Author chumly Posted May 6, 2017 Author Posted May 6, 2017 just for the record...the only thing the woman would do is hang out in a public place with me and him so...she would not be in anymore risk then anybody else would be around him. Rentafriend is a site where you can hire people for a small fee to do things with you..just like this..alot of them do this very kind of thing... so yes, people on there a well aware of what they are getting into and she would be too. They are kind of like paid escorts but without the sex. the only way either of us would be at risk is if we were alone with him ..so she would not be in danger of that unless she agreed to be alone with him. If I do this I dont intend to be alone with him either for a first meet but the only thing that concerns me is that he has no car so at the end of the night I am wondering if I will feel obligated to drive him home.??..so this is my biggest concern. it would almost seem rude to not drive him home when he has no car at the end of the meeting. I cant think of a way out of that part that would not be rude towards him. well, thanks for the thoughts on this. I guess I have alot to think about. :confused: 1
Author chumly Posted May 6, 2017 Author Posted May 6, 2017 And this is why i pretty much write off women who try to initiate sexting with me before we meet. 90% of the time they get whacky and flake. I never said I would not do this with him but just not on a first meet. He also might not want to do anything sexual with me when he meets me but from the way he talks it seems highly unlikely. He thinks a bit different than the majority of the world which is part of his attraction in a way.
mortensorchid Posted May 6, 2017 Posted May 6, 2017 I can admit something (like many others may or may not be able to), but I have gone onto chat rooms at times for said specific purposes. I think they exist because we want to meet certain needs or wants and are unable to meet them with "real people" that we may or may not know or meet. Other than that, you do whatever it is you do with them and then that's that. Meet someone that you do that with? Well, no. You don't know what it is people are really about. And this guy you describe is not exactly relationship material if you ask me. If you want a relationship with him that is, which you seem to. I would never consider it for the sake of safety.
Dis Posted May 6, 2017 Posted May 6, 2017 just for the record...the only thing the woman would do is hang out in a public place with me and him so...she would not be in anymore risk then anybody else would be around him. Rentafriend is a site where you can hire people for a small fee to do things with you..just like this..alot of them do this very kind of thing... so yes, people on there a well aware of what they are getting into and she would be too. They are kind of like paid escorts but without the sex. the only way either of us would be at risk is if we were alone with him ..so she would not be in danger of that unless she agreed to be alone with him. If I do this I dont intend to be alone with him either for a first meet but the only thing that concerns me is that he has no car so at the end of the night I am wondering if I will feel obligated to drive him home.??..so this is my biggest concern. it would almost seem rude to not drive him home when he has no car at the end of the meeting. I cant think of a way out of that part that would not be rude towards him. well, thanks for the thoughts on this. I guess I have alot to think about. :confused: "Paid escorts except but without the sex" In that case I dont think it was a good idea to tell him that this woman was into him I know you would meet in a public setting but you really never know what can happen...esp when you have phone sex with a guy before meeting and bring along another female whom he thinks is into him... "He has no car" Why? If he doesnt live in a huge city, and he's an adult..why doesnt he have a car? Pleaseeeee dont drive him home chumly. Wont be much of a public setting then would it? It actually sounds like a setting where a lot could go wrong. Knowing how nice you are...I think you'd end up giving him a ride home and that just wouldnt be smart. Best to not go through with this at all I know I'm being tough on you girl and I really dont mean to be harsh but you're so sweet and its sad to see this type of thread from you so often Maybe just focus on making friends of the same sex for awhile? 4
Author chumly Posted May 6, 2017 Author Posted May 6, 2017 I can admit something (like many others may or may not be able to), but I have gone onto chat rooms at times for said specific purposes. I think they exist because we want to meet certain needs or wants and are unable to meet them with "real people" that we may or may not know or meet. Other than that, you do whatever it is you do with them and then that's that. Meet someone that you do that with? Well, no. You don't know what it is people are really about. And this guy you describe is not exactly relationship material if you ask me. If you want a relationship with him that is, which you seem to. I would never consider it for the sake of safety. no actually i dont expect a romantic relationship at all with him. I knew what he was about since day 1. he never hid anything from me.
Author chumly Posted May 6, 2017 Author Posted May 6, 2017 "Paid escorts except but without the sex" In that case I dont think it was a good idea to tell him that this woman was into him I know you would meet in a public setting but you really never know what can happen...esp when you have phone sex with a guy before meeting and bring along another female whom he thinks is into him... "He has no car" Why? If he doesnt live in a huge city, and he's an adult..why doesnt he have a car? Pleaseeeee dont drive him home chumly. Wont be much of a public setting then would it? It actually sounds like a setting where a lot could go wrong. Knowing how nice you are...I think you'd end up giving him a ride home and that just wouldnt be smart. Best to not go through with this at all I know I'm being tough on you girl and I really dont mean to be harsh but you're so sweet and its sad to see this type of thread from you so often Maybe just focus on making friends of the same sex for awhile? hi Disillusionment373, I really appreciate your concern and kind words but judging by your pic on here you are young and beautiful. Things get a bit confusing for women when they get older and looks start to fade and you start to realize the chances of having a passionate encounter in your life is starting to fade as well. I have never had that with anybody and I am now pushing 50. I did not really want to talk about this on here but really have nobody else to talk about it with at this point and I like the anonymity of the internet for this reason. like I said, I appreciate your input and kind words but it might be one of those things that you dont really understand unless you are in a similar boat in life. 1
joseb Posted May 6, 2017 Posted May 6, 2017 My advise. Forget this guy and all this convoluted effort. Surely there are simpler less complicated options for a date? 2
Dis Posted May 6, 2017 Posted May 6, 2017 hi Disillusionment373, I really appreciate your concern and kind words but judging by your pic on here you are young and beautiful. Things get a bit confusing for women when they get older and looks start to fade and you start to realize the chances of having a passionate encounter in your life is starting to fade as well. I have never had that with anybody and I am now pushing 50. I did not really want to talk about this on here but really have nobody else to talk about it with at this point and I like the anonymity of the internet for this reason. like I said, I appreciate your input and kind words but it might be one of those things that you dont really understand unless you are in a similar boat in life. I know I cant understand where anyone deals with in their life except for me... thats for sure But I know what I've read from you here. You're a kind, sweet, generous person who deserves all good things I'm sorry if you felt I judged you...I've been hard on you in the past and I'm sorry for that.... I just have a soft spot for you because I can tell what a good heart you have and I want to see the best things happening for you I know we all think we need a hard and fast direction in life but maybe that isnt the case. Maybe we just need to do what makes us happy "I don't know if we each have a destiny, or if we're all just floating around accidental-like on a breeze, but I, I think maybe it's both. Maybe both is happening at the same time." Forest Gump (this makes me want to cry lol) Maybe I should take my own advice....I dont have that, out every night, super happy, 'its all about me' life some think I do.... things havent been easy for awhile Please PM me anytime you want/need to talk chumly. Sending you lots of love and good energies Xoxo 1
Author chumly Posted May 10, 2017 Author Posted May 10, 2017 I know I cant understand where anyone deals with in their life except for me... thats for sure But I know what I've read from you here. You're a kind, sweet, generous person who deserves all good things I'm sorry if you felt I judged you...I've been hard on you in the past and I'm sorry for that.... I just have a soft spot for you because I can tell what a good heart you have and I want to see the best things happening for you I know we all think we need a hard and fast direction in life but maybe that isnt the case. Maybe we just need to do what makes us happy "I don't know if we each have a destiny, or if we're all just floating around accidental-like on a breeze, but I, I think maybe it's both. Maybe both is happening at the same time." Forest Gump (this makes me want to cry lol) Maybe I should take my own advice....I dont have that, out every night, super happy, 'its all about me' life some think I do.... things havent been easy for awhile Please PM me anytime you want/need to talk chumly. Sending you lots of love and good energies Xoxo thanks for the kind words here:) no need to apologize for anything said on here..but thanks for doing so:)..i also appreciate your invitation to PM you. Thanks again Disillusionment373:) 1
Author chumly Posted May 10, 2017 Author Posted May 10, 2017 My advise. Forget this guy and all this convoluted effort. Surely there are simpler less complicated options for a date? unfortunately you are probably right..but at the same time I am so curious about him. Thanks
d0nnivain Posted May 10, 2017 Posted May 10, 2017 You are clearly vacillating about this. The key to your happiness will be for your to make up your mind about what you want to do & OWN that decision. If you want to have sex with him, have sex with him. No judgment. If you don't want to have sex with him, don't. But for heaven's sake you are a grown adult. Don't go into this with some half baked idea & then end up in a situation -- driving him home, having drinks, whatever -- & then try to say that "it just happened" like you had no control. You hold all the power. You simply have to behave in accord with what you want. 5
Author chumly Posted May 12, 2017 Author Posted May 12, 2017 You are clearly vacillating about this. The key to your happiness will be for your to make up your mind about what you want to do & OWN that decision. If you want to have sex with him, have sex with him. No judgment. If you don't want to have sex with him, don't. But for heaven's sake you are a grown adult. Don't go into this with some half baked idea & then end up in a situation -- driving him home, having drinks, whatever -- & then try to say that "it just happened" like you had no control. You hold all the power. You simply have to behave in accord with what you want. okay..thanks
Author chumly Posted May 12, 2017 Author Posted May 12, 2017 After some thought on it I decided that I dont think I am someone that can do this upon first meeting someone..no matter how much I fantasize about it in my head or romanticize ..it always looks so romantic in the movies but that is not always reality ..I just dont think I have the right personality for it. I think I am just going to tell him my honest feelings on it and apologize if he felt mislead by the phone sex into thinking that I would do something upon first meeting. I dont think I would have a problem having a friends with benefits relationship with him or someone but probably not upon first meeting them...I would just be too nervous for it and too many things can go wrong. I guess the way to look at it is if he cant understand my feelings on it then maybe he really is not much of a friend afterall...and therefore not really worth my time meeting either. I guess I will let him know my thoughts here and see if he still wants to meet after that. Maybe he wont but like I said, I am better off knowing where I stand in his book. Thanks for the thoughts on it everyone. I will update this if there is anything interesting to update. thanks again:) 1
d0nnivain Posted May 12, 2017 Posted May 12, 2017 Good for you for being true to yourself. Hope it works out. 1
Michelle ma Belle Posted May 12, 2017 Posted May 12, 2017 As someone who has engaged countless times in phone sex with men I knew as well as men I didn't, great phone does NOT always translate well in real life. And it certainly doesn't always translate into any kind of relationship. You sound very much like I did when I found myself divorced, lonely and extremely frustrated sexually but petrified of jumping back into the dating world and getting naked again with someone new and different. It had been 20 years since I was single and dating and not only had life changed but dating and sex had changed! To say I was naive would be an understatement. You sound very much the same. I'm sure I don't need to tell you that it can be dangerous navigating online sexually when you're naive and particularly when you're romanticizing everything. Sadly, real life ain't a bestselling romance novel. To answer your question, as already stated many times, he WILL be expecting sex. That's just how it goes in situations like this. When you start with sex, you end up with sex and that's often about all. Very rarely will it turn into anything more unless you've established something more beforehand. Of course there are exceptions to everything but you need to be prepared that this may not turn out the way you envision it in your dreams. If that's fine and something you're comfortable with and prepared to handle then go for it but I don't think you're ready, at least not yet. You pretty much already admitted it yourself anyway. May I ask how or where you met this guy? 5
Author chumly Posted May 13, 2017 Author Posted May 13, 2017 thanks d0nnivain and BaileyB for the positive encouragement regarding my decision.:) Hi Michelle ma Belle...you make some good points here. I suppose you are right. I know I am not ready for that kind of thing. I am barely ready for sex ...let alone sex upon first meeting someone. I tend to fantasize things in my head alot but sometimes a reality check helps..posting on here helped me to realize that I was doing that too:) To answer your question..we started chatting from a dating site. I knew from that beginning that he was only looking for an open relationship but I was attracted to the phone sex idea that he wanted to do with me..it actually went beyond that too..he sent naked pics of himself to me and I sent some undergarments to him... (I never sent naked pics though..I knew enough not to do that). I know looking back it was probably stupid for me to do all that with him but I was lonely and desperate I guess. Phone sex seemed like a safe and convenient alternative to my situation at the time. the downside is now he will expect the same thing upon meeting me...which makes meeting him a complicated thought and I can do without the complications in my life right now. I am alot more courageous on the phone then in person though and like you said..great phone sex does not always mean great sex in real life and for me I am positive that will be the case. I am not saying that I would not eventually be able to have sex with him or someone but I really cant realisticly see myself doing so when first meeting him. I am going to tell him my feelings on the matter and see what happens. Hopefully he will understand that sometimes people get caught in a fantasy world..and that is what happened with me but if he does not understand then I know he was not worth having sex with anyway. I guess it is better to know the truth then keep fantasizing. Thanks Michelle ma Belle for your thought on it. :) (by the way, love the name ...that was such a great Beatles song!!)
Michelle ma Belle Posted May 13, 2017 Posted May 13, 2017 thanks d0nnivain and BaileyB for the positive encouragement regarding my decision.:) Hi Michelle ma Belle...you make some good points here. I suppose you are right. I know I am not ready for that kind of thing. I am barely ready for sex ...let alone sex upon first meeting someone. I tend to fantasize things in my head alot but sometimes a reality check helps..posting on here helped me to realize that I was doing that too:) To answer your question..we started chatting from a dating site. I knew from that beginning that he was only looking for an open relationship but I was attracted to the phone sex idea that he wanted to do with me..it actually went beyond that too..he sent naked pics of himself to me and I sent some undergarments to him... (I never sent naked pics though..I knew enough not to do that). I know looking back it was probably stupid for me to do all that with him but I was lonely and desperate I guess. Phone sex seemed like a safe and convenient alternative to my situation at the time. the downside is now he will expect the same thing upon meeting me...which makes meeting him a complicated thought and I can do without the complications in my life right now. I am alot more courageous on the phone then in person though and like you said..great phone sex does not always mean great sex in real life and for me I am positive that will be the case. I am not saying that I would not eventually be able to have sex with him or someone but I really cant realisticly see myself doing so when first meeting him. I am going to tell him my feelings on the matter and see what happens. Hopefully he will understand that sometimes people get caught in a fantasy world..and that is what happened with me but if he does not understand then I know he was not worth having sex with anyway. I guess it is better to know the truth then keep fantasizing. Thanks Michelle ma Belle for your thought on it. :) (by the way, love the name ...that was such a great Beatles song!!) I'm glad to hear it. I completely understand where you're coming from Chumly!! And I think I can help you having navigated this minefield myself 8 years ago. I am curious to know about your story as I think we may have a lot in common. Rather than air every dirty detail here, please feel free to PM me. I'd be very happy to share my experiences and help you chart your own 'comeback' in a way that will build confidence at a pace and in a way that is safe and comfortable for you and will prime you for some of the best sex of your life when you're ready to take the plunge Until then, good luck.
Recommended Posts