Real infidelity statistics?

[Hecan]

t's hard to fathom such high numbers but I don't doubt it occurs in more marriages than not in some form. I'm guessing you mean cheating of any kind?? Not sure how to get great numbers because of the spouses that don't know their SO has/is cheating.

 

No doubt opportunity along with circumstance make it more likely. Ive read that it is more likely in higher incomes though I'm not really sure why, maybe entitlement??

 

My husband used to travel extensively for work ( sales) so I asked him To be honest ( based on your questions and tell me how often he saw it going on. ) He says he only recalls a few times when he knew it was going on and in those cases the OW knew the guy was married and didn't care. Interestingly enough, several of the SAHW were cheating. I have a theory here but it's not nice so I will leave that one alone.

 

I work in a male dominated field, also use to travel a lot (with multiple guys ) now travel less and usually alone. I am pretty social and Always went out at night with them, partied with them and not one time did I ever consider cheating. (This does not mean I think I am better than anyone else or have higher character. ) I can see how easy it would be to get wrapped up in something without intending to. Until I read many of the posts on here I just never really thought about it. I know of infidelity in my work place but I don't "know" of it being 50% or more. I also think that sometimes it might be the " perfect storm". Maybe opportunity at a time when relationship is at a lower point? Although those same numbers say differently, that the cheating spouse is not necessarily dissatisfied. And, Maybe I'm naive but I don't think 95 % of the guys I travelled with that were married cheated. (These are higher income earners. )

 

As to looks, the people that I know that have been involved in affairs are not necessarily better looking, I would say they are split , maybe half are really attractive, the other half I would not call attractive, maybe $$$ made them attractive because it certainly isn't looks.

 

I am one of those people who has only had one partner,( not true for my H). I got married in college and I can promise you just having one partner does not equate to lack of opportunity, not being adventurous or a prude. I don't care what it would be like with someone else. Why would I? Based on many of your posts about men and the difficulty telling if they are genuine or players, I'm pretty sure I made the right choice and Boy, do I want to protect / teach my daughter to not succumb to being played !

 

Reading here, it seems that the Internet has opened up an entirely new arena for cheating that didn't exist in the past. It seems to level the playing field so to speak although there is then the question of who has the time to invest online. ( I think my husband questions why I read and research what I see on here )

 

It's an interesting thought process with many moving parts and polls probably are useless because those that have may or may not admit it and/or the unknowing spouse would say no, right?

Curious, do the wives of the guys you travel with know ?

[wmacbride]

I understand wanting to discuss the topic, but first off, when reading these statistics, how does one define "cheating" anyway? For some, the definition is really broad, for others, it's very narrow.

[Popsicle]

I don't understand what's the point of thinking damn near everyone cheats. Is it to make you feel better for staying, or make you feel better for not wanting more/better for yourself?

[Mrs. John Adams]

In my next life, I'm going to look for a plain, sober, church-going homebody. She won't cheat but I'm not sure how much fun we'll have...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

this is exactly who john married

[wmacbride]

I wonder, if it is true that infidelity occurs more often in spouses in certain professions, if those same professions attract a certain personality type that is more prone to cheating?

 

I don't know if this is true or not...just putting it out there

[GunslingerRoland]

I wonder, if it is true that infidelity occurs more often in spouses in certain professions, if those same professions attract a certain personality type that is more prone to cheating?

 

I don't know if this is true or not...just putting it out there

 

I think there are cultures in certain industries and certain companies that have a lot more affect than people realize. I work in a very family oriented place, I don't doubt I have many coworkers who have had affairs take place in their marriages, but in over a decade working here I've heard a rumor of exactly 1 affair taking place involving people from my workplace. (A workplace with thousands of people).

 

Meanwhile I have friends in other much less family oriented workplaces, and the stories I hear from them, about all of the scandals that happen, blow my mind. Similar professional sorts of professions. But different corporate cultures.

[Mr. Lucky]

this is exactly who john married

 

We'll let him be the judge of that. I'm guessing he'd disagree ...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Silverstring]

There's a saying out there, something to the effect that we don't see the world how it is, we see the world how we are.

 

And also something like, the thief things everybody is stealing from him.

 

The OP openly admits that he cheated on a girlfriend and would certainly be tempted if he put himself in the situations where cheating was viable. So that's how he sees the world. Everybody is capable of cheating given the right situation.

 

Some of us think cheating is actually abhorrent. Think of it in terms of incest. Or rape. I couldn't ever dream of cheating on someone in the same sense that most people couldn't even consider raping someone.

 

And, the people I've known with the same view on cheating as the OP were the ones that had themselves cheated. Luckily I don't know many of those people..

[Chica80]

I wonder, if it is true that infidelity occurs more often in spouses in certain professions, if those same professions attract a certain personality type that is more prone to cheating?

 

I don't know if this is true or not...just putting it out there

 

I wrk in the medical field. Cheating, affairs etc is very prominent.

 

I don't know if it's the sense of entitlement. Opportunity or all the adrenaline "life is short" you only live once when you see death etc all around you.

Or the "god complex" and money that exist among certain people in the profession.

[Sweetfish]

Everyone has the ability to cheat.

 

So whats the point?

 

If they cheat... they cheat.

 

Question is what will the non-cheating party do?

The numbers mean nothing because you will never know your fate and this data changes every time they take the sample and it goes deeper based on culture, religion, and race and location.

 

There is a lot more cheating happening in California then in Utah. So those numbers mean nothing.

 

About 7 states are not included in the government marriage stats.. so thats not accurate.

 

I know 3 men right now that the wives would think %100 their hubby doesnt cheat. Well they do.

 

I've heard poster in here swear the S.O. doesnt cheat.. lol well when you seen what I've seen. You just dont know. If it happens you deal with it then... thats if you find out.

[wmacbride]

I wrk in the medical field. Cheating, affairs etc is very prominent.

 

I don't know if it's the sense of entitlement. Opportunity or all the adrenaline "life is short" you only live once when you see death etc all around you.

Or the "god complex" and money that exist among certain people in the profession.

 

My brother's now ex-wife is a serial cheater, and she's also in the upper levels of corporate management and she got there by putting herself first, stepping all over people on her way up.

 

I don't think she's a bad person per se, but she dies feel very entitled to what she wants, and while she doesn't seem to have a lot of empathy, she is an adrenaline junkie. She always needs to have some sort of thrill.

[Southern Sun]

I don't think I agree. Why do pilots have such high rates of infidelity? Why do actors near 100%? I can't believe everyone in those professions has poor character, what they have is access to willing APs and opportunity to act on it. And that's the point of this thread (and very sorry if I've offended or annoyed people with it, that was not my intent), to try to discuss what things really increase chances of cheating that are external factors. Sure, if you're of poor character, you'll find a way to cheat while your in a max security prison. But that's not most people, most people who cheat don't have poor character (Mrs. Adams is a perfect example of that) they have a weakness that's in their life/marriage or inside them that leads them to it. They exhibit poor character, yes, but saying that "cheaters have poor character" is a tautology, of course that's true, but it doesn't help determine what leads to those poor decisions.

 

So, seems like we agree on some of them, marrying a pilot is a pretty likely trip to LoveShack in the future. As would be marrying an actor or, IMHO, a rich man. But, for the pilots wife who's at home crying tonight, would she have made a different decision in marrying him if she knew that 95% of pilots cheated (I'M MAKING UP THAT NUMBER, DO NOT CITE IT ANYWHERE)? I think it would. Either to ease her pain (it's not me, pretty much every woman at the Christmas party has been there too) or to help her make a decision before marriage that "I'm not going to marry a pilot because, chances are, he'll cheat on me". I think this kind of information would be much more helpful to draw a realistic picture of "cheating behavior" than a raw statistic and help people realize they are in good company (or not) and make decisions as to who they marry and what they should expect.

 

I think it is more the culture in these professions that encourage the cheating rather than the travel per se.

 

The travel might provide the location and opportunity, but there is a 'culture' of cheating in the airline industry. People travel together, they often party together, they stay in hotels together. It is almost an accepted ritual to hook up. They see a lot of the same co-workers over and over. And you are mixing men and women, another part of the issue.

 

Celebrities/actors are doing the same thing. They go on location together, spend lots of time with members of the opposite sex doing long-term projects (which is exactly how affairs start BTW), they might be away from home, it's what everyone else does, right?, so there it goes.

 

It's the group travel with the same people, partying, camaraderie, culture stuff.

 

My BH has to travel quite a bit but most of it's either solo or with another guy. It's not glamorous at all. He stays one night in a small town and gets potato skins at Chili's before bed. That's not to say he couldn't cheat. But that's not his MO, and it's also not the culture (if he was with others).

 

Now, my xMM DID use travel to cheat. He in fact traveled almost specifically to cheat (to this one location). But he did it all by himself, just so he could 'get some'. There was no partying or fun involved. He was just a sneaky MF'er.

[somanymistakes]

Also if you're the kind of person who deliberately sets out to have side relationships you'd be more likely to gravitate to careers that would make it easy for you to travel lots of places where you could pick up people that wouldn't interfere with your home life

[Sweetfish]

Also if you're the kind of person who deliberately sets out to have side relationships you'd be more likely to gravitate to careers that would make it easy for you to travel lots of places where you could pick up people that wouldn't interfere with your home life

 

 

Thats an absolute false.

 

Don't think someone is going to spend 100k to become a pilot to intentionally cheat on their wife.

Edited May 4, 2017 by Sweetfish

[somanymistakes]

That's not even slightly what I said.

 

i never said a thing about pilots there, nor did i say that people would get those jobs just for that reason, and obviously by the time you're already married it's a bit late to suddenly switch careers just so that you can cheat on your wife!

 

but there absolutely are men at a young age whose fantasies of what kind of career they want to have is shaped by their ideas of not being tied down. when they're making decisions about their life, they are more likely to go in those directions

 

'more likely' doesn't mean everyone would do it that is not how probability works.

[Mr. Lucky]

she dies feel very entitled to what she wants, and while she doesn't seem to have a lot of empathy, she is an adrenaline junkie. She always needs to have some sort of thrill.

 

I think, for some people, cheating is a thrill/adrenaline activity rather than social/relationship one. They need the hunt, the rush involved in the chase and the chemical reinforcement. I'd also agree they tend to gravitate towards certain professions, not so much for the opportunity but rather the attraction and validation of being with like-minded people.

 

So yes, more prevalent with pilots, doctors, entertainers and less so with accountants, pastors and life insurance salespeople...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Sweetfish]

That's not even slightly what I said.

 

i never said a thing about pilots there, nor did i say that people would get those jobs just for that reason, and obviously by the time you're already married it's a bit late to suddenly switch careers just so that you can cheat on your wife!

 

but there absolutely are men at a young age whose fantasies of what kind of career they want to have is shaped by their ideas of not being tied down. when they're making decisions about their life, they are more likely to go in those directions

 

'more likely' doesn't mean everyone would do it that is not how probability works.

 

Which young men? Where are you getting these idea?

 

I know a huge majority of people who cheat and the #1 reason for them to cheat is the wife has cut off sex or is not providing good sex.

Edited May 4, 2017 by Sweetfish

[somanymistakes]

Which young men? Where are you getting these idea?

 

I know a huge majority of people who cheat and the #1 reason for them to cheat is the wife has cut off sex or is not providing good sex.

 

You know a huge majority of all the people in the world who have ever cheated? You must have one heck of a little black book.

[JohnAdams]

I have looked up infidelity statistics many times in the past. They are all over the place. I think many BS's are more interested in these statistics to make them feel they are not alone.

 

I do not know what the true statistics are, I do not think anyone does. I would like to think the real statistics are less than 50% of marriages are affected by infidelity, but who knows? Most people do not talk about it. The data in most of the researches are questionable at best.

 

The more opportunities you get to cheat, the more likely you are. I noticed the older I got, the more opportunities I had to cheat. Why? I certainly did not get better looking...lol. I was more powerful and had something very desirable (money). When given the opportunity, your true character comes out. Do you remain faithful or do you cheat.

 

Even though the stats for infidelity in our household is 100% I still believe the majority of people never cheat.

[Sweetfish]

You know a huge majority of all the people in the world who have ever cheated? You must have one heck of a little black book.

 

Great counter.. again where are you getting that young men dream about a job that will compass a life of not being tied down.. sounds like a male shaming tactic. i would suspect that more often men dream of having a good job because men want to provide to a woman, a gf or wife. A good man will yearn to provide for a woman and his family.

 

Thats biology in its self.

 

The problem i often see is many men dont like to feel the pressure and that pushes them away. Could be many reasons why he doesnt want to be tied down..

 

I work in a field where people travel and seen every single person cheat with my own two eyes.

 

I've seen a very WELL know organization that supports kids with cancer of 100+ memembers all cheat with my very own eyes. Im still shocked till this day.

 

No matter where in the world I go.. no matter race, religion, status, ugly or good looking.

 

People can cheat. You deal with it.. when it happens.

 

Sometimes it actually makes the marriage stronger.. but most times it can make it fail. True test of loyality is when someone screws up and does anything and everything to fix it. I can respect that.

 

You cheat.. your done.. thats my rule.

 

If it was a mistake...

If you can move a mountain... i will let you back in.

 

No one is perfect.

[somanymistakes]

Sweetfish I'm not sure if you're not reading my posts or if you find the words I use too confusing or what.

 

I never said that all men dream of not being tied down.

 

I said that there ARE men who talk about wanting to not be tied down.

 

You are the one who is making sweeping statements about all men, saying that it is "biology" for them to do one thing or another. But not all men want the same things. Some men don't want wives at all. Some men don't even want sex! They are rare.

 

Now I'm afraid you'll claim that I said men don't want sex. SOME MEN. OBVIOUSLY NOT ALL MEN.

 

There is nothing that is true about ALL men. Men are people, just like women. Some of them are cheaters. Not all of them.

[Sweetfish]

Sweetfish I'm not sure if you're not reading my posts or if you find the words I use too confusing or what.

 

I never said that all men dream of not being tied down.

 

I said that there ARE men who talk about wanting to not be tied down.

 

You are the one who is making sweeping statements about all men, saying that it is "biology" for them to do one thing or another. But not all men want the same things. Some men don't want wives at all. Some men don't even want sex! They are rare.

 

Now I'm afraid you'll claim that I said men don't want sex. SOME MEN. OBVIOUSLY NOT ALL MEN.

 

There is nothing that is true about ALL men. Men are people, just like women. Some of them are cheaters. Not all of them.

 

 

You need to clearly stand by what you say or not say it at all. I do say things sometimes I need to correct and is my view point and may not be accepted. That is fine.

 

Also if you're the kind of person who deliberately sets out to have side relationships you'd be more likely to gravitate to careers that would make it easy for you to travel lots of places where you could pick up people that wouldn't interfere with your home life

 

 

You clearly STATED here that a person who is out to have side relationships will MOST likely try to get a career that will get you to travel. THIS INCLUDES PILOTS.

 

This Statement is a FALSE! A cheater can have side relationships without travel. A cheater is gonna cheat. His job just gets him access to more attractive women.

 

but there absolutely are men at a young age whose fantasies of what kind of career they want to have is shaped by their ideas of not being tied down. when they're making decisions about their life, they are more likely to go in those directions

 

I want to know the absolute..? What and who are the absolute young men who fantssy of a career shaped around the idea of not being tied around.

 

What men?

 

Why not say men and women? Thats my point.

 

So i am asking who are these men that you are talking about and the real question is why any women would want to tie down these men?

 

It is more often I hear women who want to traval all over and most often when they do they cheat at a young age or see greener grass... while an assumption.. its more often younger women who do not want to be tied down at a young age and why you hear post on the breakup section often of women between 18-27 breaking up or cheating alot more often than men.

 

You may be hearing women or your friends and what not saying one thing..but the actions are totally different.

 

Ever seen LS traffic stats. Just before the holidays to feburary the traffic skyrockets. Most are men being dumped and a fraction women. I know because these men still PM me.

 

So im just curious why you jump on "likely" which means a large amount og men yearning to be bachelors and women not?

[wmacbride]

That's not even slightly what I said.

 

i never said a thing about pilots there, nor did i say that people would get those jobs just for that reason, and obviously by the time you're already married it's a bit late to suddenly switch careers just so that you can cheat on your wife!

 

but there absolutely are men at a young age whose fantasies of what kind of career they want to have is shaped by their ideas of not being tied down. when they're making decisions about their life, they are more likely to go in those directions

 

'more likely' doesn't mean everyone would do it that is not how probability works.

 

This kind of explains what I was asking, in a very awkward way, before.

 

Do serial cheaters have certain personality traits in common? If so, are these the same traits that would cause them to gravitate towards a particular career?

 

Using the example of an airline pilot, what personality traits do they tend to have, and are these also commonly seen in serial cheaters?

 

I don't like to paint everyone in a certain field with the same brush, but knowing this might help someone in choosing a relationship partner ( although it would really be unfair to assume that said person will cheat just because they have a certain job), and it might also help that person recognize traits in themselves so they can make sure they have good boundaries, etc.

[OneLov]

Many others have addressed the issues with unsupported statistics found online, so I will not address that. I believe lack of an acceptable definition and the self-report bias are two significant impediments in ascertaining data.

 

I do find Christin Munsch's research interesting. It's the only study on infidelity I found published by reliable media sources such as the New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Chicago Tribune, Forbes, CNN, etc.. While not perfect, I find her methodology interesting and findings fascinating.

 

For all you nerds (like myself): http://www.asanet.org/sites/default/files/attach/journals/jun15asrfeature.pdf

 

Here is the LA Times article: To minimize risk of infidelity, make sure you earn as much as your spouse - LA Times

 

Her research reveals the spouse whose contribution to the relationship is greater is less likely to cheat. Women who are the sole breadwinners are the least likely to cheat. Interestingly, for men, those who contribute 70% of the income are the least likely to cheat. And those couples who are equally contributing are the least likely to experience infidelity overall.

 

"People don't like to be in uneven relationships," said Munsch, who teaches sociology at the University of Connecticut. "It particularly doesn't feel good to be on the losing end of it."

 

Men who make less than their wives were the most likely to cheat. She attributes this to emasculation due to perceived societal norms. But this group is by far the highest risk for having an affair.

 

She is only using income because it is much easier to quantify, but I believe her research supports all contribution (romantic, emotional, domestic, etc.) is relevant. And it is also worth noting her research suggests infidelity is the exception, and not the rule, in most marriages.

[CptInsano]

Men who make less than their wives were the most likely to cheat. She attributes this to emasculation due to perceived societal norms. But this group is by far the highest risk for having an affair.

 

I wouldn't say that it emasculates them, but the spouse with the higher income seems to dominate the relationship eventually, at least in my experience. At that point cheating is not only an act of infidelity but also of rebellion.