luisinny Posted May 5, 2017 Posted May 5, 2017 For the past four years i have been in a relationship with a woman that has been difficult but it is deep. We broke up for a year even and seeing my mistakes and her acknowledging hers we decided we didnt want to be without the other. We have been working on things.. back since this past summer. the problem is her children.. Her son is 26 lives with her, she pays all his bills and he doesnt like me.. he doesnt know me well at all, but knows enough about our problems and she admittedly did say too much about our problems in the past. I was told by her since last summer that she would take care of things with her son, so we can have a real relationship. Thanksgiving comes around,, she was stressed confronting her son, and as a result I told her spend the holiday with your family. She then promised that christmas would be our holiday, again,, she didnt deal with the negative feelings towards me and we didnt spend christmas together. Now months later she now promised last week that she would tell him its not negotiable and would demand respect for me. she said by the end of this week she would have ironed out. We just speak on the phone, she said she would take care of his by he end of the week, not only does she not bring it up, I do and she starts making excuses like usual. She says she cant control other people and it shouldnt effect her and I, but it does. I am tired of feeling like the other man. I feel she she should demand respect. I invest in her, and i dont feel respected and am sick of hearing lies to pacify me. Any thoughts or suggestions appreciated.
OatsAndHall Posted May 5, 2017 Posted May 5, 2017 For the past four years i have been in a relationship with a woman that has been difficult but it is deep. We broke up for a year even and seeing my mistakes and her acknowledging hers we decided we didnt want to be without the other. We have been working on things.. back since this past summer. the problem is her children.. Her son is 26 lives with her, she pays all his bills and he doesnt like me.. he doesnt know me well at all, but knows enough about our problems and she admittedly did say too much about our problems in the past. I was told by her since last summer that she would take care of things with her son, so we can have a real relationship. Thanksgiving comes around,, she was stressed confronting her son, and as a result I told her spend the holiday with your family. She then promised that christmas would be our holiday, again,, she didnt deal with the negative feelings towards me and we didnt spend christmas together. Now months later she now promised last week that she would tell him its not negotiable and would demand respect for me. she said by the end of this week she would have ironed out. We just speak on the phone, she said she would take care of his by he end of the week, not only does she not bring it up, I do and she starts making excuses like usual. She says she cant control other people and it shouldnt effect her and I, but it does. I am tired of feeling like the other man. I feel she she should demand respect. I invest in her, and i dont feel respected and am sick of hearing lies to pacify me. Any thoughts or suggestions appreciated. Getting stuck between a parent and a child (in this case a full grown adult..) is never a good thing. There really isn't anything you can do in this situation as you can't demand anything from her as it's her relationship with her son. I would have a hard time continuing to date her if she didn't establish some boundaries with her son.
d0nnivain Posted May 5, 2017 Posted May 5, 2017 Take the son out for a beer -- assuming he's willing -- so you two can get to know each other. Clear the air between you.
Author luisinny Posted May 5, 2017 Author Posted May 5, 2017 Take the son out for a beer -- assuming he's willing -- so you two can get to know each other. Clear the air between you. This is a good idea. Thanks
Gaeta Posted May 5, 2017 Posted May 5, 2017 So what is it you want exactly? You want her to change the way she handles her son? You want him to move out? you want a better relationship with him and the fact he lives off his mother is ok with you? You can never come in between a mother and a child. It's the way it is, even if the child is wrong or the mother is wrong, it's just the way it is, we mothers have unconditional blind love for our offspring. Do you have any plans of marrying or moving in together?
Author luisinny Posted May 5, 2017 Author Posted May 5, 2017 So what is it you want exactly? You want her to change the way she handles her son? You want him to move out? you want a better relationship with him and the fact he lives off his mother is ok with you? You can never come in between a mother and a child. It's the way it is, even if the child is wrong or the mother is wrong, it's just the way it is, we mothers have unconditional blind love for our offspring. Do you have any plans of marrying or moving in together? I am looking for a future w her, she also expressed this
kendahke Posted May 5, 2017 Posted May 5, 2017 For the past four years i have been in a relationship with a woman that has been difficult but it is deep. We broke up for a year even and seeing my mistakes and her acknowledging hers we decided we didnt want to be without the other. We have been working on things.. back since this past summer. the problem is her children.. Her son is 26 lives with her, she pays all his bills and he doesnt like me.. he doesnt know me well at all, but knows enough about our problems and she admittedly did say too much about our problems in the past. I was told by her since last summer that she would take care of things with her son, so we can have a real relationship. Thanksgiving comes around,, she was stressed confronting her son, and as a result I told her spend the holiday with your family. She then promised that christmas would be our holiday, again,, she didnt deal with the negative feelings towards me and we didnt spend christmas together. Now months later she now promised last week that she would tell him its not negotiable and would demand respect for me. she said by the end of this week she would have ironed out. We just speak on the phone, she said she would take care of his by he end of the week, not only does she not bring it up, I do and she starts making excuses like usual. She says she cant control other people and it shouldnt effect her and I, but it does. I am tired of feeling like the other man. I feel she she should demand respect. I invest in her, and i dont feel respected and am sick of hearing lies to pacify me. Any thoughts or suggestions appreciated. People treat you the way they feel about you. She is letting you know that her relationship with her son is more important than her relationship with you. If you want to continue hanging around with this mess in play, then understand that you will never come before her son. You do have a choice in this matter, no matter how "deep" this relationship may be. It's not that deep where you come first. I could understand if the son was a minor, but he's grown and should be living on his own and involved with a career and girlfriend, not sponging off his dang mama. That she's coddling him should be a huge red flag for you. He's never going to go anywhere. Proceed at your own emotional peril. 1
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 5, 2017 Posted May 5, 2017 People treat you the way they feel about you. She is letting you know that her relationship with her son is more important than her relationship with you. If you want to continue hanging around with this mess in play, then understand that you will never come before her son. You do have a choice in this matter, no matter how "deep" this relationship may be. It's not that deep where you come first. I could understand if the son was a minor, but he's grown and should be living on his own and involved with a career and girlfriend, not sponging off his dang mama. That she's coddling him should be a huge red flag for you. He's never going to go anywhere. Proceed at your own emotional peril. I agree. The son should be on his own. He doesn't help pay the bills, but I wonder if he helps around the house in other ways. What kind of guy is he? A gamer/slacker? Does he have a degree? A job? I wonder if par of the reason he doesn't like you is b/c he finds your presence a threat to his cozy situation. I would also warn you. If the mother is inclined to tolerate his lack of boundaries, respect while her son is leeching off her, then you already an unhealthy situation that will likely not improve in the short-term. I understand a parent's love, but some times it requires that you take a stand and a child that is a slacker is one of those times. I also agree, if the kid is man enough, he should be able to tell you just how he feels while having a glass of beer, etc. 2
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