travelgirl3 Posted May 2, 2017 Posted May 2, 2017 My ex (together 3 months) was going through some difficult issues and I hadn't seen him in 3 weeks so I messaged him asking how he was doing. He said he was sad and he didn't want his chaos to be my chaos. My birthday was last Tuesday and he sent me a text saying happy birthday beautiful. The next day I noticed he completely blocked me on all social media and I'm pretty sure he blocked my phone number because he wouldn't respond to me. Also, my friend said she saw him on a dating website and he mentioned something about wanting to take things slow. When we first got together he had disappeared for a couple of days and eventually got back to me stating he had very cold feet and he was very afraid of getting hurt. He had mentioned to me that he wasn't even looking for a relationship and then he found me and I was perfect in his mind. He mentioned that he would of always regretted not trying with me. Also, in my opinion I don't think he was over his ex. I gave him a second chance and he really tried to make it up to me. He even asked for me to be his girlfriend. Now, he has just disappeared. I guess it's my fault in a way because I let him back in a second time. Do you think he left because he wasn't ready for a relationship? Another thing that has been bothering me.. he had grown distant 3 weeks ago right after I had asked him if he wanted to break up because he wasn't really making time for me. We had seen each other for a couple of hours in two weeks. He responded that he knew this question was coming and he did not want to break up and he had no complaints. He said it was up to me to break up. I told him I didn't want to and I just really missed him. I keep beating myself up thinking I caused this because maybe he was fearful I was going to break up with him. It was stupid of me to ask that question. He does have trust and fear issues. Do you think I caused this because he thought I was going to hurt him? I can't even ask him about this because he's blocked me. The main question I have is if you think this was mostly my doing. Thanks!
d0nnivain Posted May 2, 2017 Posted May 2, 2017 Yes, I think he wasn't ready for a relationship & he doesn't know his own mind. None of this is your fault. Let him go. He needs time to pull his head out of his behind. If you want a fixer-up project buy a house; don't try to change a SO or make them grow up. That is an exercise in futility. Happy belated birthday. 1
Author travelgirl3 Posted May 2, 2017 Author Posted May 2, 2017 Thanks! I appreciate you answering my question.
Aimz Posted May 3, 2017 Posted May 3, 2017 My ex (together 3 months) was going through some difficult issues and I hadn't seen him in 3 weeks so I messaged him asking how he was doing. He said he was sad and he didn't want his chaos to be my chaos. My birthday was last Tuesday and he sent me a text saying happy birthday beautiful. The next day I noticed he completely blocked me on all social media and I'm pretty sure he blocked my phone number because he wouldn't respond to me. Also, my friend said she saw him on a dating website and he mentioned something about wanting to take things slow. When we first got together he had disappeared for a couple of days and eventually got back to me stating he had very cold feet and he was very afraid of getting hurt. He had mentioned to me that he wasn't even looking for a relationship and then he found me and I was perfect in his mind. He mentioned that he would of always regretted not trying with me. Also, in my opinion I don't think he was over his ex. I gave him a second chance and he really tried to make it up to me. He even asked for me to be his girlfriend. Now, he has just disappeared. I guess it's my fault in a way because I let him back in a second time. Do you think he left because he wasn't ready for a relationship? Another thing that has been bothering me.. he had grown distant 3 weeks ago right after I had asked him if he wanted to break up because he wasn't really making time for me. We had seen each other for a couple of hours in two weeks. He responded that he knew this question was coming and he did not want to break up and he had no complaints. He said it was up to me to break up. I told him I didn't want to and I just really missed him. I keep beating myself up thinking I caused this because maybe he was fearful I was going to break up with him. It was stupid of me to ask that question. He does have trust and fear issues. Do you think I caused this because he thought I was going to hurt him? I can't even ask him about this because he's blocked me. The main question I have is if you think this was mostly my doing. Thanks! -------------------------------------------------------------- Not the same issue, but I can definitely relate on the over analyzing everything you've done that led to this point. I was in a very short term thing. I can't even call it a relationship. It was five weeks, but we did hang out a lot. He was definitely the initiator on most. It was probably about the 5th or 6th time we hung out that I started to like him. (This is the dude who wanted to know if we were solely seeing each other after the third date) He's got a lot of baggage. Trust issues, etc. But I was willing to look past it and try and get to know him. Everything seemed so right with him. Like "this is the guy" - obviously because I hadnt really gotten to know him yet. But he has the ex with a kid thing going on. I've never dated a single dad. Much less one who has some ex drama. I think he wanted to be in a relationship. I really think he did, but i don't think he's capable right now. And whether it's because he's not capable of being in one at all or incapable of being in one with ME, I'm not really sure. But after the 4th week, I knew I was falling for him. Not love by any means, but I knew I had the potential. That's when he started distancing himself a little. I called him out on it. He said he was guarded and it just took time to know someone. I was fine with that answer and kept going, though I knew something was up. We ended up hanging out the following night and then he completely shut down on me. I got 5 words from him over the next six days until I absolutely HAD to ask what was up. At that point, he opted to end things. I got the cliche answer. He was dealing with some things. Working late, etc. I had been really great but there was a reason he hadn't been with anyone in over a year. He didn't feel like he wanted to be in a relationship with anyone of any kind at the moment. I know I may have come off strong, but I was trying to protect myself just as much as he was trying to protect himself. I just chose to believe him when he said it was fine. ---------- I don't necessarily think you did anything wrong. I think you were being you. Just like I was being me. You wanted to believe in something so you have him a second chance. I think he was looking for an excuse to bow out. And him blocking you every which way is kind of bizarre. I think he doesnt know what he wants. I think he's trying to find a crutch, and the fact that you might have been a decent human being and genuinely cared for him is why he's ghosting you like he is. That's why he's back on the dating site. He doesn't know how to handle his emotions in an adult way. I know it's so easy to say forget about him and move on, but I'm also in the same position of making every excuse I can for him on why he's not an awful guy. Why he's just going through something and you want to give him the benefit of the doubt. But, at least with him blocking you, he's forcing you into no contact - which is ultimately what you're going to need to bounce back from it. Which is difficult and sucks. Lean on your friends. On anyone you can talk to. It sucks. It really does.
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