Peacekeeper19 Posted May 3, 2017 Posted May 3, 2017 Here's the story: I was in a good relationship with her for 2 months. At first she was a lot more invested than I was and she told me she mentioned me to her mum. That's when I knew she was serious about us. My feelings grew and everything went well. Then the day before she ended it, we were talking on the phone for an hour and everthing was fine. After that I messaged her but she didn't respond for quite a while *until the next day so I thought something was wrong. She then called in the evening saying 'we need to talk' and she said she thinks we should stop seeing each other. Her first reason was that I apparently made her feel miserable. We were meant to meet that day but she was too upset. I left it for a week. Then messaged her and she said she ended it and didn't want to start it again. We were talking on the phone for a while and she was giving me different reasons. Saying things like 'I'm controlling' when I know for definite that I'm not. She then said all I wanted was sex even though we went on numerous dates and I've done a lot for her and made plans in the future. In general she was just being irrational. Finally she said, she doesn't feel I'm right for her and we're not meant to be. She also said, she enjoyed it when we were together and said I treated her well ( which contradicts some of the reasons she said before). She doesn't start contact with me anymore when she use to all of the time and she doesn't even want to meet up and talk.* Lastly, I asked her if she's not interested in me at all and doesn't want to see me again but she didn't say anything. I'm wondering whether she still has feelings towards me which I feel she does or she just avoided the question so she doesn't hurt my feelings if that is the case. Also, I don't understand how her feelings could've switched so quickly (less than a day). I'm guessing maybe her friends influenced her decision or if she's just simply confused about what she wants. Any advice would be greatly appreciated, thanks.
Marc878 Posted May 3, 2017 Posted May 3, 2017 You can't make her want you or a relationship. Keeping in contact with her at this time is futile. Coming across as needy clingy with contact will just push her farther away
harrybrown Posted May 3, 2017 Posted May 3, 2017 So sorry, but move on and avoid all contact with her. Do the 180 and hopefully you will eventually be able to move on. You will find someone that is a better fit in the future. Good that you did not marry her.
Author Peacekeeper19 Posted May 3, 2017 Author Posted May 3, 2017 Yeah I've been in NC for a month now but I just feel like she's going to come back eventually
Altair0770 Posted May 3, 2017 Posted May 3, 2017 Maybe she will, maybe she won't, but waiting for contact is simply that - waiting. She's given you the silent treatment and devalued you. Could be what I went through. if so, you may be excited to get some contact but then wish you didn't.
Poutrew Posted May 3, 2017 Posted May 3, 2017 Dude, she gave you every reason under the sun except for the truthful one: She found another guy that makes her tingle down under more than you did. Since this relationship was only 2 months old, just consider you dodged a bullet, and move on to the next one who'll hopefully be more sincere.
Blanco Posted May 3, 2017 Posted May 3, 2017 Yeah I've been in NC for a month now but I just feel like she's going to come back eventually Here's some cold water for that feeling: You've now been apart from her for half of the time you were with her.
d0nnivain Posted May 3, 2017 Posted May 3, 2017 Although you were happy, she wasn't. That is the bottom line. She said you made her miserable & that you are controlling. Those are some pretty strong statements. In the face of that, on what do you base this belief that she's coming back? It's been a month of NC already, which is half the length of your relationship. I disagree with your conclusion. Love is not rational. 2
Author Peacekeeper19 Posted May 3, 2017 Author Posted May 3, 2017 Dude, she gave you every reason under the sun except for the truthful one: She found another guy that makes her tingle down under more than you did. Since this relationship was only 2 months old, just consider you dodged a bullet, and move on to the next one who'll hopefully be more sincere. I can't give you every detail but I can guarantee you it's not to do with the sexual side of things if you're referring to that. And I'm sure there wasn't another person in the picture, I can't explain it in detail but she was into me a lot! and honestly I doubt she could do better if I'm being sincere. Do you feel it's a grass is greener logic in play?
Author Peacekeeper19 Posted May 3, 2017 Author Posted May 3, 2017 Although you were happy, she wasn't. That is the bottom line. She said you made her miserable & that you are controlling. Those are some pretty strong statements. In the face of that, on what do you base this belief that she's coming back? It's been a month of NC already, which is half the length of your relationship. I disagree with your conclusion. Love is not rational. We talked about her past relationships and she got upset about it, that was the last time I saw her. When she said I made her miserable she was probably referring to that talk we had. She said she enjoyed it when we were together and I know that. Most people would get defensive and say they're not controlling but honestly I'm not a controlling individual, that was just her being emotional. Because I feel she's emotionally immature (she's younger than me) and she'll maybe realise she made a mistake. Her past relationship didn't last long as well, so I'm starting to think there's an issue going on with her and maintaining relationships.
Blanco Posted May 3, 2017 Posted May 3, 2017 You seem to think you know what she wants more than she does. 2
preraph Posted May 3, 2017 Posted May 3, 2017 Well, I know you'll be the last one to see this but you have no respect for her. You called her irrational and don't even give her enough credit to run her own life and assume her friends are behind this. I'm sure this condescending attitude that you are smarter than her comes across to her in many, many ways. She has her own working brain and no one's friends make up someone's mind for them. You don't give her enough credit. She feels that, and her working brain has told her she doesn't want to stay with you. 1
Author Peacekeeper19 Posted May 4, 2017 Author Posted May 4, 2017 Well, I know you'll be the last one to see this but you have no respect for her. You called her irrational and don't even give her enough credit to run her own life and assume her friends are behind this. I'm sure this condescending attitude that you are smarter than her comes across to her in many, many ways. She has her own working brain and no one's friends make up someone's mind for them. You don't give her enough credit. She feels that, and her working brain has told her she doesn't want to stay with you. Wow. You don't understand the full context or even the dynamics of our relationship. If you read again properly, I said I didn't understand how her feelings suddenly changed suddenly and then I suggested that maybe her friends influenced her decision. Key word: Influenced.
Marc878 Posted May 4, 2017 Posted May 4, 2017 I can't give you every detail but I can guarantee you it's not to do with the sexual side of things if you're referring to that. And I'm sure there wasn't another person in the picture, I can't explain it in detail but she was into me a lot! and honestly I doubt she could do better if I'm being sincere. Do you feel it's a grass is greener logic in play? I think you are projecting your feelings about her onto her. Obviously she doesn't feel that way since she broke it off.
preraph Posted May 4, 2017 Posted May 4, 2017 You also just said she's emotionally immature. Why would any woman want to be with a guy who thinks she's inferior to him?
Author Peacekeeper19 Posted May 4, 2017 Author Posted May 4, 2017 You also just said she's emotionally immature. Why would any woman want to be with a guy who thinks she's inferior to him? Why are you all getting onto me? I said I feel she may be emotionally immature. In what way does that make her inferior to me? It's just a flaw, everyone's got a flaw. When we were together she told me she does little things to try and get a reaction out of me, hence my comment about the immaturity.
rushed Posted May 4, 2017 Posted May 4, 2017 I didn't see any self-reflection in any of your posts. You seem to put the onus on her. She's irrational. She's emotional. She's immature. She was influenced by her friends. I could see why you made her miserable. The problem is that you can't.
Popsicle Posted May 4, 2017 Posted May 4, 2017 I guess it was good to you, but not to her. She probably felt that it was one-sided. She wasn't getting enough of what she needed. And you don't listen, so it's over. Again, it was good for you, but not for her.
Blanco Posted May 4, 2017 Posted May 4, 2017 We talked about her past relationships and she got upset about it, that was the last time I saw her. When she said I made her miserable she was probably referring to that talk we had. OK, so elaborate: What about the conversation made her upset? There is a potentially big piece of the puzzle we're not getting here. Most people would get defensive and say they're not controlling but honestly I'm not a controlling individual, that was just her being emotional. I'm not saying you are, but most controlling people don't really think they are. Because I feel she's emotionally immature (she's younger than me) and she'll maybe realise she made a mistake. Her past relationship didn't last long as well, so I'm starting to think there's an issue going on with her and maintaining relationships. Or, she felt she had given the relationship sufficient time to decide whether or not it was a good fit in her mind.
Blanco Posted May 4, 2017 Posted May 4, 2017 In what way does that make her inferior to me? It's just a flaw, everyone's got a flaw. And what is yours? All we've heard about are hers. From what you've laid out, one of the following is true: 1) Her complaints (you being controlling, only wanting sex, etc.) have some validity to them, in which case, you aren't showing any accountability. 2) Her complaints have no validity to them (which is how you seem to view it), in which case, why would want to be with someone like that? Something isn't adding up.
SpecialJ Posted May 4, 2017 Posted May 4, 2017 Her past relationship didn't last long as well, so I'm starting to think there's an issue going on with her and maintaining relationships. if this is the case and it is a pattern, it's actually a very serious issue. You aren't going to be the exception to change it, because she has to do it herself and she doesn't sound like she's in a place that she wants to. Two months is too short to expect you're connected enough for her to come back. Try to learn from the feedback she gave you and do whatever you need to move on. If she ever does come back it will be a nice surprise, but hopefully you'll have already found a better match for yourself. 2
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