Is it a concern for a SO to be a plus one with another man for a wedding?

[lightflightnight]

My girlfriend of six months volunteered three months ago to go to a wedding as a plus one for a guy friend. They are in the same law school, and will be in the same city for summer internships. They are in the same group of friends at law school, and among the few older students in that group. I have never met him. She volunteered before thinking about talking to me about either our plans for that weekend, or if setting something like this up while dating exclusively could lead to a problem. He didn’t even ask her to go, he simply was lamenting going to a wedding alone and mentioned it was an open bar, and she volunteered to go. He accepted. He does not know she is dating someone exclusively. They will be doing summer internships a couple hours away from where we currently live and go to school, and this will eliminate a weekend she and I can spend together. She knows the situation makes me uncomfortable, and that I was disappointed she didn’t even consider talking to me about it before volunteering. She has been to a few weddings where she was single and has hooked up with someone at the wedding. Is this a case of unfounded jealousy, or should I be concerned? How would other men or women handle this?

[93twenty]

Does she know you're exclusive or are you making an assumption on this? If she knows it's making you uncomfortable, but still intending to go, then she probably doesn't really care what you think or feel.

[doyathinkso]

It was HER idea to be his date for a wedding, he doesn't know about your 'exclusive relationship', there is an open bar, and she has always hooked up with someone when at a wedding. Nothing will change. She likes to hook up at weddings. It's a done deal. Sorry.

[GunslingerRoland]

He does not know she is dating someone exclusively.

 

This one sentence buried in the middle is a huge red flag.

 

Doesn't sound like she's very invested if you've been together 6 months, and this good friend that she is going to a wedding with, doesn't even know you exist.

[Gaeta]

My girlfriend of six months volunteered three months ago to go to a wedding as a plus one for a guy friend.

 

When she volunteered you had only been dating 3 months. Sure you were exclusive but she had known him from before you, she felt bad he was going to a wedding by himself so she volunteered.

 

If you had been dating a full year and she met this dude after you my answer would be different.

 

I have never met him.

 

Then meet him. Sounds like a great time.

 

 

He does not know she is dating someone exclusively.

 

That will be solved when you ask to meet him.

 

 

and this will eliminate a weekend she and I can spend together.

You know life goes on after exclusivity. It does not mean all of her weekend must be devoted to you and I am sure you can survive a weekend without her.

 

 

She has been to a few weddings where she was single and has hooked up with someone at the wedding. Is this a case of unfounded jealousy, or should I be concerned? How would other men or women handle this?

 

The key word here is she was single.

 

I think you are a bit over-reacting. The only thing that is a worry is that she has not told this guy she has a boyfriend.

 

You know if your girlfriend wants to cheat on you she will - wedding or not. Let her do as she wishes. If she cheats than she looses you. You cannot convince, or force, or manipulate anyone to be in a relationship with you.

[kendahke]

3 months ago when she volunteered this, were you two exclusive at the time?

 

What are her reasons for not telling her friend she is exclusive with you? Does he know she's dating anyone?

 

How would other men or women handle this?

 

I wouldn't like it, but I would have to accept that she's probably known these people a lot longer than the 6 months she's known me if they're all in law school together.

 

Is she the sort who sleeps around? If she is, then I would have to consider that our arrangement isn't as serious as I'm making it out to be. If she's not, then I'd find something to do to occupy my time that didn't include being vindictive or punishing her and look forward to the other 51 weekends of the year in which we could do something together--if I elected to want to remain in the relationship with her.

 

If this was enough for me to reconsider the wisdom in dating her, then I'd just scale back my investment in the relationship til it was well starved.

[CptInsano]

It all depends on whether you trust her. The fact that you are concerned pretty much tells me that you that you don't. Now, the reason may be that you have good reason not to trust her, which then leads to the question of why you are attempting an exclusive relationship with that woman. If there is no reason, then you need to find out what causes your distrust.

 

But in either case, I don't think the wedding is the problem.

[d0nnivain]

It's a problem.

 

 

When I was single had a whole host of guys for whom I was the go to plus one. When I started dating my husband that stopped. I honored 1 commitment to be a date to a political fundraiser that I committed to before meeting my husband.

 

 

My problem isn't that she's going. It's that she said yes before talking to you. The fact that she isn't seeing you two as a unit -- somebody who must be consulted before making plans -- that is the problem.

 

 

Pitching a fit now does you no good. Tell her you are hurt & ask to set up a time before the wedding to meet this other guy & hang out. Hopefully he has some integrity even with an open bar.

[ChatroomHero]

"He does not know she is dating someone exclusively."

 

 

Simple solution, she sets up something for you and her to meet him together to introduce you two. If she won't do that, there is a distinct reason - she doesn't want him to know about you.

 

 

If I was in that situation and had been dating someone exclusively I would have absolutely no issue letting them know I was seeing someone right off the bat. It's not hard to say, "Hey xxx, I know I promised I would go to the wedding with you and I still want to, but I just want you to know I am dating someone seriously", or at least mention to them I need to check with my girlfriend so she knows the situation. It is only difficult or awkward to do this if there is any mutual interest on their part.