giantphillies Posted May 4, 2017 Posted May 4, 2017 (edited) Okay.. so I have this boyfriend and we have been dating for about 2 years now and currently he is living with me, he has been for about 5 months now and ever since he moved in it's been a mess (I live with my mom too so he moved into my mom's house), I love him but I think I'm falling out of love with him and it's heart breaking because I think me and him could have such a beautiful relationship in the right circumstances... I have been under immense stress lately with trying to sell me and my mom's house, working 2 jobs, finishing school, and starting my enlistment into the air force, on top of that my dad and his new family (wife and baby) are moving to south Korea for 3 years.... me and my dad are extremely close and on top of all of that, me and my boyfriend's mom and sister do not get along at all like it's pretty bad and I feel like that's really affecting me and his relationship cuz they hate me because they think that I'm trying to steal him from them when he clearly wanted to move in with me (he's 18 turning 19 in a month) and say nasty things about me and it's just a mess, anyways, me and my boyfriend's beginning of our relationship was magical to say the least but ever since he moved in... He started to drink a lot and got aggressive with me a couple times and made me cry (verbal not hitting) or pukes everywhere and I have to babysit him pretty much cuz he can't walk and we are with friends most of the time, he is always on his stupid phone and way too invested with his friends and stuck on this notion of getting really drunk all the time but I really don't think he wants to get drunk he just does to impress his "friends" he is terrible with money and very immature to me and is very insecure for some reason like I never cheated on him but he always accuses me of doing so and I just don't know what changed me and him used to be best friends and he makes me feel lonely because my close friends are guys but I can't hangout with them anymore cuz it would make him uncomfortable even though I was friends with them before I started dating my boyfriend and he got arrested for possession of weed and I just am so disappointed in the person he is... He is actually really sweet and warm and funny but I feel like I haven't seen that side of him lately... he has been fighting with his family but I support him no matter what but I'm starting to get annoyed with our relationship and I imagine my life without him sometimes and I honestly don't know to be happy with him because I honestly am so miserable and I don't know how to fix it.. Edited May 4, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs
d0nnivain Posted May 4, 2017 Posted May 4, 2017 Tell him to move out. It's your mom's house. Very few stories end well when the couple moves in with somebody's mom & dad. Also in your limited spare time go to an Al-Anon meeting. It's a group for people who love alcoholics. If your BF is repeatedly getting so drunk that he pukes, he has a problem. You cleaning up his mess is classic enabling behavior. 4
GunslingerRoland Posted May 4, 2017 Posted May 4, 2017 I think me and him could have such a beautiful relationship in the right circumstances... Any two people could have a beautiful relationship in the right circumstances. But what does it matter if you aren't in those circumstances. Everything is wrong with your relationship and you need to move on from it. You know it, he knows it, his family knows it. 3
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 4, 2017 Posted May 4, 2017 Get his butt out! NO, he is not SWEET WARM....He can be, but it clearly not his default behavior. You are seeing a side of him that will much more consistent and how he deals with what may be stress. Abusive, likely more physical down the line. He is going to be 19! He is clearly not mature enough to be in a relationship and it has nothing to do with current research regarding men's brains...I have peers who were not immature at that age, so it is much more than biology. Is he working to help with bills? What does he do during his spare time? Does he help around the house? Ack. How old are you!? You seem to have your crap together. Don't let this guy ruin your hopes and dreams. 2
Tressugar Posted May 4, 2017 Posted May 4, 2017 Isn't 21 the legal age to drink? Who's supplying his alcohol?! 1
Gaeta Posted May 4, 2017 Posted May 4, 2017 I will never understand those mothers who let their 18 yo daughter's bf move in!! If you are not able to pay for a roof over your head then you are not ready to be living together period. He needs to move out and you both need to mature and grow before playing house. 5
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 4, 2017 Posted May 4, 2017 I will never understand those mothers who let their 18 yo daughter's bf move in!! If you are not able to pay for a roof over your head then you are not ready to be living together period. He needs to move out and you both need to mature and grow before playing house. Oh, good grief, of course! I totally agree! Especially with the mother allowing this in the first place...sheesh. 3
kendahke Posted May 4, 2017 Posted May 4, 2017 He needs to move back home. He's too immature to live anywhere else right now. Does he go to school? What do you mean "he can't walk"? Is he paralyzed or something? I can't believe your mother allows this to go on in her home. 3
BaileyB Posted May 4, 2017 Posted May 4, 2017 (edited) me and my boyfriend's beginning of our relationship was magical to say the least but ever since he moved in... - He started to drink a lot and got aggressive with me a couple times and made me cry - I have to babysit him pretty much cuz he can't walk and we are with friends most of the time - He is always on his stupid phone and way too invested with his friends - He is stuck on this notion of getting really drunk all the time to impress his "friends" - He is terrible with money - He is very immature and is very insecure for some reason; he always accuses me of cheating - He got arrested for possession of weed. Read this list - written in your own words - and tell us if you think this is a healthy relationship? Tell us, if your best friend was dating "this guy," would you support her and tell her that this is a good boyfriend, a good relationship? From where I sit, this guy is very immature and he has significant issues with drugs and alcohol. Proceed with him, at your own risk... Edited May 4, 2017 by BaileyB 2
ChatroomHero Posted May 5, 2017 Posted May 5, 2017 So many people seem to try to explain away bad character traits by claiming their SO was nice at times which apparently counts, but when they are not nice they give a Mulligan and try to completely discount it. I feel that if you look back objectively based on an example like the following, it can put things in perspective: If your SO said he loved puppies, you saw him petting puppies, playing with them, being sweet to them multiple times over the course of a year, and then one day walked in and caught him kicking a puppy and yelling at it, you would immediately know he lied about liking puppies and you would never try to excuse his behavior based on the "show" he put on for the past year. So why excuse it when you are the puppy in the story and the stakes are much higher? 3
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