juniorrocha Posted May 4, 2017 Posted May 4, 2017 As the title says, what makes you know that you love somebody? What are the signs? How can you tell whether it's love or just someone you want to keep around? 1
todreaminblue Posted May 4, 2017 Posted May 4, 2017 when you think about them all the time......when the feelings you have dont fade from day to day.......when you care about their happiness....more than you care for yours......when you just care ...and you cant turn that off..no matter what they do....thats love......deb 6
GoneGirl32 Posted May 5, 2017 Posted May 5, 2017 (edited) I think the answer to that question is too complex to answer in a few sentences. However suffice it to say if you are involved with someone and are asking this question, you are probably not in love. People experience love in different ways and different degrees of intensity, but one thing they all have in common is that when you feel it, you kinda just KNOW it, you don't have to ask. Edited May 5, 2017 by GoneGirl32 5
preraph Posted May 5, 2017 Posted May 5, 2017 It will be an unavoidable fact once you love someone, whether you really know them well enough to love who they are or not. I mean, you will know for sure that you are in love IF you are in love. But of course feeling that way happens to some people (probably most at one time or another) before they even know the person, but that love is inside them and they get vulnerable and give it to a person. Love is inside us. It doesn't come from the other person. It's something we give. Then of course a long-term deeper love is a different animal, but you still know it. If you have to ask, you're not in love. You may not know what love is yet. I'm not sure everyone really does love other people. 3
divegrl Posted May 5, 2017 Posted May 5, 2017 When you know, you know. There won't be any question, doubt or hesitation. Your partner will be someone who lifts you up, encourages you, inspires you. All your friends and family will adore them. Good luck my friend!!! 2
BlueIvy Posted May 5, 2017 Posted May 5, 2017 Speaking for myself, I really started to like his smell. It instantly lifted me up. Also, I always thought of him. Say, if I got food for myself, I would pick some up for him and get him something he likes. Also, I would think of him and always want to be around him. And when I am around him, I feel safe and happy. When I do things just to please him even if it's not what I like or want to do, just to make him happy. When making him happy makes me happy. 1
lionlover1973 Posted May 5, 2017 Posted May 5, 2017 I equate it with a feeling towards the other person as a warm, peaceful all encompassing moment in time. It's not just comprised of physical attraction rather one genuinely cares for the other and their wellbeing. Sometimes it sneaks up on you and shatters your entire world, but in a good way. Everything you once knew is never the same, it changes you in a way. 2
BearwithMe Posted May 5, 2017 Posted May 5, 2017 from my personal experience..i knew that it was real love when i lost it...u will know when u put up with everything for the person..u accept their faults and even if u know that they cant give u back the same feelings youre still there for them 1
GWNN88 Posted May 5, 2017 Posted May 5, 2017 There won't be any question, doubt or hesitation. When you know, you know. So don't question it, if you are then you're not feeling it! 2
mikeylo Posted May 5, 2017 Posted May 5, 2017 If you have to ask then you are not in love. Like others have said, you just know.
Author juniorrocha Posted May 5, 2017 Author Posted May 5, 2017 This is an odd feeling. It's not that I don't like (or love?) my gf, but I don't necessarily feel the way you guys are describing it. I don't know if I'd put her happiness above mine. There use to be a time I'd do anything to make her happy, but I'm not sure I still feel that way. Of course, every now and then I still do these things that she likes, I grab stuff she likes when I go grocery shopping, I make plans with her, I like when she's around, and she's always the first person who comes up in my mind when I think of someone... but to be quite honest, if that's love, why don't I feel it? Maybe I do feel it but I just don't know? Why do I feel like as the time passes, I get less and less motivation to do these things for her? (we've been together for about 3 years; 4 months of these we were broken up and during that time we weren't together, I felt miserable) I asked that question exactly because lately I've been trying to figure out: what is love? In fact, sometimes I think that I don't love anybody. Not even sure I love myself. Sometimes it seems like I just like her around, so I can have someone. I don't know, I guess someone is confused here.
mightycpa Posted May 5, 2017 Posted May 5, 2017 I think that you know without a doubt when you're in love, because it is so intense and hopeful. If the person is in love with you too, then it seems like you both feed on each other and that person feels perfect, like no other. That's in love. Then come the little disappointments. They come in the form of apathy, arrogance, taking for granted, or being made second priority for the first few times. At some point, you see this person not as perfect, but the flaws expose themselves. Some things you thought were so cut are not predictable and a problem. Other things are still nice, or at least OK. They have the same problem with you, which leads to conflict. Then you find out if you're able to fight with each other, and recover from it. In love doesn't leave you all at once, but rather, slowly. It can be confusing, because you don't want it to go. Nobody does. Then maybe there comes a day where you're completely used to that person. If you can still look at them after that day, accept the bad parts and marvel at some of the good, and be grateful for the day you met them, and hopeful for the days to come, then you probably love them. If you can see yourself with someone new, then maybe you don't love them romantically, but more like good friend, or brother/sister. I think some people only really find out the day you lose them, even if that's only temporary. That's especially true of your first love. I'm not sure why that is or if it is only my experience.
Author juniorrocha Posted May 5, 2017 Author Posted May 5, 2017 Isn't being in love and loving someone different, though?
lana-banana Posted May 5, 2017 Posted May 5, 2017 Yes, they are very different things. "In love" is the first few heady months of excitement, adrenaline, and nonstop desire, the sense that you can't eat or sleep or function without the other person. It's infatuation on steroids. Real love is deeper and more profound. It's when you look at the other person for all their flaws and can't imagine being with anyone else. It's knowing deep in your gut you want to spend the rest of your life with someone even when you want to throttle them because oh my god did he just buy ANOTHER power tool why don't I just give all my money to Home Depot, I surrender. I know on an objective level that my fiancé is not the sexiest man on Earth. You could show me a hotter, richer guy who wanted to date me and all that jazz, and I would say no the same way you would say no to a telemarketer. Asking me to consider someone else is like asking me to accept 2 + 2 = 7. I just don't understand the concept. True love is real and weird and rare. You'll know when it happens to you.
todreaminblue Posted May 6, 2017 Posted May 6, 2017 1.here are soem things i found will post the link to the whole article worth a read....i do agree with the sentiments and thoughts in this.... 3 differences to being in love and loving someone... 1. Wanting them vs. Wanting the absolute best for them When you truly love someone, in a clean, unattached way, there is an overwhelming sense of wanting the absolute best for them. 2.2. Peak and valley vs. Slow growth over time Does your love slowly grow with time or does it slowly fade away with time? Research has shown that over a sixty year period of time, ‘passionate love’ spikes in the first 6-12 months of a relationship and then peters off rapidly, whereas ‘companionate love’ only grows with time. I wrote about this particular phenomenon in my article Kindling vs. Coal: How To Know If Your Relationship Will Last. 3 3. You fall out of love with them when the chemical rush is over / You never stop loving them and cheering them on whether you’re with them or not Put simply… your feelings of being in love either ends, or it doesn’t. In order to have a long-term relationship work, you and your partner need to have physical, emotional, and intellectual compatibility. If you have one or two out of the three, your intimate partnership will undoubtedly always feel like something is lacking or unfulfilling. So if you find your love feelings fading away rapidly after you get spit out the other end of the initial infatuation phase, then you were probably only ‘in love.’ But if you feel a more grounded, resilient kind of love for them that will always be present for them, regardless of whether or not you are fighting, in the same room as each other, or even in a relationship with one another, then you’re more likely to be actually loving them. Remember, true love doesn’t grasp. It doesn’t say “I will only love you if you are mine/if you ‘make’ me feel loved 100% of the time/if you act in this specific way that I need you to.” True love liberates. It makes the person that you love more themselves than they’ve ever been. It helps them move towards their authentic selves and away from their masks, should-thinking, and compromising. this is the article .... https://www.jordangrayconsulting.com/2016/04/differences-between-being-in-love-and-loving-someone/ i hope it was worth the read...for you.....deb
Author juniorrocha Posted May 6, 2017 Author Posted May 6, 2017 Well, after reading all that, it seems like I don't love my girlfriend, nor am in love, while maybe she does love me. Feels weird. The part that hit the hardest for me was the one about loving more and more as the days go by. I feel like it's going the other way around for me. I get less and less interested. The pros about being with her no longer seem to be that great anymore, it's like she's losing the uniqueness she once had, and that I could get what she gives me from someone else. In fact, when we were broken, I met girls who were far more caring than she is, or even hotter... yet I'd never date them because I was too busy thinking of my "perfect" ex. I suppose I got back with her thinking she was the one for me, and now it's like I'm coming to realize she isn't. About the physical, emotional, and intellectual compatibility, I suppose I have some of each from her, but I definitely feel like there's something lacking. I often feel incomplete. And I've tried to get more from her in the past, but I stopped doing that because it's pointless, she won't change... and well, she shouldn't anyway. Yet it gets scary to think about the future without her. It's also scary to think about it with her, though. Big post, but it was good to type about my feelings. I really need to do some thinking. Maybe I should bring it up to her before it's too late? Maybe we should do couple therapy? I don't want to break up without trying everything I can, I wanna save or restore what we have/had.
joseb Posted May 6, 2017 Posted May 6, 2017 It's rare that breaking up and getting back together works. How long have you been a couple?
preraph Posted May 6, 2017 Posted May 6, 2017 Personally, I have historically experienced love first as confusion and bafflement, and that's whether it was the first time I listened to my favorite band or someone got under my skin. 1
Author juniorrocha Posted May 6, 2017 Author Posted May 6, 2017 It's rare that breaking up and getting back together works. How long have you been a couple? 2 years, broke up for 4 months, now another 7 months back together. The relationship overall is better. Many of the cons during these 2 years are gone or have been improved. But it's not even near being the relationship I've always wanted.
Hopeful30 Posted May 6, 2017 Posted May 6, 2017 Hmm.. interesting question. Unfortunately I cannot provide an answer. For me in the past, love has taken many different forms. Some was subconscious attachment (I was filling a void), others was lust, and only one of my exes truly has my deepest love and respect. He changed my life, and I will forever be grateful that he was so good to me. THIS form of love, I would say, has been the truest. I'm not sure how I can tell though. Usually it's in retrospect. I'm very bad at knowing what's going on AS it's going on. It takes time for me to be away from this person and back in my own vibes to truly understand how I feel. So basically my answer is I don't know, but I wanted to be part of the discussion
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 6, 2017 Posted May 6, 2017 When the other person reciprocates with feelings and actions that affirm you and support and fuel your desire to continue to give....
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