nowhereboy Posted May 2, 2017 Posted May 2, 2017 As per the title, let this be a little hope for some of you. I was led to believe by pretty much everyone on here that my situation was hopeless, that my then ex was completely over me, that I wouldn't cross her mind, she was probably sleeping with other people already, using me for my money etc. Well, she wasn't. She came back, realized her mistakes, accepted it wasn't all my fault, her feelings were always there under the surface. She's had counselling since we split and is getting help for her issues with stress and anxiety etc. The relationship has done a complete 180, she initiates daily, shows me more love and affection than I ever received in our previous relationship. I went against pretty much every "rule" you can possibly read on here, I begged at first, cried, I made mistakes, I didn't go full no contact and yet here I am, back with the person I love. I never let go of hope and my ex knew that, it didn't push her away, it made her realize how much I actually cared. One of her reasons for ending things was the belief that I just wasn't bothered about her anymore, that I wasn't really in love with her, just too scared and insecure to be on my own. It became obvious she was wrong about this due to how I acted and supported her during the break up, she expected me to disappear and go no contact, not doing that is part of what helped me get her back, yet most people here told me she would think I was "pathetic" for continuing to support her after our split. I know we are not out of the woods yet, I know we have work to do but we have a fresh start this time and frankly it may never have happened had I listened to the majority on here. Just some food for thought people. I really didn't feel like coming back here but figured many in my shoes probably don't, this is possibly why success stories are so few and between. 2
Maldives Posted May 3, 2017 Posted May 3, 2017 As per the title, let this be a little hope for some of you. I was led to believe by pretty much everyone on here that my situation was hopeless, that my then ex was completely over me, that I wouldn't cross her mind, she was probably sleeping with other people already, using me for my money etc. Well, she wasn't. She came back, realized her mistakes, accepted it wasn't all my fault, her feelings were always there under the surface. She's had counselling since we split and is getting help for her issues with stress and anxiety etc. The relationship has done a complete 180, she initiates daily, shows me more love and affection than I ever received in our previous relationship. I went against pretty much every "rule" you can possibly read on here, I begged at first, cried, I made mistakes, I didn't go full no contact and yet here I am, back with the person I love. I never let go of hope and my ex knew that, it didn't push her away, it made her realize how much I actually cared. One of her reasons for ending things was the belief that I just wasn't bothered about her anymore, that I wasn't really in love with her, just too scared and insecure to be on my own. It became obvious she was wrong about this due to how I acted and supported her during the break up, she expected me to disappear and go no contact, not doing that is part of what helped me get her back, yet most people here told me she would think I was "pathetic" for continuing to support her after our split. I know we are not out of the woods yet, I know we have work to do but we have a fresh start this time and frankly it may never have happened had I listened to the majority on here. Just some food for thought people. I really didn't feel like coming back here but figured many in my shoes probably don't, this is possibly why success stories are so few and between. Yes I can relate that's what my ex wife complained about that I didn't even try when we broke up you have a good point it's never that black and white is it in life.
airborne3502 Posted May 3, 2017 Posted May 3, 2017 Thanks for coming back and posting the good news nowhereboy! Some of the posters on here act like arrogant shamans, dispensing gold nuggets of wisdom from their fourth-point-of-contact, but for the most part people really want to help. The dumpee is usually mistreated in some way, and it's painful to see a good person try in vain to appease and win back someone unworthy of their love and affection. I personally view NC as a way to heal, and not a head game to be run on the other person. I am very happy for you that your instincts put you on the path to reconciliation with the woman you love. Your views and insights are welcome here, and a lot of people who feel like they did everything "wrong" will be encouraged by your story. 1
JFReyes Posted May 3, 2017 Posted May 3, 2017 OP, sorry to rain on your parade but to make it last both of you will have to work very hard for the long haul. In my case, we broke up for 5 months after 8 years together, then reconciled. The relationship continued for 1 1/2 years until I went through a rough patch with unemployment, after which she dumped me. It's been 4 years since then and she won't even talk to me. I wish you the best. 1
jorgeg3d Posted May 3, 2017 Posted May 3, 2017 (edited) Grats to the OP! Good thing your girl reciprocated well to your gestures after you were dumped. In most similar situations though this wouldn't be the case. I Thought my ex was an emotional mess after our breakup, much like me. But 6 months post breakup, it seemed she's just a cold hearted queen, that probably never really loved me and plotted a way out way before she actually did it. And most likely be a single loner most of her life. Anyway I wish you the best, it takes two in any relationship to work, so here's hoping! Edited May 3, 2017 by jorgeg3d
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