called back, and I continued to throw up and went outside for a drive, walked around in a park, swinged on the swings, and threw up several more times. I do not even feel angry at her, all my feelings now are associated with dissapointment and rejection. I thought about taking my life tonight because I tried so hard but in the end I have lost everything. I don't know what to do anymore, I dont even know if I made the right choice of never talking to her ever again.
johnnysparks Posted August 1, 2005 Posted August 1, 2005 Infusion, a great many a man and woman have gone through similar feelings of sadness and depression, your closing of this post disturbed me because I tried to end my life over a girl one time, it seemed like the answer because it would be a quick solution, trust me it isn't. Most men think of doing this type of thing as revenge, hoping that it will cause a huge ripple in the ex's behavior and that they'll blame themselves. I am not thinking this is your mindset judging by your sincerity, and if it is remember the best revenge is living well. This has obviously been a terrible day for you, I can relate. It's rather early yet though so please don't jump to any rash decisions. You guys may just need to not speak for a couple of days and then send her something that you know she likes, this will show her that your not so self involved that you don't care about her, then ask her if you can take her somewhere she wants to go for an evening, these things are a tremendous and humble gesture to show her that you care, she may then start to understand that her initial response was maybe a bit off and arrive at the conclusion that circumstances were out of your control. Take care and please let us know how it turns out. Sparks
suegail Posted August 1, 2005 Posted August 1, 2005 I agree with the advice you were given by johnnysparks - - only one thing I'd like to add....you keep saying you aren't angry with her and have never been angry though she's basically attacked you unfairly repeatedly. Well, maybe you need to get just a tad ticked off and let her know that for future reference you don't intend to spend your life going through this kind of thing over and over again. Who needs it? And by the way, if she ever does leave the relationship, you have not by any means 'lost everything.' Remember that...
AleroGurl Posted August 1, 2005 Posted August 1, 2005 omg! you agreed to take her to get the pills!! you do NOT need a girl like this. she is playing with ur head, hun! for whatever reason she lied and made u the bad guy, God only knows...perhaps she likes being the poor little innocent one all the time. thats what it sounds like to me. do NOT take the crap she is giving you! you dont need that or deserve that! dont let someone walk all over u and treat u like garbage! trust me, its not worth the heartache!!
Rosalind Posted August 1, 2005 Posted August 1, 2005 Well I quess she viewed getting birth-control pills for the very first time, was like some major life-event that was meant to include her boyfriend. (lol - alert the media!) who knows..... The important issue now is your emotional and mental health. Trust me, when I tell what will help you is to : GET ANGRY. And if your desire to "end it all" continues, please seek out professional help PRONTO! Rosalind
Author Infusion Posted August 2, 2005 Author Posted August 2, 2005 Well, she called this morning and also a couple of minutes ago.. On the phone she didnt bring up anything about yesterday and was talking calmly as if nothing happened. I thought she understood how I felt and just let things slide. I was wrong. When I asked her about last night, she said she is not complaining anymore because she will adjust her attitude accordingly because of what happened. Essentially she said she'll care about me less and put her friends as more of a priority. She told me she did not call back last night because she thought I was immature and just went to sleep. I tried to have a fair conversation about yesterday with her but she kept on telling me that she is far too tired and would get off the phone if I insisted, and so she did, but she told me she'll call me in around an hour. I dont know what to think, but right now I feel like I want to end this two year relationship with her. I could try to talk to her but she won't listen, what should I do tonight?
Marshbear Posted August 2, 2005 Posted August 2, 2005 In fact, she thinks that I will always be able to forgive her and continue to be with her. Maybe that is also a reason for which she loves me so much too - because I am so convenient and that I listen to her and stay despite all the times she had hurt me before. Read this over and over until it sinks in. Don't be a pawn. Be a king..
johnnysparks Posted August 2, 2005 Posted August 2, 2005 Originally posted by Infusion Essentially she said she'll care about me less and put her friends as more of a priority. She told me she did not call back last night because she thought I was immature and just went to sleep. / ........ / what should I do tonight? Tough call, I honestly understand wanting to hold onto a relationship with a couple of years under it's belt, but then again I held onto my last car till it left me stranded. On what to do tonight, give it one more try at a civil conversation and see if she'll at least entertain your side of this, if not then tell her she'll have a ton of time to spend with her friends
Author Infusion Posted August 2, 2005 Author Posted August 2, 2005 Just got off the phone with her. I explained everything to her but she still could not /did not want to see it from my side of things. I told her that it'll always come back to this and that we'll always be unhappy. Then I asked her to talk about last night with me but she was reluctant and only wanted to sleep. She understands that it was important but told me that if I cared about her, I would've left her sleep. Before she got off the phone, I told her that I don't want to see her anymore. She asked me if she could still call me and i ignored her and so we got off the phone.. We didn't really say our goodbyes, she didnt really care that it was over and only wanted to sleep. Maybe she didnt think I was serious with her.
johnnysparks Posted August 2, 2005 Posted August 2, 2005 Originally posted by Infusion Maybe she didnt think I was serious with her. You stated earlier that she always knows you will forgive her, just be resolved one way or the other, IMHO it's probably a good choice for you to not be with someone who will not work through relationship hiccups. I had a relationship like that once and all I ever felt was that I was losing ground.
krystalboricua$ Posted August 4, 2005 Posted August 4, 2005 hun u dont need someone like her u deserve better she was playying wit ur head . she 's tuip and needs help . u will find a girl better then her and there is someone out there 4 u . just don't be mad and unhappy. it is her lost baby. k smile please
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